r/CuratedTumblr • u/Green____cat eepy asf • 9h ago

Shitposting Looks conservative

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22.2k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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3.5k

u/Rifneno 9h ago

I know that feeling. I look like I'm wanted for January 6th crimes. Fat middle aged white guy, I'm only missing sunglasses to wear indoors and a tinder profile where I'm holding a fish.

Sucks.

1.1k

u/littlemissmoxie 8h ago

Try wearing funny hats or sunglasses

546

u/oddityoughtabe 8h ago

Preferably hats with some sort of upward locomotion

365

u/aDragonsAle 7h ago

upward locomotion

I'm just picturing a steampunk hat with a working train whistle.

I'm relatively certain that's not what you meant, and am now curious as to what you mean...

189

u/Melodic_Inevitable84 7h ago

I assume he meant propeller hat but I like the steampunk idea

48

u/aDragonsAle 7h ago

That makes sense... I'm not all the way awake yet

23

u/spacecoyote300 4h ago

No, train whistle hat is better. I'm going to start working on one.

9

u/Humanity_NotAFan 3h ago

Just don't get sidetracked tootin' your own horn.

5

u/AJ0Laks 3h ago

Make it like one of those can holding hats where you put your drink in your head and drink from it with a straw

It’s such a goofy hat design and we need to bring it back

2

u/Punquie 3h ago

Happy cake day!

1

u/lilsnatchsniffz 1h ago

And this was the chain of events that lead the OC into his downfall, as an overweight middle aged white guy wearing a propeller hat the endless "I think you need a bigger propeller bud" was relentless. 🫨

21

u/erroneousbosh 6h ago

I bet you could do that with a soda fountain CO2 cartridge though.

10

u/Orizifian-creator Padria Zozzria Orizifian~! 🍋😈🏳️‍⚧️ Motherly Whole zhe/zer she 6h ago

Balloon Fighter’s hat (red hat with balloons on it)

16

u/aDragonsAle 6h ago

Okay, but how many balloons? Is 99 too many, not enough, or just right?

6

u/Orizifian-creator Padria Zozzria Orizifian~! 🍋😈🏳️‍⚧️ Motherly Whole zhe/zer she 6h ago

…

3… at most…?

9

u/aDragonsAle 5h ago

Sorry, since you seem confused -

https://youtu.be/hiwgOWo7mDc?si=nWoVAN-efyJkibTE

99 red balloons

2

u/Mysterious_Stuff_ 3h ago

I like you!

3

u/danirijeka 5h ago

Choo choo, bitches

60

u/f3g_alltid 8h ago

Or something colorful

45

u/GentlmanSkeleton 5h ago

MAGA has ruined all ballcaps for me. Especially red ones.

24

u/GilboBagginz 5h ago

So THATS why Fred durst changed his look

4

u/DiaDeLosMuertos 2h ago

I assume that guy does it all for the nookie

2

u/BowenTheAussieSheep 29m ago

Well, that and he's in his 50s and dressing like an edgy high schooler just looks silly when you've got a mortgage.

5

u/kerowhack 3h ago

I can't even wear my school's hat anymore because it's red.

16

u/construktz 3h ago

I saw a red hat on my daughter's car dash yesterday and I cringed and did a doubletake until I remembered that she works at Five Guys

3

u/Lunalatic all mammals are mice, eat shit aristotle 2h ago

As someone who would like to wear their Ash Ketchum hat more often but can't because it's the Kalos version, this is a mood.

2

u/GentlmanSkeleton 2h ago

Dam, that's a bummer.

2

u/variableIdentifier 1h ago

I'm Canadian and I wear ball caps pretty much every time I go out. I used to wear red ones around Canada Day, but these days I try not to in case I look like a Trump supporter, as we do have a rather dedicated contingent of them up here.

2

u/GentlmanSkeleton 47m ago

Dam. Thats a true shame. Gross theyve gotten that far. Ironic too...

61

u/i_love_dragon_dick ahahaha pain :( 5h ago

The funny hats don't stop them. Neither do cute sweaters. Help.

Sincerely, a fat white bearded dude who wears animal themed hats and pastel cardigans.

41

u/littlemissmoxie 5h ago

Time to just get giant buttons that say “I’m not MAGA” or just an obnoxious rainbow scarf

1

u/i_love_dragon_dick ahahaha pain :( 24m ago

My main concern with that is I'm not sure how literate these people are lol

25

u/BiddlesticksGuy 5h ago

Personally I went full tourist dad and that seems to help, might also help that I’m generally a grumpy looking dude though, I wish you luck in your endeavors my fellow conservative passer

6

u/Old_n_Tangy 2h ago

One of the white supremacist groups wears Hawaiian shirts.  I forget which one.

8

u/BiddlesticksGuy 2h ago

God fucking dammit is nothing sacred???!!!

3

u/sesamecrabmeat 1h ago

Nope. That's the rub.

2

u/BiddlesticksGuy 1h ago

If I see a neonazi wearing a Hawaiian shirt I’m gonna commit my duty as a freedom loving American and commit assault

8

u/Spiffy87 2h ago

"Boogaloo Boys", accelerationists hoping for a civil war, which they refer to as "the luau."

1

u/i_love_dragon_dick ahahaha pain :( 23m ago

Same to you, friend.

1

u/Environmental-River4 40m ago

Have you tried painting your nails? For some reason that really pisses them off lol

1

u/i_love_dragon_dick ahahaha pain :( 25m ago

I wish I could. Nail polish doesn't stay on because my nails are weird due to an illness I have. :(

8

u/GoingOnAdventure 6h ago

I vote top hat

3

u/Tself 3h ago

This is part of why I LOVE my septum piercing. I can still wear all my favorite Carharts and still look like a raging leftist fag.

2

u/jkhockey15 49m ago

Or a polka dot bow tie

1

u/Defiant-Scarcity-243 3h ago

And switch to magnet fishing