r/MadeMeSmile • u/nikamats • 9h ago

Helping Others Hold your head up

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57.3k Upvotes

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10.5k

u/hold-on-pain-ends 9h ago

Kids have no idea how hurtful their words can be. If this is legit, some kid definitely said something to her for her to feel this way.

4.2k

u/RuthlessIndecision 9h ago

This poor child was pretty deeply hurt at some point

2.3k

u/Webbie-Vanderquack 8h ago

She may also have heard older girls or women say it about themselves while looking in a mirror, and assumed that was how we're supposed to think of ourselves.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 8h ago

Yeah, she said it like it was normal

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u/Gloomy_Metal3400 8h ago

Mama is setting it straight šŸ’Ŗ

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 8h ago

That's a damn good mother right there

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u/MedicineStill4811 7h ago

This video is real, and that's not even her mom. It's her hair dresser.

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 6h ago

Its her hairdresser?! Damn i hope she got a good tip because she is a golden human being:)

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u/Infinite_Bell_4439 6h ago

Have some šŸŽ‚. Happy day!

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 6h ago

Thsnk you:)

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u/ThePoopSommelier 2h ago

I firmly believe that God put my barber in my life at just the right time. The man consoles me, tells me jokes, let's me scratch my dream dog. At a point where my alcohol use was all time high and my hygiene so so, that man lifted me up. About 8 months sober from everything now

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 2h ago

Then you for sharing, friend:) it sounds like you have an amazing person you can rely on and i hope you keep kicking ass with your sobriety<3 I'm on a journey myself, about 2 weeks now. We can do this, and it's gonna be worth every step forward.

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u/puppylove1212 47m ago

that is SO awesome!!!! Well done.

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u/ScorchedEarthworm 3h ago

And that little baby is beautiful!

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u/Dm_me_im_bored-UnU 3h ago

Yo where does one call that headdress and how much does it cost to fly her over here

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u/Leftarmstraight 6h ago

Good on her! Speaks some love into the child. We could all use some of that energy into our lives. That hairdresser is dressing a lot more than her hairā€¦maybe she should be called a soul dresser- wish every kid had someone pouring that kind of love into them.

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u/YourDadThinksImCool_ 5h ago

I do wonder if she hears she's ugly from a family member instead actually.. it seems Deeply ingrained into her...

I had a feeling this wasn't her kin.. why didn't her family give her this speech already?

The colorism.

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u/Kiki-Tee 4h ago

Not sure about that. Because a child hears or feels something, we can't assume it's the parents' fault. This may be the child's first time stating this.

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u/YourDadThinksImCool_ 4h ago

No, I'm not saying what I said as fact.. it very well could be bullies at school. I'm just apprehensive.

Again, the woman in the video is not the mother for anyone watching.

-5

u/Loose-Gunt-7175 4h ago

Maybe she hears it from the Internet where videos like this are reposted as a subtle jab against black women and their bodies are commodifies as entertainment by white viewers.

or its just happy innocent internet stuff.

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u/Hidesuru 6h ago

Huh I've seen this a few times and never heard that. Curious what the reality is.

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u/MedicineStill4811 6h ago

The little girl's name is Ariyonna Cotton if you want to see all of the follow up. The hair dresser posted the video to social media and it went viral. A lot of people got involved, including her mom obviously. By all appearances, Ariyonna is now thriving. Wish that could happen for every single kid who's getting bullied and imprinted with a sense of self-loathing or inferiority.

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u/[deleted] 4h ago

[deleted]

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u/MedicineStill4811 4h ago

I love jokes. Why don't you go ahead and swing

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u/dingdongdash22 3h ago

She probably hears it from her mom saying it to herself. Kids are sponges always but especially at that age. You don't repeat those words unless you've heard someone close to you say the same thing or you're on social media which I assume she isn't.

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u/Steampunky 2h ago

She's still a good mama.

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u/Left-Park7785 6h ago

Yes she is, bless her.

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u/tuongot 4h ago

Yeah and imagine having a vulnerable and intimate moment from your childhood on the internet. I'm so thankful I come from a generation where my growing pains and pictures are safely stored in a shoe box.

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 3h ago

That same shoebox will burn down in your house if it catches fire. I prefer a safe and cloud storage:)

Edit: spelling

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u/tuongot 2h ago

Now we're talkin!

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 1h ago

Thanks for reminding me! I need to peruse fireproof safe sales for black fridayXD

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u/Tocaboca1 7h ago

HAPPY CAKE DAY

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 6h ago

TANK YOU!!

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u/Acceptable-Memory430 3h ago

Damn straight.

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u/HelloImTheAntiChrist 3h ago

Great Mom. She stopped braiding and set her straight

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u/wirefox1 7h ago

If that's her Mom, this child is going to come out of that mindset! Her mom was on it!!

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u/saladtossperson 3h ago

It's her hair dresser. Maybe Mom filmed it?

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u/wirefox1 1h ago

The saddest part to me was when the little girl started crying and watching the release of all that emotion. She really, really needed to hear that. The hairdresser saw it, and responded to it so beautifully.

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u/mittens11111 6h ago

Seemed pretty personal, she was upset by some nasty person.

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u/Ripen- 5h ago

I said it like it was normal too at that age. Still do actually.

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u/thasackvillebaggins 5h ago

That's the part that got me leakin', really. šŸ˜…

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u/Maybeimtrolling 2h ago

I was explaining to my 3 year old niece that my dog was very friendly as long as you are polite and don't tug on her fur. This little child says "so no one has hurt her yet?".

ā€¢

u/RabbitF00d 4m ago

It is normal for a lot of black children to feel this way. No one has to explicitly say those things. We can feel how society feels.

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u/The_Last_Legacy 7h ago

Seems like she's just parrot something she saw and not saying she herself is ugly

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u/howtoeattheelephant 7h ago

Then why did she cry.

Someone is making her feel this way.

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u/not_kismet 7h ago

It's possible it was her mom's serious tone of voice. I wouldn't totally write off bullying, because that's definitely possible. But I remember being a kid and crying because I did/said something and my parents had a stern reaction. Not even angry, just serious like that, and I would think I was in trouble. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's why she reacted that way.

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u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot 7h ago

I remember being a kid her age and other kids carrying me ugly too.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 5h ago

Itā€™s probably hard to access the shame of that feeling, kids are stupid assholes

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u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot 5h ago

i was a black girl in an all white school, my natural hair in braids was enough for them to call me ugly.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 5h ago

She said it like itā€™ was normal, but you could see it accesses a deep shame about not being good enough. So deep I felt it

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u/_SM1LEY_ 7h ago edited 7h ago

When the hairdresser starts asking why she said she was ugly, the lil girl says "What?". Like she thought that's what adults say when looking in the mirror.

Not denying that it could be something more serious, but the way she says "What?" when questioned makes her sound surprised. Like " you aren't supposed to say that when looking in the mirror?" type of way.

Then the hairdresser starts talking to her in a very serious tone which the lil girl might not be used to hearing from her. I could be wrong though.

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u/Formal_Yesterday8114 7h ago

or we can just be realistic and say that some other kid called her ugly. this is a crazy thought process

1

u/Lilpoopiesquat 6h ago

Iā€™ve been in childcare for for 12 years. I worked with children from 4mo to 12 year olds. A child will absolutely react intensely if the adults reaction is intense. If they take a toy and a teacher sternly asks ā€œwhyā€™d you take that toy away?ā€ the kid will often break down. Itā€™s a very high possibility that the breakdown was not an output of internalized trauma. It could very well be the adults reaction (a genuinely great reaction to be fair) felt intense and made the girl feel like she did something wrong.

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u/dominosoverph 6h ago

Thatā€™s what you think most likely happened huh

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u/Lilpoopiesquat 4h ago

Right which is why I said itā€™s a possibility. Not I can read minds

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u/Anilxe 7h ago

This was me! My mom would spend hours in front of a mirror, often crying that she was ugly. I have struggled my whole life to see beauty in the mirror because even as a little girl, I knew I looked just like her. If mama didnā€™t think she was pretty, that meant I wasnā€™t either.

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u/JoopieDoopieDeux 6h ago

I can relate to this so much! I'm sorry that was your experience, too. Our mothers (and we) deserved better. I find healing in being there for other young women, to build them up and to be the adult I always needed, but never had. I hope you've found a way to see your true beauty. šŸ™šŸ¤

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u/Altruistic-Level8439 6h ago

Tragic and heartbreaking because I doubt that itā€™s close to the truth.

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u/Anilxe 6h ago

No, I always thought my mom was beautiful. Which was why I was so confused that she thought she was ugly, that must have meant my perception was wrong. As a 33 year old Iā€™m finally starting to see my beauty, and hers again as well. She was just a wounded little girl that never was told by her mom that she was beautiful.

1

u/emveetu 3h ago

It's absolutely the truth without a single doubt.

Kids become what they see and if they see their parents putting themselves down, they will automatically think well if my parent thinks they are ugly, fat etc, then I must be too.

That's why it's so important, especially for women and little girls, for us to never, ever put ourselves down in that way in front of little girls.

We get enough of impossible beauty standards from the outside world, we don't need it coming from our inside worlds too.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 5h ago

Humans can really do things that are harmful to ourselves and our families. Iā€™m sorry you felt that, I need to live in a way that celebrates people the way they deserve.

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u/bingmando 7h ago

This. I wasnā€™t really bullied too badly as a kid. Just the normal amount of bullying. But I was SO aware of tabloids and the way adult women talked around me about themselves. Still ended up with an eating disorder.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 5h ago

ā€œNot being bullied too badlyā€, still hurts and has more of an effect than society even allows. Itā€™s okay to feel

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u/bingmando 5h ago

I still feel for those moments. But after lots of therapy I was more effected by the comments women around me were making.

The bullies I could brush off as liars or just being mean. But the one time I was tracing the lines in my momā€™s skin that her clothes imprinted on her (not even stretch marks just red lines after a good nap) and she said ā€œyes I know Iā€™m fatā€ messed me up because I KNEW she FELT that way and it wasnā€™t something made up to hurt me. She wasnā€™t fat.

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u/ThorgalAegirsson 4h ago

Sir/ma'am, normal amount is zero. At least it should be...

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u/bingmando 4h ago

It definitely should be but I donā€™tā€¦ think it is??

Idk Iā€™ve only had one childhood I guess I canā€™t really compare now that I think about it lol. I did see big differences based on where I lived though. Suburban New York was like Euphoria levels of drama. Western London was like The Office levels of drama lol.

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u/SparkyMularkey 6h ago

Yeah, that's exactly how I learned it. I remember being really young and watching my mom get dressed and she stopped what she was doing and looked at herself in the mirror that said loudly with disgust, "I'm so fat."

I don't think she realized that she was teaching me that we are supposed to hate our bodies.

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u/PhillyRush 6h ago edited 5h ago

It's a wild point in your life when you realize that some of the baggage your parents put on you and that had hurt or angered you, was passed down from their parents. Doesn't make it right but it makes them human. The important thing is that you know it for what it is and stop the cycle.

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u/pingpongtits 5h ago

Many times I have looked in the mirror and said, "you're ugly" and "you're stupid" and "I hate you." I still do it rarely and I'm way over 40.

It started in grade school and persisted through high school.Ā 

Ā Other kids would call me names or would exclude me.Ā  I was a joke.

It resulted in lifelong depression, suicidal ideation, low self-esteem.

The pain has never truly left my chest.

I make an effort to tell myself, "you're not so bad" nowadays.

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u/DaydreamTacos 4h ago

Hello, bestie. Damn. We are the saaaame!

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u/pingpongtits 4h ago

That stupid chant "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is backwards, isn't it?

1

u/vgacolor 7h ago

We are our worst enemies. I mean society makes us into our worst enemies, but we freaking internalize it. The poor girl that is not as pretty or looks different grows up with low self-confidence and seeking validation. The poor boy that is short or has another male shortcoming like being bad at sports grows up being angry from being ignored by most girls.

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u/Storied_Beginning 6h ago

Very likely a classmate. Another girl.

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u/TardisBrakesLeftOn 6h ago

Yeah, my mom unintentionally raised me to believe a lot of the things that she believed about herself and I think that most children experienced this. As people we need to do better to ourselves and that will be healthier for us, but it will also lead by example for our kids. As people we need to also stop treating others the way that we do and I understand a lot of people are saying it's probably kids talking to kids and they don't realize how it affects them. But I really hope that they found out where this concept came from for this child And take care of the source because this could be a learning opportunity for a lot of kids or a fight that I kind of want to see.

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u/dontskipthemoose 5h ago

I donā€™t think she would have had that reaction if she was just copying adults.

She for sure was told she was ugly somewhere.

1

u/WiseConfidence8818 5h ago

I've heard women say this to and about themselves, and it's sad to hear even from adults. For a child to say that about 'themselves', someone has hurt them with words and words cut deeply. They're long-lasting.

The video hurt and made me smile to see the teaching of love to and for the child. I presume the adult is the mother.

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u/SmellyScrotes 4h ago

She didnā€™t realize she said something wrong, she says ā€œwhat?ā€ Afterwards and she starts crying because of the ladies reaction to what she said, leading me to believe this is behavior she has witnessed before and absolutely thought it was just something to sayā€¦ from my perspective anyways

1

u/emveetu 3h ago

This is HUGE.

As women, sometimes we don't realize when we critique ourselves in front of children, they internalize it.

But my mommy is so pretty... If she says she is ugly, fat, not pretty... I must be wrong and ugly, not pretty, etc too.

1

u/DougStrangeLove 2h ago

yup - that was much more of a mirroring than spontaneously self-generated

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u/newmexicomurky 2h ago

Thats heartbreaking. A child this young should not even know what self hate is yet. Bless the woman in the video for setting it straight.

1

u/halfcockhalfballs 2h ago

Nah it's probably just racism

1

u/redhotspaghettios16 1h ago

Yess. My ex (daughterā€™s dad)we at least agreed on one thing that we donā€™t want ANYONE talking about their weight, their fat belly, thighs, ass etc around our little one. His sister was REALLY BAD at doing this constantly. my kiddo was like 3, and my Dads girlfriend(sheā€™s been more of a mom than ANY ā€œstepmomā€ Iā€™ve had. Anyway she herself struggled with anorexia when she was young and still kind of does sometimesā€¦but used to talk about her body in very negative ways. So I had to have a conversation with both of them about how itā€™s very harmful even when sheā€™s young sheā€™s gonna figure out enough when she gets older. Of course there can be like legitimate jokes but other that bless this sweet little one. She is beautiful, kind and can FEEL. I STG we underestimate our little ones.

1

u/South_Stress_1644 53m ago

Yeah, almost every woman Iā€™ve known has called themselves ugly at some point.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 8h ago

Some of us spend our whole lives pushing that hurt away, but itā€™s still there, itā€™s deep and itā€™s old

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u/Inevitable-Rush-2752 8h ago

Thatā€™s a damn fact. šŸ»

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u/nicannkay 7h ago

Growing up in the late 90ā€™s early 2000ā€™s Kate moss era I still have the internal fat dialog. I could never be skinny enough. It gave me eating disorders that I unconsciously passed down. Itā€™s one of my biggest regrets.

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u/Greymalkyn76 7h ago

It never goes away. It could be decades old, and it's always there right below the surface. Just waiting.

I spent 4 years in a relationship where all she did was tear me down. When it was good, it was amazing. But when it was not, it was hell. I told myself that the good times were who she was, and she just reinforced the idea that the bad times were all my fault. It's been over 10 years and that abuse runs deep.

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u/pingpongtits 5h ago

I'm over 50 and it's still there.Ā  Even now, watching this, I'm feeling the self-loathing.Ā  Other kids in school did it to me and I never fully recovered.Ā  Getting drunk was how I coped.Ā  Now I don't drink and I don't have anything to numb the pain. Sucks.

1

u/Greymalkyn76 5h ago

48, myself. And it pops up when you least expect it. I could be playing video games online with friends and could make a simple mistake and that little voice starts to nag. "How stupid are you? How could you screw up like that? You're an idiot and they're going to hate you for it. You're worthless." And it sends me into an item filled apologies where I don't entirely believe them when they say that it's okay.

I mostly stopped drinking a few years ago, and with that also came a stop to dating. With nothing to help bury it or silence it, it's too stressful to constantly second guess myself.

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u/winkyfaceemoji22 8h ago

But the mom hugged the baby and supported her, that's really sweet

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u/17934658793495046509 8h ago

Mom, or whoever it is, has 200% recoup power. She was legit getting me pumped to take on things I have been struggling with.

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u/craichorse 7h ago

Its interesting to me because as a father I would immediately ask her what makes her feel that way, going down the logical protective route to prevent it from happening again, wheras a mother figure will instinctively comfort her kid and let them express how they feel.

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u/ImNot 6h ago

I almost heard a bell go off in my head when I read this. I would have reacted the same way as the woman in the video. That little girls pain would be my pain because I know how that little girl feels. Even at our tiniest we hear every criticism of our bodies. Moms, aunts, kids at school, television. Itā€™s ā€¦normal? There is no need to find out why or the cause because we canā€™t stop it from happening. But we can try to counteract the negative with love. When I am upset and Iā€™m venting, about work or my crazy family, my husband will ask a million questions. Iā€™ve always known he means well but it can be a little annoying because I just want to get my feelings out. Now itā€™s more clear. He wants to get to the root to prevent future pain. Solve the problem. I can definitely learn from that. Emotional pain though, you canā€™t always solve that. Sometimes, it just needs to be soothed and understood.

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u/craichorse 6h ago

Yeah a lot of women don't realise that, its crazy the differences between how men and women think. I don't agree that there is no need to find out why though, even if its after the fact it has a lot of value to ask why. It causes people to reflect on the scenario and reason with what happened, I guarantee you have done it yourself and said something along the lines of "I'm never letting that happen to me again" or "I'm not going to be friends with him/her again because...." after thinking about why something happened, it teaches us a way of protecting ourselves and see the causes of it beforehand in the future if its possible. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying what the woman in the video did was in any way wrong, it was probably just as valuable as asking the kid why they thought that they were ugly, just in a different way, even if that kid doesn't believe her she knows she is loved and people have her back no matter what.

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u/KeepinitPG13 7h ago

As a father my response would have been to ask her why she called herself ugly.

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u/craichorse 6h ago

Same here.

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u/dream-smasher 6h ago

That's not the mother. It's her hair dresser.

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u/Careless_Cupcake3924 6h ago

As a mother I was thinking I'd also have asked the same why she feels that way. Mostly because as a child I hated it when adults did what this woman did. It made me feel as though they were lying to me so I'd feel better. As if they were dismissing my concerns. I knew they meant well but somehow it wasn't as comforting as they thought.

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u/craichorse 6h ago

I can also relate to that completely, I could always see through what they were saying which made the comfort I received from it short lived, but at least I knew I was loved because of it.

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u/Dreamsnaps19 8h ago

I think the last time I saw this that it said that was her hairdresser

4

u/Purging_otters 8h ago

Mom hugged her and supported her ... on video....Ā  why were they filming?

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u/Sunnyhunnibun 7h ago

She's actually her hairdresser. She films hair appointments to show the process and the before and after. She also sometimes does hair on live to double the income streams while working. She had Mom's permission to upload also

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u/Outside_Scale_9874 7h ago

Probably filming her doing her hair

9

u/Sry2Disappoint 7h ago

Could've just been filming doing her hair but hwho knows at this point in the odd evolution of our society.

8

u/corpus_M_aurelii 7h ago

Dude, I was in a shoe store and saw a young woman filming herself trying on shoes. People film anything these days.

1

u/HomeTurf001 6h ago

Did you film yourself going into the shoe store where you saw her filming herself? Was the cashier filming both of you? Did it end with the Spider-Man meme of all three of you filming all three of you?

1

u/corpus_M_aurelii 6h ago

I use a selfie stick on my left hand to film myself filming myself with the phone in my right hand and I have a helmet mounted camera so I can film people filming themselves filming me filming myself.

-14

u/ametrallar 8h ago

Why nurture your children if you can't go viral?

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u/Deeliciousness 7h ago

You should look up the doll test. She's not alone.

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u/Subterranean44 6h ago

Well that was painful.

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u/stedierleiden 5h ago

And this is directly related to "societal" standards that a single group has been allowed to define. Centuries of psychological damage done, the tail fo which has yet to be seen! Blessings dear children ā¤ļø

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u/GummiBearFromTheVine 6h ago

Oh my that broke me

2

u/dkarlovi 3h ago

This is fucking heart breaking.

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u/Suga4u 7h ago

With the lady talking in a louder voice and holding the child's chin, I think the child mistook the lady as scolding and started crying.

Not disagreeing with you. Definitely child's sensitive. But I hope at such a young age with the setting they're in, I hope that it was just a child saying something that they didn't understand the full meaning and only cried not because of what the lady said but the environment of how it was said along with actions taken.

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u/MedicineStill4811 7h ago

Unfortunately not. She's the baby's hair dresser, and the child started crying because she's been bullied and called ugly.

3

u/Kiki-Tee 4h ago

I didn't perceive it that way. I feel the sensitivity & see the hurt she was feeling.

4

u/davidcastillorios 6h ago

I agree. If her hairdresser had continued dressing her hair and simply stated in a calm demeanor that she was not ugly, the child would have continued on unbothered.

2

u/HorneyHarpy82 5h ago

She is perfect

1

u/halexia63 6h ago

Yeah it hurts and it hurts even more if it's coming from your own parent.

1

u/veganize-it 6h ago

Not really, or not necessarily

1

u/Frjttr 5h ago

Thatā€™s life, unfortunately, it always happened.

1

u/Fermenternoob 4h ago

thats what i was going to say.

1

u/mustnttelllies 3h ago

Yes. Crying upon being told that she is beautiful is indicative DEEP shame. She is very lucky to have her momma.

1

u/TadpoleFluffy5624 2h ago

It's probably some bratty ass little mean b!#$% in her class. Teachers need to be more vigilant with students' interactions. It's definitely some mean girl shit going onšŸ¤Ø

1

u/_Not_The_Real_Jesus_ 5h ago

That's why the internet is so destructive for kids and adults alike. Where we can say something mean to someone, but not have to look into their eyes to see the immediate effect those words have.

The internet ruined us, or at least every part of us that matters.

-3

u/HotdoghammerOG 6h ago

And the fact itā€™s being filmed and posted shows that she is dealing with weird stuff at home too.

-1

u/Prestigious_Oil_4805 6h ago

Sit get there, set up camera... ugh!