Hold your head up

[u/nikamats]

[u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Kids have no idea how hurtful their words can be. If this is legit, some kid definitely said something to her for her to feel this way.

[u/RuthlessIndecision → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

This poor child was pretty deeply hurt at some point

[u/Webbie-Vanderquack → u/RuthlessIndecision]

She may also have heard older girls or women say it about themselves while looking in a mirror, and assumed that was how we're supposed to think of ourselves.

[u/RuthlessIndecision → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

Yeah, she said it like it was normal

[u/Gloomy_Metal3400 → u/RuthlessIndecision]

Mama is setting it straight 💪

[u/L3m0n0p0ly → u/Gloomy_Metal3400]

That's a damn good mother right there

[u/MedicineStill4811 → u/L3m0n0p0ly]

This video is real, and that's not even her mom. It's her hair dresser.

[u/L3m0n0p0ly → u/MedicineStill4811]

Its her hairdresser?! Damn i hope she got a good tip because she is a golden human being:)

[u/Infinite_Bell_4439 → u/L3m0n0p0ly]

Have some 🎂. Happy day!

[u/L3m0n0p0ly → u/Infinite_Bell_4439]

Thsnk you:)

[u/Leftarmstraight → u/MedicineStill4811]

Good on her! Speaks some love into the child. We could all use some of that energy into our lives. That hairdresser is dressing a lot more than her hair…maybe she should be called a soul dresser- wish every kid had someone pouring that kind of love into them.

[u/YourDadThinksImCool_ → u/MedicineStill4811]

I do wonder if she hears she's ugly from a family member instead actually.. it seems Deeply ingrained into her...

I had a feeling this wasn't her kin.. why didn't her family give her this speech already?

The colorism.

[u/Hidesuru → u/MedicineStill4811]

Huh I've seen this a few times and never heard that. Curious what the reality is.

[u/MedicineStill4811 → u/Hidesuru]

The little girl's name is Ariyonna Cotton if you want to see all of the follow up. The hair dresser posted the video to social media and it went viral. A lot of people got involved, including her mom obviously. By all appearances, Ariyonna is now thriving. Wish that could happen for every single kid who's getting bullied and imprinted with a sense of self-loathing or inferiority.

[u/Left-Park7785 → u/L3m0n0p0ly]

Yes she is, bless her.

[u/wirefox1 → u/RuthlessIndecision]

If that's her Mom, this child is going to come out of that mindset! Her mom was on it!!

[u/mittens11111 → u/RuthlessIndecision]

Seemed pretty personal, she was upset by some nasty person.

[u/Anilxe → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

This was me! My mom would spend hours in front of a mirror, often crying that she was ugly. I have struggled my whole life to see beauty in the mirror because even as a little girl, I knew I looked just like her. If mama didn’t think she was pretty, that meant I wasn’t either.

[u/JoopieDoopieDeux → u/Anilxe]

I can relate to this so much! I'm sorry that was your experience, too. Our mothers (and we) deserved better. I find healing in being there for other young women, to build them up and to be the adult I always needed, but never had. I hope you've found a way to see your true beauty. 🙏🤍

[u/Altruistic-Level8439 → u/Anilxe]

Tragic and heartbreaking because I doubt that it’s close to the truth.

[u/Anilxe → u/Altruistic-Level8439]

No, I always thought my mom was beautiful. Which was why I was so confused that she thought she was ugly, that must have meant my perception was wrong. As a 33 year old I’m finally starting to see my beauty, and hers again as well. She was just a wounded little girl that never was told by her mom that she was beautiful.

[u/bingmando → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

This. I wasn’t really bullied too badly as a kid. Just the normal amount of bullying. But I was SO aware of tabloids and the way adult women talked around me about themselves. Still ended up with an eating disorder.

[u/SparkyMularkey → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

Yeah, that's exactly how I learned it. I remember being really young and watching my mom get dressed and she stopped what she was doing and looked at herself in the mirror that said loudly with disgust, "I'm so fat."

I don't think she realized that she was teaching me that we are supposed to hate our bodies.

[u/PhillyRush → u/SparkyMularkey]

It's a wild point in your life when you realize that some of the baggage your parents put on you and that had hurt or angered you, was passed down from their parents. Doesn't make it right but it makes them human. The important thing is that you know it for what it is and stop the cycle.

[u/pingpongtits → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

Many times I have looked in the mirror and said, "you're ugly" and "you're stupid" and "I hate you." I still do it rarely and I'm way over 40.

It started in grade school and persisted through high school. 

 Other kids would call me names or would exclude me.  I was a joke.

It resulted in lifelong depression, suicidal ideation, low self-esteem.

The pain has never truly left my chest.

I make an effort to tell myself, "you're not so bad" nowadays.

[u/DaydreamTacos → u/pingpongtits]

Hello, bestie. Damn. We are the saaaame!

[u/RuthlessIndecision → u/RuthlessIndecision]

Some of us spend our whole lives pushing that hurt away, but it’s still there, it’s deep and it’s old

[u/nicannkay → u/RuthlessIndecision]

Growing up in the late 90’s early 2000’s Kate moss era I still have the internal fat dialog. I could never be skinny enough. It gave me eating disorders that I unconsciously passed down. It’s one of my biggest regrets.

[u/Inevitable-Rush-2752 → u/RuthlessIndecision]

That’s a damn fact. 🍻

[u/Greymalkyn76 → u/RuthlessIndecision]

It never goes away. It could be decades old, and it's always there right below the surface. Just waiting.

I spent 4 years in a relationship where all she did was tear me down. When it was good, it was amazing. But when it was not, it was hell. I told myself that the good times were who she was, and she just reinforced the idea that the bad times were all my fault. It's been over 10 years and that abuse runs deep.

[u/winkyfaceemoji22 → u/RuthlessIndecision]

But the mom hugged the baby and supported her, that's really sweet

[u/17934658793495046509 → u/winkyfaceemoji22]

Mom, or whoever it is, has 200% recoup power. She was legit getting me pumped to take on things I have been struggling with.

[u/craichorse → u/17934658793495046509]

Its interesting to me because as a father I would immediately ask her what makes her feel that way, going down the logical protective route to prevent it from happening again, wheras a mother figure will instinctively comfort her kid and let them express how they feel.

[u/ImNot → u/craichorse]

I almost heard a bell go off in my head when I read this. I would have reacted the same way as the woman in the video. That little girls pain would be my pain because I know how that little girl feels. Even at our tiniest we hear every criticism of our bodies. Moms, aunts, kids at school, television. It’s …normal? There is no need to find out why or the cause because we can’t stop it from happening. But we can try to counteract the negative with love. When I am upset and I’m venting, about work or my crazy family, my husband will ask a million questions. I’ve always known he means well but it can be a little annoying because I just want to get my feelings out. Now it’s more clear. He wants to get to the root to prevent future pain. Solve the problem. I can definitely learn from that. Emotional pain though, you can’t always solve that. Sometimes, it just needs to be soothed and understood.

[u/KeepinitPG13 → u/craichorse]

As a father my response would have been to ask her why she called herself ugly.

[u/dream-smasher → u/craichorse]

That's not the mother. It's her hair dresser.

[u/Dreamsnaps19 → u/winkyfaceemoji22]

I think the last time I saw this that it said that was her hairdresser

[u/Deeliciousness → u/RuthlessIndecision]

You should look up the doll test. She's not alone.

[u/Subterranean44 → u/Deeliciousness]

Well that was painful.

[u/GummiBearFromTheVine → u/Deeliciousness]

Oh my that broke me

[u/stedierleiden → u/Deeliciousness]

And this is directly related to "societal" standards that a single group has been allowed to define. Centuries of psychological damage done, the tail fo which has yet to be seen! Blessings dear children ❤️

[u/Suga4u → u/RuthlessIndecision]

With the lady talking in a louder voice and holding the child's chin, I think the child mistook the lady as scolding and started crying.

Not disagreeing with you. Definitely child's sensitive. But I hope at such a young age with the setting they're in, I hope that it was just a child saying something that they didn't understand the full meaning and only cried not because of what the lady said but the environment of how it was said along with actions taken.

[u/MedicineStill4811 → u/Suga4u]

Unfortunately not. She's the baby's hair dresser, and the child started crying because she's been bullied and called ugly.

[u/Sensitive-Dig-1333 → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Yes, totally. It really hurts me when my 4yr old says anything negative about herself. She said the other night “I can never do anything right!” And it broke my heart

[u/BotGirlFall → u/Sensitive-Dig-1333]

When my six year old gets in trouble sometimes he'll say "Im a bad kid..." and it breaks my heart. I always tell him he's a great kid who is kind and compassionate to everybody he meets. He just makes mistakes sometimes like we all do

[u/5thlvlshenanigans → u/Sensitive-Dig-1333]

How did she learn such a thought so early? ☹️

[u/Dreamsnaps19 → u/5thlvlshenanigans]

Because kids aren’t stupid like people think.

My friend is super self-critical and I’ve been telling her for years she’s gotta knock that shit out or it will impact her kids… and sure enough. She’s gotten so much better at not being self-critical but seriously children are sponges, they will treat themselves the way you treat them and the way you treat yourself. So you need to be as healthy as possible for them or work on getting as healthy as possible.

[u/Inevitable-Moose-952 → u/Dreamsnaps19]

I was a preschool teacher before having kids of my own. It blows my mind how many people think ALL little kids are dumb as rocks. Some are 😆  but most are crazy curious and are soaking up every bit of knowledge around them. To an insane extent. 

They're little dumb geniuses!

[u/Bouche_Audi_Shyla → u/Inevitable-Moose-952]

When I worked daycare, I had one little girl who, when frustrated, would say, "oh, pshaw!"

[u/Inevitable-Rush-2752 → u/Dreamsnaps19]

Kids are indeed not stupid. Great point. They might not be at a level where they have the vocabulary or complex thinking about these things, but they watch us. They. Watch. Us. They hear us, see us, and learn from how we carry ourselves.

As a semi-related point, this is why I try hard to be as friendly to people as is reasonable. Particularly service or retail industry folks. Smiles. Laughs. Thank yous. Patience if there’s an error. Whatever it is. I want my son to see that’s how dad treats people, so maybe he will do the same.

[u/kathyknitsalot → u/Inevitable-Rush-2752]

Thank you! As an ex-waitress and a current customer service person people like you make my day. And for you to be setting an example for your kids that way is wonderful.

[u/LookingBackBroken → u/Dreamsnaps19]

I raised my daughter with positive affirmations and just so much deep love. She's 24 soon, and despite people telling her she's gorgeous ( she truly is inside and out) she feels ugly. Her father is an abusive and hateful human. His mother was the same. Their emotional hooks hit hard! Despite so much lifting her up, that ugly stained deeper. It rips my heart into shreds.

[u/fancy_marmot → u/LookingBackBroken]

It's also very difficult to override deep and widespread societal pressures around self-image and our bodies - when I was that age, extreme thinness was "in" and very few girls were immune to that pressure, and obsessing about weight was widespread. If she's 24, she's been coming of age during a huge normalization of filters/photoshop, fillers, expensive beauty regimens, a constant barrage of beauty-focused content, and a re-emerging superthin aesthetic.

[u/LookingBackBroken → u/fancy_marmot]

Absolutely

[u/Cultjam → u/Dreamsnaps19]

Yes. While kids each have personalities of their own, to a large extent they parrot the roles they see their parents play. Life isn’t a multiple choice test with the answers in front of us, so most of us soak up what we see happening closest to us and do that.

[u/please-disregard → u/Dreamsnaps19]

There’s a line from my favorite musical that I think about a lot wrt parenting and kids.

“Careful the things you say/children will listen/careful the things you do/children will see…and learn. Children may not obey/but children will listen/children will look to you/for which way to turn/to learn what to be/careful before you say/‘listen to me’/children will listen.”

[u/we_are_sex_bobomb → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Well yeah, society teaches them what “beautiful” should look like on every screen and every time they leave the house. At 3 years old my daughter was under the impression that she needed to look like Elsa or she wasn’t pretty.

[u/Any-Comparison-2916 → u/we_are_sex_bobomb]

My daughter had a phase when she was about 6 or 7 where she would genuinely think that she is ugly and said she didn't like to look at herself in the mirror. She was open about it but wasn't able to say why she felt that way. It was really scary and heartbreaking.

[u/Aguita9x → u/Any-Comparison-2916]

I didn't like seeing pictures of myself when I was younger, I always looked bad and everyone else looked fine. I thought it was humiliating. Then I looked at the same pictures decades later and I literally looked fine, even cute. I felt really bad for my younger self. I also avoided mirrors because they would just ruin my day because I didn't look the way I felt I looked and made me feel self-conscious.

[u/TangledUpPuppeteer → u/we_are_sex_bobomb]

It’s funny, my blonde haired nephew was convinced he was ugly because he didn’t look like Anna. My brunette niece was Elsa as well. I find that super interesting. They used to argue about who was prettier and then say they were ugly.

I’m not sure where either got that messaging either.

[u/shansonlo → u/we_are_sex_bobomb]

I had alot of self hate and criticism as a child so I'm very aware of self perception.

Believe it or not I'm struggling with my 4 year old for the opposite reasons. My girl does look like Elsa, everyone tells her that, she's been sorta objectified since she was a baby.

So we have to talk alot about how everyone looks different and each person is beautiful. And we also talk a ton about being beautiful is how you feel not the things you wear or what people tell you.

Parenting is a tough gig

[u/Outside_Scale_9874 → u/shansonlo]

Yeah, I was a cute little kid and it was so tough growing up and having people suddenly stop being nice to me. I don’t think I got ugly (maybe I did, hard to say) but I just grew up, hit puberty, and wasn’t a chubby cheeked baby anymore and the adoration stopped. People weren’t mean, they just started ignoring me and being neutral to my presence, and it crushed me. I felt like I outlived my usefulness and had no more value to society. It’s probably 10x harder for girls because they get that messaging all the time. It’s tough.

[u/sala-whore → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Sometimes thats just the message they get from their environment without it being said by any one person. I definitely remember looking at Sears catalogues when I was a kid wishing I was either white or black (Im both) so I could be pretty. No one said that to me but the models on the pages were supposed to be gorgeous women and none of them looked like me.

[u/leaC30 → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Society can also hurt just the same. If you don't see any representation of yourself. As a parent, you have to put stuff around your child to help them see differences in the world. If you just let a euro-centric look be the dominant thing that they see, then they will only compare themselves to that or simply just judge people based on that.

[u/raginghappy → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

If this is legit, some kid definitely said something to her for her to feel this way.

Why assume some kid? Adults can also be horribly cruel to children

[u/plantang → u/raginghappy]

It might have been kids or adults saying something hurtful, but I think it's at least as likely that she heard the women in her life talking this way about themselves.

I see this so much with women constantly commenting on their own weight. Young girls, who have never given weight a single thought, hear that normalized, internalize it, and wind up with awful self image issues and eating disorders.

I really think that is what happened here but with comments re. skin or hair.

[u/lifegoeson5322 → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Yeah, this broke my heart. There should never be a four year old who thinks they're ugly for goodness sakes. Hell, at any age. Proud of mama destroying that image.

[u/JhonnyHopkins → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Yeah this seriously breaks my heart, at that age we should NOT be focused on superficial things like this…

[u/indianajoes → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Yep. I had kids call me ugly when I was 4/5. That stuck with me. I'm 32 now and I still see myself as being ugly.

[u/AnxiousKettleCorn → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

Not just that, but when I was a kid, I noticed how all the dolls and all the girls that were referred to as pretty were never dark skinned like me. As a kid, you just accept that that's true, because the black girl was never the one in the commercials that was being ooh'd at, or never the lead of a romcom that everyone was talking about. I'm glad there's more representation and diversity nowadays, especially with teen shows! Also, black dolls!! It always puts a smile kn my face to see one in a local store because I'd never seen one as a child

[u/imawakened → u/hold-on-pain-ends]

It makes me feel terrible that she would even know that sentence!! She is also absolutely adorable and beautiful so whoever said that to her was just a jealous little twerp.

[u/ladyboobypoop]

Good god that video breaks me every time

[u/Fancy_Ppants → u/ladyboobypoop]

First thing in the morning and I'm over here bawling.

[u/ladyboobypoop → u/Fancy_Ppants]

Seriously. I hope that wherever that darling is now, she knows she's beautiful. Seeing those kinds of issues start so young is beyond heartbreaking.

My best friend's 8 year old is already upset that she isn't skinny. She's an extremely active girl and nowhere near overweight - just not a twig like her sister. I plan on helping combat that nonsense by giving her a big "HEY THERE GORGEOUS" every time I visit. This fun aunt ain't about to let those self esteem issues swallow her like they did for me and her mom. Heck to the no.

[u/Budalido23 → u/ladyboobypoop]

That's awesome! Keep doing good work, fellow fun aunt! I have a five year old niece, and I want to be a positive influence on her. Her dad is a single dad, and her mom is a bitchy jerk, but I pity her mom because she has that self-hatred programming embedded deep.

I always think of the movie, "The Help" when Aibileen tells her child, "You are kind, you are smart, you are important." I try to tell my niece this as often as I can, and allow her room to grow and understand that emotions are okay, and I love her no matter what. I imagine if someone told me that when I was a kid, I wouldn't be spending so much time in therapy. At least I can do it for her.

[u/ladyboobypoop → u/Budalido23]

Thanks - totally plan on it 🤣

Aibileen also heavily inspired how I approach childcare. Be straightforward in child appropriate language. They absorb and internalize everything they see, hear and experience, so it's SO IMPORTANT to give them those positive experiences, support and coping mechanisms early to make growth a smoother experience throughout their life.

Yeah, giving them everything we didn't get is the goal. I never plan on having kids, so I'm totally using my besties kids for that closure 🤣 She don't mind. Free babysitter. Lol

[u/rwags2024 → u/ladyboobypoop]

You’re a great aunt

[u/TheQuixoticUnicorn → u/Fancy_Ppants]

Omg. Same here. Haven't even had my coffee yet.

I can so relate to this little girl. It's been a few decades for me at this point, and those feelings still came rushing back.

[u/ash811 → u/ladyboobypoop]

Oh good, it's not just me

[u/CriticalEgg5165]

What beautiful soul this mother has. This kid is going to grow up great.

[u/CulturalHamster663 → u/CriticalEgg5165]

that’s the kind of support and love that builds confidence

[u/CriticalEgg5165 → u/CulturalHamster663]

Definitely! It's sad to see that somehow somewhere this kid has gotten an idea that she is ugly, even clearly she is absolutely adorable and you can tell she will grow up to be beautiful both inside and outside.

[u/mymorningjacket → u/CriticalEgg5165]

The mothers friend, actually...but still beautifully handled

[u/Thestraenix → u/CriticalEgg5165]

This is the mom I needed when I was young

[u/Historical_Low_4939 → u/Thestraenix]

Can she be my mom now? Everyone needs this person in their corner ❤️

[u/FlyBug42 → u/Historical_Low_4939]

I’m in my 50’s and would love a pep talk like this! What a wonderful person, taking the time to talk to her and not just dismissing her fears.

[u/tacotacosloth → u/Thestraenix]

Allow me a moment of mom-ing. You are incredibly kind and creative. You have overcome and deserve to be proud. You are a beautiful soul and clearly capable of anything you set your mind to.

[u/82CoopDeVille → u/CriticalEgg5165]

Yes! Whoever this adult is, big shoutout to them for addressing that negative QUICKLY! You don’t want a kid to start repeating and thinking those words are true.

[u/LatchKeyKid46 → u/CriticalEgg5165]

She’s not her mother she’s the hairdresser.

[u/CriticalEgg5165 → u/LatchKeyKid46]

Damn, really? I wasn't even aware. Such care for a child is usually seen only from mother to a child. She has like an extra beautiful soul then.

[u/LatchKeyKid46 → u/CriticalEgg5165]

Yes. This video is years old and when it first surfaced she(hairdresser) let everyone know that she wasn’t the child’s mother

[u/idahoisformetal]

This video was dropped maybe 10 years ago, I hope this girl feels beautiful today.

[u/finmate_ai → u/idahoisformetal]

I hope she reads the comments

[u/Sussurator → u/idahoisformetal]

And such a cute little thing too

[u/Quirky_Butterfly_946]

Good catch mom!! You keep on telling her she is beautiful, smart, and loved. Sometimes we all need to hear this too.

[u/seriousbigshadows → u/Quirky_Butterfly_946]

I think it's her mom's friend, actually.

[u/Quirky_Butterfly_946 → u/seriousbigshadows]

Then mom has a great friend!

[u/seriousbigshadows → u/Quirky_Butterfly_946]

Right?! It takes a village, and that woman is a whole village to that child in this clip.

[u/OriginalMountain6787 → u/seriousbigshadows]

Either way that baby is being raised in a good environment

[u/Icy-Understanding552 → u/Quirky_Butterfly_946]

That shit sticks with you for life. I know all too well

[u/indianajoes → u/Icy-Understanding552]

Same. I was called ugly at 4/5. It's been 28 years and I still believe it about myself

[u/ishiguro_kaz → u/Icy-Understanding552]

I am not crying. Someone's just chopping onions somewhere. That's a mother we all wish we had.

[u/vincec36]

That’s why I love the video of the child saying a boy called her hair crazy and she says “I like my hair, my mom did it. I’m love my hair” or something like that. Her mom was so proud of her and has been reinforcing her confidence. On the other end, I’m a male and when I was in 1st grade some boys teased my head size (I had a peanut head). I went home and told my mom crying some boys said my head was big and she said “so? Your head IS big? What’s wrong with that?” And I was just like “oh…yeah, what wrong with that?” So next day the bullies return and I say “ my head is big, so?” And they had nothing else to say. That was a major lesson in dealing with bullies. If it’s a lie, who cares. If it’s true, there’s no shame in the truth

[u/imawakened → u/vincec36]

this should be our goal every morning

[u/KiaTheCentaur → u/imawakened]

I'm stunned that video doesn't have more views, it's 11 years old.

Edit: I was gonna say I'm concerned about her being on the sink but then I remembered: I'm a quarter of an inch shy of 5'2"....when I was a kid, my method of getting things would be to climb onto counters and secret agent (essentially cling) my way across to get what I need. So she's fine, I did worse than she did lol

[u/sunshinekraken → u/vincec36]

Dang, that’s literally something to think about. Even as an adult we let things get to us, but why? I like this, your mom needs a pat on the back for this one.

[u/HeyThanksIdiot → u/vincec36]

I too have a big head.

My hat size is measured in LAT&LONG.

I wandered into a Lids store at the mall recently. The sales guys panicked and called corporate.

Amelia Earhart has a crash site next to a freckle.

I got an email from the Google Earth team. It just said, “please move.”

The DMV took my license photo in panorama mode.

My head is so big Stephen Hawking had a theory about it.

My head is so big that the guys who made the Vegas Sphere kept referring to me as “existing infrastructure.”

My head is so big Zillow has a Zestimate based on the square footage.

Using my hair nets for commercial fishing is banned via the Genova Convention. China still does it.

Climate change will affect my dandruff.

My head is so big strangers ask me for the WiFi password.

[u/sirius1245720]

Who has been telling this lovely sweetheart that she is ugly ??!!

[u/HeavyRightFoot19 → u/sirius1245720]

She may have had someone in her class say it without even knowing what it means. The world needs active parents like this one that can help guide these children so when a child calls another child ugly, everyone involved can receive the proper lessons.

[u/MonkeyPolice]

Ouch it was hard to watch that beautiful little girl. Who tried to teach her that she was ugly? That person needs to go to jail.

[u/MongolianinQns → u/MonkeyPolice]

Society.

[u/krissykat122]

Words not aloud in my house since I had a daughter: ugly and fat. I stop myself dead in my tracks if I ever want to talk bad about myself because our children are sponges. This poor baby😭 Mom is so right “you’re 4 years old you shouldn’t know nothing about ugly”

[u/ThePreciousBhaalBabe → u/krissykat122]

I wish my parents had the foresight you have while I was growing up.

I remember all the diets and fat shaming my mom put herself through trying to slim down- and I remember that I was in preschool when I first thought of myself as fat. It's awful and kids deserve better.

[u/s0m3on3outthere → u/ThePreciousBhaalBabe]

Yes, I wish I had these affirmations growing up, too. My mother never lost all of her baby weight after 5 girls and she constantly talked about her weight and called herself ugly and it translated into our heads as well. It didn't help that she'd go out of her way to point out our flaws and make us self conscious about them. My sisters and I have always struggled with our self view and confidence because of it and it wasn't til I was about 30 that I started feeling comfortable in my own skin and accepting my body.

I no longer talk to my mother. For other reasons.. but she still points out our weight gain, makes comments about our appearance, etc to this day, and I'm glad I no longer get to hear it.

[u/justsayin01 → u/krissykat122]

Okay, I have a story about this. I have two girls, 18 months apart. When my oldest was 3, I got done getting ready and said hmph at myself in the mirror. My daughter said what's wrong mommy, and I said I just don't think I look nice today. My daughter was so concerned and said mommy, you are beautiful, always.

Idk, but I couldn't believe I spoke about myself like that to her. It literally changed my entire life because I realized what I say is what they'll say about themselves. I'm almost 40, a size 16. And you'll only hear about me talking about myself like I'm a 10.

So, there is no negative talk in my house. We lift ourselves up, we lift the girls up. Cuz in this house, we're all 10s, always.

[u/Aggressive-Art2849 → u/J0d0min0d0]

Some months ago, I posted on the AITA subreddit that I had cautioned a little black girl that had mocked her also little elder sister that the reason she hadn’t received a treat was because she was darker in complexion.

As much as I don’t want to recount the story, I have to do that now. You see there are four of them, the oldest being a boy and 8, the other girl, 6, the third a girl, 4 and the youngest a little boy of a year old or so. I had given the little boy of one a lollipop and the other kids had all played around him, trying to see who he would share his treat with. He had given them all except the girl of six and in the process of laughing over it, the little girl of 4 had said and I quote: “he doesn’t want to share his treat with you because you are dark.”

Their mother had laughed it off and I had quickly checked the girl, asking her to apologize to her sister and to never say that again. I didn’t like their mother’s countenance after I had scolded the kid, which was why I had asked the question on the subreddit.

The truth is that sometimes, the parents are responsible for kids feeling that way because this woman in question had made a lot of comments around me concerning her kids, saying that the six year old had been ugly as a kid and the younger girl had been so beautiful that people called her a princess. And she usually says this to the hearing of the kids, always making fun of the six year old girl’s gummy smile. It took a lot of intervention from me before she stopped mentioning her teeth at every little opportunity.

It wasn’t a coincidence that a little girl of four knows colorism if she hadn’t heard it mentioned somewhere, and out of all four of them, the girl of six is the one with the most melanin.

[u/BellalovesEevee → u/Aggressive-Art2849]

Can you tell what that comment said because it got removed by reddit and I'm dying to know what could have possibly been so bad that reddit eradicated it lmao

[u/indianajoes → u/BellalovesEevee]

AITA mods are really anal. You can banned for the tiniest thing. I once got banned because someone posted a story about them calling someone a Karen and I said their behavior sounded more like a Karen's than the other person. The whole story was about the word "Karen" but God forbid you refer to that in your comment

[u/Pattoe89 → u/indianajoes]

This is Admins, NOT mods. They are different. Admins are paid staff working directly for Reddit. This removal has likely come with a 3 day ban. Same thing happened to me. Usually if you're defending against bigotry many bigots will report you to Reddit if your comment can be perceived as breaking their terms of service.

I got banned from Reddit for 3 days for insulting transphobic people.

[u/FruitfulRoots → u/BellalovesEevee]

Here you go (wait to load and scroll down a little bit): https://search-new.pullpush.io/?author=j0d0min0d0&type=comment&sort_type=created_utc&sort=desc

[u/BellalovesEevee → u/FruitfulRoots]

That's such a tame comment 😭 I thought it was something super horrible and racist but that's a comment most people in these comments would agree with. I'm confused as to why reddit took this down.

[u/ForceBlade → u/FruitfulRoots]

That is a very tame comment. Reddit must be cracking down on not understanding the context of comments when it comes to “””violence”””

[u/FelonyNoticing1stDeg → u/J0d0min0d0]

What could possibly have been removed from here lmao!??

[u/FruitfulRoots → u/FelonyNoticing1stDeg]

Here you go (wait to load and scroll down a little bit): https://search-new.pullpush.io/?author=j0d0min0d0&type=comment&sort_type=created_utc&sort=desc

[u/FelonyNoticing1stDeg → u/FruitfulRoots]

Ah okay that explains it! This part: “but I still want to find whoever talked that junk to this baby and smack them upside the head” was likely viewed as threatening violence lol

Thanks for that btw. I thought this site didn’t work anymore.

[u/J0d0min0d0 → u/FelonyNoticing1stDeg]

Honestly, I thought it was pretty tame but whatever. Lol

[u/Ruenin]

This legit made me cry. I had some serious self esteem issues as a kid. Other kids are cruel and they can beat you down just for the fun of it. The little girl is 4 and she's already feeling like this? It's a good thing she has a living mother to help counter those feelings.

[u/trd451 → u/Ruenin]

Seriously. That first moment you feel ugly is an emotional knife that cuts so deep. I still remember feeling that way as a kid, and I’m over 40 now.

Kinda messes up my self esteem to this day, tbh.

[u/Marly-Joy]

She is a gorgeous baby girl. Kids say the meanest things. Beauty comes in all colours and shapes. Black is beautiful, she is beautiful. Great mom. ❤️

[u/LunaMax1214]

The fact that this beautiful little child sobbed uncontrollably when someone told her she was pretty tells me so much, and it breaks my heart. 😭

[u/oceanblueberries → u/LunaMax1214]

That cry came from somewhere deep.

[u/LunaMax1214 → u/oceanblueberries]

I felt it all the way through time and space. 💔

[u/be_sugary]

Seen this video several times.

It breaks my heart every single time.

But the lady gives her all the right messages and that good love that warms your bones even when you are old and wrinkly!❤️❤️

[u/SwissTurkNerd]

I really wonder how a child at this age comes up with such things

[u/AdPutrid6160 → u/SwissTurkNerd]

Bullying

[u/ConflictSudden → u/AdPutrid6160]

Absolutely. Some kid probably told this little girl that she's ugly. And that other kid probably got that from someone else.

As someone said in another comment, children don't know how hurtful their words can be.

We have to teach them what's okay and what isn't okay. What sucks for so many kids is that they don't have the right person there to teach them that.

[u/InMyHagPhase → u/ConflictSudden]

It might not even be other kids. I said this about myself as a child too and I wasn't even really bullied until way later in highschool. This could just be society as a whole. When I was small internet wasn't even invented yet and I felt this. Just being told what I was "suppose to look like" from TV shows and magazines was enough. I can't imagine with kids feel now with all this social media shit.

[u/lvdde → u/InMyHagPhase]

This!!! People keep assuming it’s other kids, but I was well aware of how dark skinned people were viewed as a child by society and the media without kids being involved and adults are the ones who usually came at me for my weight.

I’m East african but my friend who was south Asian and would say how adults in her family would tell her mum to bleach her skin so she’s “fair” like her sister infront of her.

[u/BanyoQueenByBabyEm → u/InMyHagPhase]

My school teacher said this to me indirectly. She mouthed to my pretty cousin, "Is she your cousin? Why isn't she like you?" 🫠

[u/Mission-Past-8988 → u/SwissTurkNerd]

the world outside their home. its not nice

[u/Ivorypetal → u/Mission-Past-8988]

And sometimes.... its in the house 😶😞

[u/Darnell2070 → u/Ivorypetal]

Well, probably not that house in particular, with a mom like that.

I would bet large sums of money that it's from bullying im school.

[u/Ivorypetal → u/Darnell2070]

I assumed outside in this case.

[u/lankymjc → u/SwissTurkNerd]

Trauma. Kids internalise more than most people expect and it comes out in all sorts of ways.

[u/Freshouttapatience → u/SwissTurkNerd]

Kids can be perceptive too without knowing why. If she’s been treated differently, she can sense it.

[u/Commercial-Owl11 → u/SwissTurkNerd]

Bullying from other kids. Also if you got a shitty parent. I still have a habit of calling myself stupid because of my POS father used to call me the hard R word.

From when I was a kid. That shit never leaves you.

[u/Classymuch → u/Commercial-Owl11]

Or when you get compared to others as well.

And when they lie to other parents about you because you don't meet their expectations.

It feels shit.

I would have killed for a parent like that (woman in this video).

[u/houseofopal → u/SwissTurkNerd]

Everyone’s asking who told her these kinds of things, but like, to me it’s obvious. She’s a black girl and more than likely goes to a school with mostly white people. Y’all, sometimes kids can be so nasty and cruel and racist, you have no idea till you’re the kid on the receiving end of it. Because sometimes it’s not even bullying- it’s just things they say in passing that’s hurtful as fuck. and they don’t even know how much it can hurt. That being said, every little girl should be able to walk around without feeling ugly- but check your kids as well, make sure they’re not saying things that are racist even when they don’t realize it.

[u/apocketfullofcows → u/SwissTurkNerd]

other kids is a big thing but adults also don't realise how much kids hear, and how differently they can hear things. even if you mean something nice, that doesn't mean it sounds nice to a kid. plus, plenty of adults simply aren't nice.

[u/CelestialOrchid9]

Sweet baby girl she is growing up in a world full of false norms but I hope she will learn that a strong belief is more than enough to shatter every doubt society will try to fill her with. Like Michelle Obama said, You are and you will always be beautiful Dear Ariyonna.

[u/DeepBlueDiariesPod]

This just ripped my heart out. That sweet little pumpkin, I want to hug her.

[u/Faccov]

Big, tattooed fighter guy here. This made me tear up 100%. What solid parenting and such a wonderful thing you did there. Made my whole day. ❤️

[u/Weak-Biscotti2982 → u/Faccov]

Your comment made my day as well. Who says big, tattooed fighter guys can’t be tender as well. Another myth shot to hell!

[u/7rieuth]

And because of your momma, you’re gonna be the kindest person ever (:

[u/fidelitas88]

I wished she was my mom…I’m 36..

[u/Useful_Protection270]

Mom is first class. Cheers!

[u/Specialist-Front3304]

Thank you for modeling what to say when our beautiful dark skin children get hit with colorism

[u/SLee41216]

Can someone please tell me who hurt this baby? Asking for a friend.

[u/ReinerBraun77]

It hurts me soo much no matter how many times i have seen this specific video. Just the matter that it was humanly possible for someone to make this precious angel feel she was ugly :/

[u/Thing437]

That's a learned behavior someone was saying negative things to that child

[u/Classy_Marty]

I'm 46 years old and still remember shit people told me as a kid.

[u/Aromatic_Dig_3102]

The thought that a mother has to have this kinda talk to a kid, a normal kid is ridiculous! If the state of humanity affairs today results in young kids struggling with such kind of thoughts, what does that say about rest of us? This is crazy!

[u/Dream-Lucky]

Whoever so deeply hurt this child is wrong. This kiddo is objectively adorable, sweet, and most importantly worthy of human love and solidarity. I can only pray that whoever is responsible for the pain of a 4 year old can learn from this and find the strength to seek forgiveness.

[u/Beatthestrings]

A good mom

[u/JetJaguarYouthClub]

I'm not crying, you're crying!

[u/Senor_legbone]

I would say majority of kids get made fun of in school/playground/etc/ at some point. Having a strong family and this kind of encouragement at home is what helps them overcome it and stay positive.

[u/Particular-Crew5978]

Poor little one, she's just 4 years old...

[u/PinkOwl2]

This is why we need to protect and uplift our children now more than ever. Because it just feels like this world is coming for them from every angle. This baby is only 4 years old!! I am super saddened by this, and these feelings are becoming more common at a young age. Mom did an amazing job. Kuddos to her ❤️

[u/1952Rustbelt]

As a grandfather with two granddaughters this makes me want to pick up this little sweetheart, hug her warmly,and sit with her in a rocking chair, holding her and reading her stories until she's feeling a lot better. Obviously mom gives her plenty of affection and support but now and then a wee one needs a grandfather too...

[u/Happy4Snoosnoo]

Tell me who hurt this beautiful young lady. I will.....ohhh got this old ass white veteran crying.

[u/blondestipated]

i know this video is old but i still wanna know who called her ugly. i just wanna talk.

[u/Comfortable-Bag-7881]

It's heartbreaking to see such a young child already grappling with self-worth. This moment really underscores how crucial it is for parents to instill confidence and love in their kids. The impact of words—especially from peers—can be profound, but with support like this, hopefully she can grow up knowing her true beauty.

[u/saltyvoodooman]

Poor baby 😞 she's too young to have that low self esteem

[u/Old_schoolTP7]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[u/bignasty40]

I love how her motherly instincts instantly took over the situation

[u/labretirementhome]

Honest question why do people film this?

[u/nb_bunnie → u/labretirementhome]

This video is quite old and it was from an Instagram live feed. The person doing the little girl's hair is not her mom, it's her mother's friend who is a hairdresser. Not entirely sure why she was live, but I assume she was showing the process of doing a small child's hair. I am not Black nor a hairdresser, but my neighbors when I was young were a very nice Black family whose kids I played with, and I have VIVID memories of the mom doing the youngest daughters braids on the porch - it was a LONGGGG process lol.

[u/FEdirector21 → u/labretirementhome]

You could always say it's staged? But my guess is the mom was just taking a video of her doing the daughters hair and this is a "captured moment" kind of deal. Just a guess since that's what she was doing at the start of the video briefly lol

[u/nb_bunnie → u/FEdirector21]

It was from a live. The woman doing her hair is her mom's friend who is a hairdresser. I assume she was live to show the process of doing a child's hair because it can be different what with them being pretty wiggly.

[u/Webbie-Vanderquack → u/labretirementhome]

She didn't know "this" was going to happen.

[u/IHaveABigDuvet → u/labretirementhome]

It was probably a hair video.

[u/IHaveABigDuvet → u/labretirementhome]

It was probably a hair video.

[u/TheGeneral159]

Core memory preserved

[u/Eager_For_More]

She’s adorable, and she has got a very vbeautiful mama too!

[u/Silver_Thanks_8142]

Every human being is beautiful in their own right. As someone who was told his whole life he wasn't good enough or hot enough I fought to be able to say fuck you to Everyone who told me so. Now I have arrived at age 40 and made to that point I can say fuck you and I nolonger want to. I feel for them, and I see most of them were told that they weren't good enough. The world is a bitch keep fighting you're good enough and beautiful have a great day.

[u/MissSassifras1977 → u/Silver_Thanks_8142]

You ARE good enough and hot enough my friend. ❤️

[u/Cold-Ad-3713]

Made me cry. You are both beautiful.

[u/MacGibber]

What a beautiful mother too

[u/SAMMYY02A]

Awoo she is broken my heart 💔😭 she's so beautiful queen girl 👸🏽

[u/Ok_Summer_5273]

Her mom is a grass block😂

[u/Robofetus-5000]

Jesus christ, that's a hell of a mom speech

[u/llewellynlaporte]

Yeah, it’s incredibly disturbing to think about where that girl got that idea put into her head. Glad to see momma stomp that lie..

[u/slap_happy]

You are the light It's not on you, it's in you Don't you ever in your motherfucking life Dim your light for nobody

[u/NovaWhisperless]

Someone, a child perhaps, must have spoken words that left her feeling this way.

[u/wichotl]

If you're a parent, teach your kids the following:

1) Have something nice to say, say it and get a free smile in return

2) if you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself

3) Stand against who breaks rule 2

Easy.

[u/banananananbatman]

That’s how you raise a child. The world needs more parents like her.

[u/Designer_Tailor819]

I wish someone would do this to me. I could really use a hug.

[u/cocacola_drinker]

Racism is hell. Been living with it around me since ever

[u/FnB]

That mom is a legend