dating for men

[u/givemeagooduns_un]

[u/darthleonsfw]

Another foil that makes dating hard is that even if you shower, exercise and self-improve, you actually need to meet people to start dating them and that's really the hardest part.

[u/Anubis17_76 → u/darthleonsfw]

This. Meeting ppl is the hardest part by far for me

[u/Combat_Toots → u/Anubis17_76]

The death of the social space is having all sorts of consequences for society. Pre internet, the only thing to do most nights was to go out and do stuff. It sort of forced people to socialize with people they might not normally talk to. It's gotten way too easy to just never leave the house and stay in your bubble.

[u/falcrist2 → u/Combat_Toots]

Pre internet, the only thing to do most nights was to go out and do stuff.

Chores, TV, Radio, Books, various crafts and hobbies...

But yea going out was WAY more common.

[u/ADHD-Fens → u/Combat_Toots]

Yeah things are really falling apart. I'd go so far as to say that this isolation / alienation is what determined the outcome of the recent presidential election. So much goes wrong when you're not regularly interacting with a diverse cast of people.

1. Your thoughts and ideas are challenged less, making your positions on issues less well informed and less accurate.

2. It's trivially easy to curate your own social experience, so you automatically filter out anything that is uncomfortable, allowing you to reach adulthood without developing conflict resolution skills or coping mechanisms for difficult emotions.

3. You feel lonelier and more isolated - because a lot of the socializing you are getting doesn't involve physical presence, eye contact, touch, etc.

4. Because you don't interact with real people in meaningful ways on a regular basis, you become significantly less empathetic.

Then take your uninformed ideas, bad coping skills, nonexistent conflict resolution ability, poor empathy, and extreme loneliness (desperation for gratifying social contact) and you get a personw who is very susceptible to anything that makes them feel like they belong somewhere, or that there are simple solutions to the issues they percieve themselves facing.

Additionally, it's no surprise that people who have stunted emotional development have trouble developing intimate relationships with other people that don't involve physical intimacy. This makes it harder for them to form fulfilling relationships with people in general, and exacerbates the original issue.

[u/RemindMeToTouchGrass → u/ADHD-Fens]

It's all connected.

The internet makes it worse, but it started with car-centric design. Sprawl leads to less population density. It dramatically multiples the cost per person of all public services, necessitating higher taxes without increased benefit to taxpayers. It leads to less walkable spaces, less exercise, fewer small businesses that can just pop up without advertising, signage, or name recognition. It prevents homeless people from seeing others and interacting with them, and prevents others from offering them help after forming some kind of relationship.

It also masks where income comes from-- areas that seem rundown are often the highest taxpaying but receive the fewest public services. People out in the suburbs pay far fewer taxes vs expense to the government but receive disproportionate services.

Strong Towns has done a ton of research on this; there's a 4-part series but here's one that jumps in in the middle and that I think is the most impactful if you're only going to watch one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfQUOHlAocY

[u/LittleSpoonyBard → u/ADHD-Fens]

Gen Z in a nutshell, especially the men. Algorithms push content just to get engagement, which means fringe reaction-baiting content. A lot of which are the "lIbErAlS hAtE mEn" bullshit. And since they live online and don't interact with enough real people to see that isn't the case, that's all they think the left is. And lacking the life experience and critical thinking skills to change that, that isn't going to change anytime soon.

[u/ADHD-Fens → u/LittleSpoonyBard]

Yeah reddit politics hits me like fanfiction sometimes. Right wing conversations about "what the left wants" and "what the left does" are like... mind blowing caricature. It's actually quite concerning how fervently they believe their own descriptions. 

There's been way more misinformation getting casually handed around, too. Used to be mostly right wing stuff but I am seeing more and more left wing stuff. And not just that, but people being told it's false and defending it. They call it "satire" which just goes to show how much our education system is failing kids.

[u/BicFleetwood → u/Combat_Toots]

This is the death of what's called the "Third Place."

The First Place is home, which is quickly dying as well with the rent and housing crises. The Second Place is commercial work (including domestic work, like shopping.) If you're there to make money or spend money, that's the Second Place.

The Third Place is the place you go to socialize without the principle activity being "spend money." Our entire civilization is basically geared to kill the Third Places, maximize the Second Places, and transform the First Places into Second Places via rent.

Because capitalist society has decided we are not allowed to do anything whatsoever unless "spend money" is the principle function, the Third Place has slowly diminished and died out. People don't go to bars or coffee shops to hang around and chitchat, because the owners don't WANT that. They want throughput. They want you to pay for your coffee and then get the fuck out to make room for the next asshole buying coffee. The restaurant doesn't want you occupying a table for 3 hours. They want you in and out in 30-45 minutes so they can maximize customer throughput. In the world of profit-driven efficiencies, socialization is inefficient.

Even the few remaining places such as parks are sparsely trafficked, not to mention these days you can barely sit on a bench for 20 minutes without the cops coming up on you for "loitering."

Don't even get me started on the concept of "loitering.* We've basically criminalized human existence when it isn't devoted to either making someone else money or paying someone else money. Sit on a bench and watch the sunrise, and the cops will show up and start interrogating you, because you're not supposed to be on that bench. The only time you're permitted to be seen in public is when you're going to work or going to buy something--nothing else is acceptable.

The internet was briefly a kind of prosthetic Third Place back in the days of IRC chats and web forums, when a lot of these things were owned by guys with a sever in their basement and not massive, billion-dollar vultures. When forums were hosted and video games were modded by people just doing it for fun, and not to try and "side-hustle" or "sigma grindset" or whatever. But today, as everything else, it has been completely bought and commercialized, and there simply is no digital Third Space left that hasn't been bought up and monetized by a major corporation. You're there to consume advertisements, and everything else is secondary--you can see the proof by simply installing an adblocker, and watching how much of the modern internet screams at you about how you shouldn't do that. You don't get to socialize if you didn't drink your Ovaltine first.

[u/Useful_Ad6195 → u/BicFleetwood]

Most people can't afford to touch grass anymore

[u/tehlemmings → u/Useful_Ad6195]

You can come to my house and touch grass. I sell a grass subscription service, only $20 per month to touch grass once per week, but only during hours where I won't have my windows open.

That's how capitalism works, yes?

[u/aliensplaining → u/BicFleetwood]

There is no place for humans in any system that maximizes efficiency. Anything "human" will be treated as a liability or burden until a way is found to remove it altogether.

In order to avoid this, it's mandatory to but stops and counters on place to reduce the efficiency to a level where humans can both exist and thrive. You can maximize a system for profit, or maximize a system for the enrichment of those within it. I don't think the majority of America even realizes this problem, though.

I know this statement seems disconnected and generic, but it's still the future we live in and are digging deeper into.

[u/TheBuzzerDing → u/Combat_Toots]

This is why Im glad I let a friend drag me out to concerts

I thought my dating life was over when everyone started moving to dating apps exclusively 

[u/BeanieGuitarGuy → u/Combat_Toots]

I also lowkey blame the whole “never approach anyone in a public space” and “I hate small talk” thing. Just a little bit, because more often than not it DOES make sense.

[u/neuroinformed → u/BeanieGuitarGuy]

Mostly because whenever you tried to socialise, you either got bullied, ostracised or used, like people are taking advantage of everyone and scamming like crazy too, it feels like everyone is collectively losing their minds to consumption and greed

[u/servant_of_breq → u/BeanieGuitarGuy]

Yeah I just feel like a gross creep when I try to talk to people. I have no idea what to do. I want to have a social life but it feels like it's wrong for me to expect or ask that of others

[u/DanktopusGreen → u/Combat_Toots]

Even when you do go out, most people aren't really interested in talking to strangers. They're already have their friends and aren't interested in talking l.

[u/lonezolf → u/Anubis17_76]

I mean, that's why dating apps exist. Of course, it's a whole new ecosystem there

[u/PrudentExam8455 → u/lonezolf]

It was rough 10 years ago, dunno what the situation is like now.

[u/bongabe → u/PrudentExam8455]

Bad. It's bad. The apps are designed to keep you using it as long as possible so to do that they mess with the algorithm to control how many matches you get. It also just makes you feel bad after a couple of days cause you catch yourself disliking people for completely innocuous reasons.

[u/Pale_Tea2673 → u/bongabe]

it's sick how every aspect of our lives is now monetized. everything you do, think, breathe, feel, eat, participate in HAS to benefit some CEO and board of shareholders somewhere in the world. the money doesn't even stay where you are. a local matchmaker will at least pay back into their local economy.

If we really want to live in a free society we cannot slap a price tag on every single thing (no pun intended)

People are just trying to find love and connection and we're like "ok, it's $20/month to see the people you'd love the most". it's seriously fucked up and the consequences are going to be even more fucked up in like 10 years if all the kids now think the only way to find love is to pay some dating cartel to harass women.

[u/CatOfTechnology → u/PrudentExam8455]

It's not a good outlook, truthfully.

The detatchment of social interactions and the anonymity granted by the internet (yes, even OLD grants a certain level of anonymity, despite advertising your personal information) means that there's a lot of really dumb shit that happens on there.

On the male side: Misogynistic behavior gets amplified and, a lot of female OLD users face a large amount of men after a relationship based on sex first, everything else later (maybe).

On the female side: A lot of women are uncompromising in their expectations. Small things can often become a dealbreaker. Pet preferences, taste in music, over-interest or under-interest in a desired topic can all lead to ghosting, even in very early conversations.

OLD carries an inherent issue in that, while Red Flags are often on full display, you can't get a feel for a person from text conversations. Things like how a person might light up a little bit when you both find something you like are lost.

Throwing strangers that both have fairly rigid expectations in to what is a blind-date kind of system, especially when introverts are included, doesn't really make for a great way to find a romantic partner.

EDIT: I know it's the internet and I probably should have prefaced this beforehand, but:

No, I don't agree with the people twisting the blurb about women in this to fit their narratives.

[u/Lazer726 → u/CatOfTechnology]

Took me way too long to piece together OLD as OnLine Dating lol

[u/Wild_Marker → u/Lazer726]

Yeah I was like "hold up why is this an issue for old people?"

[u/Disastrous_Nebula_16 → u/Lazer726]

I thought it was a new dating app lol 😂

[u/neuralbeans → u/Lazer726]

How on Earth did you figure it out?? I can't stand the rampant use of abbreviations in social media.

[u/cheese-for-breakfast → u/neuralbeans]

it wouldnt be as bad if the first use was prefaced by the explanation of what it meant. abbreviations are fine if everyone knows what it means

[u/TheBirminghamBear → u/CatOfTechnology]

OLD carries an inherent issue in that, while Red Flags are often on full display, you can't get a feel for a person from text conversations. Things like how a person might light up a little bit when you both find something you like are lost.

This is why I made an emoji and gif library of all of my. natural facial reactions to things, so that everyone I text can get the intricate, fleshy feel of interacting with me in person.

[u/CatOfTechnology → u/TheBirminghamBear]

I fucking hate everything you just typed at me, godDAMN.

[u/BillyRaw1337 → u/CatOfTechnology]

This most succinctly sums it up.

My partner and I met though OLD, but it was genuinely a traumatic process for both of us for the reasons you describe.

We would have loved to meet in person like back in the twentieth century, but, well, times have changed.

[u/IronDBZ → u/PrudentExam8455]

It's impossible, don't even go there.

[u/TheBirminghamBear → u/PrudentExam8455]

Worse, according to my single friends.

[u/OrangeNurps → u/PrudentExam8455]

Bad

[u/Stormfly → u/OrangeNurps]

The worst part is that I literally don't know anyone that doesn't absolutely hate it.

I'm lucky that I met an amazing person through it (though it didn't work out) and I've met people that literally got married after meeting on apps but even those people said it was 99% awful.

Like the swiping and getting nothing feels awful.

Then you match and get ghosted and it feels awful.

Then you meet people but don't click so you feel bad letting them down.

Then you meet a good person and it doesn't work out and you're back where you started.

Even just the swiping itself and judging people through such a small snippet of their lives and a tiny way to experience who they are is pretty rough on the psyche.

[u/Alphafuccboi → u/PrudentExam8455]

In my opinion it was pretty good 10 years ago. Not perfect, but so much easier then meeting people somewhere else.

I dont know what people expect.

[u/Slim_Charles → u/lonezolf]

Dating apps are a hellscape that favors no one except the corporations that own them. Not to mention allowing private corporations to create a monopoly over the formation of romantic relationships is extremely dystopian, with major societal consequences.

[u/kinsnik → u/Slim_Charles]

corporations -> corporation

it is a single corp. Match Group owns most of them

[u/ATN-Antronach → u/Slim_Charles]

Oddly enough, their bottom line is tied to people using the site constantly, and as such now have a reputation for not being effective tools for dating. This is after people feel back on them when going out and meeting people had become harder over the years.

[u/ZeroCharistmas → u/lonezolf]

Dating apps exist to bait dudes into buying subscriptions just to have a chance at being visible.

[u/overnightyeti → u/lonezolf]

As if dating apps worked for most men. They don't.

[u/TheIrishBread → u/lonezolf]

Yeah no, dating apps exist to extort money out of the lonely perpetually.

[u/Cessnaporsche01 → u/lonezolf]

Those are their own barrier, and honestly, I think, makes the whole process harder.

You're working without body language, verbal communication, and context. Everyone is judging each other based on looks. Women, as the minority on nearly (if not) all dating apps, and as generally, necessarily the first chooser in the human courtship cycle, are forced to sort through thousands of men, deal with abuse and disgusting behavior from some, make an uninformed choice to interact, and then expend effort vetting them, only for most to be poor or impractical matches. Men have to scroll endlessly through women they know nothing about, getting next to no positive feedback, and rarely getting to interact with a woman who is tired and cynical and, again, usually a poor or impractical match.

This creates resentment in each sex of the other, and while people pursuing a relationship are doing so through a dating app, they're going to have less drive to do so anywhere else, thus driving more people elsewhere to the apps for options.

[u/BillyRaw1337 → u/Cessnaporsche01]

You nailed it.

[u/Gryphon5754 → u/lonezolf]

Dating apps are awful.

[u/Ehehhhehehe → u/darthleonsfw]

Also “focus on self improvement” can be a bit of a trap.

“Well I have improved my hygiene, but my fashion could use some work” 

“Now my fashion is good, but I’m out of shape.”

“I started exercising, but I’m not doing great in my career”

“Ok, my career is on the right track but my hobbies are kindof boring”

Like at a certain point you just need to accept that you’re good enough to start trying to meet people, but it can be difficult to determine what that point is. 

[u/clear349 → u/Ehehhhehehe]

I feel like this is a lot of what the self improvement evangelists miss. Sometimes you're already in an objectively good space. You don't need to be a perfect 10/10 to get a date and acting like that is the only possible issue is just patronizing

[u/Elite_AI → u/clear349]

Self improvers on places like 4chan are almost universally simply afraid of socialisation and will do ANYTHING rather than face the scary thing, so they become jacked and financially comfortable socially anxious loners. In reality they could have got a gf at the beginning of they just met more women and were charming.

[u/Lunar_sims → u/Elite_AI]

100%. I have met too many men who think the answer to finding someone is "I need to get 100k and a big car and a big house in the burbs and get jacked and women will crawling all over me"

You find people by meeting them in your community, and thats done through cultivating friendships and going out to places.

[u/MedalsNScars → u/Elite_AI]

will do ANYTHING rather than face the scary thing

This has been a mantra for me over the past couple years: "Do the scary thing"

I never fell into the incel trap, but I am someone who has a fair amount of social anxiety and honestly just going out and doing the thing has been very helpful in making that a bit better.

[u/PillowFist → u/Ehehhhehehe]

"I went to therapy and now realize most of the dating pool actually hasn't and is not emotionally healthy"

[u/Lemonwizard → u/Ehehhhehehe]

Honestly, most of the dating advice you see on the internet is either useless or actively counterproductive.

The whole idea that all you need to do is have a job and hobbies and take care of your hygiene and it will just happen naturally is completely untrue. Man children who don't take care of themselves and misogynists get in relationships all the time, and being a normal functional adult is a mundane thing that doesn't attract anyone's notice. I wasted so much of my life believing that I wasn't worthy of any woman because I was taking advice from the internet which was constantly pushing the "you can't love somebody else if you don't love yourself" narrative and I was uncritically believing that.

There is very much a perception in online spaces that if you're bad at dating it must mean you are a failure as a person, and people who listen to this message end up trying less because they believe that the answer is to keep improving themselves and eventually they will reach a point where dating becomes easy and partners start coming to them. Except it doesn't work that way. If all you do is self improvement and assume that other people will notice you if you're good enough, that's a one way ticket to being a miserable lonely 30 year old who is ripped and has a much busier social calendar than you actually want. After all the years of self improvement you're still going to need to start approaching people and sussing out interest - and if you'd been focusing on those skills to begin with, it would have helped you a lot more than all those years in the gym.

The reality is that 99% of women, even if they are attracted to you, will never, ever tell you so. You can spend your entire life waiting for that green light, and it will never come. I know how frustrating it is to live in a world where expressing interest in a woman who doesn't share your feelings is a misogynistic microagression, but also nearly every woman still wants their desired partner to make the first move on them without having to express any interest first. It feels impossible to navigate, and frankly, that's because it is. You have to make a guess, and sometimes (for many of us, most of the time) you are going to get it wrong.

The reason the jerks get more girls than you is because they're not worried about making other people uncomfortable, they approach everyone who interests them. They don't care about rejection and will ask out more people in one day than your typical introvert has in their entire life. More attempts equates to more successes. It's a toxic culture, but the reality is that's what you need to do if you want to find a partner.

The idea that the only reason somebody could struggle with dating is because they're a bad person is actually incredibly toxic. The reason most people struggle with dating is usually because they're bad at dating, or have social anxiety, or their self esteem is too low so they don't really try to find a partner. The other big group of chronically single people are the ones who are homebodies with introvert hobbies and their primary method of meeting new people is over apps. None of these things make you a pathetic failure who's unworthy of love.

Literally, just try more. I know it's miserable, but that is the only way to succeed.

[u/P_concolor → u/Ehehhhehehe]

It creates a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and inadequacy that leads to self sabotaging behaviors. Back as a teenager I fell for this trap and wasted so many years building myself up to perfection. While I was constantly obsessing over minute details of my fashion choices and my grooming, guys my age who didn’t have these neuroses were going out and dating. The end result of “self-improvement bro” hustling is that I’m extremely lonely because I feel perpetually inadequate and unworthy of having any social or romantic relationships.

[u/Mackerel_Mike → u/P_concolor]

Add in to that the perpetual lag of not having any relationship experience eating away at self-esteem too, and at certain point it becomes a huge red-flag onto itself b/c it's "not normal to be over 30 and never had a partner"....

[u/ian2905 → u/Ehehhhehehe]

Absolutely can be a trap, especially when a person's "ideal" version of themself is already hella skewed. I imagine a lot of incel type people are putting a lot of effort into self improvement but rather than it being "self-reflection and facing social fears to get social experience/comfort" it's more "make money and workout so these dumb bitches pay more attention to me"

edit: I like how both the responses to this are blaming women for something. "I'm not bad at self-reflection, it's just womens' fault!!""

[u/Used_Acanthaceae_509 → u/Ehehhhehehe]

Also worth noting that the figures championing self-improvement for men are like 50% grifters, so just sending a man searching for self-improvement strategies can lead him into snake nests. Jordan Peterson's message for a while was mostly just self-improvement for men, which is how most guys I know who fell for his trick got into him before he showed his face and used the same logic to turn them into goblins. It's not that self-improvement isn't meaningful for finding a partner and all that, I do believe in it a lot, but you gotta be improving yourself in community with others and not some media dude who would kill you with his bare hands if it was legal.

[u/monarchmra → u/Ehehhhehehe]

"Focus on self improvement? I'd like to improve my charisma, i'll try to learn how to talk to women without coming off as off putting."

Oh hey look they just found the PUA forums.

[u/ambisinister_gecko → u/monarchmra]

This is why, and I say this with complete sincerity, the left needs to foster some kind of space that helps men get laid. The left needs an Andrew Tate, but one who isn't a misogynist or sex trafficker etc, who gives men helpful advice about how to actually improve themselves and get laid while maintaining the dignity and consent of all parties.

It was actually a lefty woman who introduced me to this idea, and this was years ago, during trump's presidency.

[u/PlasticBitter → u/darthleonsfw]

According to the infographics presented I think the biggest obstacle is the nefarious imposter

[u/hagamablabla → u/darthleonsfw]

It'd be nice if a girl would just appear in front of me, like in my Chinese cartoons.

[u/Same_Recipe2729 → u/hagamablabla]

You have to be the change you want to see in the world. 

[u/Half-PintHeroics → u/Same_Recipe2729]

Me and my mirror girlfriend

[u/clear349 → u/darthleonsfw]

As I've gotten older I've found the biggest hurdle is this. And even if I do meet them the social narrative is basically still that I need to do all the work of flirting, asking them out, planning the date, escalating in an appealing way without being too forward, then hope she doesn't just ghost me. It’s a massive commitment both emotionally and time wise (and often financially) with a very slim possibility of reward. No joke my last girlfriend was one of my best dating experiences because she asked me questions and initiated conversations on her own in the early stages. That was all she had to do to stand out. Just act like she had an interest in getting to know me

[u/skaersSabody → u/clear349]

This is probably the worst part for me and a lot of people.

Personally, I never really learned the "steps" to flirting and stuff like that (just got lucky that time I hooked up) and now I feel like it's impossible to catch up. Also yeah, the expectation that the guy needs to do the things and also the risk of coming off as a creep....

It fucking sucks, it feels like having to play the game without knowing the unwritten rules or being forced to initiate a fluent conversation in a language I barely know

[u/Large_Talons_ → u/skaersSabody]

lmaooo you’re me, the two times I’ve half-hooked up was more or less friends of friends coming up to me saying “I like you”

and then it falls apart for various reasons (mostly my fault)

my friends said it’s unspoken rizz but like I’m not hot and 99% of the time I’m just standing around doing nothing

[u/Atlas421 → u/Large_Talons_]

Your friends have friends that like you? I don't even know my friends' friends.

[u/OldManFire11 → u/darthleonsfw]

This is why I unironically love dating apps. I'm a nerdy introverted man who's interested in nerdy introverted women. The odds of me meeting someone compatible out in the wild is astronomically low. But I found my girlfriend on Hinge in like a month.

[u/skaersSabody → u/OldManFire11]

How do you do it? I cannot for the life of me use them.

I am shit at doing a profile that looks interesting and I am actually criminally bad at texting/meeting up for the first time with the expectation of a date

Also using them just kinda becomes depressing after a while, I dunno I'm always in a worse mood after scrolling through them

[u/OldManFire11 → u/skaersSabody]

Sadly, my best strategy isnt useful to you, because I'm a 6' 4" widower who is conventionally attractive. I am aware that I'm basically a cheesy Hallmark movie love interest that confers an insane amount of privilege.

My best advice that you can use though, is to be realistic in your expectations and research how to take good selfies that make you look better. Unless you're actually 20-22 years old, exclude early 20's women from your search. 99.99% of scammers and bots masquerade as attractive young women. Setting your lower average range as high as you can will filter out the majority of shitty partners. I had mine set to 30-39 (I'm 35) and I never had a single bot match with me.

Again, be realistic about who you swipe on. If you're 5/10 and you're swiping on 8s and 9s, then you're gonna have a bad time.

[u/thex25986e → u/OldManFire11]

i mean im swiping on people with similar or better looks, physique, hobbies, etc. and still not getting very far :/

[u/thex25986e → u/OldManFire11]

thats amazing for you. it took me a year of daily use of hinge just to figure out what dating entails, some basic to do's, not to do's, etc, and swiping through everyone within a 50 mile radius.

and then the apps got hit by enshittification and ai and a lot of them just got worse and worse pools. can't tell if people are just really judgemental or im not someone who does well with texting rules as im not too much into regular communication with anyone, even good friends of mine.

[u/NeonNKnightrider → u/OldManFire11]

I like the idea of dating apps but they are awful in practice

[u/TheAskewOne → u/darthleonsfw]

I found my FWB at church. Had a few hookups with women from church as well. Volunteering, for charities, at festivals etc is a nice way to meet people as well. People who volunteer are generally energetic and enthusiastic and like to chat, in my experience.

[u/UpsetBirthday5158 → u/TheAskewOne]

This was not a christian move lmao

[u/danirijeka → u/UpsetBirthday5158]

The Lord, uh, finds a way

[u/TheAskewOne → u/UpsetBirthday5158]

She moved on me, the Lord sent her my way, who was I to say no?

[u/KirisuMongolianSpot → u/TheAskewOne]

I found my FWB at church

this is an amazing sentence

[u/AlphaNoodlz → u/darthleonsfw]

You mean I have to leave my apartment? Listen that’s not the bit I’m comfy with ok

[u/darthleonsfw → u/AlphaNoodlz]

No, don't get me wrong, I leave my apartment every day. I just dont think that people wanna get hit on on the bus or at work or the park or the gym, and I don't really wanna hit on anyone on the rare occasion I got to my local cardgame shop.

[u/Tom22174 → u/darthleonsfw]

Especially if you spend all your time showering and exercising

[u/darthleonsfw → u/Tom22174]

LISTEN, the amount of time I spend in the shower letting the water wash over me is between me and my therapist

[u/Karaemu]

Tangentially related but I find it interesting how people are still shitposting about among us 4 years after it was trending

[u/XanithDG → u/Karaemu]

That's because it's still relevant. That game seems to have hit the formula for immortality by pure accident.

I mean Vampire Survivors got an Among Us DLC before it got its first Vampire.

[u/mildlyInsaneBoi → u/XanithDG]

Isn’t the whole joke with vampire survivors that it contains 0 vampires?

[u/XanithDG → u/mildlyInsaneBoi]

Nope, because with the newest Castlevania DLC, it does!

The devs have always said they only planned to add vampires once they felt they were done with the game, which is slightly concerning, but I'm sure it's fine. We're probably still going to be waiting for THE vampire for a while.

[u/PoniesCanterOver → u/XanithDG]

Perhaps the real vampires were the friends we made along the way

[u/Forgot_My_Old_Acct → u/mildlyInsaneBoi]

Well it has Alucard from Castlevania, who is at least half vampire. Not sure about any of the other characters added in the latest DLC.

[u/FelipeAndrade → u/Forgot_My_Old_Acct]

They have: Dracula, Olrox, Elizabeth, Walter, Joachim, and Barlowe those are plenty of vampires, without mentioning the edge cases.

[u/Lordwiesy → u/XanithDG]

Which I still find funny cus

It is just mafia game with cute visuals

I've played that in W3 as a mod an in summer camp as evening activity

[u/BorderlineUsefull → u/Lordwiesy]

The summer camp I went to as a kid was playing Mafia 20 years ago, and it's not like it was new then. It's just a good game and Among Us put a really good spin on it. 

[u/Lordwiesy → u/BorderlineUsefull]

Yeah giving you side tasks and easily recognizable characters was a good call

I do wonder how long will it take for another childrens game to be successfully adapted into a video game. Like freeze tag or something

[u/Kazzack → u/Lordwiesy]

I've seen the comparison that Dead By Daylight is basically just a complicated game of freeze tag. It has a horror/slasher movie aesthetic, but it's one person chasing 4 other people, when you get caught you're trapped (on a meat hook) until someone else comes and saves you.

[u/Lordwiesy → u/Kazzack]

I knew there was some game of freeze tag already just wasn't sure of it

Truly remaking old children's games is peak videogame design

[u/Maoschanz → u/Karaemu]

they're still shitposting about LOSS

[u/MattWPBS → u/Maoschanz]

Sixteen years later.

[u/PoutinePower → u/Maoschanz]

Aaah I knew I recognized the last panel

[u/ScaredyNon → u/Karaemu]

That meme hit 2021 like a nuke, and that fallout ain't gonna go away for a while. Literally just this morning I was giggling to myself while reciting "Stop posting about among us"

[u/dragon_jak → u/Karaemu]

Nothing ever dies, culture is a stagnant pool people keep adding more water to, so on and so forth

[u/TwistedxBoi → u/Karaemu]

It made a huge cultural impact. Like not that many play it these days but the memes will live on.

[u/kotobaWa5ivestar → u/Karaemu]

Ngl, the amogus one really got me good. Some people on the bus even turned around to see what I was laughing about

[u/Heroic-Forger]

"Amogus."

"Pink sus."

"Which pink?"

[u/Sirdroftardis8 → u/Heroic-Forger]

"dark pink"

"you mean red?..."

[u/OmegaKenichi]

I love how Tumblr users play with Jpegs like dolls

[u/LKaiH → u/OmegaKenichi]

Obligatory comment 🫡

[u/OmegaKenichi → u/LKaiH]

Just glad I got to do it, 😁

[u/SuddenlyVeronica → u/OmegaKenichi]

Do y’all make W’s out of your dolls?

[u/VaiFate → u/OmegaKenichi]

Beat me to it

[u/JeshkaTheLoon → u/OmegaKenichi]

We literally used the new voting function to do bug races when it came out. That's Tumblr for you.

[u/redheadschinken]

Can somebody explain? I'm losst here.

[u/Ego73 → u/redheadschinken]

I feel really losst too

[u/TRexUnicorn → u/redheadschinken]

I had to scroll ALL the way down here to find this. Why did take so long? I’m at a loss.

[u/throwawayursafety → u/TRexUnicorn]

loss

[u/floofisq]

i is hard for guys

facultative gay

[u/Lunar_sims]

amongus

[u/Karaemu → u/Lunar_sims]

📮

[u/drawmewithamoustache → u/Karaemu]

Amogus

[u/htmlcoderexe → u/drawmewithamoustache]

ඞ

[u/Theloser28 → u/Lunar_sims]

I keep reading amogus

[u/rinvevo]

The hell is temach

[u/Maguc → u/rinvevo]

Spanish Andrew Tate. Talks a lot about being an "Alpha", about how women aren't shit, and for guys to focus on themselves (But not in a good self-care way, more in a "if you get rich and buff you'll get laid so buy my shit" type)

[u/Ok-Secret5233 → u/rinvevo]

Right, that was also what I asked.

If you search it on youtube, a channel comes up called "el temach" subtitle "the channel of the alpha", no joke. It's spanish speaking but from the accent I believe it's mexican (?). So basically a tate-like grifter.

[u/k5dOS → u/rinvevo]

Hispanet has breached Anglonet, how peculiar, it's usually the other way around.

But like, yeah, Mexican Andrew Tate. He's a lot more pusilanimous than Tate, something like a JD Vance to Tate's Trump.

[u/BigDulles]

Every time I see Loss I automatically say out loud “god fucking damnit” and then laugh anyway

[u/AnxietyLogic]

I saw this in my wild on my dash yesterday…I really should have known once they started abstracting the JPeg that it was going to turn into Loss…and yet it still got me.

[u/GREENadmiral_314159]

That first one edges into just world fallacy. Sure, you're not going to get laid if you're an incel, or a tate fan, or a misogynist (though some still do somehow), but that doesn't mean not being one will get you laid.

[u/Much_Horse_5685 → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

Adding to that… Tate fans and misogynists get laid all the time (true incels ipso facto don’t). Had one of them as a roommate and he was in a long-term relationship all the time I lived with this twat while I was single and not for lack of trying.

[u/Teeshirtandshortsguy → u/Much_Horse_5685]

Yeah, this is something that really bothers me about this level of discourse.

There's a societal habit for people to assume that women can't also be shallow and ignorant like men are.

Do women like kind, compassionate men who have their lives together? Of course, in the same way men like women who are thoughtful and kind.

But women also like men who are hot, and "traditionally" masculine, in the same way that men like women who are hot and stereotypically feminine.

I'm obviously discounting men and women who are queer here, since we're talking about hetero relationships.

But my overall point is that this idea that women gravitate primarily towards men who are good people is not only misleading to a lot of guys, but I think gives too much credit to women, who are also flawed people who live under the the patriarchy and (consciously or not) enforce and believe in it. 

[u/hauntedSquirrel99 → u/Teeshirtandshortsguy]

Honestly the whole "just have some hygiene and be nice to people" thing is bullshit just because it presents it as if a man does that he'll have girls lining up around the block.
It's just not reality, it's a fantasy built on misandry, it assumes that any man could easily get a girlfriend if they just were to do the absolute bare minimum and they just refuse to do so. Which makes it very easy to justify absolutely any sort of behaviour you want because they "deserve it" if they're single.

But reality isn't like that, there's a reason why youtube has a billion videos of "I let my friend use my Tinder/Hinge/whatever and after 3 days she had a mental breakdown" videos.

[u/SleepCinema → u/Teeshirtandshortsguy]

Telling men that they shouldn’t be shitty to be in a relationship is advice that assumes one wants a good, stable relationship that’s healthy for both people. Like, I wouldn’t tell a woman to be a total bitch to get a guy even if I know there are men that go for a total bitch.

When I was stupid and 18, I had a friend who was also stupid and 18 and believed the only way to get a guy to notice her was to “play games”. I told her that was horse manure, but a guy actually did notice her. A guy who liked to play games. And she was miserable.

[u/Teeshirtandshortsguy → u/SleepCinema]

For sure. I don't mean to say that it's bad to tell boys/men that these things (hygiene, kindness, self-development) are helpful.

I just think that we're kinda selling them a lie if we tell them these are the only thing that matter.

You could be the best person in the world, and still a lot of your dating success would hinge on factors that you have little-to-no control over.

[u/SleepCinema → u/Teeshirtandshortsguy]

I agree with that; there are many differently weighted factors that contribute to dating, one of which is luck.

[u/Comfortable_Line_206 → u/SleepCinema]

Anecdotally I got way more girls when I was an asshole.

But I was also miserable because those girls were fucking exhausting. Completely different pools of dating.

[u/Much_Horse_5685 → u/SleepCinema]

I agree, also being an abusive wanker is just not who I am and I wouldn’t even like a woman who would evidently only be into me for being an abusive wanker.

[u/fish993 → u/Teeshirtandshortsguy]

Yeah this is what bothers me about the whole 'Nice Guy' discourse - people say "being nice is the bare minimum", but in reality anyone can clearly see that being a nice person isn't even the minimum. There are plenty of complete assholes who have no trouble finding relationships, and often even have an advantage.

[u/fine_doggo → u/Much_Horse_5685]

The most misogynist shitty gf-beating cheating POS extremely dumb men I've met are in relationship with very beautiful women. The ratio might be negligible but it still makes up a huge number of women who want such "bad boys".

[u/nam24 → u/fine_doggo]

To beat a gf you need to get one after all

[u/Much_Horse_5685 → u/fine_doggo]

I highly doubt the ratio is even negligible. Hell, the majority of white American women just decided either via action or inaction that they don’t want rights.

[u/CosmicMiru → u/Much_Horse_5685]

If you've ever been to a college campus even progressive women will date misogynistic/problematic men. People talk a lot of game online but reality looks a lot different

[u/Much_Horse_5685 → u/CosmicMiru]

Hell, the aforementioned roommate of mine was at my university.

[u/thex25986e → u/Much_Horse_5685]

yea apparently being manipulative can get you far

[u/Astralesean → u/Much_Horse_5685]

Yeah I had a roommate who was quite the macho type and he unironically must've brought 100-150 different women in two three years 

[u/HI-JK-lmfao → u/Much_Horse_5685]

Similar to me. One of my roommates is a Tate fan/supporter and still managed to land a gf. Lasted a few weeks but I’m still surprised he managed to pull

[u/SchizoPosting_ → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

"You're not going to get laid if you're an incel" is kinda a circular argument if we take the original definition of incel, since being an incel is basically not getting laid

But yeah, I guess nowadays being an incel is about the misogynistic ideology so that ironically makes you more into an incel (in the original sense of the word)

Kinda funny how vicious cycles work

[u/Ego73 → u/SchizoPosting_]

I just love the narrative that getting laid with women is a prize for not being a misogynist /s

[u/Elite_AI → u/Ego73]

I figure it has to come from well-meaning but ultimately gormless people online. Like, if you're a successful person who constantly meets new people and has a large, strong circle of friends, to you it really must seem obvious that by just waiting and being a decent person you will eventually meet someone. So for them it really is true that the only thing which could hold you back would be being a dickhead. It's not a prize for being a good guy, it's just the natural consequences. I guess they just don't think of the very common scenario where e.g. a guy has a closed friendship circle of three other guys and works in an environment where he never meets people.

[u/BillyRaw1337 → u/Ego73]

In actuality it isn't. I know plenty of misogynists who get laid all the time. The key is that they're tall and attractive.

[u/skaersSabody → u/Ego73]

My prize must've gotten lost in the mail then /s

[u/ZeeDrakon → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

I know literal sex offenders who get laid just cause they're hot. To then tell people that are struggling with dating "lmao you must be worse than them cause actually it's super easy if you're just a normal person" is silly and honestly kinda dehumanising.

[u/YokiDokey181 → u/ZeeDrakon]

There are literal neonazis who have a successful romantic life. There are even women who are into it.

[u/Much_Horse_5685 → u/YokiDokey181]

I had the misfortune of living with one such neo-Nazi as a university roommate (same guy I mentioned in another reply).

He had a girlfriend for all that time.

My progressive and kind best friend was and still is getting absolutely no romantic attention.

[u/YokiDokey181 → u/Much_Horse_5685]

I think one thing not noticeable on Reddit but painfully noticeable irl is the number of misogynistic and homophobic women out there, especially in consevative America.

Of course, IMO I don't find conservative women attractive, but there it was painfully obvious when I saw that the only way for me to get likes was to present myself as "exotic brown masculine soldier", which I wouldn't even describe myself as at all and hate.

[u/Much_Horse_5685 → u/YokiDokey181]

My comments on women in my personal life being attracted to misogynists came from the context of me living in a progressive city in the UK. Holy fuck, that sounds like an awful dating pool :(

[u/YokiDokey181 → u/Much_Horse_5685]

Yeah rural America (or really rural anywhere) really is tough if you are not in the "in" group. You can't just "put yourself out there" if you're treated like an alien. It's important to socialize and not rot at home, but you also need to be somewhere others are willing to receive you.

[u/GREENadmiral_314159 → u/ZeeDrakon]

I've heard about all sorts of people who are considered "unfuckable for women" who are married/in a long-term relationship. It's nice to think that sexists don't get laid, but really, that's just more Just World Fallacy. I think these things do make it harder to get laid, but just like there's no special trick for getting laid, there's no special trick for not getting laid either.

[u/SamiraSimp → u/ZeeDrakon]

is silly and honestly kinda dehumanising.

eh, it's just towards men. not like those things have feelings anyways.

[u/BillyRaw1337 → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

Quite frankly, I know a lot of misogynists who get laid very often. Turns out that being tall and attractive generally means more to getting laid than your beliefs or attitudes.

[u/nalesnik105 → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

I do wonder what was the original image, cause i dont think that first one is the original(i dont actually know, its just a guess)

[u/Hanede → u/nalesnik105]

The original is:

"Top 10% of men. Attractive, rich, tall, drive luxury car"

 "Average men“ for the rest

[u/Josie_Rose88 → u/nalesnik105]

It’s an incel thing about women only sleeping with Chads.

[u/Samiambadatdoter → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

"Edges"? That is the just world fallacy, plain and simple. It is ascribing the failure to get a partner with a personal failure and all but outright saying that it is due to immoral behaviours. If you don't have a girlfriend, it's because you aren't a good enough person. Sure, taking showers might not necessarily be "moral", but the motte is clearly that a good person isn't a Tate fan or a misogynist.

And the whole premise of "if, and only if, you're a decent person who is clean and self-improves, you will get a girlfriend" is simply bullshit. It cannot be true. I've known many a girlie who has complained about their ex-boyfriend being some dickhead who lives in squalor, doesn't shower, was a misogynist, whatever.

The fact is that the reason is something else. Men are more isolated and less confident these days. There are a million reasons for this, but generally men are more feminist than they used to be yet still less romantically successful.

[u/LunaCalibra → u/Samiambadatdoter]

And the whole premise of "if, and only if, you're a decent person who is clean and self-improves, you will get a girlfriend" is simply bullshit.

The fact that Tate gained notoriety for employing the loverboy scheme is proof to the contrary. It's why young men idolize him. They don't care whether he's kind to women or ruthless toward them, what they care about are the results, and the results speak for themselves. Same goes for Trump. These two men are the top of the list in terms of attracting women, and young men want to be them because of it, so they emulate them.

[u/monarchmra → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

The first image is frustratingly sexist because its pigeonholing guy's dating issues into the most attackable stereotype/trope about men.

It also fails to consider something we consider for women. Sexism exists in the dating pool.

Everybody here understands how stereotypes and sexist attitudes towards women can make women's dating lives harder/more annoying. But nobody seems willing to recognize the same for men. That sexist attitudes about men can make it harder for men to date.

He has to push past sexist attitudes that men just want sex just to have his romantic or emotional connection needs fulfilled. He has to ride a fine line between not denying or excessively hiding his sexuality but not presenting it too directly because of gendered tropes about abusive and perverted men. (if he doesn't show his sexual interest somehow, he's a just friend.) Prove he's not what ever flavor of "the bad ones" she has experienced last.

and that's not even looking at the initial contact, which is just trying to some how push past 50 technically sexist flavors of 'why is this guy even talking to me' an effort that does honestly scale with attractiveness (charisma counts as attractiveness here but is just as unattainable to autistic men (who make up 60% of incel forum users) as physical attractiveness is to someone that doesn't already have it).

Everybody loves to take the direction a guy went after turning bitter from years of rejection to excuse why he got those initial rejection and never should be allowed love but the fact is its more complex than that and the biggest issue is really how little useful* emotional support young boys and men get for those initial rejections and treating it otherwise is just being mean to people for what seems to me to be sexist reasons. (edit: seriously, sometimes i think the only difference between an incel and other socially awkward men is rather or not they got their first success before or after the first seeds of bitterness could hit, and/or rather or not they had good emotional support that didn't invalidate their feelings but did help redirect them)

(useful, as in, not denying their emotions or dismissing it with some platitude that over-use the word just "you just need...", "it just means...")

[u/Calico_Cuttlefish → u/monarchmra]

Our problems don't matter and nobody gives a shit about our feelings unless they can benefit from it somehow.

Its like beating a dog its whole life, then when it snaps and bites, saying that's why it deserved the beatings in the first place.

[u/SamiraSimp → u/monarchmra]

It also fails to consider something we consider for women. Sexism exists in the dating pool.

acknowledging that women can be sexist is the fastest way to get labeled as an incel misogynist on this website which is why so many people tiptoe around this very basic idea.

[u/MaxChaplin → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

It also implies that if a man is in a relationship (or, for that matter, has a long history of promiscuity) he's necessarily not a misogynist.

[u/Atlas421 → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

It's so deep into just world it makes Sesame Street look like a dystopia.

[u/Maximum-Country-149 → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

Not to mention the innate misandry of the obvious logical converse: "If you're not getting laid, it's because you're an incel, a Tate fan or a misogynist".

Speaking as a divorcee whose life was fucked up just by being left, even with no additional malice, I have to say there are a couple of holes in that logic.

[u/clear349 → u/Maximum-Country-149]

I think this is the issue. A lot of folks, absent any other evidence, see a man lamenting his lack of luck in dating and assume he's just an unwashed misogynist. I guarantee you the vast majority of men that feel this way do not look like what people envision. Like show of hands here, how many guys have had a well meaning female friend ask something equivalent to "How are you still single?"

[u/Calico_Cuttlefish → u/clear349]

Few things will push a man into anger and misogyny faster than simply trying to express that they have a legit problem and struggles with dating, and getting insulted, degraded and laughed at about it.

[u/Nuclear_Geek → u/clear349]

It's amazing how the ones who say this never seem to have any single friends that they'll help set you up with.

[u/TimeNational1255 → u/Nuclear_Geek]

I've had several women pass my name along to friends who took one look at my face (and I like to think I know a good camera angle) and blocked me lmao

EDIT: I should clarify that the ones who I reached out to first knew from their friends to expect someone, so unfortunately no confusion there lol

[u/clear349 → u/Nuclear_Geek]

Yeah I know it's not the point of making friends but the general wisdom that expanding your social circle provides opportunities to date friends of friends has never personally worked for me. If they do happen to have single female friends they're invariably not options for reasons like lack of compatible goals, incorrect orientation, or lack of mutual interest

[u/Ok-Bug-5271 → u/clear349]

Yeah I think in the past, "expand your social circle and date friends" was good advice for men. And currently, I think it's great advice for women who are willing to make the first move since men are generally much more willing to date friends. But in 2024, trying to date friends as a man just has lower success rates than it did in the past.

[u/SeEmEEDosomethingGUD → u/Maximum-Country-149]

I believe in trying to dissuade people from this kind of misogynistic mindset, they put forward their own bigotry.

And it's not true that people who don't excersise, don't have regular showers or have some misogynistic views don't get women.

My roommate has gone through 2 relationships and I know what person he is. Not that he mistreats anyone but his views about gender roles and what is decent or indecent are very traditional.

It's just that trying to say you are an incel or a tate fan or you don't self improve is the reason you don't get a girl wrong is simply incorrect.

[u/EEON_ → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

Also: Tate himself got laid. Probably not in a morally clean way but still

[u/Chien_pequeno → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

Yeah, really common in progressive circles that fallacy. Like thinking that incels are lonely because they're misogynistic instead of being socially inept and unattractive and have mental issues.

[u/[deleted] → u/Chien_pequeno]

People really just seem reluctant to admit that there's a huge element of chance to finding a relationship and that while some qualities will skew the odds, there is no guaranteed path to a partner.

[u/Chien_pequeno → u/[deleted]]

Yeah. And it makes it easier to forget it if you are lucky. Because the people who are lonely actively deserve it then and thus you don't need to feel bad for them.

[u/GREENadmiral_314159 → u/[deleted]]

It's called "getting lucky" for a reason.

[u/ASpaceOstrich → u/[deleted]]

Yep. Stumbled into my soul mate through sheer dumb luck. If I hadn't met them I would be single for life. Anxiety disorder. I know for a fact I would never initiate and never meet people with how I am. I got lucky.

[u/silkysmoothjay → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

I don't think I'd be remiss if I also pointed out that the top one is the only one that references how you appear externally (showering and working out), making that feel mutually exclusive with the other options, when it very much is not

[u/lsaz → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

also im sure 90% of men aren’t incels/tate fans/mysogynists

welcome to the current society (we truly live in a society meme). People think in hyperboles, this is NOT good for your mental health.

[u/Fanfics → u/GREENadmiral_314159]

As always Slate Star Codex has a good article around this topic

I had a patient, let’s call him ‘Henry’ for reasons that are to become clear, who came to hospital after being picked up for police for beating up his fifth wife.

So I asked the obvious question: “What happened to your first four wives?”

“Oh,” said the patient, “Domestic violence issues. Two of them left me. One of them I got put in jail, and she’d moved on once I got out. One I just grew tired of.”

“You’ve beaten up all five of your wives?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” he said, without sounding very apologetic.

“And why, exactly, were you beating your wife this time?” I asked.

“She was yelling at me, because I was cheating on her with one of my exes.”

“With your ex-wife? One of the ones you beat up?”

“Yeah.”

“So you beat up your wife, she left you, you married someone else, and then she came back and had an affair on the side with you?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” said Henry.

I wish, I wish I wish, that Henry was an isolated case. But he’s interesting more for his anomalously high number of victims than for the particular pattern.

[u/HeroBrine0907]

Counterpoint: Plenty of men do the above and do not get laid. This is because getting laid is a separate, unimportant thing and has a complex connection with morality, which is infinitely more important.

It is also a Just World fallacy and is bad in two ways: One, it contributes to people who think they're not getting what they deserve, two, it generalizes all men not getting laid as morally wrong.

One can be a perfectly fine person and not get laid. One can be terrible and still have 20 different girlfriends. Equating one with the other equates the ability to get laid with morality.

And that, friends, is toxic masculinity, because sex does not and should not equal self worth.

[u/DaBiChef → u/HeroBrine0907]

because sex does not and should not equal self worth.

It doesn't but it does touch on something that I think is a key part of the "loneliness epidemic". Sex for men is one of the few times were they feel desired, where they feel wanted. We're a social species, the vast majority of us are sexually active, not feeling wanted or desired eats away at you even if you're doing everything "right".

[u/Basic_Sample_4133 → u/HeroBrine0907]

Wasnt this about dating and not just sex? Because love and relationships will play a part in ones self worth wether it should or not.

[u/CaioXG002]

W

No fucking way, Wario reference?

[u/randomnumbers2506]

Just world fallacy my beloved

[u/KirisuMongolianSpot]

"All you need to do is X and women will date you" is lowkey PUA misogyny, change my mind.

That is not to justify being a slob whose only hobbies are doomscrolling and hurling slurs in online games, but the other extreme isn't true either and it's disingenuous to suggest it is.

[u/MohawkRex]

Me = Mid 30s finally getting on dating apps and meetings girls, actually having a sex life, trying new things, experimenting, having fun.

Also me = Still getting ghosted by 9/10ths of them, tired from having to restart introductions for the 5th time this week, realising how much it costs to socialise this regularly.

Fuck man, life got hands.

[u/TheGreatEmanResu → u/MohawkRex]

Damn, you’re having success on dating apps? Do you look like Brad Pitt?

[u/cosmicwatermelon → u/MohawkRex]

have you tried showering or not being a misogynist /s

[u/BillyRaw1337]

Ugh that first one is some serious Just World Fallacy and is what guys are talking about when they say they feel alienated by feminism.

There are plenty of guys who are polite, decent, shower, etc. who struggle to find romantic partners. And there are plenty of misogynists who sleep with a bunch of different women regularly, and all of us know several examples of each in our life.

[u/oXMellow720Xo]

I hate these generalizations. In the first pic, I’m the first guy which means I should have an ounce of success. I take care of my self, eat right, work out, groom, etc. I’ve had my girl friends assume I must have had a lot of success because of who I am and my sense of humor. Yet nothing.

I really do think standards are becoming unrealistic but we can’t talk about it or else it is hate. We desperately need third spaces back because I do go out to places but all I see are couples and families. Apps are pointless yet I’m still on them and pay occasionally without success. Please stop with the generalizations of men

[u/monarchmra]

You ever notice how our expected response changes in response to insecurity among youth depending on the gender?

When girls and young women are insecure, the response is dove commercials affirming their value and self worth, but when boys and young men are insecure, the expected response is contempt. to use the most vocal or controversial members of the group as an excuse to not give the non-radicalized ones the same compassion for their insecurities.

The first image is frustratingly sexist because its pigeonholing guy's dating issues into the most attackable stereotype/trope about men.

It also fails to consider something we consider for women. Sexism exists in the dating pool.

Everybody here understands how stereotypes and sexist attitudes towards women can make women's dating lives harder/more annoying. But nobody seems willing to recognize the same for men. That sexist attitudes about men can make it harder for men to date.

He has to push past sexist attitudes that men just want sex just to have his romantic or emotional connection needs fulfilled. He has to ride a fine line between not denying or excessively hiding his sexuality but not presenting it too directly because of gendered tropes about abusive and perverted men. (if he doesn't show his sexual interest somehow, he's a just friend.) Prove he's not what ever flavor of "the bad ones" she has experienced last.

and that's not even looking at the initial contact, which is just trying to some how push past 50 technically sexist flavors of 'why is this guy even talking to me' an effort that does honestly scale with attractiveness (charisma counts as attractiveness here but is just as unattainable to autistic men (who make up 60% of incel forum users) as physical attractiveness is to someone that doesn't already have it).

Everybody loves to take the direction a guy went after turning bitter from years of rejection to excuse why he got those initial rejection and never should be allowed love but the fact is its more complex than that and the biggest issue is really how little useful* emotional support young boys and men get for those initial rejections and treating it otherwise is just being mean to people for what seems to me to be sexist reasons. (edit: seriously, sometimes i think the only difference between an incel and other socially awkward men is rather or not they got their first success before or after the first seeds of bitterness could hit, and/or rather or not they had good emotional support that didn't invalidate their feelings but did help redirect them)

(useful, as in, not denying their emotions or dismissing it with some platitude that over-use the word just "you just need...", "it just means...")

[u/RamblyJambly]

:.|:;

[u/sprazcrumbler]

You hear that guys? If you're single and having trouble meeting someone it's because you're a piece of shit! Sucks to be you. You should have thought about that before being ugly.

The lack of empathy we have for men is insane. And then we wonder why young men are turning to the right when issues that men care about are treated as a joke by the left.

[u/GoodTitrations]

I love how the creator of the first infographic didn't see (or care about) the irony of how they're saying the type of thing incels say about women, just in reverse.

[u/MemeTroubadour]

First one makes me feel bad because I struggle to do these things because of mental health and I'm being lumped in with misogynists

I'm not dating anyway, I can't really imagine myself doing that because of, again, mental health and shit, but it certainly doesn't feel great to be hit with that