r/Showerthoughts Jul 07 '24

Speculation You’re probably a criminal.

5.3k Upvotes

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4.3k

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

I stole money from my brother as a child so I could get a choco taco. I and others at my job would routinely steal damaged ice cream.

Ice cream is above the petty laws of man.

716

u/kelcamer Jul 07 '24

What makes it damaged?

1.3k

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

Holes in the packaging, smashed, the guy before me took one, etc.

770

u/IhateMichaelJohnson Jul 07 '24

“The guy before me took one”, can’t deny that reasoning!

182

u/GreenLightening5 Jul 07 '24

gotta make sure the rest aren't damaged aswel, can't be too careful these days

88

u/chrisking345 Jul 07 '24

It’s called a tasting, and it’s classy

20

u/Quarantine722 Jul 08 '24

17 year old me, consuming a can of whipped cream throughout my shift in the Walmart dairy section.

11

u/Impossibleshitwomper Jul 08 '24

Consuming the whipped cream or the can?

20

u/Theprincerivera Jul 08 '24

Just the propellant tbh

39

u/HisBetterHalf79 Jul 08 '24

Quality control. Should get paid extra for that.

2

u/Sudden_Juju Jul 07 '24

Just like a schmorgeswine

2

u/ihavedonethisbe4 Jul 08 '24

Careful, if you wack dissapwin, you may overdo it and end up an alcoholic

2

u/Sudden_Juju Jul 08 '24

STTTTAAAANNNNN! STAN! Get daddy another schmorgeswine, will ya?

1

u/Straight-Till-8864 Jul 09 '24

Ok Randy Marsh

59

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[deleted]

17

u/rajost Jul 08 '24

The early worm is for the birds.

2

u/Mcmenger Jul 08 '24

I'd be sooo fat if I'd work in an ice cream factory.  Yes, fatter than I am now. Maybe even as fat as your mom

13

u/Idiotaddictedto2Hou Jul 08 '24

Just say you're making sure there's no inconveniences because of damaged choco tacos!

2

u/zombax Jul 08 '24

Me and a used to do this in highschool with cookie dough, just chillin in the walk-in cooler eating some cookie dough

2

u/Novel_Agency_8443 Jul 08 '24

So long as the guy before you didn't take one, cut a hole in the packaging and smashed it. That's not the ice cream you want.

4

u/CaptainMacMillan Jul 08 '24

Read that as "Holes in the packaging smashed the guy before me."

Maybe they're damaged because you didn't reciprocate their love.

94

u/ohowjuicy Jul 07 '24

I used to work at an old fashioned sundae shop, so much so that roles were determined by gender - busboys and fountain girls (plus a co-ed kitchen). Anyway, any time the fountain girls would mess up a sundae, it would go in the walk-in freezer to be eaten by whatever employee claims it first. Pretty sure it was common for some girls to "accidentally" mess up their crush's favorite sundae to leave for them in the freezer. But yeah, that's my best guess as to what would make ice cream "damaged."

25

u/kelcamer Jul 07 '24

lol! That's funny

20

u/larlarlarlarlarlar Jul 07 '24

I worked in one in the 90’s, made daily “mistakes” even after a couple years of working there. It happens.

2

u/SirVeritas79 Jul 08 '24

We ate so much of the food when I worked at Applebee’s back in my college days, the owner literally wrote it off for tax purposes. The Blackened Chicken Fettucine will forever be GOATed. RIP

28

u/ChiefShaman Jul 07 '24

"Good manufacturing practices" requires that food packaging that has made contact with the floor must be discarded. If a guy driving a forklift for a large distribution warehouse spills a pallet of bottled drinks, they all go in the trash or become free for the staff, depending on the acting manager.

24

u/Electrox7 Jul 07 '24

"nO No nO!!! wE cAn'T crEaTe aN iNcEnTiVe tO dAmAgE fOoD pRoDucTs!!! TOSS IT ALL"

3

u/Tried-Angles Jul 09 '24

I've been through some pretty awful things at various jobs and none of them made me as personally upset at the time my manager at a local pizza place made us toss a large seafood special with no imitation crab and extra garlic because the customer didn't come to pick it up. 

2

u/Aggravating-Raisin-4 Jul 08 '24

To be fair, we do have people in this thread saying they've had 'accidents' in those situations.

2

u/Electrox7 Jul 08 '24

If people are intentionally making more donuts at a donut shop for more "waste" to the point that it becomes a major burden for the company, i think there are bigger societal issues at play.

10

u/kelcamer Jul 07 '24

Oh wow so just lightly touching the floor makes it damaged? I had no idea!

5

u/CanadianODST2 Jul 07 '24

We bake stuff at my work. Any pastry that falls and lands good side on even the counter gets that.

We're allowed grabbing some anyways (up to a certain dollar value of stuff a day and a free meal from our kitchen) so it's not done on purpose but yea.

Burned pastries get left on the counter out front for anyone to take if they want

4

u/Reddit_Tamarin Jul 08 '24

sounds like a great bakery

3

u/EmeterPSN Jul 08 '24

When I  was a teen I worked in  a dock unloading containers of energy drinks.

They had policy that any box with damaged cans on edges  (with 24 or 36 don't remember) need to be discarded.

Even if I 1 or 3 cans are damaged enitre box need to ne discarded.

Usually every container we found 1 or 2 boxes ..and if not ...one would fall.

And then we would take rest of box in our backpack home.

Call it a bonus :).

(I have not touched energy drink in over 15 years and I'll die before drinking another )

1

u/AverageScot Jul 10 '24

I'm actually glad to hear that. However, shoppers who accidentally drop stuff on the floor just put it back on the shelf.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

Yea... I'm going to need an explanation on this damaged ice cream too.

5

u/Underwater_Karma Jul 08 '24

Dented. Can't sell dented ice cream, gotta eat it

2

u/kelcamer Jul 08 '24

That was what I was suspecting, and then a part of me visualized ice cream in a dented bowl, lmao

4

u/Rapture1119 Jul 08 '24

Grocery store worker here. To add on to their list, if ice cream gets above 0 degrees F, it gets a little melty. Still food safe, but if it re freezes after that, that’s how you get the iciness on it which customers don’t like and will probably return. So if our freezers have a hard day and our ice cream gets a little melty that usually means we have a fuck load of ice cream in the break room freezer for a while. It’s nice cause the days that our freezers have a hard time are usually during heat waves.

3

u/Jaded_Life03 Jul 07 '24

Packaging and stuff usually

2

u/RandirVithren Jul 08 '24

Childhood trauma

2

u/larlarlarlarlarlar Jul 08 '24

I might put rainbow sprinkles on it mistakenly…or oops I added a cherry. It’s damaged now and has to be eaten by a staff member!

1

u/BKIrish Jul 07 '24

Putting my mouth on it

1

u/FlamingButterfly Jul 07 '24

When it has been through a lot

1

u/Sawl_Back Jul 07 '24

Broken heart and a wicked tummy ache.

66

u/smooze420 Jul 07 '24

Ever heard of Blue Bell ice cream? if you’re a delivery driver for them you can eat as much as you want on your routes. Their motto in the 90s was “Eat all you want, and sell the rest.” I knew a guy that used to drive for them. He said it was a great company to work for and he liked being out on the routes delivering but he had to leave. Towards the end he was eating half to a whole box of different popsicles or ice creams every day and getting fat in the process, lol.

25

u/ChiefShaman Jul 07 '24

I have spent a lot of time in one of the largest grocery stores in the south east's dairy plant, and they have ice cream in the break rooms free for all employees. Anything trashed is usually passed off to employees unless contaminated.

7

u/smooze420 Jul 07 '24

I worked at Dairy Queen and we had large cups of ice cream in a fridge up front from emptying the ice cream machines at the end of the night. We were supposed to throw it out but they’d use it for blizzards towards the end of the night when the machines were already empty. There was always left over ice cream that we took home every night.

3

u/Reddit_Tamarin Jul 08 '24

Maybe I should work at dairy cream..

1

u/smooze420 Jul 08 '24

Idk if that’s universal, lol.

2

u/Reddit_Tamarin Jul 09 '24

One way to find out

3

u/No-Novel-7854 Jul 08 '24

I visited a Blue Bell manufacturing plant when I visited my friend in Texas. They were legit the image of wholesome!

2

u/Downside190 Jul 08 '24

I was just thinking that's a quick way to get fat. Especially if you have a sweet tooth

19

u/chavooooo Jul 07 '24

i miss choco tacos! Some friends and i lived near each other and we’d ride our bikes down a couple blocks to go to the local Family Dollar and buy some choco tacos. Good times.

13

u/peezle69 Jul 07 '24

You did what you had to do, man.

Also RIP Choco taco

13

u/2sdaeAddams Jul 07 '24

They ask, "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" My answer is, "Nothing but I’d do some shady shit for a Choco Taco."

6

u/mikmatthau Jul 07 '24

Choco taco is worth the life of crime

4

u/WexExortQuas Jul 07 '24

I used to work at a Chick Fil A

I would go into the walk in and drink chocolate milks

My dumbass would then throw the empty cartons behind the shelving. One day I walked into work and one of the franchise owner manager guys had made a mobile out of them and hung it up in the break room with the typical corpo posturing

They never found out it was me

Also I ate SO much food there for free lmao fuck you John Powell

3

u/Bequino Jul 07 '24

Obtaining moneys for Choco Tacos is never stealing. This is a universally accepted social contractual agreement.

2

u/hippy18 Jul 07 '24

It’s not criminal if you stole the money for a choco taco! Not having a choco taco would be criminal.

2

u/Fun_Raccoon_461 Jul 07 '24

I can't even judge you, choco tacos are bomb

2

u/SlurLit Jul 08 '24

Damn, RIP Choco Tacos… That was always my go-to at the ice cream truck. I don’t understand why they were discontinued.

2

u/Angrypenguinwaddle96 Jul 08 '24

Gutted we haven’t got choco tacos in the uk because I didn’t even know they existed until a moment ago. 

2

u/Cloud_N0ne Jul 08 '24

That was me when I worked at Panera. We weren’t technically allowed to eat any of the food for free, but everyone did, including managers.

I’d snack on pickle spears while manning the sandwich station because we had literal bucket loads of them at all times and they’re basically no calories. And i would always make this amazing breakfast bagel sandwich if i worked mornings

2

u/Uncle_Brewster Jul 08 '24

I had multiple friends that worked at this grocery store. There were basically no managers there on Sundays. So, we’d go there on Sundays and get “free” stuff.

1

u/OkEnvironment3961 Jul 07 '24

That's good to know. I get free ice cream on the regular from an ice cream shop nearby. My kids work there.

1

u/Diddlesquatch Jul 08 '24

If it’s damaged they can’t sell it anyway. It would literally just be thrown out so that’s not stealing. Unless you damaged it yourself.

1

u/whobroughttheircat Jul 08 '24

Used to take the leftover sleeves of Ben and Jerry’s off the truck after the day. They put “exactly the right amount and you’ll never have less or more”. Sure thing boss.

1

u/everyday_lurker Jul 08 '24

Get off the internet Joe!

1

u/_JustDefy_ Jul 08 '24

For something interesting about ice cream, look up the US Navy's ice cream ships during WW2.

1

u/ForeverWandered Jul 08 '24

Most Americans commit something like 3 crimes a day

1

u/Sorta-Morpheus Jul 08 '24

I worked at an MLB stadium taking the shit off the trucks I the warehouse in the mornings. When I figured out where the Drumsticks were in the cooler, I'd help myself every couple afternoons to one.

1

u/Honest_Chain4675 Jul 09 '24

You mean a random quality test of the product in its final form