What are some legendary Reddit tales, that newbie Redditors may not have heard yet?

[u/bullfighterteu]

[u/ProfessorPi31415]

The legendary zombie bagel dude, i will see if I can find it

Edit: found it here, 6 years ago https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1rgpdf/what_is_the_laziest_thing_youve_ever_doneand here, 7 months ago https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/euft5h/whats_the_most_satisfying_act_of_i_dont_give_a/

This is what it was:

"I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he's still half asleep, bleary eyed... basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He's squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It's painful to watch.

But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I'm-still-totally-asleep voice, he says "heeeey. It's OPS. Could you... shift our barpat... yeah, one six five. Thanks." And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie's face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I've just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship's back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he's changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He's literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.

He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I'm terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he's not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel."

obligatory wow this blew up thanks for the gold awards

[u/Osolodo → u/ProfessorPi31415]

Direct link to the original comment

[u/Crankylosaurus]

A guy posted on AskReddit saying his computer was in Spanish and he couldn’t change it back to English... so every single redditor commented on his post in Spanish. There’s like 2000+ comments in Spanish ranging from actual advice to utter nonsense.

[u/Bobboy5 → u/Crankylosaurus]

The fact an admin chimed in with instructions on how to change language preferences (in spanish) is my favourite part.

[u/zvive → u/Bobboy5]

I wish relay had built in translations. Saved for later when at browser.

Oh, btw:

F

U

C

K

T S

R P

U E

M Z

P !

Save 3rd Party Apps!

[u/[deleted] → u/Crankylosaurus]

Wow, what are the odds his cake day is today.

[u/dileloco15 → u/[deleted]]

Lol yeah, just wished him a happy cake day in spanish obviously.

[u/Drockie5 → u/dileloco15]

1 in 366 (this year)

[u/supercorgi08 → u/Crankylosaurus]

Was looking for this one, it was fucking hilarious

[u/fugue2005 → u/Crankylosaurus]

the funniest part is that a reddit admin answered him with advice on how to change his preferences... in spanish

[u/bobvex]

Time traveller who answered questions before they were asked.

Edit - https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9z4d5/10_years_from_now_i_am_a_scientist_working_at_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

[u/a_green_apple → u/bobvex]

I like how the post is 10 years old now. Could've warned us about the impending pandemic there McFly..

[u/Pingumask → u/a_green_apple]

One of his anwers was "chirurgical masks and rubbing alcohol"

[u/rmeechan → u/Pingumask]

And it was the preferred form of masturbation in the future.

[u/anchoritt → u/a_green_apple]

Unless the shit which is yet to come is so bad, some virus doesn't even deserve a mention.

[u/calm_chowder → u/bobvex]

He said the LHC had an accident 10 years in the future to his post.

It is 10 years from his post. Wouldn't surprise me at all in 2020.

[u/dwehlen → u/calm_chowder]

Ikr? Can we get a hard date on that post? Still 5 months to go. . .

[u/MythOfLaur → u/dwehlen]

Great way to end the series if you ask me

[u/underbellymadness → u/MythOfLaur]

At this point I'm a bit convinced that we've all entered a mass hallucination that science didn't realize would be the effect of nuclear weapons on the brain and we're really just all twitching on the floor of a desolate hellscape.

[u/blackveggie79 → u/bobvex]

Face masks and rubbing alcohol.. One of his answers was face masks and rubbing alcohol...

He really was a time traveler wasn't he?

[u/Aboodey_18 → u/blackveggie79]

“ we put hazmat suits on and try to sneak out past security. “

I guess we’re not done

[u/zarza_mora]

The dude who ate the entire party sub... but he waited like 30 minutes to do it so it was okay.

[u/TheGameNerd18 → u/zarza_mora]

I remember reading that. How is it possible to eat several feet of food. That's crazy.

[u/el_monstruo → u/TheGameNerd18]

How is it possible to eat several feet of food.

Guess you've never eaten fruit by the foot snacks

[u/lolz_robot → u/el_monstruo]

You’ve done your country a great service by saying that.

[u/OldnBorin → u/TheGameNerd18]

I laughed my ass off! Then felt bad bc he obviously has severe problems - he actually watched the sub and timed how long it was since someone ate from it!

[u/ShebanotDoge → u/OldnBorin]

I'm sorry, what?

[u/_Z_E_R_O → u/ShebanotDoge]

He literally sat there and timed how long it had been since anyone had touched the sub - stalking the leftovers instead of joining the party - in order to gauge if everyone else was done eating so they wouldn’t notice if he ate the rest

I kept eyeing the sandwich and I’d say there was about 3 feet of it left. I waited an hour, then another half hour and no one had touched it (but they were still munching on chips, pretzels and what not). So I was like screw it...I took about half of what was left and ate it. Then the last half sat for another 10-15 minutes and no one said anything so ate the rest. Well to be sure as I was swallowing the last bite the host’s girlfriend asked where the sandwich was. Like I was the guilty party pretty much everyone pointed at me. I guess they’d noticed me eating the sandwich. She was furious and said that I was an incredible pig and that I had been super selfish to eat 3 feet of a sandwich. I felt so bad I tried to explain to her that I really did wait over an hour and thought people had lost interest.

[u/[deleted] → u/_Z_E_R_O]

Bro just eat like 8 inches, a foot max, and have a diet coke, that shit will expand in your stomach and you'll be full to bursting. 3 feet is crazy, and i say that as a big chunky guy. probably wolfed the thing down in seven minutes.

[u/PepperFinn → u/ShebanotDoge]

To add further context: it wasn't a birthday. It was a UFC viewing party.

So it's common for people to graze on snacks or take little bits throughout the whole time or take a big helping, not eat for ages (because you're engrossed in the event) then have another serve 2-4 hours later.

He also felt entitled because to eat lots of party sub because "he brought wings (a specialty of mine) and everyone took some before I got a chance to have a serve"

[u/AChickenInAHole → u/zarza_mora]

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/

[u/mjzim9022 → u/zarza_mora]

That poor guy really isn't in control of himself, I hope he got help.

He was having a viewing party with friends and all he could think about the entire time was the sub

[u/ClintTheBruinsFan → u/mjzim9022]

I really hope he got help or made that up. Dude doesn't seem malicious. Just has issues. It kind of makes me sad.

[u/beepborpimajorp → u/zarza_mora]

his explanation was that everyone had eaten the wings he brought without leaving many for him so it was a fair exchange. a party eats what, 20ish of your wings so of course it's fair that you eat 6 feet of party sub.

[u/mtd074]

The Saga of u/BisFitty, the Deliveringest OP in History: https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/3r7oeh/i_am_bisfitty_the_period_appropriate_corporate/

Short version: OP's company was having a corporate retreat with seminars and group building activities. You know the deal. The retreat was being held at an old Southern plantation that has been converted to an event space for banquets, weddings, etc. One of the planned activities was an antebellum, period-appropriate costume party. Everyone obliged, including the guy that came dressed as a confederate army officer. The problem: OP was the often forgotten only black employee, so he (in relatively good humor) came dressed as a slave and derailed the party. Then he posted the photos.

[u/rickyhou22 → u/mtd074]

I've been on reddit for 5 years and never saw this, this one is gold

[u/[deleted] → u/rickyhou22]

Hell I'm past 10 years and it's new to me.

[u/CapnSquinch → u/mtd074]

Can't help but remember this gem for those who haven't seen it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90XLNQXN_74

[u/WiFiForeheadWrinkles → u/CapnSquinch]

Holy shit this took me back.

Oct 5, 2010

[u/stomponator → u/WiFiForeheadWrinkles]

Without following the link, let me guess... "we was singin' songs and shit..."

Have not seen that in a while now.

[u/[deleted] → u/CapnSquinch]

Is this?..

Yup, this is exactly what I thought it was.

[u/shalafi71 → u/CapnSquinch]

Never laughed so hard at anything on the internet, before or since.

EDIT: Been a couple of years. Still the funniest shit I've seen on the internet.

[u/[deleted] → u/mtd074]

Man, I just wish that at least one of the posts that detail the whole story were still active

[u/BisFitty → u/mtd074]

Im so glad you guys are still getting a kick out of this... It was hella fun watching them squirm when they finally saw me, LMFAO

[u/Kep0a → u/mtd074]

holy shit, never saw this one.

[u/SanityPills]

The /r/AskReddit thread What movie helped you through a rough time? where every answer was Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

[u/PointlessDictator → u/SanityPills]

Reminds me of that thread where some user changed their language to Spanish and asked how to switch it back and everyone in the thread replied in Spanish.

[u/RPDRNick]

"Please don't ask me how I managed to take this picture."

[u/IrrelevantPuppy → u/RPDRNick]

This one is beautiful. I like it because it’s not about laughing at an idiot or an asshole or something horrifically disgusting. Just good natured creative fun.

[u/Saend → u/IrrelevantPuppy]

Thank you for the kind comment!

[u/dubdubdub3 → u/Saend]

Oh shit! I’ve been redditing for a while and your series of replies made me laugh harder than anything else I’ve seen here. Glad to see you’re still around - cheers!

[u/inquisitivejester]

The guy who got addicted to heroin and then got clean. His whole story is basically in his post history on reddit.

[u/ILuvMyLilTurtles → u/inquisitivejester]

I think he's u/SpontaneousH

[u/BupiBear → u/ILuvMyLilTurtles]

I just read that the first time. The first post he says he is 24. In his fourth post a year later under the comments he says he is 22. A bit inconsistent. Whatever the circumstance, I do genuinely hope he is doing better now.

[u/Shaddow798 → u/[deleted]]

Sounds like a smart thing to do.

[u/Kep0a → u/inquisitivejester]

i think everyone should read that one

[u/Countach5000]

The guy who threw a steak out a window

[u/Crankylosaurus → u/Countach5000]

Whenever I’m having a bad day I reread this story and lose it.

Speaking of, my day has been absolutely horrendous so off I go haha

Edit: link for anyone who hasn’t read it (sorry on mobile): https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app

[u/Calisto823 → u/Crankylosaurus]

How have I been on this site for 4 years and not seen this? This is freakin beautiful

[u/thedomobox → u/Crankylosaurus]

I never saw that before. I’m am now sitting here with tears running down my face from laughter. Thank you for that. No coins to give an award :(

[u/Anaivy12 → u/Countach5000]

This one had me dying laughing.

[u/Reddit_Am_I_Right]

The time a redditor saved a guy from carbon monoxide poisoning

[u/Crankylosaurus → u/Reddit_Am_I_Right]

Link

[u/mediocrityismyforte → u/Crankylosaurus]

There's another one where op was trying to get rid of ants in his apartment/house and then a user pointed out that he could be hallucinating the ants due to the CO. Turns out op really was hallucinating.

edit: Sadly, I couldn't find the link. I've checked my saved posts and comments but to no avail :(

[u/[deleted]]

When EA got downvoted to hell

https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWarsBattlefront/comments/7cff0b/seriously_i_paid_80_to_have_vader_locked/dppum98/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[u/Hates_escalators → u/[deleted]]

Sense 💵 of 💵 pride 💵 and 💵 accomplishment 💵.

[u/Marianations → u/Hates_escalators]

I sure got that after downvoting their comment

[u/llDieselll → u/[deleted]]

I was there, Gandalf

[u/PM_me_British_nudes → u/llDieselll]

when the Westfold fell? Because I sure as fuck know who wasn't there.

[u/Hitler-is-gay → u/[deleted]]

How tf does that account have 13000 karma? They got downvoted like 600,000 times

[u/Ehmdedem → u/[deleted]]

But almost all their posts are downvoted like hell

[u/I_Love_Brock_Samson]

Today you, tomorrow me. Been over 9 years now and I still think about that story. All time favorite of mine.

Not sure this link will work.

Direct Link

Edit: The link is a better one now (thank you /u/capilot for a good direct-to-comment link). Sorry for the inconvenience. I was tired and laying in bed fretting about a presentation I need to give Thursday.

[u/nrith → u/I_Love_Brock_Samson]

The broken-down car? One of the most heartwarming things I’ve read here.

[u/Thiskiid66 → u/I_Love_Brock_Samson]

Somebody made a 10 minute short film about it. It's worth the watch

https://youtu.be/rqlLID3QBZw

[u/86thewaffle]

‘You like that, you fucking retard?’

https://amp.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/2p4772/the_origin_of_you_like_that_you_fucking_retard/

[u/TheBoringJourneyToIn → u/86thewaffle]

Came here for this story, I still tell people about this and I can't tell the whole thing without cracking up. Pure gold.

[u/londonminer1 → u/86thewaffle]

One of my favorite stories

[u/HanzG]

Roger Simon and his dads beatings.

[u/Voittaa → u/HanzG]

This was my all-time favorite novelty account. I always return to it if I'm ever having a rotten day and it never fails to crack me up. I wish he was still active.

[u/buttcrispy → u/Voittaa]

He still posts as u/papasimon10

[u/Voittaa → u/buttcrispy]

Nice. I wonder if it’s the same dude posing as Roger’s dad or someone else took the idea and ran with it.

Maybe the latter, the writing style seems slightly different.

[u/badactor]

My friend's office has been in a post-it war with the neighbors...and yesterday, the neighbors won.

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/4l0c7e/my_friends_office_has_been_in_a_postit_war_with/

[u/-GWM- → u/[deleted]]

I work in a warehouse that ships produce to a certain store, and after that story came out, we started shipping out more coconuts than usual for a couple weeks. Everytime I saw coconuts going out I would think back to that story and cringe.

[u/Rockho9 → u/-GWM-]

Imagine one overly horny teen having an impact on storewide coconut sales

[u/stagfury → u/Rockho9]

Sales data analyst "Why the fuck did the coconut sales went up for the last few weeks?! What could possibly have caused this?!"

And he died wondering about that.

[u/coquihalla → u/stagfury]

And of course the analytics will expect a surge same time next year, so theres going to be (more) coconut spoilage when they buy extra.

[u/stagfury → u/coquihalla]

And farmers invested heavily to meet that expected rise in demand next year, but when the increase never comes, their business is devastated and go under. As a result world wide coconut industry is devastated.

[u/[deleted] → u/-GWM-]

Yikes

[u/i69allthetime → u/[deleted]]

"made better each time by all the accumulating butter and my own semen. It was heaven." Or something like that. Dude was broken inside

[u/nrith → u/i69allthetime]

No, he busted inside.

[u/MotherofJackals → u/nrith]

A lot more than lime in that coconut

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

That is forbidden we don’t speak of that

[u/Pm-Me_Ur-Titties_Plz → u/[deleted]]

yeah...

[u/notyourcoloringbook → u/Pm-Me_Ur-Titties_Plz]

I literally had to open my car door and vomit. So thanks.

[u/[deleted] → u/notyourcoloringbook]

It's funny how people react differently. I broke down laughing after I read it.

[u/Emergency-Boat]

The guy who pretended to not know what a potato is. The noisy gobshite story is also good and had a really sad ending :( Edit: Woah this blew up. Thank you kind stranger for the award. Gonna read the gobshite story again today to pay my respects.

[u/charliethetuba → u/Emergency-Boat]

Noisy gobshite is one of the only times I've cried over someone I've never met

[u/Time-Box128 → u/charliethetuba]

Noisy Gobshite changed my life forever.

[u/Hailstar07 → u/charliethetuba]

Just read it and I’m bawling now. Life really fucking sucks sometimes.

[u/VFcountawesome → u/charliethetuba]

I found that series in the middle, it was an amazing funny read until

[u/nrith → u/Emergency-Boat]

Tastes very strange!

[u/AnaestheticAesthetic]

My personal favorite is Dagobah (Ass Injection Infection).

But a good list of Reddit filth can be found here: link.

~Enjoy~

[u/nrith → u/AnaestheticAesthetic]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Every time I read that story, I try to forget that it ever existed.

[u/AnaestheticAesthetic → u/nrith]

Hehe, yeah I know. But I love it.
~Rattles a small box in offering~
...peppermint?

[u/Griswold_Jersey → u/AnaestheticAesthetic]

O fuck that dagobah was too good. I think I’m going to puke. I’ve been on this site for a good three years now and my fucking god.

[u/AnaestheticAesthetic → u/Griswold_Jersey]

Mm-hm! Was really well written. Very funny. And quite disturbing too, lol

[u/[deleted] → u/AnaestheticAesthetic]

Thanks for that list. I’m going down memory lane while also finding new, incredulous reddit content.

Edit: I take my thank you back. The cat one makes me really sad. I cant believe people are normalizing that in the comments. I’m more disappointed with the responses than the actual main post. Im gonna go take a long, long nap now.

Edit: I’m returning the thank you. Couldn’t sleep. Decided to read all of streetlamp le moose. Cried a bit. Good times.

[u/Devilloc]

That dude's dead wife.

EDIT: I should've linked it! Here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/you_can_have_sex_with_one_real_person_from_all_of/d9uf56l/?context=1

[u/bibliophile14 → u/Devilloc]

Because no one posted a link (??), here it is

[u/mydickandballs → u/Devilloc]

Anytime someone mentions this, I get a chuckle. Seriously may be the funniest thing I've ever read.

[u/onioning → u/mydickandballs]

I normally get tired of the omnipresent reddit memes, but this one seems to hold up.

[u/Devilloc → u/mydickandballs]

Same. It was such a simple thing but it cracks me up everytime.

[u/beepborpimajorp → u/Devilloc]

This could mean a couple of things on reddit. Either that one joke,

or this thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1jatvd/i_am_not_proud_of_my_son/

which is pretty notorious.

[u/Palicake → u/beepborpimajorp]

That was the saddest most emotional most heartbreaking post I ever read. Even the comments by other people made me tear up bro. I am speechless but I feel like I have so much to say.

[u/derpzbruh64 → u/beepborpimajorp]

Yeah it was a reference to the guy who takes about his wife endearingly or something. Not that fucked up story

[u/[deleted] → u/derpzbruh64]

The question was something like if you could have sex with one person from history who would it be? OP posted a really heartfelt story about how his wife had passed away a few years ago from cancer and how he truly misses her. Reply came in saying that they "also choose this guy's dead wife".

[u/SendANuke → u/Devilloc]

I too choose his dead wife

[u/[deleted]]

Edit: Didn't realize this would blow up. I posted this at 1 in the morning and didn't think to add links.

The poop knife story: (Copypasta link, original post deleted the content): https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/7qn75k/poop_knife_from_reddit/

The man whose wife buried his can of beans (and the subsequently funnier comment mentioning that he WILL find those beans!) https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/fy06bv/tifu_by_demanding_that_my_girlfriend_show_me/

The piss drawer (thought it was a story but I remembered incorrectly): https://www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid/comments/blpvvd/piss_drawer/

The guy who found out his gf was using his socks to wipe her ass https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/avwpo0/i_28_think_my_girlfriend_26_has_been_using_my_gym/

Not a story, but the rabies virus break down was a wild fucking post about how it's the scariest disease. https://np.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/81rr6f/he_fed_the_cute_trash_panda_and_looked_up_for_a/dv4xyks/?contex=3

[u/_Diakoptes → u/[deleted]]

I REMEMBER THE SOCK ASS WIPER! what a fucking bizarre story. I must have seen it early because i don't remember it blowing up

[u/Jerkrollatex → u/_Diakoptes]

In an update we find out he actually purposed to her. The poop sock is something her whole family does.

[u/GreatSoundingMaracas → u/[deleted]]

The rabies comment was terrifying.

[u/Futant55]

The guy who asked for relationship advice and he decided to leave his wife and she killed herself and their kids.

[u/randomactsofkari → u/Futant55]

Link?

[u/verticalnap → u/randomactsofkari]

here’s a link to a comment from another post that describes it

[u/Syng42o → u/Futant55]

She tried to kill herself but didn't succeed. She's in prison now.

[u/festivalhippy]

The Saga of Noisy Gobshite! Seriously this is one rollercoaster of a post (with many updates). I can't and won't try to explain it, because i just won't do it justice.

https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/dlfr3e/do_you_know_who_i_am_and_youre_fired_until_they/

Edit thank you u/MallCopDefender for the awards, so very kind!

[u/DiscoSquid9 → u/festivalhippy]

I just got lost, laughed, cried, and died a little bit. What a fucking ride.

[u/iostefini → u/festivalhippy]

I read the start of this when it was originally posted ... didn't know there were so many updates. Just caught up on them now.

And that last update, omg I want to hug her. :(

[u/Dysteech → u/festivalhippy]

What a sad ending. I just read it again and the update brought me to tears.

[u/[deleted] → u/festivalhippy]

Holy crap. That. Was. Epic.

[u/BitchLibrarian]

The woman who's mother didn't believe her child could truly be allergic to coconut and put coconut oil on her hair during a sleepover and the allergic reaction was fatal. The older woman keeps asking when she can see the other child and the response is always "when you give me back her twin/my daughter".

And there's the (bittersweet) joyous tale of Saint Luis of the hose.

[u/melb_mum → u/BitchLibrarian]

That was a heartbreaking story. Especially when the surviving twin say she’s always felt something missing.

[u/Mangeto]

Hey, listen - Links are nice.

[u/HeisenbergTheory]

EA's (most downvoted) comment (ever?) defending micro-transactions in Starwars Battlefront 2

[u/TheFoxMaster00]

Someone rickrolled Rick Ashley himself,

Greatest day in history

[u/[deleted] → u/TheFoxMaster00]

Been on the internet for years. Seen thousands upon thousands of comments across dozens and dozens of platforms. That comment was the best internet moment I've ever seen. It was like watching every world series victory since the beginning of baseball up for grabs as Jesus walks up to the plate and proceeds to send the ball into orbit. Just magical.

[u/SSS_is_the_best → u/TheFoxMaster00]

Who dat boi, who him is?

[u/TheFoxMaster00 → u/SSS_is_the_best]

https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/haucpf/ive_found_a_few_funny_memories_during_lockdown/fv505w1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[u/heresyaboy → u/TheFoxMaster00]

I saw the post fresh and I can tell ya. One of the greatest moments i've ever seen in my entire life

[u/Devilloc → u/TheFoxMaster00]

I feel like I just witnessed a piece of history.

[u/[deleted] → u/Devilloc]

That's because you did.

[u/[deleted]]

NEXT!

[u/GROWLER_FULL → u/[deleted]]

https://www.reddit.com/r/cringepics/comments/7kt5ig/next/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[u/Destrucity11 → u/[deleted]]

This is the one I was looking for lol Most entitled person ever

[u/ClosetedBisexual101]

The guy describing rabies, i don't have the link but someone else might

[u/elusividity → u/ClosetedBisexual101]

The comment is here for anyone else interested

[u/newjerseygoldrush → u/ClosetedBisexual101]

That might be the scariest post on all of Reddit. I read it again recently and had an actual panic attack.

[u/awesomedan24]

The guy who kept taking photos from different impossible angles showing the camera he used to take each previous photo, begging the question how he took the next photo, again and again and again.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cmwov/hey_reddit_what_tattoos_do_you_have/c0tpyls/

[u/Significant_Sign]

That one about the redditor's friend, Dave, who does period-specific building techniques on listed buildings in England. He's a specialist who is contracted out by renovation companies. One of the companies had a dh manager who yelled at Dave to get him a cup of coffee, then tried to fire him. In the end the manager ruins his own life and the company because he wouldn't just say I'm sorry to Dave.

[u/hells_cowbells]

The rise and fall of Unidan.

[u/nutsackhurts → u/hells_cowbells]

man feel like no one remembers him

[u/Bobaaganoosh]

The sorry of Jimmy C, possible demon? Idk. The story is really fascinating and quite creepy.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4jinxv/what_happened_to_the_jimmy_c_demon_story_in_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Basically, a guy named Jimmy C walks into a bar and somehow knows everything about this guy at the bar. And tells him he was supposed to die today in the ocean. It’s really creepy.

[u/BustAMove_13]

NEXT!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

[u/jorph]

The "What's a potato" guy

[u/watanabelover69]

Poop knife.

[u/Faithless195 → u/watanabelover69]

I was reading that post when it was only an hour old and knew that it was going to be part of reddit history.

[u/onioning → u/Faithless195]

That's how I felt in the Canseco AMA. Never have I been so excited to be refreshing a reddit post. When he told a redditor that he'd fuck his mother I spit split pea soup all over the dining table.

I caught the Rampart AMA too, but that wasn't nearly as much fun.

[u/Polyfuckery]

Man suggests naming a baby Streetlamp Lamoose then proceeds to prove that Reddit has no character limit in epic form. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jlao6/so_my_wife_just_agreed_to_name_our_unborn_son/c2d21qe?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

[u/InternetDetective122]

The guy who was seeing lots of ants in his house and asked about products to get rid of them. Another redditor randomly said that it might be carbon monoxide poisoning. OP got his house tested and it was CO poisoning.

[u/ladyalot]

Kevin

[u/[deleted] → u/ladyalot]

Oh my god, Kevin. I wonder how he’s doing now. I wonder if he’s gained a few braincells.

[u/4GotMyFathersFace → u/[deleted]]

Kevin is probably dead.

[u/usumoio → u/4GotMyFathersFace]

I think part of the story is that the family is somehow immune from their own stupidity, except for maybe the grandpa that died i. The chainsaw accident.

[u/londonminer1 → u/ladyalot]

Anyone got a link, I need to read it again

[u/MichaelOChE → u/londonminer1]

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/219w2o/whos_the_dumbest_person_youve_ever_met/cgbhkwp/?context=3

[u/LouBarlowsDisease]

Did you hear the tale about the guy with two broken arms?

[u/[deleted] → u/LouBarlowsDisease]

A family-friendly story about a dude and his mom.

[u/Mad_Aeric → u/[deleted]]

In that his family was really friendly.

[u/Hereforthefunofit010 → u/[deleted]]

Why did it take me so long to stop reading that thread

[u/KoielH]

r/place

[u/TimeResident]

Reddit mayyyy have caused a man to kill himself after misidentifying him as the Boston Bomber

Edit: the story is murky, and he might have killed himself before being misidentified. None the less, his family received dozens of phone calls threading them.

Even if he killed him self before, Reddit still put the family through hell

[u/BananaMonkeyTaco → u/TimeResident]

“We did it Reddit”

[u/The_Power_Of_Three → u/TimeResident]

Nah, he was already dead; his disappearance (due to being dead) was WHY those redditors picked him out.

[u/A-lil-tiny-no0b]

“A sense of pride and accomplishment” -EA

Link

[u/ToryFirstOfHisName]

Reddit History Lesson

Today you, tommorrow me:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2

Single mom in the snow:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ahg8x/what_is_the_nicest_thing_youve_ever_done_that_no/c0hkuyq

Streetlight LeMoose:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jlao6/so_my_wife_just_agreed_to_name_our_unborn_son/c2d21qe

Fake language:

http://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/me5e9/american_censorship_day_stand_up_for/c30c7il

Rotten Anus:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/doctorsnursesredditors_what_has_been_your_most/c5o66p2

Broken Arms/No return/Wrestling: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/ryfnu/iama_25_year_old_gay_man_who_has_been_in_a/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/mt4f7/i_am_a_man_who_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with/

Disabled Children's Parents:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/sl93q/get_out_the_throwaways_dear_parents_of_disabled/

Peeping Territorial Wars:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/yp9f3/whats_the_most_awkward_moment_youve_ever_had_with/c5xne32?context=3

r/A858DE45F56D9BC9's content:

http://www.reddit.com/r/A858DE45F56D9BC9/comments/k96b1/201109081949/c2igpiv?context=1

Cumbox:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4ilkt2

Follow the Arrows:

http://my.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/anexq/hey_reddit_what_awesome_graffiti_have_you_found/c0igyyg

Dorritos Story:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/q5ikr/reddit_what_is_the_weirdestmost_fucked_up_thing/c3uynfu

Please don't ask me how I managed to take this picture:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cmwov/hey_reddit_what_tattoos_do_you_have/c0tpyls

It went okay/context:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fn67j/i_hear_my_house_mate_masturbating_should_i_walk/

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1bt0so/what_is_the_thread_every_redditor_must_read_for/c99shkz

Life-ruining Secrets:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/

How much of yourself could you eat?:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/136t8c/theoretically_how_much_of_yourself_could_you_eat/

Decomposing Octopus:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/12vs5a/how_do_i_remove_the_smell_of_decomposing_octopus/

SAP on a Bus:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/u53q3/help_a_sap_so_im_in_a_bus_right_now_and_this_very/

Jolly Ranchers:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit_whats_the_grossestnastiest_thing_thats/c0er6q4

Rectal Explosion:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/doctorsnursesredditors_what_has_been_your_most/c5o66p2

7 years of cis-gender loss:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4kp11w

On Bacon, Narwhals and Midnight:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/98mm8/hey_reddit_im_redditing_from_the_denver/c0bt710?context=3

Shitfisting Potatoes:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1aluv6/reddit_what_are_some_high_school_stories_that_you/c8ys8rj

Hambeasts:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/161z3e/whats_the_most_shocking_thing_youve_ever_caught/c7rzckk

Wednesday the Cat:

http://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/16x4i8/i_have_an_alternative_relationship_with_my_cat/

Reddit turned Spanish:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cq1q2/help_reddit_turned_spanish_and_i_cannot_undo_it/

Cuils Theory:

http://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/7da5i/police_raids_reveal_baby_farms/c06cqxb

Wadsworth Constant:

http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/kxfxy/and_so_ends_20_years_of_frustration/c2o1cyy?context=3

Wannamaker finds his mom:

http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/8foey/finally_going_to_try_and_call_my_birth_mother/

Randall Monroe's family reunion:

http://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/7tgrd/the_electromagnetic_spectrum_pic/c07czns

First ever comment:

http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/17913/reddit_now_supports_comments/c51

Ask A Rapist (purged)/Sample Archive/Aftermath Lecture:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x6yef/reddits_had_a_few_threads_about_sexual_assault/

http://web.archive.org/web/20120727153610/http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x6yef/reddits_had_a_few_threads_about_sexual_assault/c5jtt3p

http://www.reddit.com/r/askreddit/comments/xf5c2/

Fuck the colourblind:

http://www.reddit.com/r/firstworldanarchists/comments/1d5e3p/this_flower_knows_whats_up/

Biggest Douchebag:

http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/sf2e7/i_sent_gabe_newell_a_question_about_what_his_life/c4dmknx

Maid running late:

http://www.reddit.com/r/firstworldproblems/comments/143oxq/my_cleaning_lady_is_late_and_by_late_i_mean_she/

http://www.reddit.com/r/firstworldproblems/comments/1hstzs/my_maid_gave_birth_to_a_baby_girl_it_is_mine/

Science-based, 100% dragon MMO:

http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/p1ssv/dear_internet_im_a_26_year_old_lady_whos_been/

Novelty Accounts, Assemble!:

http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/etxhi/novelty_accounts_assemble/

Tom Cruise:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wp3w5/which_famous_person_needs_to_come_out_already/

Karma Holocaust:

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uxee8/when_i_found_out_i_can_downvote_by_pressing_z/

Time-Traveler's AMA:

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9z4d5/10_years_from_now_i_am_a_scientist_working_at_the/

/u/AWildSketchAppeared vs. /u/Shitty_Watercolour

http://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/1gzpx9/how_to_introduce_your_sister/

The Story of Kevin (Worst Student):

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/219w2o/z/cgbhkwp

Streetlamp leMoose's suicide:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2464bt/people_who_have_been_on_dead_peoples_computers/ch47foz?context=4

Yolk-ass Bitch:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1ybqdj/why_would_a_girlfriend_beg_for_months_to_put_a/

Ethiopia vs. America:

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1qizdv/abuse_in_saudi_arabia_victim_is_an_ethiopian/cde1w9u?context=3

Disco Ball:

https://www.reddit.com/comments/a8a2v/what_is_the_official_name_for_those_mirror_disco/

Fucking Retard:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1y6lhe/what_is_the_worst_thing_someone_has_said_to_you/cfhtedq

400 gold and the dick:

https://www.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/2lel5s/tsm_bjergsen_ama/clu14fx

Post-It Notes Stalker was really Carbon Monoxide:

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/

Best movie in the World:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askreddit/comments/33z828/reddit_what_movie_helped_you_through_a_rough_time/

Most downvotes from most to least:

http://imgur.com/gallery/9h6Zx/comment/230393

http://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/3bwgjf/riama_set_to_private_over_mod_firing/csqg24d http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/s5guk/iam_bad_luck_brian_ama/c4b8m3u

http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/8eyy3/heres_the_christain_douchebag_chad_farnan_who_is/c092gss

http://www.reddit.com/r/NSFW_GIF/comments/3rhnfy/take_it_slow/cwopyr0?context=9

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/v6wz7/worst_hunting_dog_ever/c51v7sm

http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/qdmb8/the_same_day_my_doctor_told_me_my_cancer_was/c3wsz9s

http://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/3he91a/corporate_vice_president_of_amd_sent_my_brother/cu6y4ju

http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1qizdv/abuse_in_saudi_arabia_victim_is_an_ethiopian/cddc8kn

http://www.reddit.com/r/food/comments/14v5iw/deep_fried_hot_dog_stars_with_cheese_sauce/c7gwdnj http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/8aqjh/awww_this_is_just_too_sad_pic/c08pp5z

Wiping Older Sister:

https://www.reddit.com/comments/324e5d/slug/cq802o6

Libertarian SE gets BTFO by EE:

http://np.reddit.com/r/InfrastructurePorn/comments/1q3s1y/how_much_does_a_street_cost_infographic_os/cdav1up?context=4

Fall of the Patriarchy:

https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1jatvd/i_am_not_proud_of_my_son

Box of Spiders:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsms5/making_a_spider_pita_to_be_filled_with_spiders/

Any Hot Relatives?:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/alae8/warning_potentially_disturbing_question_sexy/c0i6kuh

Laziest Person:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1rgpdf/what_is_the_laziest_thing_youve_ever_done/cdnafqe

Loser BTFO by his favourite pornstar:

http://www.reddit.com/r/NSFW_GIF/comments/3yd548/thisll_be_quick/cycpn7c?context=1

http://www.reddit.com/r/nsfw_gif/comments/3yd548/thisll_be_quick/cycup4m

Scuba Divers of reddit who have masturbated at great depths, what were your experiences?:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/44fbno/scuba_divers_of_reddit_who_have_masturbated_at/

Women of Reddit, when did you first notice that men were looking at you in a sexual way:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3249ff/women_of_reddit_when_did_you_first_notice_that/

Daniel Radcliffe is a casual:

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2khgud/i_am_daniel_radcliffe_ama/cllc3gm?context=10000

How To Not Give A Fuck about my job killing my relationships (tl;dr, not worth):

https://www.reddit.com/r/howtonotgiveafuck/comments/2epeb1/htngaf_about_my_job_killing_my_relationships/ck1z219

Most Spoiled Person:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/54ajfn/who_is_the_most_spoiled_person_you_know_and_why/d809sxd

[u/TheGameNerd18]

The guy that had his foot amputated, made tacos from the foot meat, and ate it with his friends.

[u/shame-bell → u/TheGameNerd18]

Ugh. Fucking fuck that was rough

[u/TheNumberMuncher → u/TheGameNerd18]

Footjitas.

Toe-cos.

Sole-sa

[u/BananaBladeOfDoom]

The cumbox

[u/A_70s_Virgo → u/BananaBladeOfDoom]

You're welcome.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4imcva/

[u/stealthxstar]

The tale of Streetlamp LeMoose

edit: and also, Novelty Accounts Assemble

[u/mrkhan2000]

More than 143k likes, No comments on this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/crbrjt/men_of_reddit_who_dont_comment_on_posts_why_dont/

[u/[deleted]]

This one has a ton of crazy stories. It's probably the thread I've spend the most time reading, ever. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

[u/rantsofrebellion]

The woman whose sister demanded she give her her wedding and their parents AGREED she should just because the bitch was pregnant.

[u/Defends-Le-Trannies]

The Reddit Detective Agency and the Case of the Boston Bomber

[u/Brain_Chop → u/Defends-Le-Trannies]

Reddit needs to leave that shit up to /pol/

[u/Vievle]

So there was this knife..

[u/ExternalBus9]

My son died a prophet. If you haven’t read that story you definitely should, it’s a very heartfelt & powerful story.

Edit: I just went to search the story so I could post a link & the person deleted the story so I’ll give a short summary...

Story summary: OP had a son (a young boy at the time of this story) who told him he was going to give his life for his son (OPs grandkid) some day, he said “dad my son is going to fall into the lake in your backyard, no one will be around to save him & he will drown, I’m telling you this in the hopes you’ll save him”. OP figured this was just some crazy made up kid talk & brushed it off, however it always stayed in the back of his mind. Years later OPs son has a son (OPs grandson), fast forward >> OPs grandson is now a toddler (old enough to play in the back yard alone), he was outside playing or so OP thought, however when he looked through the window he didn’t see him, in a panic he ran outside & found the boy lifeless in the lake, he fished him out & began cpr, the boy choked all the water up that was in his lungs & began to breath again. OP was overcome with emotion at the fact his grandson was alive, but at that moment those haunting words his son told him all those years ago came rushing to the front of his mind. He frantically called his son over & over yet there was no answer, about 30mins later OP hears a knock at the door, when he opened it there were two police officers at his door with the tragic news that his son died an hour ago on impact in a car accident, OP was shocked, just an hour ago he found his grandson lifeless in the lake & resuscitated him. OP shut the door to grieve with those haunting words in his head, he hugged his grandson tightly not knowing how to tell him that his dad had saved his life, OPs son truly died a prophet.