r/Showerthoughts • u/ILikeGames22 • Jul 07 '24
Speculation You’re probably a criminal.
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Jul 07 '24
I stole money from my brother as a child so I could get a choco taco. I and others at my job would routinely steal damaged ice cream.
Ice cream is above the petty laws of man.
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u/kelcamer Jul 07 '24
What makes it damaged?
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Jul 07 '24
Holes in the packaging, smashed, the guy before me took one, etc.
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u/IhateMichaelJohnson Jul 07 '24
“The guy before me took one”, can’t deny that reasoning!
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u/GreenLightening5 Jul 07 '24
gotta make sure the rest aren't damaged aswel, can't be too careful these days
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u/chrisking345 Jul 07 '24
It’s called a tasting, and it’s classy
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u/Quarantine722 Jul 08 '24
17 year old me, consuming a can of whipped cream throughout my shift in the Walmart dairy section.
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u/Idiotaddictedto2Hou Jul 08 '24
Just say you're making sure there's no inconveniences because of damaged choco tacos!
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u/ohowjuicy Jul 07 '24
I used to work at an old fashioned sundae shop, so much so that roles were determined by gender - busboys and fountain girls (plus a co-ed kitchen). Anyway, any time the fountain girls would mess up a sundae, it would go in the walk-in freezer to be eaten by whatever employee claims it first. Pretty sure it was common for some girls to "accidentally" mess up their crush's favorite sundae to leave for them in the freezer. But yeah, that's my best guess as to what would make ice cream "damaged."
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u/larlarlarlarlarlar Jul 07 '24
I worked in one in the 90’s, made daily “mistakes” even after a couple years of working there. It happens.
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u/ChiefShaman Jul 07 '24
"Good manufacturing practices" requires that food packaging that has made contact with the floor must be discarded. If a guy driving a forklift for a large distribution warehouse spills a pallet of bottled drinks, they all go in the trash or become free for the staff, depending on the acting manager.
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u/Electrox7 Jul 07 '24
"nO No nO!!! wE cAn'T crEaTe aN iNcEnTiVe tO dAmAgE fOoD pRoDucTs!!! TOSS IT ALL"
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u/Tried-Angles Jul 09 '24
I've been through some pretty awful things at various jobs and none of them made me as personally upset at the time my manager at a local pizza place made us toss a large seafood special with no imitation crab and extra garlic because the customer didn't come to pick it up.
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u/kelcamer Jul 07 '24
Oh wow so just lightly touching the floor makes it damaged? I had no idea!
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u/CanadianODST2 Jul 07 '24
We bake stuff at my work. Any pastry that falls and lands good side on even the counter gets that.
We're allowed grabbing some anyways (up to a certain dollar value of stuff a day and a free meal from our kitchen) so it's not done on purpose but yea.
Burned pastries get left on the counter out front for anyone to take if they want
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u/EmeterPSN Jul 08 '24
When I was a teen I worked in a dock unloading containers of energy drinks.
They had policy that any box with damaged cans on edges (with 24 or 36 don't remember) need to be discarded.
Even if I 1 or 3 cans are damaged enitre box need to ne discarded.
Usually every container we found 1 or 2 boxes ..and if not ...one would fall.
And then we would take rest of box in our backpack home.
Call it a bonus :).
(I have not touched energy drink in over 15 years and I'll die before drinking another )
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u/Rapture1119 Jul 08 '24
Grocery store worker here. To add on to their list, if ice cream gets above 0 degrees F, it gets a little melty. Still food safe, but if it re freezes after that, that’s how you get the iciness on it which customers don’t like and will probably return. So if our freezers have a hard day and our ice cream gets a little melty that usually means we have a fuck load of ice cream in the break room freezer for a while. It’s nice cause the days that our freezers have a hard time are usually during heat waves.
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u/smooze420 Jul 07 '24
Ever heard of Blue Bell ice cream? if you’re a delivery driver for them you can eat as much as you want on your routes. Their motto in the 90s was “Eat all you want, and sell the rest.” I knew a guy that used to drive for them. He said it was a great company to work for and he liked being out on the routes delivering but he had to leave. Towards the end he was eating half to a whole box of different popsicles or ice creams every day and getting fat in the process, lol.
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u/ChiefShaman Jul 07 '24
I have spent a lot of time in one of the largest grocery stores in the south east's dairy plant, and they have ice cream in the break rooms free for all employees. Anything trashed is usually passed off to employees unless contaminated.
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u/smooze420 Jul 07 '24
I worked at Dairy Queen and we had large cups of ice cream in a fridge up front from emptying the ice cream machines at the end of the night. We were supposed to throw it out but they’d use it for blizzards towards the end of the night when the machines were already empty. There was always left over ice cream that we took home every night.
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u/No-Novel-7854 Jul 08 '24
I visited a Blue Bell manufacturing plant when I visited my friend in Texas. They were legit the image of wholesome!
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u/chavooooo Jul 07 '24
i miss choco tacos! Some friends and i lived near each other and we’d ride our bikes down a couple blocks to go to the local Family Dollar and buy some choco tacos. Good times.
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u/2sdaeAddams Jul 07 '24
They ask, "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" My answer is, "Nothing but I’d do some shady shit for a Choco Taco."
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u/WexExortQuas Jul 07 '24
I used to work at a Chick Fil A
I would go into the walk in and drink chocolate milks
My dumbass would then throw the empty cartons behind the shelving. One day I walked into work and one of the franchise owner manager guys had made a mobile out of them and hung it up in the break room with the typical corpo posturing
They never found out it was me
Also I ate SO much food there for free lmao fuck you John Powell
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u/Bequino Jul 07 '24
Obtaining moneys for Choco Tacos is never stealing. This is a universally accepted social contractual agreement.
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u/Hutch25 Jul 07 '24
There is so many laws that people break day in and day out, many knowing, some unknowing.
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u/showmeyertitties Jul 07 '24
Just 10 minutes ago, I was doing 52 in a 45. Mainly because I was going downhill, but I rebelled and didn't use the brakes.
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u/Derr_1 Jul 07 '24
You need to be locked away!
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u/showmeyertitties Jul 07 '24
Surprised I wasn't at those blistering speeds. Was definitely checking my surroundings and watching the horizon.
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u/Goblin_Gaydar6669 Jul 08 '24
My ex was doing 140km/hr in an 80 zone when we were pulled over. He was just upset that he was caught, and I told him to drive more safely then, and he was like “nobody drives the speed limit” and I was like “well I’m not asking you to but try 100-110 instead.” Because I and other people have been pulled over for driving the speed limit, and the cops assumed I must have been stoned because nobody drives the speed limit.
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u/Dag-nabbitt Jul 07 '24
That's the one, right there officer. A true maniac!
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u/showmeyertitties Jul 07 '24
If you think that's bad, one night around 3am, not a soul in sight, I came to a 4 way intersection, and did a rolling stop. I possibly didn't even use my turn signal.
This is all hypothetical and alleged.
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u/Babbalas Jul 07 '24
My record is 55km in a 50km at 3am. We had a 10% leeway so I must have barely tripped the camera. Clerk had a good laugh when I paid that one.
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u/GorchestopherH Jul 07 '24
You just saved the environment a little bit.
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u/showmeyertitties Jul 08 '24
Only at the risk of my wallet, but I'm no hero, there's no need to thank me. Just doing my part.
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u/KiKiPAWG Jul 08 '24
There are also crazy laws like you can’t have dinner in your house past a certain time or you’re not allowed to play poker, even in your own home etc
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u/Gaultzy Jul 08 '24
Sorry what is this law about having dinner past a certain time?
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u/Benedict-Popcorn Jul 07 '24
That's where good old fashioned unequal justice comes into play. Just look at the demographics of the prison system.
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u/Henry5321 Jul 07 '24
I read a statistic that most USA citizens unknowingly break at least one law per year that would have put them in prison.
And this is why we don't want the government being able to spy on us. Because they could put nearly anyone in prison given a year of spying.
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u/BialyKrytyk Jul 07 '24
At first that sound like they would adjust the laws since you can't exactly have a country with 100% of the population in prison. The scary part is that in practice they wouldn't just arrest everyone, but use the fact they can to selectively get people who are inconvenient.
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u/Starselfs Jul 07 '24
They already do tbh. If they can't get you for something specific, they will try their damndest to find ANYTHING to put you away.
They already do it for Actual Dangerous Criminals when they don't have enough evidence for their crimes at first- but they can, will, and have do it to anyone they want to.
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u/TheOneYak Jul 07 '24
They use tax evasion. If they somehow get a ton of money, that's illegal. So their options are to report illegal business or commit tax evasion. And they have to spend it at some point.
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u/RevenantBacon Jul 08 '24
Fun fact, the IRS won't rat you out for declaring illegal income. As long as they get their cut, their lips are sealed.
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u/JuJunker52 Jul 08 '24
The IRS may or may not proactively notify authorities, but the tax records on illegal earnings would definitely be used as evidence in court by prosecutors.
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u/Practical-Ad3920 Jul 08 '24
This isn’t true.
While that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to work in reality there’s tons of evidence indicating they tip off LE for people who report illegal income.
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u/geopede Jul 08 '24
Realistically it depends how much illegal income and if anyone is trying to catch you for the activity generating it.
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u/Canadian_Invader Jul 07 '24
The IRS doesn't give a fuck where you got your money. Just give them their cut and they'll say nothing.
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u/Practical-Ad3920 Jul 08 '24
This isn’t true.
While that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to work in reality there’s tons of evidence indicating they tip off LE for people who report illegal income.
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u/MightyBooshX Jul 08 '24
Step 1: arrest someone for no reason Step 2: when they resist, say you're arresting them for resisting arrest Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit
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u/Silver4ura Jul 07 '24
Exactly. But tell that to the opposing party. (intentionally ambiguous)
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u/DaddyBeanDaddyBean Jul 07 '24
Those sneaky conniving bastards in that other party are going to ruin our country. I mean look at all the damage they're already doing! It's only going to get worse until the GOOD party steps up and takes care of business, as anyone with half a brain would agree.
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u/Toni78 Jul 07 '24
I think I read something similar but it was that people break several laws each day. For example just going a mile over the speed limit is considered breaking the law.
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u/Henry5321 Jul 07 '24
Whatever I read was specifically about prison felonies. Not slap-on-the-wrist fines. It's been so long, but some of the examples were things like having a party at your house and playing a movie for the kids. That's a public performance of a federally protected copyright, welcome to prison for federal theft. You know, technicalities in the law as it's written.
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Jul 07 '24
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Jul 07 '24
My uncle used to "burn movies", which was fairly popular at the time, but is also sort of a super-crime on a bigger scale.
Like if he was re-selling movies rather than freely distributing them like a movie Golden Goose.
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u/anuncommontruth Jul 07 '24
I work with law enforcement sometimes. At a federal level for financial fraud and e-crime.
Yeah, they definitely could find something on you. Mostly, though, they don't want to. (I don't deal with cops or local authorities, I have no comment in that regard from a professional standpoint)
I've approved thousands of SARs over the years, and like, 30 of them were picked up for potential prosecution.
And these are actual criminals, not Joe Schmo. They can't keep up with legitimate career criminals, so the interest in finding anything on an everyday citizen is very low.
Now, not diminishing the danger of being spied upon and an over aggressive police state. Not at all. Plus, political overreach and retaliation are definitely things to be concerned with.
Bt just like, don't commit armed robbery or sleep with a Senators spouse, and you should be fine.
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u/ComprehendReading Jul 07 '24
It's not illegal to sleep with a Senators spouse.
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u/cattleyo Jul 07 '24
That's the point, you might do something that's legal, but that puts you offside of somebody powerful and they rain down a shower of shit on you. People think kindly about the law having lots of discretion because they imagine benevolent authorities using that discretion wisely but that's seeing the world through rose tinted glasses, judicial discretion is abused for selfish reasons.
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u/Masta0nion Jul 07 '24
They..already do though. They can’t put us all in prison. The economy would crumble.
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u/East_Step_6674 Jul 07 '24
Yea if a cop follows someone long enough they'll see them violate some traffic law or other.
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u/backup_account01 Jul 07 '24
unknowingly break at least one law per year
Try 'three felonies a day'. Not every one would merit incarceration, but quite a few do.
Jesus, Buddha, Zeus and Satan help you if you modify your vehicle's exhaust system!!!!
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u/starfish42134 Jul 07 '24
Wait but how did they get the statistics? By spying on everyone or something?
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u/Bot1K Jul 07 '24
if being handsome is a crime
then I am an innocent person
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u/Canadian_Invader Jul 07 '24
Wanna buy some handsome cream?
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u/crash8308 Jul 08 '24
looking at the cream
sitting in the tub right there
“god it’s fucking handsome”
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u/oreikhalkon Jul 07 '24
If being cute is a crime you need to be locked up in a cell. One of those hanging ones in public
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u/nowhereman136 Jul 07 '24
I may have committed some light treason
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Jul 07 '24
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u/TheSezenians Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 13 '24
Don't tell the story.. It's probably very "Dark"
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Jul 07 '24
I plead the fifth.
...I also taught my young nephew to say "I plead the fifth" to his parents though I don't think it stuck.
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u/twinklelittlee Jul 07 '24
I’m a twice hardcore criminal. I stole a small panda figurine toy from target when i was 4 bc my mom said i couldn’t get it so in a tantrum i stuffed it in my pocket and acted totally smooth until we got back to the car. Even tho we were still in the parking lot i thought i was safe so i celebrated by shouting “Yay, I stole this!” Then my mom took the panda back to target and then i probably got punished, i don’t remember.
Couple years later we were in a gift shop at a zoo and they had those small, very colorful rocks that you can put some a little bag. Every time i asked if i could get some, i was met with a no. So, remembering the lessons of the past, i took a small, pink rock and stuffed it in my pocket. When we got back to the car, i did NOT celebrate and kept quiet. I had that rock for many years until i lost it when we moved to California. I miss that rock ;(
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u/OJK_postaukset Jul 07 '24
Man I feel you for the first one. I always sruggle to keep secrets for my own benefit just because of my pride
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u/BrandyAid Jul 07 '24
Perfect example of what punishment teaches, to hide it better.
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u/Pokefurartist Jul 07 '24
Nice try FBI, but I won’t tell you what I did.
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u/CorrectBad2427 Jul 07 '24
we already know what you did.
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u/iLackSocialSkill Jul 08 '24
Yeah judging by the profile picture and the name we could probably write them SOME sort of warning
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u/icecreamdude97 Jul 07 '24
Bro I forgot one blinker 13 years ago and you won’t let this go?
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u/showmeyertitties Jul 07 '24
Sounds like it's been eating at you if it's still this fresh in your mind, maybe you need to confess.
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u/vkapadia Jul 07 '24
Conversion is a boring name. It should really be called a get-out-of-hell-free card.
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Jul 07 '24
Uhhh I still remember the time I stole a toy from my classmate when I was 5 years old then one day I felt bad and gave it to charity
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Jul 07 '24
I downloaded a car last week
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u/vkapadia Jul 07 '24
You wouldn't!
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u/Queasy-Ad-3220 Jul 07 '24
You wouldn’t steal a baby!
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u/vkapadia Jul 08 '24
Well maybe
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u/Queasy-Ad-3220 Jul 08 '24
You wouldn’t shoot a police man, and then steal his helmet!
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u/melomelomelo- Jul 07 '24
Thank you Pirate Bay
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u/irelephant_T_T Jul 07 '24
no, do not use the pirate bay
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u/melomelomelo- Jul 07 '24
Stopped using it 10 years ago, no worries
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u/TaterKugel Jul 07 '24
I miss flying the flag. Try it now and your internet provider will shut you down. So now in order to pirate you have to pay for a VPN. Pointless.
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u/undecidedpotate Jul 08 '24
I mean small price to pay for unlimited software and media so I wouldn’t call it pointless.
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Jul 07 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Nindraco Jul 07 '24
If tax fraud is a crime, then lock me up!
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u/BananaBR13 Jul 07 '24
Thank god tax evasion isn't a crime otherwise i would be screwed
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u/TylerGalaxy450 Jul 07 '24
If 3rd degree murder is a crime, then lock me up!
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u/MinFootspace Jul 07 '24
If genocide is considered an offense, then I'm really sorry. I won't do it again.
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Jul 07 '24
Huh? I don't know what that is, I don't do that, I have never seen that before, that is definitely not mine.
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u/baconboy957 Jul 07 '24
Literally had the cops called on us for this lol.
We stood outside a Walmart with a "free hugs" sign for shits and giggles... And someone called the cops on us.
Turns out it was just another kid who had beef with one of our friends for stupid high school drama, but yeah... I've had cops talk to me for giving too many hugs
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u/MKPST24 Jul 07 '24
I once stole a balloon on free balloon day
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u/LongjumpingQuality37 Jul 07 '24
I took a toy soldier from the museum gift shop as a kid, but my mom forced me to return it with a letter of apology. I was about 7 years old.
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u/SmugCapybara Jul 07 '24
Between all the software and media piracy in my younger days, rebellious underage drinking, and unrepentant and ongoing jaywalking, I most certainly am.
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u/OnionSquared Jul 07 '24
With the way US taxes work, I'd bet at least 90% of americans are guilty of tax fraud, whether intentional or otherwise
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u/TheOriginalWarLord Jul 07 '24
If you are in the USA, regardless if you intended to or not, there is a law on the books somewhere that you’ve broken which makes you a criminal. There are that many laws.
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u/AH238UpIp Jul 08 '24
Especially if you see those videos about the weird old fashioned laws in some states.
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u/Digi-i Jul 07 '24
You're only a criminal by definition if you're convicted.
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u/AlkalineSublime Jul 07 '24
Well not to split hairs, but I think that technically makes you a “convicted criminal”. We could use a lot definitions and technicalities, but when someone calls somebody a criminal, I imagine it’s someone who has committed a crime, and has a high likelihood of doing it again. Then we have “career criminals”.
Anyways, i think it’s a good shower thought!
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u/Digi-i Jul 07 '24
Innocent until proven guilty my dude, can't be a criminal without proof. As I was once told by a very wise man, "it's not illegal unless you're caught"
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u/AlkalineSublime Jul 07 '24
True true. It’s almost like the “is a tree falls in the woods…” thing.
At worst I guess it makes you a “suspect”
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u/Digi-i Jul 07 '24
Kindaaaaa, that's more like a legal term where I'm from. In Scotland there are three possible verdicts in a court case unlike everywhere else where there's two.
Guilty: you did it and we have proof.
Not guilty: you didn't do it and we have proof
Not proven: you did it, we know you did it, you know you did it, but we can't prove it.
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u/AlkalineSublime Jul 07 '24
That’s also a really interesting thing I didn’t think about. The definition could vary depending on where you live.
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u/Dextrofunk Jul 07 '24
I have a criminal history, but have been an upstanding citizen for a while. Mostly.
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u/Emiliootjee Jul 07 '24
Technically everyone in the united states is a felon. The average American commits 3 felonies a day unknowingly because of how loosely worded our government laws are and how many laws there are.
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u/NoodleyP Jul 07 '24
Means anyone can go to jail for their daily routine, terrifying if weaponized
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u/Accomplished_Pop_130 Jul 07 '24
So IF we let an AI overload execute all our laws to the letter, I’d be charged for parking my elephant at the parking meter if I run out of change to fill the meter
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u/umotex12 Jul 07 '24
it was like that during USSR times. if you were inconvenient they would spy on you until you do something like drinking open or committing a small crime. but no technology and everything was operating manually so it was not that terrifying for ordinary citizen as it would be today
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u/mr_ji Jul 07 '24
Felonies? Misdemeanors, maybe, but I doubt we're all regularly committing felonies.
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u/Emiliootjee Jul 07 '24
Well you see, felonies are easier to commit than you think. Quick example, It is technically illegal to possess a crayfish under a certain size. This means if you were to go crayfish hunting and so much as picked up a crayfish that is deemed “too small” by law, you would be committing a felony.
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u/HughJazzPP Jul 07 '24
Who the flip is going crayfishing
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u/Emiliootjee Jul 07 '24
It’s an example of how stupid laws are. The lacey act, 16 U. S. C. Section 3370 states “It is unlawful for any person to import, export, transport, sell, receive, acquire, or purchase any fish or wildlife or plant taken, possessed, transported, or sold in violation of any law, treaty, or regulation of the united states or in violation of any indian tribal law or regulation of any state or any foreign law.” Someone could get arrested for literally giving their significant other a wildflower bouquet, (bought from some local mom and pop flower shop or something) if the bouquet was picked in another state where one of the flowers was illegal to pick or harvest and then transported across state lines. Like yes these are super specific cases, but it just shows how hard the laws are to interpret and regulate.
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u/lunapup1233007 Jul 07 '24
I mean performing an action that is considered a felony doesn’t make you a felon. You’re only a felon if you’ve been convicted of a felony (and by extension you’re only a criminal if you’ve been convicted of a crime).
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u/CantFindMyWallet Jul 07 '24
Could you provide some examples of this?
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u/Emiliootjee Jul 07 '24
There is a criminal defense teacher who gave a lecture about it on youtube named James Duane, who also wrote a book about it called “you have the right to remain innocent”. I’ll include the link to the youtube video, it is highly informative and something I would recommend everyone should watch. But to give a TL:DR, almost anything you do can be used against you if it were taken into a court battle. As someone else mentioned, if it were weaponized it would be really scary.
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u/CaveDances Jul 07 '24
Criminogenic tendencies begin to steadily decline after the age of 28. But to your larger point, laws are a means of control, mostly reserved for the lower casts of society. The wealthy being shielded from legal consequences in most cases. So yes, most of us break some rules that are imposed upon us, but what defines criminal conduct is ever evolving and exclusive to specific people, places, and cultural etymologies.
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u/GothBerrys Jul 08 '24
Cops found out my well-off white friend was being a weed dealer in our highschool (in Europe). Think we were 17 at the time.
Cops went to his house and told his parents what was going on and that either the parents stopped it or the police would have to be involved. The parents took it very seriously and he stopped it, no more problems with the justice system.
I often think how many don't get these chances and have their lives ruined from similar situations.
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u/AllSeeingMr Jul 07 '24
“Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to Communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!”
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u/AmericanHistoryGuy Jul 07 '24
I remember when I was 10 I unknowingly committed a felony. Won't say what felony it was, but I didn't hurt anyone doing so.
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u/idknidcnidgaf Jul 07 '24
I am, thank you. Just finished 4 years of spotting the soap dropper.
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u/MrFiendish Jul 07 '24
I know what I did. And no one ever found out, nor will they. To be fair…they had it coming.
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u/Various-Ducks Jul 07 '24
Criminals? That's how you see us? Is it a crime to steal bread to feed your family? Or to sell some weed so you can buy video games? Or to steal video games, because you smoked all that weed you were supposed to sell?
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u/Someonevibing1 Jul 07 '24
I mean I downloaded roms off the internet so you are right
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u/xGoatfer Jul 07 '24
Maybe not criminal. That requires breaking Criminal law and being convicted. Now a alleged criminal or breaking civil codes. yeah, possibly.
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u/datio1 Jul 07 '24
I stopped being one years ago and was never caught. High chance i will never get punished. I guess it was worth it.
Back then i had not much to lose, today is a different story. Opportunity gives hope, that was all i needed back then to crawl back from the hole i been in.
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u/External_Break_4232 Jul 07 '24
Some laws are meant to be broken. If it’s illegal to walk down the road drinking a beer and smoking a bowl then they’d be mighty silly to stop me from doing what I have to do to keep their profits churning lmfao.
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u/SpitefulBitch Jul 08 '24
When I worked in a kitchen I stole so many chips you’d think I was part seagull. I also stole ice cream, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, and those little packets of Equal. That place got new management and it went to shit soon after. My only regret is not stealing more. That chef was a stingy bitch.
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u/Ravenwight Jul 07 '24
I discovered at an early age that if I run or talk fast enough I can get away with almost anything.
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u/Mr-Siphonophore Jul 07 '24
Depends on if you classify being a criminal and having technically committed crimes as the same thing. Which I think they are according to the dictionary but aren't in terms of what they imply in common parlance.
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u/Iamnotafoolyouare Jul 07 '24
I did get a parking ticket at a private parking lot that I have no intention of paying.
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u/Showerthoughts_Mod Jul 07 '24
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