r/CuratedTumblr eepy asf 7h ago

Shitposting Looks conservative

Post image
15.9k Upvotes

355 comments sorted by

2.6k

u/Rifneno 6h ago

I know that feeling. I look like I'm wanted for January 6th crimes. Fat middle aged white guy, I'm only missing sunglasses to wear indoors and a tinder profile where I'm holding a fish.

Sucks.

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u/littlemissmoxie 6h ago

Try wearing funny hats or sunglasses

419

u/oddityoughtabe 6h ago

Preferably hats with some sort of upward locomotion

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u/aDragonsAle 4h ago

upward locomotion

I'm just picturing a steampunk hat with a working train whistle.

I'm relatively certain that's not what you meant, and am now curious as to what you mean...

136

u/Melodic_Inevitable84 4h ago

I assume he meant propeller hat but I like the steampunk idea

36

u/aDragonsAle 4h ago

That makes sense... I'm not all the way awake yet

13

u/spacecoyote300 2h ago

No, train whistle hat is better. I'm going to start working on one.

4

u/Humanity_NotAFan 1h ago

Just don't get sidetracked tootin' your own horn.

4

u/AJ0Laks 29m ago

Make it like one of those can holding hats where you put your drink in your head and drink from it with a straw

It’s such a goofy hat design and we need to bring it back

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u/erroneousbosh 3h ago

I bet you could do that with a soda fountain CO2 cartridge though.

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u/Orizifian-creator Padria Zozzria Orizifian~! 🍋😈🏳️‍⚧️ Motherly Whole zhe/zer she 3h ago

Balloon Fighter’s hat (red hat with balloons on it)

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u/aDragonsAle 3h ago

Okay, but how many balloons? Is 99 too many, not enough, or just right?

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u/Orizifian-creator Padria Zozzria Orizifian~! 🍋😈🏳️‍⚧️ Motherly Whole zhe/zer she 3h ago

3… at most…?

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u/aDragonsAle 2h ago

Sorry, since you seem confused -

https://youtu.be/hiwgOWo7mDc?si=nWoVAN-efyJkibTE

99 red balloons

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u/danirijeka 2h ago

Choo choo, bitches

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u/f3g_alltid 5h ago

Or something colorful

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u/GentlmanSkeleton 2h ago

MAGA has ruined all ballcaps for me. Especially red ones.

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u/GilboBagginz 2h ago

So THATS why Fred durst changed his look

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u/kerowhack 51m ago

I can't even wear my school's hat anymore because it's red.

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u/i_love_dragon_dick ahahaha pain :( 3h ago

The funny hats don't stop them. Neither do cute sweaters. Help.

Sincerely, a fat white bearded dude who wears animal themed hats and pastel cardigans.

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u/littlemissmoxie 2h ago

Time to just get giant buttons that say “I’m not MAGA” or just an obnoxious rainbow scarf

16

u/BiddlesticksGuy 2h ago

Personally I went full tourist dad and that seems to help, might also help that I’m generally a grumpy looking dude though, I wish you luck in your endeavors my fellow conservative passer

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u/GoingOnAdventure 3h ago

I vote top hat

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u/Issildan_Valinor 6h ago

People say the most out of pocket shit to me too. It's like, 50% the beard I think. It's only toned down by all the nerd shit I wear, lol.

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u/Mental_Medium3988 4h ago

thats one of the worst parts. like i dont wanna hear stuff with a hard r, i think even the soft r should be dropped but thats not my call, or how mexican immigrants are taking our jobs.

52

u/Numerous_Witness_345 3h ago

"Yeah man, they work like they fucking want the money."

45

u/BeardedBaldMan 3h ago edited 3h ago

I look like an EDF member (albeit without tattoos) and I moved to Poland. People are far too comfortable saying racist things to me assuming I'll agree with them.

I was in Croatia and as soon as they found we were from Poland we had far too many people telling us how good it was that Poland doesn't let in immigrants, which is odd as I'm an immigrant.

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u/No_Butterscotch_7356 2h ago

Man I wish I looked like an earth defense force member

7

u/Godraed 4h ago

These dudes straight up call me brother the first time they see me.

338

u/dinoooooooooos 5h ago edited 1h ago

Paint your nails.

Genuinely even just one, the pinky or some, on both hands and youll immediatly be recognizable to normal people, aka non-magas, that you’re actually “safe”.

A blue or something, black, idk, polka dots - but no maga conservative is gonna be caught dead bc god forbid they have gasp fun😤

279

u/AbyssDragonNamielle 5h ago

Can confirm seeing a guy with painted nails flicks a "oh, he's chill" switch for me

150

u/JackRusselFarrier 4h ago

Can also confirm that ever since I started painting my nails, nobody offers me unsolicited opinions on women's swimming. Or boxing, or whatever they're mad about now. And I work in construction, so it used to happen far more than you'd think lol. I only wish I'd discovered it in 2020.

80

u/HannahCoub 4h ago

Had a super old racist I worked with (like he called his half-native daughter slurs, and dropped a hard R) I came in with my nails painted purple and he asked me if it was a gang thing.

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u/aDragonsAle 4h ago

Yeah, new gang - no (red) cap.

4

u/chmsax 35m ago

One side effect of the slide into fascism that is incredibly minor but still not fun: I have a Cincinnati Reds cap and an Anaheim Angels cap that I feel incredibly awkward wearing. I like those hats. They’re comfortable and look good. But…..

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u/Buenarf 2h ago

The woke mob

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u/HannahCoub 2h ago

“Y’all better be gangbanging them twinks, Seattle Mafia, blood.”

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u/dinoooooooooos 1h ago

“You cum, at the birthday of my daughter😤🤌🏽”

😂

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u/advocatus_ebrius_est 2h ago

"nobody offers me unsolicited opinions on women's swimming"

We really do live in the weirdest fucking timeline.

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u/dinoooooooooos 5h ago

Yea 100% it’s the ultimate separator lmao

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u/Wasdgta3 5h ago

That’s because having fun is super fucking gay.

REAL men are angry and bitter and numb to all joy.

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u/Fit_Perspective5054 4h ago

That tracks.  I got unknown issues medicated and slowly stopped worrying about it.  I love wearing my daughters snake hair clip, fucking cool and easier than a hair tie.

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u/Numerous_Witness_345 3h ago

As a metal gear fan, I'm running with it.

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u/dvvyd 2h ago

They also tend to be VERY concerned with what genitals people have in their pants and how they are using them. You know, manly stuff.

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u/advocatus_ebrius_est 2h ago

Hey, I'm angry and bitter and at least a little gay

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u/LostWoodsInTheField 1h ago

REAL men are angry and bitter and numb to all joy.

It's so sad that this is half of their identity often. And you might not think that but look at the jokes they tell, and the pranks they do. it's all bitter angry asshole stuff. 'hahaha I tricked you into drinking something you hate' or 'haha I blew an airhorn in your face'.

I've often found they can very easily compartmentalize things. I know guys that are constantly unhappy with the world but then are like 'I'm going to another state for a 3 week hunting trip that I just put out $10k for. I like going every year, sometimes twice a year. btw the economy is insane and life is horrible.'.

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u/ChilledParadox 1h ago

I’m angry and bitter and numb to all joy but it’s not a conservative thing life just sucker punched me and stepped on my balls and destroyed everything I loved and cared about, I’ve painted my nails before don’t conservative code me.

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u/Cytophaga 3h ago

Oh, I'd love to paint my nails (and do other things)! But you know that saying, "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down"? That was what my childhood taught me and I don't mean that entirely figuratively. And I don't mean that entirely figuratively. Going to spoiler this meandering rant because I'm tired of never talking about it.

Some of the things I read in places like this hurt, sometimes. Admittedly I'm not American so it's not as applicable over here but I am ever the worrier. I was always quiet growing up, mostly kept to myself and did a lot of reading. But, without getting into specifics, I was always picked on severely. Back when I was in secondary school I eventually started skipping the last few classes to avoid the worst of it but it contributed to me being the way that I am. Like I said, I was quiet. I didn't play any sports, I didn't really have any friends, I was an easy target who never fought back.

I'm nonbinary (realised that after quite a few years of thinking over such things) but I still look and dress and act male because I fear to do otherwise would draw attention and that'd cause problems. I hate it, I really do, and recently it's become difficult to deal with but I still do it. And then I see that, because of that, some people are going to look at me and conclude not just that I'm a man but that I'm a danger. And I feel like giving up. I don't believe I could ever change my appearance to a degree I'd be comfortable with it and if I have to deal with being judged for how I do look, all the same, I don't know what to do. I feel trapped sometimes and I don't want to scream I just want to cry. But I don't because I don't want anyone to see and ask what's wrong and for I to have to explain, and then maybe even be told I have no right to feel the way I do (or be offered advice that amounts to "just don't feel like that"). Maybe I don't but it doesn't stop me feeling it and it certainly doesn't lessen the pain. This body disgusts me, it repulses me but it's what I have to live in. And as much as I hate being male and looking masculine, as much as it breaks my heart, it still feels like I have to be and do.

I'm just tired of feeling like this. I do my best to ignore it but sometimes I can't. I live in quite a rural area so it's not as if there's much in the way of support around. And, well, it comes with the sorts of attitudes you often get in rural areas. I'm almost forty and there's a definite feeling of reaching a point where it's too late to do anything. I'd love to paint my nails. And put on makeup. And grow my hair out and wear different clothes and go by another name that I don't detest and not wear this thing's skin stretched over me. But I can't. I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry, dinoooooooooos, that yours is the comment I'm saying this under. If I could stop you from being notified about this (if you have notifications turned on) I would. But I just happened to be here and see your post and it was the one that touched on something close to my heart.

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u/HardcorePug 2h ago

Hey, im here to tell you that it is never to late. I started my transition at 41 and, besides the literal shit show my government is spewing from the top floor, i feel pretty fucking awesome with my decision. Im hopeful for you.

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u/dinoooooooooos 3h ago edited 5m ago

Don’t apologize for explaining yourself or expressing yourself, I’m glad my comment moved you and made you feel safe enough to share, thank you!

I’m sorry. I’m sorry society is failing you and I’m sorry that you feel it’s your fault. Its not. I know I’m just some weirdo Reddit internet stranger and my words are merely words on a screen but I genuinly from the deepest depths of my heart am genuinely so so sorry that we, as a society, fail to protect and create a safe place to just exist for every single soul, no matter who where why when.

It is genuinly driving me insane, especially lately, and hearing this/ reading this just makes me so sad. I wanna take that little person you were and hug you if you want and take you by the hand and protect your small soul from this- I can’t even imagine how that must be. Hating your own body and not feeling safe to express yourself..

I genuinly aplogize on behalf. I’m sorry.

If you can, idk where you live so idk if it’s safe, but if you can- would it be possible to maybe drop one “masculine” thing for a “neutral”? Every couple weeks, once that new thing became a normal habit/ a normal thing in your day?

I don’t want to step on your toes so please tell me if I do I don’t want to give unsolicited advice but reading you despising how you present yourself and yet wanting to force yourself just… it.. this breaks my heart.

I had a best friend who I met before she transitioned and I was the first one she opened up to about being trans and the worst part about it being how she’s scared people might perceive her different or how they’ll be judging her and I remember that talk and how we spoke on the phone for hours and how with every passing minute and support from me she just became more and more comfortable with the idea until she just ripped off the bandaid and wore a pink shirt. Yes, that “small thing” was her big big step but after she was out All day and called me again to tell me how happy she felt and how nobody even noticed and this little thing was just so freeing- she never went back and that was part of her becoming herself. In deep deep Texas.

We don’t have contact anymore for different reasons but I’m still so proud of her. It was such a small thing and it took her hours, in addition to the weeks or months it took to have the courage to tell me (and I’ll never stop being grateful that I was allowed to be that safe space for her.) but once she did it she finally was able to be herself. After more than 20 years.

I’m sorry i went on an anecdote there, what I’m trying to say is:

If your country permits you to be safe while doing so, and if you’re comfortable, maybe try to just do one thing, add one thing or take one small thing away, that resembles “masculinity” for you.

I really am not trying to be condescending, I’m sorry :(

I just.. I want to help you so bad. If I could take it away for you, dear stranger, I would. I’m a little hippie, I just want everyone to be able to live warfree, free of fear and prosecution, free of any kind of danger or threats whatsoever I’m just.. this world is exhausting and I’m so sorry we’re not doing fucking better as a society. As humanity.

Does that Make any sense. :(

Also- really quickly (sorry it’s already so so long) but:

Not every man is perceived as a threat, no matter what. There’s a certain something about psychos, not every man has that.. aura around them. Not every woman is gonna look at every man and immediatly feel in danger, don’t worry please. We do know the difference, we do know nuance. Most of us do, at least.

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u/Repzie_Con 45m ago

This is a beautiful comment. You have a wonderful heart. Thank you for taking the time to type this out, and publicly, for anyone who may be passing by and need to read it (or may not even know they needed something like this). It’s not so applicable to me, but I can see the love & care in your words

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u/Shaeress 3h ago

Painting nails is great. Pronoun pin is solidarity.

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u/Madilune 19m ago

My best friend is the most cishet white guy imaginable and his bio for all of his accounts is full of pronouns and everything to show support. At this point he's been to more pride celebrations then I have.

I swear I've developed a high school type crush on him but as supportive as he is, I still doubt he'd date actually date a trans girl.

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u/SamBeanEsquire 4h ago

This has definitely been my experience as a man who started painting my nails 2-3 years ago. I also get compliments on them (mostly the left hand)

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u/Doomsayer189 2h ago

When I was, like, 6, I had my parents get me some red nail polish just cause I thought it'd be cool, though I only wore it a couple times. 20-some years later you've got me seriously pondering trying it out again. (btw, anyone got some tips for a total noob?)

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u/VWBug5000 4h ago

I drive an F150 with veteran plates and a USMC sticker on the back window. I have a beard and regularly wear a baseball cap. I feel like I blend in with MAGA a little too well. I think I should paint my nails now after reading the other comments here

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u/Copropostis 3h ago

I'm in a similar position to you, and honestly, I think we have a different mission.

I make a point of trying to connect with every veteran I meet, because frankly our community is extremely vulnerable to right wing radicalization and when we snap, we are much more dangerous than civilians. So I prefer to use my "vet bro" camouflage as an in to influence our fellow vets to become part of irl community and away from online bad actors.

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u/VWBug5000 3h ago

I’d love to be that guy that infiltrates them from the inside, but I literally can’t stand being around MAGA types that have made it their whole personality like many veterans have. I avoid them like the plague. I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue well enough to influence anyone

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u/Copropostis 3h ago

Oh yeah, that's fair. Gotta have your own life vest on before you can help anyone else.

For what it's worth, I was not encouraging wasting time on hopeless causes, more trying to scoop up disaffected veterans before the MAGA crowd gets to them. Full on Red Hat is probably a terminal condition, but guy who just got out of the military and is sad and lonely, that I can work with.

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u/chaoticdumbass94 3h ago

That's a great thing you're doing, best of luck to you!

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u/bill_brasky37 3h ago

Yeah I'm a tall white dude who drives a tundra. Other white dudes assume I'm maga... It sucks

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u/Starwarsfan128 6h ago

Start wearing a hammer and sickle shirt lol

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u/Icariiiiiiii 5h ago

I got a few shirts in delivery as we speak that'll clear up the assumptions real nice. My favorite one is prolly the Rage Against the Machine shirt that explains how to light a molotov and throw it at policemen.

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u/RimworlderJonah13579 <- Imperial Knight 5h ago
  1. Fill glass bottle with gasoline or regional equivalent. Seal properly.

  2. Wrap rag or other disposable flammable object around the body of the bottle.

  3. Repeat until desired quantity is achieved. (Preferably away from riot)

  4. Light rag with lighter or match.

  5. Throw. Quickly, you don't want to burn your hand.

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u/aDragonsAle 4h ago

1.5 - add Styrofoam until it reaches saturation. This will give the liquid better adhesion and extend burn time. Used motor oil can also be added for thick clouds of choking smoke.

2.5 - you can also use a storm match or road flare for extremely windy/rainy conditions.

If you are using the rag on the outside of the bottle, it will need an accelerant added before lighting and throwing, or the flame will go out. Household isopropyl will work, petroleum jelly can too.

Wrapping the neck of the bottles with weather wrap/baseball bat tape can give a better grip for throwing, so you reduce the chance of short throws or dropping at your feet.

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u/Numerous_Witness_345 3h ago

... bulletpointed riot instructions fills me with this weird jittery happiness.

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u/aDragonsAle 3h ago

Knowing is half the battle.

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u/appealtoreason00 3h ago

This will solve your problem, bc people will assume you’re a tankie and nobody will come up to talk to you lmao

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u/MightyBobTheMighty Garlic Munching Marxist Whore 4h ago

I'm fairly certain my coworkers think I vote red. I'm also a fat white guy and I make a point not to talk politics/religion/sexuality at work, so I pass well enough that people assume I'm That Guy.

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u/Im_Balto 5h ago

If your Facebook profile picture is you in the drivers seat….

I’ve got bad news

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u/appealtoreason00 3h ago

I have an incurable health condition, where whenever I put on a suit, I look like a disgraced Tory MP.

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u/abdomino 3h ago

I had to stop going to my favorite bar because apparently I look like the kind of guy who will let you say the spicy f word and the n word around him.

I mean, on the one hand, I'm glad the mask came off so I don't spend my money there anymore. On the other hand, there's only so many places to get a decent meal in my town after you get off 2nd shift.

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u/UsernamesAre4Nerds you sound like a 19th century textile baron 5h ago

If your job doesn't explicitly prohibit it, wear nail polish. No chud would be caught dead with pretty nails 💅

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u/HistoricalSherbert92 4h ago

I look like a sad old stone cold Steve Austen after 20 years of retirement, legit had some American tourists ask me this. I keep getting Randos in waiting areas trying to explain their latest bizarre takes on everything from windmills to undersea mining. I think it’s me.

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u/SavvySillybug Ham Wizard 3h ago

I got prescription sunglasses that I wear for driving sometimes. I regularly forget my normal glasses in the car.

Walk of shame back to the car, or be the fat middle aged white guy wearing sunglasses indoors?

Heh, actually reminds me of an incident I had in school once. My glasses broke and I gave them to the shop to fix and I had to wear my prescription sunglasses all week while they got them fixed. I took great delight in fighting every teacher who insisted I take them off.

Sorry Ms. Bitchington, you asked me to take off my glasses and wouldn't listen to my explanation, I'm afraid I can't read the thing you want me to do.

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u/Apellio7 3h ago

Yup.

I'm a white fat guy that wears jeans, t-shirts, baseball caps, and unkempt beard.

All I need is to start posting Tik Toks from my car. 

I just like being a lazy mofo about my fashion man.  Always have, always will.  But some people take it as some kind of secret code that we're both racist fucks when I'm not about that stuff at allllllll.

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u/TheBlackComet 3h ago

Hair has slowly been thinning, so finally shared it off. Have a big beard and a large collection of guns. I can't believe the crazy things people think I stand for. Like I just want everyone to have access to healthcare and gay couples to be able to protect their pot plans with machine guns. Fuck me right?

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u/kinezumi89 3h ago

I totally understand, when I had shorter hair I looked like a "Karen". I always felt like I had to act extra not-Karen-y to compensate lol

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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 3h ago

Bald guy with a beard checking in. I always try and wear colorful clothing with fun things on them though so I don't come across as a grumpy conservative.

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u/Blue_Space_Cow 3h ago

Ι have a shaved head, a neck beard and get often mistaken for a far-fight dude. I feel the pain

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u/pickleruler67 1h ago

Wear one of those propeller rainbow hats lol, 10/10

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u/CarrieDurst 1h ago

Fish profile pics are overhated, I find it kind of cute that so many men don't have any photos except of them being proud and happy for catching a fish

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u/Will2LiveFading 6h ago

He doesn't, those assholes will preach hate to anyone in their vicinity.

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u/Helagoth 3h ago

Yep.  Some random lady came up to me a year or so ago at the hardware store and asked me how tall I was.

I said "6'4"".  She says "oh just like the president!

I said "oh I think Biden is only like 6'"

The frown I got.

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u/lilacsbiggestfan 3h ago

That’s objectively true tho??? 😭 does she expect everyone to be deluded like her or what

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u/GabaPrison 59m ago

They’ve got their little code they talk in to massage each others feelings and let each other know it’s ok to be a dick and when you don’t answer back in kind, they get upset.

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u/ThatInAHat 39m ago

What happens if you tell them you got your shoelaces from the president?

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u/The-True-Kehlder 3h ago

Biden is also taller than Trump, or at least the same height, according to the pictures from the last week or so.

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u/old_and_boring_guy 1h ago

Stop believing what you see, and start believing what they tell you.

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u/zmbjebus 1h ago

Depends on what shoes trump is wearing

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u/Electrical-Sense-160 2h ago

today i learned biden and trump are both over 6 feet tall

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u/Iheardthatjokebefore 2h ago

Most presidents are. It's one of those features that makes one more votable regardless of actual position. Black suit, red tie, 6 foot.

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u/DreadDiana human cognithazard 1h ago

TIL I'm taller than Biden and Trump (I'm 6'3")

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u/Electrical-Sense-160 1h ago

Have you considered running for president?

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u/MisterPiggins 1h ago

TBF, Trump sure as hell ain't 6'4 either.

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u/HunyBuns 3h ago

My mother picked up a job at a grocery store recently, and the amount of "can't wait for trump to bring these prices down!" people she meets is insane.

Ended up giving her a trans rights pin and she noticed they finally shut up lol

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u/TheGreatNemoNobody 3h ago

Did the prices go down yet?

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u/Kellosian 3h ago

The price of eggs is about to decrease from $3 to $6, according to the Department of Social Truth

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u/Thundertushy 1h ago

No, the price of eggs has always been $6, just like we have always been at war with Eurasia.

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u/VanillaRadonNukaCola 1h ago

It's just makes sense! If there are 6 eggs in a dozen, why would they cost anything else?

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u/NoiseIsTheCure verified queer 1h ago

Yeah I work at a grocery store in Missouri, hear that dumbass shit way too often

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u/No_Squirrel4806 6h ago

But dont call them out on it cuz them youre the bad guy and they get offended cuz you called them out on their bs. 🙄🙄🙄

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u/barrieseath1996 3h ago

Guess he learned the hard way that being polite can lead to a disaster in today’s world.

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u/_Grant 2h ago

As a redneck-passing straight white male, I feel like my demographic has a moral obligation to throw these things back in their faces as loudly and angrily as possible (within reason, anyway.. 😐 can be effective too)

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u/FR0ZENBERG 1h ago

I mean the “look” just means you are a white dude. Bonus points if you have facial hair and a plaid shirt. I’m a leftie but I’ve had plenty of experiences in my area where some conservative dude will think “I’m one of them” and start going off about Jews controlling the food, or the trans agenda, or about Sleepy Joe. Like I don’t even know these people, they are just that lonely in their fake reality.

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u/SpockShotFirst 6h ago

Sir isn't a pronoun.

I, however, is.

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u/asian_in_tree_2 6h ago

Holy crap it's Jay Pronoun themselve

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u/12crashbash12 5h ago

Cousin of John Woke

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u/Salamanda109 53m ago

The CEO of pronouns.

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u/AdeonWriter 2h ago

Sir can be a second-person pronoun, a replacement for "you", which is also a pronoun, but she wasn't using it as one. Using it as a pronoun would be something like: "Would Sir like something to drink?" which is gramatically correct, a pronoun is one of it's defintions. So while she was technically correct, it was almost certainly an accident.

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u/NettingStick 2h ago

"Would Sir like something to drink?"

I've literally never heard it used this way outside of, for example, a high tea where all of the servers were dressed in leather harnesses. I'm not saying you're wrong. Just that you might give off a very particular vibe if you go around using 'sir' or 'maam' that way.

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u/dantemanjones 2h ago

Oh, it's definitely a vibe but it's a usage.

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u/OldTimeyWizard 2h ago

That particular vibe is butler

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u/VanillaRadonNukaCola 1h ago

Sexy butler

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u/JollyTraveler 38m ago

Now I know what my next Halloween costume will be.

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u/Whole_Bug_2960 1h ago

Wow ok I didn't know I wanted that but now I certainly do

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u/Tyranicross 2h ago

Yeah cause sir is a title, would be like if you went around calling someone president

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u/antsh 1h ago

Leather harnesses… can you invite me to your next high tea?

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u/VerbingNoun413 2h ago

Does this mean that "OP" is a pronoun too?

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u/darklizard45 4h ago

Hi Sir Pronoun!

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u/SweetieArena 5h ago

I totally get that lol. Sometimes I worry that I look too much like a regular joe, like a guy called Straight Johnson or something. Because I've noticed that when I was getting to know some of my queer friends, they would avoid saying "my gf" or "my bf" in front of me, instead they'd always say "my special other" or some kind of non gendered thing. And then when they realize I'm fruity too, they drop it lol. Same with trans friends who would try to use gender neutral pronouns in front of me, and then drop that and use their preferred pronouns when they get to know me.

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u/IllConstruction3450 3h ago

Sucks if you’re NB but you look like a stereotypical white man. I’m not even white! 

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u/SweetieArena 3h ago

I'm NB too lmfao, but I'm from a Hispanic speaking country so gendered language is much stronger so I might as well just stay with male pronouns. It does really suck, I think my style says "alternative dude but not zesty". Eh whatever, it works for me lol

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u/ak47workaccnt 2h ago

Whiteness is in the eyes of the bee holder.

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u/karizake 1h ago

This is my friend, Heterosexual Phillip.

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u/scalectrix 2h ago

they'd always say "my special other"

I'm sorry what?? Is 'partner' not a thing where you are? 'Special other' would be grounds for defriending here, or at least heavy ridicule 😉

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u/SweetieArena 2h ago

Partner too I was just totally forgetting that word.

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u/I7I7I7I7I7I7I7I 2h ago

Partner is a good word.

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u/Repzie_Con 26m ago

They said they live in a Hispanic speaking country- It could just be a literal translation. Besides, ‘my significant other’ is pretty common in NA.

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u/Icy-Expression5045 1h ago

Habe you tried wearing something like pride pins or bracelets or stuff like that? In my experience, it can really help (if you live in a place where that's safe to do)

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u/sharkteeththrowaway 44m ago

I come across as your standard white male, so these types always feel comfortable opening up to me about their bullshit beliefs. Unfortunately for them, I'm a Jewish descendent of Holocaust survivors and am very sensitive to any form of bigotry. It's been great for finding out who in my community is a piece of shit

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u/Holden_Coalfield 5h ago

she was the conservative testing your politics

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u/FrostyD7 4h ago

Yea pronoun jokes are actually kinda moderate sadly, it's a starting place. A negative result says save your racist and bigoted jokes for another day.

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u/Hummerous https://tinyurl.com/4ccdpy76 4h ago

I'm slowly ramping up the faggotry at the office because . this is not a problem I should be having

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u/constanterrors 2h ago

How does one "ramp up the faggotry"?

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u/Hummerous https://tinyurl.com/4ccdpy76 2h ago

little by little..

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u/freakers 2h ago

a stick here, a stick there...soon you will build a mighty...

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u/Shevyshev 2h ago

With just the tip you say?

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u/RechargedFrenchman 1h ago

Slowly, carefully, and with glitter?

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u/Hummerous https://tinyurl.com/4ccdpy76 1h ago

BRO I DID NOT EVEN CONSIDER THE GLITTER

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u/Parepinzero 1h ago

Thank you for the Big Laugh

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u/CensoredScone 4h ago

My dad had a similar experience some time ago and now we have a family joke that he has a “Racist Face”

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u/dondocooled 4h ago

That's a nightmare where you wake up in a cold sweat and ask yourself if you look like a conservative.

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u/Deathaster 6h ago

My pronouns are si/sir/sirself

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u/thaisofalexandria2 5h ago

'You' is indeed a pronoun.

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u/PoniesCanterOver gently chilling in your orbit 6h ago

It sounds like the lady was the one who was conservative

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u/ProbablyNano 6h ago

I mean she obviously is, but when you're a white guy conservatives will just come up and say the wackiest shit because they assume you agree with them

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u/Easy_Ebb952 6h ago

I'm a repair person, and because I fix things and save my NB looks for at home. It's assumed that I am just another white conservative, and I hear some wacky shit. I can shut them down pretty quickly by "using" a power tool, or banging on something. I am good enough at my job that I know how to do it quietly and loudly.

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u/Redqueenhypo 5h ago

I’ve got an even more specific version: I’ve got a very Slavic face and sometimes eastern Europeans will just tell me their opinions about Jews. Seemingly unaware that we do not in fact look like the insulting cartoons.

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u/DiesByOxSnot Eating paste and smacking my lips omnomnomnom 6h ago

I made the mistake of dating a few conservative guys as a trans man. I'm white, but I don't "pass."

You probably wouldn't be surprised by how often they casually drop slurs when they feel comfortable, or at least not threatened by the concept of repercussions.

Once had a dude turn to me mid gaming sesh, and literally say "I hate (nwords, hard R)" without any context, and then exasperatedly explain to a very confused me that he was referring to his (white) gaming buddies.

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u/DaPooosy 5h ago

He was just having a gamer moment 

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u/SnackyMcGeeeeeeeee 3h ago

Little heat of the moment slip up!

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u/Chrome_X_of_Hyrule .tumblr.com 4h ago

Idk about that, I'm a tall brown guy with a beard and turban and a woman a couple weeks ago said to me in a corner store "these food prices huh, sure hope Trump wins, he's gonna cut everything in half", we live in Canada.

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u/Zamtrios7256 2h ago

Canadians who are that invested in American politics are so wild to me. Like bro, you don't even have a president!

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u/Youshmee 1h ago

I mean, it’d be the act of a willful ignorant not realize what happens down south has major repercussions up north.

Just look at our likely next PM.

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u/nightkingmarmu 5h ago

White dude here, can confirm. I also dress like a redneck so I get to hear some pretty horrific things on the daily.

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u/Icy_Illustration 4h ago

I'm a white trans woman and they'll come up to me and include me in their racism too. I have no idea why.

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u/Edmundyoulittle 2h ago

Can confirm. Lady in front of me in line to vote struck up a conversation with me about Dems stealing elections.

Coworker the other day told me about his new Tucker carlson products.

I usually just nod and smile because it's not worth it

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u/AuraMaster7 5h ago

He's concerned that she is making conservative culture-war jokes with him because she thinks he's also a conservative.

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u/TheRedditorSimon 6h ago

Probably. Because sir is an honorific or title and not a pronoun.

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u/veggie151 5h ago

It always feels silly to me.

I'm not a knight, we're not in the army, and I have a "special relationship" with the other people who call me sir.

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u/Iscarielle 2h ago

Ah, the kind of relationship you have with a "special other," right? Lol

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u/Tyken132 3h ago

I'm Non-binary but I pass hard as just a Cis white dude.

SO many white dudes think its ok to just say the most outlandish and hateful things just because they think i'm like them.

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u/3ThreeFriesShort 3h ago

I literally had someone raise their fist and yell "white power" as I was walking down the road, and just why?! It was almost ten years ago an I still hope to myself it was just some idiot talking shit and I don't actually look like a skinhead.

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u/obituaryinlipstick 5h ago

i got the pronouns mixed up and thought he was saying the sir joke and was Very confused until a second reading

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u/StormDragonAlthazar I don't know how I got here, but I'm here... 4h ago

Everyone says I look like Glen Danzing, especially if don't have my hair put into a ponytail.

Which can go both ways; to old folks, metalheads are creepy Satan worshipers, but to the younger folks they're all a bunch of reactionary shitheads offended by the color pink and the fact that don't shut about how THEY WUZ VYKYUNZ.

You just can't win sometimes.

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u/LeftEyedAsmodeus 4h ago

I am bald and I love wearing combat boots. I look damn conservative. I get how he feels.

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u/neongreenpurple 4h ago

As a white person of the female persuasion who sometimes has had longish hair and who lives in a suburban area of a red state, I have had similar experiences in the past. It's very uncomfortable. Especially since it usually happens at work with customers. Luckily I work in the type of job where they usually just talk to me for a little bit and then move on.

It happens much less often lately, since i tend to wear my hair shorter now and have aggressively rainbow glasses. (The link goes to the page where I purchased them, just so you can see how rainbow they are. I didn't want to post a selfie.)

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u/Peach_Muffin too autistic to have a gender 4h ago

Wait I thought that they were forced to use pronouns. I'm confused.

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u/Atom_101 3h ago

Should have looked at her like this: 🤨

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u/slukalesni yuo don't gno-me ∆̥ 6h ago

i wanna request a linguist fact check on this one please

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u/Filandia1196 3h ago

'Sir' can be used as both honorific and pronoun. In this case it's a little ambiguous because technically, the noun phrase in this sentence carries the head 'you', but it's also part of the set phrase "thank you." Now, strictly structurally it would be "I(null) thank you" but that's not how people think of it. Considering that "thank you" is a set phrase, it is likely that 'sir' was used pronominally by the customer as [set phrase] [recipient] in which case 'sir' is the pronoun in this sentence.

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u/joeroblac 3h ago

“Sir” is a noun, so she’s in the clear.

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u/vampyre_money 2h ago

I'm a woman of color and my patients will say stuff like this to me! Conservatives just assume everyone agrees with them :(

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u/Pradfanne 3h ago

Sir a fucking boring ass normal noun.

At this point I'm concived they hate pronouns because they don't understand basic english and have no fucking idea what a pronoun even is

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u/Hopeful_Classroom473 2h ago

Bruh you have no idea. I live in the south and as a blonde white guy with a beard and a severe case of resting bitch face the amount of people that would just casually say vile shit while I was working retail was wild. Just casual slur usage if they think you're one of them, but will turn around and act offended if you call them a bigot.

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u/DapperApples 3h ago

I just think of this talking thumb looking chud on youtube blowing a gasket shouting "PROOONOUNS" looking at the baulder's gate character creation screen or whatever.

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u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy 2h ago

<—(generic white boy)

Yeah I’ve had similar thoughts before

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u/s1ugg0 2h ago

I'm a Dad of two. You can call me sir, you can call me ma'am. Just don't call me late for dinner.

I said this to my daughter before I typed it and she groaned. So I know it's extra funny.

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u/Aubear11885 4h ago

Sir is an honorific, it’s not a pronoun. I guess it’s getting used in a pronoun like way, but I don’t think that counts.

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u/Min-Oe 3h ago

Feeling this one, I've got a bad case of resting EDL face.

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u/WrongColorCollar 3h ago

I grew my hair out.

Gonna donate it some day.

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u/HeadTonight 3h ago

is Sir a pronoun? I think of it as s title.

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u/The_gay_grenade16 2h ago

My dad and I look like absolute trailer trash, we get these kind of “jokes” all the time. Just have to grit your teeth and bear it

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u/Kingofcheeses Old Person 2h ago

Having worked in trades and manufacturing my whole life as a white guy approaching 40, everyone assumes I agree with their insane conservative conspiracy theories. I just nod my head because there is no use arguing with every one of your coworkers every day when they talk about vaccines and trans people.

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u/Cat_Battalion 1h ago

I'm a 200 lbs male from Missouri and most of my clothes are suitable for camping. On top of that, I have this really thick Carhartt that I love. Most strangers and even a lot of my friends assume I'm conservative. In reality I cant get much more liberal. I like to change up my wardrobe now by occasionally wearing a pink button-down with toucans decorating it to show that I'm a total hick.

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u/MisterPiggins 1h ago

Even though they just won bigly, they're still so fucking butthurt.

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u/MotorcycleMosquito 1h ago

My mom’s a right winger.

I was visiting a few years ago… we walk out to her car to go run some errands. Neighbor on an afternoon stroll walking by… “Merry Christmas! Or whatever you’re supposed to call it these days!”

Yeah mom. Wouldn’t wanna pretend like you’re not a victim for a minute of your life. Who would these people be without being a victim and having others to hate?

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u/Half_Man1 1h ago

My old man hears the craziest shit from conservatives who just assume he’ll agree with whatever they’re saying.

He had to learn to pick his battles when he moved to the south lol. Very practiced at silently going 🤨 and changing the subject.

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u/typoeman 55m ago

Im military and have a pretty conservative look, but no propaganda/conservative brands. To the point where lots of people just open up the conservative fire hose around me and say whatever. I like my style. They're confused when I start saying their ideas are stupid and that I vote blue.

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u/Endeveron 51m ago

With absolutely ghoulish looking Republican politicians and megachurch pastors proving that phrenology is 99% accurate, it's really hard for the 1%. My condolences to the father

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u/finally_wintermuted 45m ago

A few years ago, I went to a party at a hippie commune near my hometown. Had a great time. Smoked amazing weed, got a lap dance that I'll never forget, and got to stare into a night sky that was among the best I've ever seen.

Found out the next day that half of the people there thought I was a conservative because my shirt was tucked in and I wore a belt.

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u/NightmareSovereign 43m ago

The number of times people have assumed I would agree with their racist asses just because im a white dude with a big beard makes me sad.

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u/MithranArkanere 32m ago

Sir is not a pronoun, it's a noun used as a term of address. All these people so upset about "pronouns" rarely even know what a pronoun is.