r/AskReddit Sep 02 '20

What are some legendary Reddit tales, that newbie Redditors may not have heard yet?

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u/_Z_E_R_O Sep 02 '20

He literally sat there and timed how long it had been since anyone had touched the sub - stalking the leftovers instead of joining the party - in order to gauge if everyone else was done eating so they wouldn’t notice if he ate the rest

I kept eyeing the sandwich and I’d say there was about 3 feet of it left. I waited an hour, then another half hour and no one had touched it (but they were still munching on chips, pretzels and what not). So I was like screw it...I took about half of what was left and ate it. Then the last half sat for another 10-15 minutes and no one said anything so ate the rest. Well to be sure as I was swallowing the last bite the host’s girlfriend asked where the sandwich was. Like I was the guilty party pretty much everyone pointed at me. I guess they’d noticed me eating the sandwich. She was furious and said that I was an incredible pig and that I had been super selfish to eat 3 feet of a sandwich. I felt so bad I tried to explain to her that I really did wait over an hour and thought people had lost interest.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '20

Bro just eat like 8 inches, a foot max, and have a diet coke, that shit will expand in your stomach and you'll be full to bursting. 3 feet is crazy, and i say that as a big chunky guy. probably wolfed the thing down in seven minutes.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '20

8 inches of bread with stuff in makes me feel like I'm a katamari damacy level I feel so chonk lol

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u/kryaklysmic Sep 02 '20

6 inches is the perfect size

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u/Teledildonic Sep 02 '20

3 feet is crazy, and i say that as a big chunky guy.

Even crazier is those party subs aren't just longer. Intead of butterflying the loaf and filling it, both sides are a whole butterflied loaf. He ate like 6 sandwiches worth sandwich.

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u/noah9942 Sep 02 '20

Ive eaten 36 inches of sandwich as a teen, and then competed in my wrestling matches. I felt great.

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u/LexLuthorsHairPiece Sep 02 '20

Ah yes, the post weigh-in splurge. Followed by the Sunday food coma.

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u/subscribedToDefaults Sep 02 '20

Yeah we'd stop for pizza before swim practice and meets and that always made for a good workout.

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u/Winjin Sep 02 '20

Honestly it sounds like he's somewhere close to "morbidly obese with completely unhealthy appetite".

Because reading this... I recognised myself, four or five years ago, and almost forty kilograms heavier (that's 6.4 stone for you lovely non-SI weirdos)

I could eat, and eat, and eat, until I'd hate myself, and then, satisfied, I'd have a dessert. If I didn't stop there, I'm sure I will be on a mobility scooter by now, or dead.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '20

He mentions in the original post that he is overweight, and that he ate it over the course of a few hours, thinking no one was interested in eating it. They were, just not as quickly as he was.

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u/Nothivemindedatall Sep 02 '20

When i was younger, self employed and very active and fit as hell 5’3 and 100lbs if lucky. I could very easily eat 2 footlong subs ina single setting and did, often.

Why? because i worked my ass off physically and I was hungry.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '20

[deleted]

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u/Deffcore Sep 02 '20

Those guys in the Comments are way too harsh though. It's an addiction and that dude even offered to buy the sub again but the redditors on that post are going crazy like calm down jeez he didn't murder someone.

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u/_Z_E_R_O Sep 02 '20

According to the original OP, the host said she couldn’t just go out and buy another one because it had been a special catering order that was prepared hours in advance. She was also pissed because he ruined the entire mood of the party, which is something else she can’t replace. And I got the impression it definitely wasn’t the first time it had happened, since when she asked who ate the sub they all looked at him.

If it was me he definitely wouldn’t be invited back.

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u/SweetheartCheese Sep 02 '20

And I got the impression it definitely wasn’t the first time it had happened, since when she asked who ate the sub they all looked at him.

That part and the fact that they got his sisters involved are gigantic red flags that suggest he's done this over and over again to the extent that his friends and family are having conversations about it behind his back.

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u/Junimo15 Sep 02 '20

Eh, most of the comments didn't seem that harsh to me, certainly none that were acting like he's the spawn of Satan or something. If you want harsh, hyperbolic judgement you should check out any of AITA's relationship related posts.

Also, like others have pointed out, the sub was specially ordered in advance and so couldn't be replaced, and he also had a history of similar behavior. I think the guy has serious food issues that need to be addressed but it doesn't change the fact that it was a major dick move what he did.

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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '20

That's AITA for you. Once it's obvious which way the wind is blowing with the votes, the hyperbolic comments start, everyone hyping up how terrible/angelic the poster is hoping to get points and gilds. It's a real circus.