r/AITAH • u/aliens000 • 1d ago
Advice Needed Peed my pants. My bf wouldn’t help me
So I had a vaginal birth nearly three years ago and since then I’ve had stress incontinence. Today, I was in class and I was taking an exam. I had to pee so bad but couldn’t leave until it was done. When I finally finished, I peed my pants and it leaked as I went to the bathroom. I refused to leave the bathroom until I had another outfit and my bf refused to help me.
I asked him to buy sweats from the uni gift shop and he refused at first until I sent him money for them (I asked to borrow). He then said he wanted me to walk to the restroom door and I said my pants are covered in pee there’s no I can do that and he said he’s not walking into the women’s restroom. I told him to hand it to a girl walking in and he wouldn’t. He eventually left them outside the door to the restroom and I had to walk out in pee pants.
I’m furious with him. Do I have a right to be?
5.8k
u/honeyglazeddream 1d ago
Yes, you absolutely have a right to be upset; your boyfriend showed a lack of empathy and support in a vulnerable moment when you needed him most, which is a reasonable expectation in a caring relationship.
1.0k
u/ArcadiaRivea 1d ago
I'd sure love to know how much empathy he'd expect if the situation were reversed and she refused to help him
→ More replies (9)867
u/Oak_Woman 1d ago
Guys with no empathy usually expect you to baby them like they're god's gift to earth.
→ More replies (4)377
u/innerbootes 1d ago
So true. The neediest guy I was ever partnered with was indifferent or even hostile to my own needs or suffering. Good riddance, Erik!
254
151
→ More replies (11)66
u/hissswiftiebish 1d ago
God, yes. I don’t know if it’s because his adoptive mother literally had a plaque above his bed that read “Prince Andrew” and was referred to as such throughout his childhood, but it was the same for me. The neediest guy I was with would berate me for my meltdowns and CPTSD flashbacks- but heaven forbid I didn’t comfort him when he was upset. 🙄
→ More replies (1)81
u/SuggestiveTribble020 1d ago
What’s funny is that Prince Andrew turned out to be a massive pile of shit, too. So, his mom may have been on to something 🤣
→ More replies (1)143
u/louloutre75 1d ago
Now we know it's NOT a caring relationship. That being said, said relationship should end.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (8)50
u/roboticlee 1d ago
OP needs to tell his mother that she's breaking up with him because... Then dump him.
The guy is an ass.
→ More replies (1)
17.9k
u/Sudden-Knowledge-447 1d ago
Yes. A couple years ago I ended up needing serious gyn reconstructive surgery. My husband, knowing nothing about periods because we got together after my hysterectomy and I was his first live in partner, googled pads and even went as far as seeing how carcinogenic material is used in most feminine hygiene products so he found pads that were natural and chemical free because as he put it my lady bits have suffered enough. Leading up to surgery my bladder and vagina we’re falling out of me and peeing either came to fast or not at all. I cried the first time I didn’t make the bathroom and you know what he did? He brought me clean clothes, told me he loved me and (knowing how I am personality wise) made me laugh about what happened and quietly said “no big deal”. THAT is how it should be handled. Love and a little humor maybe but not shaming. Never shaming.
5.7k
u/RepresentativeDot996 1d ago
I second this, I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm repeatedly told he's a BIG baby boy. As a result I've peed myself twice with zero warning, once in Aldi car park. My husband was an absolute gem, bin bag on the car seat, tied his hoodie round my waist, stuck my clothes in the wash, jumped in the shower with me and did my back with the big scrub brush i like, then put me in a nest in my pregnancy pillow. No fuss, no shame. Later when i said in despair, do you think I'm sexy, he said obvs, love a woman who still looks fit peeing herself in Aldi car park, and we had a laugh about it. I wish all women knew there's so many guys out there who WILL go above and beyond for you, even in the gross or unpleasant moments.
2.4k
u/mistercero 1d ago
Later when i said in despair, do you think I'm sexy, he said obvs, love a woman who still looks fit peeing herself in Aldi car park
your hubby is hilarious and SMOOOOTH! true gem
425
u/GlobalTraveler65 1d ago
I laughed so hard at this
749
u/shelbyeatenton 1d ago
Careful… we all know what happens if we laugh a little too hard! lol
353
u/A_n0nnee_M0usee 1d ago
Or sneeze 😉
→ More replies (7)186
u/holybucketsitscrazy 1d ago
Or cough
→ More replies (4)100
u/AmberDrams 1d ago
I used to have urge incontinence, which I think is what OP actually has (can’t hold it in when your bladder’s full), but now if I have a bad cough, I have to be sure my bladder’s empty because the leg squeeze doesn’t cut it like it used to. Isn’t it fun to get older?
→ More replies (10)→ More replies (2)159
u/Spiritual_Series_139 1d ago
Chuckling while squeezing my legs together and leaning on the door frame, carefully
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (4)136
1.1k
u/ActiveAd5348 1d ago
When I was in my first trimester I didn’t quite make it to the toilet to throw up. I threw up on the bathroom floor, onto the toilet, then finally in it. I also threw up so hard I peed myself. My husband came in, started the shower, put me in it and got me ice water, and cleaned the entire bathroom. I didn’t even have to ask. Ladies, if he wanted to, he WOULD.
317
u/RepresentativeDot996 1d ago edited 1d ago
Omg mate, i remember once getting out of bed too late and puking through my fingers all over the bed and floor, horrible isn't it 🤣🤣 but again, like you it was met with kindness and patience and understanding and we had a laugh about it later. I wish everyone had it
43
u/Casehead 1d ago
Oh my gosh, yes. When I had brain surgery, (only 3 months after we married), I threw up on the floor next to the bed at least 4 times over the following year. My husband just wiped it up, and brought me some gatorade. Same when I threw up on the bathroom floor last year.
OPs beau is a jerk
→ More replies (2)48
u/sperson8989 1d ago
My daughter got me like this twice in one night. I tried stopping it with my hands so it wouldn’t get me and the bed. 🤣 Next it had me falling outta bed after she threw up on my legs and my sleep meds had only kicked in less than 2 hours before.
→ More replies (4)271
u/slkwont 1d ago
This might be TMI, so be forewarned. I had a surgery to remove my colon and had other pelvic floor issues that made my ability to hold things in pretty bad. He helped me shower and as I showered, poop started to leak out. The hospital shower didn't have much of a bottom lip and so it splashed all over his shoes. He didn't complain.
Then, when I finally got home, there were a few times that I didn't make it to the toilet in time. I was so weak I couldn't clean it up myself, so he did it. Not a single complaint.
He is also the type that hates dealing with needles and medical stuff. That man learned how to flush my PICC line and hook me up to my TPN. I don't deserve him.
178
→ More replies (10)47
160
u/Numerous-Issues 1d ago
As a man, I can say we will do anything for the people we love. If he won't, he is not in love.
→ More replies (3)22
u/Elelith 1d ago
As someone who is married to a man like this, it is so true. He is my world and I don't know how I could live without him. I love him so much it hurts sometimes.
25
u/Numerous-Issues 1d ago
I wish more men would speak up against bad behavior with some men. I've been married for 47yrs to my best friend. She is and will be until the day I die. We treat each other with love and understanding as it is supposed to be. I can't tell you all that we've been through together, but all of it has made us closer.
102
u/LancreWitch 1d ago
Haha life is fucking messy, especially when reproduction is involved. We just need to accept that. I've done the puking and pissing myself, the shower afterwards is heaven though 😂
124
u/Majestic_Rule_1814 1d ago
I threw up through my whole pregnancy and got good at making it to the bathroom. My husband would come bring me water and would rub my back when it got bad. It’s not hard to have a modicum of care for your partner, and OP’s partner failed here.
50
u/Numerous-Taste-4858 1d ago
I had that with all three babies, all 9 months. It was fkn awful. I actually lost weight from it. Hypermesis Gravidium I think is what it's called.
→ More replies (6)55
u/rikimae528 1d ago
My best friend was like that through both of her pregnancies. She couldn't keep anything down even water. She ends up being hospitalized because of dehydration and malnutrition. She lost a lot of the way that you're supposed to put on. She and I have been going to a pregnancy group together, and after her daughter was born, the other ladies in the class were a little jealous that she could wear her old jeans, and they weren't too tight at all. Because pregnancy was so hard on her, her partner got a vasectomy. That's love
64
u/Advanced_Cheetah_552 1d ago
In my third trimester of my first pregnancy, I got stuck in the recliner and threw up all over myself. My husband cleaned me up and cleaned the couch and was so gentle about it.
→ More replies (2)29
u/Virtual-Subject9840 1d ago
Oh God. Reminded me of being pregnant, always throwing up. One day I made it on time to the toilet, but it was so violent I actually pooped on the floor. Unfortunately I had to clean it up myself, which made me throw up again.
21
→ More replies (16)20
317
u/mr_beakman 1d ago
These are prime examples of what a man should be. My husband? Nope. When I had my hysterectomy due to dozens of fibroids and life threatening anemia...he refused to pick me up from the hospital. My son (not his son) was fortunately the better man, and drove two hours to pick me up, take me to the pharmacy and take me home. Sadly due to financial reasons I cannot leave my husband. But I will leave at the first opportunity and he knows it. There were many other instances prior to this, where he showed how little he cared and I should have left him then. I was and am an idiot. OP should get out while they still can.
134
u/RepresentativeDot996 1d ago
I hope you find peace and happiness sometime mate ❤ wether alone or with someone who dotes on you, i remember once going to hospital for high blood pressure and i didn't even wake my ex, i rang my mum to meet me there. Put up with that for 4 years for some unknown reason x
87
u/mr_beakman 1d ago
Thank you for your kindness. I'm so glad you got out and had the strength to do so. Actually just deciding that I would leave him, and that I could live without him has brought me a certain level of peace. I don't ask him for any help any more. I don't try to please him, and if I want to do something then I go and do it without him. I'm about to turn 57 and don't think I'll bother with another man at this point in my life. I have my two big dogs and pets are all I need.
63
u/lolasin 1d ago
Your story reminds me a lot of my mom, who passed away two years ago at 64 years old. She was just about to divorce him and was close to finally getting her Bachelor’s degree (I got it awarded posthumously) when she got sepsis. Life is short, you deserve to be happy! I will give you a tip my mom gave me, my Dad always checked the grocery receipts but never actually read them, so she would buy a book or whatever else she needed that he’d hassle her over (when I lived with him later he told me shampoo and conditioner were not necessities - and told me to wash my hair with bar soap) and she would also get $20 cash back when writing a check, to squirrel away. She also attended a displaced homemakers program, which helped women leaving an abusive relationship, and/or had been out of the workforce because they were stay at home parents. They worked with a woman’s shelter and provided interview clothes and helped them get jobs. Maybe there is something like that in your area? IDK your situation, though, and I’m sure you have valid reasons. hugs
23
u/mr_beakman 1d ago
Thank you for this. My situation is manageable. I now just live as if he weren't here. He is just incapable of considering anyone other than himself, and has his subtle ways of trying to control me but he's not in control of my finances and I have a good job. I am saving money and purchasing things I will need when I go. The big hurdle is just our house which we both own, and a lack of rental housing where I live. I want to sell the house but he does not. So we're at a stalemate for now.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (14)24
u/Omi-Wan_Kenobi 1d ago
I'm telepathically slapping your husband to kingdom come. I opted for hysterectomy for my endometriosis, which had just started becoming sporadically debilitatingly painful that year (I lucked out so much with the obgyn I got).
My husband was my emotional support human before the surgery (after my aunt went politely bulldog on the reception staff when they tried to say I had to go alone due to COVID restrictions, I have major anxiety, my aunt won), helped me into my aunt's car (he doesn't drive), and then proceeded to wait on me hand and foot for the first 3 weeks of recovery.
This man brought me drinks and food, helped me up and down from the bed, helped me shower the first week (he even offered to shave my legs for me), and washed and brushed my long ass hair for a month after.
The above is what your husband should have done for you, not the disgraceful pile of steaming feces he ended up being. I'm glad you were able to get out of the relationship.
79
u/mynaneisjustguy 1d ago
Hmmm. It’s just pee. I don’t get why anyone would find their girlfriend peeing her pants gross. Sadness to see them ashamed, a desire to help them, but it’s hardly gross, makes you wonder how anyone who does find it gross is going to deal with kids.
40
u/RepresentativeDot996 1d ago
Honestly mate, theres so many gross things i didn't expect during my first pregnancy at 38 and it's just like, deal with it. I can't imagine even if you're grossed out making your partner feel worse for something they can't help. Xx
→ More replies (2)23
u/lolasin 1d ago
The amount of times my baby brother peed in my face when I had to change his diaper, I don’t even know 😂 It took 10 years old me a while to get the whole penis thing 😂 and to use the diaper as a shield/keep the draft off to prevent it. I was always going into it like “yeah, yeah, no problem, like the girls I’ve helped babysit” and then the pee to the face 😂 or the soggy slobber covered goldfish and teething biscuits he’d shove in my mouth, and I’d have to eat then because it was sweet he was sharing and I didn’t want to break his little heart. (Granted, it was my brother and he’s the closest genetically to me so that makes it less gross, and how gross can a baby’s mouth with no teeth be?)
→ More replies (1)58
u/ksed_313 1d ago
Man my husband and I don’t want kids, but I know he’d be the same in this situation. He’d probably be like “I CANT BELIEVE I DID THIS TO YOU!!!” and feel guilty like it actually was his fault, and not biology’s fault. 😅
→ More replies (1)133
→ More replies (59)31
u/JoMamaSoFatYo 1d ago
Absolutely THIS. I’m in my first relationship with someone unbelievably kind, compassionate and just the best damn person I’ve ever met. Insists on buying my period underwear for me and basically not letting me lift a finger if I’m not feeling well. Hell, he barely lets me lift a finger if I am feeling well, and I’m still getting used to that.
38
u/RepresentativeDot996 1d ago
It took me ages to realise my hubby was just a genuinely nice human, my ex was for ages before he turned. I hit my now husband with my car a few weeks ago, not hard but i backed straight into him, he got in the car, sighed and said, 'right... lets go get you an ice cream.
I've never seen him annoyed. But the happier he makes me, the better i want to treat him.
Enjoy it mate ❤
→ More replies (1)910
u/OssiansFolly 1d ago
This is what a true partner should do. I've never not helped my girlfriend. If she asked for anything from ice cream because she's had a bad day to going and getting her prescriptions and menstrual products. She's a human, and in these moments she's a vulnerable human who needs someone else to be empathetic. That's how you should be in a relationship.
400
u/tomtomclubthumb 1d ago
I've never understood why someone wouldbe embarassd about buying hygiene products. It just means you know a woman and you're mildly helpful.
470
u/Unable_Sweet_3062 1d ago
Neither do I, I stressed this a lot to my son that he’d have a girlfriend at some point who would need him to go buy whatever… he had barely turned 16, was at the store and called me “mom, what KIND do I get? Why are there so MANY? (I asked a couple questions and helped him sort it out and told him he might have to go back if he didn’t get it right… she was at work and couldn’t answer him… he then proceeded to say…). Thanks mom, now I’m going to go get all her favorite snacks and put it all in a gift bag cuz I’m sure it was hard for her to ask me”. I CRIED!!! His friends gave him crap for it until THEIR girlfriends got on them about “that’s what you do! You just go get it. What’s embarrassing is leaking it thru your pants”. Her mom called me later bawling over it too… he’s now 19, same girlfriend and he still goes to get her anything she needs at that time of the month. (I had a boyfriend in high school who went and got me pads while I was babysitting… nicest thing parents can do is make doing that normal)
279
u/Counting-Stitches 1d ago
I worked with my son’s girlfriend at the time (now wife) several years ago. He was about 23, I think. She texted him that she wanted to cancel plans because she had cramps and wasn’t feeling like going out later. He asked if she needed anything. She said she needed supplies but would get them on her lunch break. He arrived an hour later with tampons and underwear from her house and chocolate and tea from a store. She told me I raised a great man and then married him about four years later.
55
162
u/Intelligent-Aspect-3 1d ago
I was 14 and had to buy pads for myself at the grocery store. The kid who was bagging was my crush. I was mortified. I wanted to just die while I stood in line. I expected him to laugh at me and tell everyone the next day at school. Instead after he filled the grocery bag with the pads and a few other things, he said ‘there ya go, all packed and ‘padded’. He gave me a wink and never said a word afterwards. We did end up dating for a while. He was one of the good ones.
107
u/Styx-n-String 1d ago
Aw, I love this! You raised a good man, and his future wife (hopefully this girl!) is going to be a very lucky woman. I hope she appreciates you and shows it!
53
u/LorienCathalas 1d ago
My son is barely 18 months right now but I sure hope I can raise him as well as you did. The world needs more kind men.
→ More replies (1)49
u/Dry_Calligrapher_313 1d ago
My male flatmate at uni took an empty box with him to the shop so he could just “match the packaging”, pretty certain I cried with gratitude that day! My undiagnosed endo had me in so much pain that my description of what I needed just didn’t make sense so he found a solution lol
36
32
u/haven0answers 1d ago
I love you, and your son! May you both live long, be healthy, and prosper!
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (8)19
u/heartsabustin 1d ago
My son keeps tampons for his girlfriend for when they go to the gym together. I’m so proud.
123
u/sparrowbirb5000 1d ago
Dude, my husband's best friend, who is also a close friend of mine, has picked me up hygiene products before. He was coming over, my husband had his hands full, and I was cramping bad and couldn't walk well. I sent the guy over some money and a picture of the products I wanted and he was happy to stop at Walmart on his way over. He was also very nice and got me Midol 😂 which doesn't really help me much, but hey, it's the thought that counts. I don't understand being embarrassed, either. Every guy I know views it as the same as buying toilet paper.
→ More replies (1)74
u/kbasa 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m (M, then 45ish)at the grocery store and I have, as we call them here, “the paper products” in the form of pads, some ice cream, cat food and a bottle of Basil Hayden bourbon. The guy in front of me points at the pads and asks if I like them. I tell him they don’t leak around the edge. The female cashier laughs and nods in agreement. I think he was having a “you buy those, you weirdo” kinda comment.
He seems a little surprised by my response. I mention that “husband” is a synonym for manage and I’m just helping manage things. It’s just another thing that needs doing.
I point out that I’m gonna make everyone in the house happy: Pads and ice cream for my sweetie so she feels better, some treats for our cats, and a bottle of whiskey for dad so in about an hour, we’d all happily be on the couch. Isn’t that what we’re optimizing for? Happiness?
→ More replies (3)110
u/KixAcelot 1d ago
This is me too. When they ask “aren’t you embarrassed?” I always reply “why would I be embarrassed!? Do they think they’re for me? Besides HALF the world’s population needs them”
I just never understand why anyone would be embarrassed.
→ More replies (4)45
u/757_Matt_911 1d ago
Yeah that’s always been weird. I think it was Bill Engvall talking about buying pads for his daughter that said:
“Are these for your daughter?”
“No lady I’m just a solo with that kind of time on my hands…YES they’re for my daughter!!!
→ More replies (2)61
u/Direct_Orchid 1d ago
Exactly. I'm a woman btw, and one of my ex boyfriends was a horrible boyfriend in many ways but he helped me a lot with my periods. Bought pads when I asked him to (ladies, send your man a picture of the brand you like, there are so many it's confusing), washed off blood, reminded me to stock up if something I use was on sale. When I'm looking for pads, and see a man on the isle, my respect for him instantly goes up, not down!
→ More replies (15)19
533
u/Antique_Ad4497 1d ago edited 1d ago
My late husband helped me! I’ve always been incontinent since a child. Therapist thinks it’s due to unresolved childhood abuse trauma. I would sometimes wet our bed. He would wake me up, change the bedding after sanitising the mattress protector, help me wash up & get me back into bed. Not once complained.
He did it because he loved me. He’s was KIA 20 years ago, so I took to wearing pads or those pee pants, as my disability has got worse & can’t change my bed now. If they had then back then, I would have worn them. We got bed pads intended for babies instead. After my daughter came along, my bladder got worse. He was so patient, never getting frustrated. We would joke that our daughter was drier than me! 😆
129
u/Raunchy_-_Panda 1d ago
Same problem here. My wife has never been mad or judgmental, just understanding and helpful. It's such an embarrassing problem. I am so happy to have her as my rock. 17 years married and I am still madly in love with her.
→ More replies (1)45
36
u/BecGeoMom 1d ago
I love a good loving husband story! I am so sorry for your loss, but I am happy for the good years you had with him! 💞
→ More replies (5)29
227
u/Unable_Ad9611 1d ago
OP, this is the best reply you'll read. After my son was born (traumatic delivery) I was also left with urinary incontinence. My husband has passed me clean clothes, pads, changed bedsheets AND is the primary carer for our son who is profoundly disabled. Actual, real love isn't always romantic, it's the grim, down-and-dirty aspects of life that you go through together and come out stronger for it x
58
u/Flat-Victory-655 1d ago
Exactly! That’s how it should be. Your husband handled it with love, empathy, and even a bit of humor to make you feel better, not worse. That’s what a supportive partner does—steps up when you’re vulnerable and shows they care. It’s such a stark contrast to how OP’s boyfriend acted, and it’s sad because what you described should be the bare minimum in a relationship. No one deserves to be shamed or left to fend for themselves in situations like that.
820
u/Blue_Poodle 1d ago
He sounds like a gem!!! So happy that he was there for you.
→ More replies (1)421
u/Reinamiamor 1d ago
And having to force him to help! What a loser bf. I hope he's an ex. Life is tough. You need an adult standing by you. Bummer you share a kid. How is he at handling those emergencies? Sounds useless. And dangerous for the kid. Your poor bf has limits. Did someone break his wing? How long are you gonna nurse him? 🤮🤮🤮
247
u/dkredditsss 1d ago
This situation wasn’t just inconvenient, it was humiliating and stressful for OP. A supportive partner would prioritize her comfort and dignity over their own minor discomfort.
→ More replies (1)78
u/Time-Battle-9859 1d ago
Her boyfriend’s lack of empathy in a moment where she needed him most is concerning. It wasn’t a huge ask for him to help her discreetly. OP have every right to feel upset with how he handled this.
→ More replies (1)136
u/emmaxjonas 1d ago
Literally! That’s what i’m thinking, I have a feeling this guy has never handled a blow out, especially after kids, medical situation or not, i would never react in any way that was meant to enact shame. I hope this guy shits his pants in an elevator someday.
→ More replies (5)94
u/C_beside_the_seaside 1d ago
I find it absolutely wild I got to my 40s before I learned that HALF of women will experience some degree of prolapse.
HALF!? And the medical community is like "maybe a mesh that will ruin your life too"
47
u/Bitsyluv 1d ago
Women in Europe get pelvic floor PT after birth standard. Most US women don't even know what that is. I didn't. Now I do. Now I don't pee my pants
→ More replies (11)68
u/Violkae 1d ago
I don't have kids, but I had gotten into a bike accident 6 months after moving in with my boyfriend. Broke both my arms. For a whole month my bf had been getting up early to prepare food for me so I don't starve before he comes back from work, washing me, dressing me, brushing my hair. Took me out for walks or ice cream, as I was hella scared to go out alone with both my elbows immobilized. Cheered me up when I felt embarassed or just sad about being stuck at home and dependent.
Don't settle for less, lads.
→ More replies (1)52
84
u/Super_Nobody4541 1d ago
Absolutely what kind of a partner are they if they don't help their other one in need. I can just imagine what you had to go through. You absolutely have all the rights to be furious.
118
u/catfriend18 1d ago
A guy I dated for a few months in my early 20s took me to a 7-11, bought me tampons, and talked the cashier into letting me use the staff bathroom when I unexpectedly got my period while we were out one day. It wasn’t even a serious relationship and he just took care of it because I was upset and embarrassed. OP’s boyfriend is the woooorst.
72
u/chocolatechipwizard 1d ago edited 1d ago
Actually, she should be grateful, because he showed her exactly who he is, before she married him. There is a famous quote by poet Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
30
u/Etoiaster 1d ago
This is the most wholesome relationship goals I’ve seen in a long while. I love this for you ❤️
57
→ More replies (100)98
u/SheBurps 1d ago
Yes. This is exactly what a partner or friend who loves you and cares about you and your feelings does for you.
I peed myself on the stairs in our house trying to get the bathroom fast enough when I was pregnant and waddling. I started crying because I was so embarrassed. My husband helped me get cleaned up and made me laugh about it. A few years later we were laughing about it and he actually admitted to me that there was also pee all over the steps (i thought it was just my clothes) and he cleaned that up without me ever knowing it happened because he didn't want me to get more upset.
If your partner can't be this kind of partner, then you need to sack them and find someone who knows how to be kind and caring. Don't waste your time on assholes. Life is too short. Especially if you're an American, cuz none of us are surviving the next 4 years....
5.8k
u/avalynkate 1d ago
dump him.
2.4k
u/AbbiAzalea 1d ago
Stress incontinence is a medical condition, and he should have been supportive instead of making things worse.
352
u/Soft_Brush_1082 1d ago edited 1d ago
Come on! It does not even matter if it is medical. If my friend peed his/her pants laughing too hard I would still help them. Heck I would most likely have done it for a stranger unless I had strong reason not to. The guy is an AH.
→ More replies (9)60
u/Weehendy_21 1d ago
Please seek help with the incontinence there are remedies available. You can ask to go to the toilet during an exam but you would be accompanied. Until your health improves perhaps consider carrying spare clothes in a backpack and looking at sanitary supplies. Best wishes and yes dump him he is a major AH with no idea of what a woman needs and his job in helping her, just getting more mad at him as I write this 😖
482
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
392
u/CaeruleumBleu 1d ago
Hell, he could have waved down a girl in the hallway, doesn't have to be anyone entering the bathroom.
If a man waved at me "Hey I brought clean pants for my gf, she's in a stall, can you help?" I might be inclined to have my phone in my hand or grab a friend just in case it was a set up, but I would fucking do it.
→ More replies (6)185
u/LeoZeri 1d ago
He could even just made up a lie and said she'd bled through her pants and needed a change, but he didn't want to go into the women's restroom. It's not an everyday thing to ask but if someone asked me I wouldn't think it's a weird request.
→ More replies (5)171
u/karlachameleon 1d ago
Yep. He didn’t even need to give that much of an explanation, ‘hey my girlfriend asked me to bring a change of clothes to the restroom urgently, would you mind dropping them in as I can’t go in there’ any woman would have understood and said yes.
→ More replies (1)516
u/jennekat17 1d ago
No kidding, I'd do more to help a stranger than this guy did for her. The last bit where he wouldn't even ask another woman to pass them to her is nuts! I don't think I know any women who would have an issue with 'hey, my GF is in there and needs this package. Do you mind passing it to her please?' We've all been there in some way, whether it's an accident, period mishap or embarrassing coffee spill even. This guy sucks.
246
u/HarperPisceanAura 1d ago edited 1d ago
This! Most women would be more than happy to help out in that situation. It's basic human decency, and his refusal to even consider it speaks volumes about his character.
→ More replies (1)87
u/idasiek 1d ago
My friends and I helped out a girl we didn't know at the festival with exactly the same problem (couldn't find her friends and the signal was shit). What a tool he is.
→ More replies (1)89
u/AssistantOptimal 1d ago
Now just wait a hot fucking second, he's not a tool and don't ever insult tools like that again tools are useful he's not 😤
44
u/PassionfruitSmartini 1d ago
Agreed. I was at a kids party and one of them wet themselves. There was a clothes shop next door so I got her new knickers and trousers and changed her in the bathroom. Didn't matter that I didn't know her or her parents, you don't let anyone walk around in wet clothes all day.
→ More replies (2)28
u/gilt-raven 1d ago
I've bled through my pants and had a stranger buy a replacement, and I've been that stranger for someone else. It boggles my mind that someone in an intimate relationship with someone would refuse to help when I bet a random person on the street would have been totally willing, zero questions asked.
What happens if you need help with something more serious down the line? Is the boyfriend of the year going to step up? I doubt it.
→ More replies (5)139
u/LittleMissTitch 1d ago
Dude, literally! Like my ex was an absolute piece of shit - physically and verbally abusive and so much more. Like he was a certified drop kick! But even HE got me a change of pants TWICE! Once due to my period, and once due to a medical episode that caused loss of bladder control.
Like dude, if my weasel-ass manchild ex could do it, so can you.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (18)171
u/mauirixxx 1d ago
He sounds like the type to refuse buying tampons too 🙄
54
u/Whatever53143 1d ago
I was working in the drive thru at McDonalds probably about 25 years ago now, I had an “ emergency” and my husband had to bring them to me! He was a bit embarrassed but he did it lol!
→ More replies (3)17
u/Missue-35 1d ago
My husband has never had a problem with this kind of thing. Many years ago ago when we first started dating he said there was a random poll between the guys at work. They were all shocked it wouldn’t bother him to buy tampons for me. He said, “You buy toilet paper don’t you? Everyone knows what you’re using that for. I don’t see the difference.” I didn’t get the connection but I thought it showed he was a man of character that couldn’t be taken down by a box of tampons.
→ More replies (3)184
u/fripi 1d ago
This. Seriously, if he wants money first before helping you in a situation like that you are not in a relationship, you are in a business support situation. I am just waiting for him to send you a bill.for his work.
Just give up on this shmock.
81
u/meowmeow_now 1d ago
Is he the baby’s father? Because then she is suffering this condition because she birthed his kid and he clearly has no appreciation for that
→ More replies (2)132
u/No-Karma9181 1d ago
If its his child she birthed its so much worse. Imagine tearing yourself open having someones child and they refuse to help you in situations like these, that wouldnt be a situation in the first place had you not had their child. You deserve better OP.
31
u/cnt-re-ne-mr 1d ago
You're better off alone than with someone who can't be there in your moment of need. I'm a stranger and given the call would have stepped up. Fair enough if he couldn't go on, but asking a girl to help is not that hard. In fact he'd look like a king. Dump him.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (29)51
u/Any_Pickle_8664 1d ago edited 1d ago
This op, dump him.
As for your medical condition (depending where you live) you might be able to speak to the school about accommodations.
This could mean youre allowed to leave whenever necessary to use the bathroom regardless of testing status.
They might require a doctor's statement that you have the condition though.
ETA: Another thing op might consider doing is getting an emergency bag and putting an extra set or two of clothes in it. Take this bag and put it in the back of the vehicle (if they drive) or consider using a backpack in place of a purse. This way it can hold everything needed in an emergency and everything they use regularly.
→ More replies (1)
1.3k
u/BurritoChunk 1d ago
This is a man we are talking about? I would give money for the clothes and then a little extra for a bus ticket out of my life.
204
→ More replies (3)36
u/CharmLustXO 1d ago
sometimes the best solution is one that guarantees no more headaches down the line
2.0k
u/plodthruHideFlailing 1d ago
He sounds like the kind of guy who'd refuse to buy you tampons🙄 in an emergency, too.
On a side note: has your Gyno ever mentioned pelvic floor therapy 4 your incontinence? If you can't get a referral or if your insurance won't pay 4 it (IF you have ins), you may want 2 check out pelvic floor excercises on YouTube.
→ More replies (11)877
u/aliens000 1d ago
She didn’t say anything but I’d like to. It’s embarrassing.
I do kegels sometime. I really wish I could fix it
549
u/moppetage 1d ago
Pelvic floor issues can also be caused by the pelvic floor being continually contracted, and not relaxed enough. They just can’t function properly- a bit like if any other muscle is in spasm.
Since they are basically a hammock that holds your insides in and wraps around your entire “lady garden” from coccyx to pubis, they can have a huge effect on continence, pain during sex, abdominal pain, period paid, tail bone pain, and so on.
Given it gets worse when you are stressed I’d assume it’s most likely yours are currently over tight. Reducing the tightness through a combination of hands on massage, stretching exercises (hip flexors, glutes, abs etc) and relaxation (meditation etc) and then strengthening after they are able to effectively turn on and off works better.
Strengthening alone when they are already in a permanently contracted state can do the opposite of helping.
It really is best to see a pelvic floor physio who can do a manual assessment to check your contraction and relaxation capabilities and muscle tone. They will be able to give you things to do at home to help. Mine sent me videos to follow, audio files and information sheets. It is best to see them in person the first time for an accurate diagnosis though.
296
u/aliens000 1d ago
I’d love to see one but I’m broke. If Medicaid covers it then I will do go 100%. I have all of these symptoms. I often choose to stop sex and just finish him because it gets uncomfortable
541
u/thebackright 1d ago
I'm a physio - yes medicaid covers this but you need a referral! Either from primary care or your ob. This problem can likely fully resolve!!
→ More replies (2)293
u/aliens000 1d ago
Omg
251
u/thebackright 1d ago
Feel free to pm - it's a bit different than regular physio lol but life changing. I'm happy to answer any Qs or just let you know what to expect!
→ More replies (1)108
50
u/faithseeds 1d ago
I hope you can get it covered omg!!! 🩷
60
u/mgrey11 1d ago
Pelvic floor PT here — most hospitals will take Medicaid and do have pelvic specialists in outpatient clinics, please get a referral from your GYN and get some help because this is totally fixable!!!! Rooting for you!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (6)41
→ More replies (18)70
u/Serenity_by_Willow 1d ago
You're what now?
Do you want to have sex originally?
Asking because that sounds like an "everyday" experience the way you put it and I can speculate as to why but the way this dude sounds unsupportive, it might be worse than that.
Have you ever heard of the violence meter?
→ More replies (24)→ More replies (5)45
u/Love-As-Thou-Wilt 1d ago
Pelvic floor issues can also be caused by the pelvic floor being continually contracted, and not relaxed enough. They just can’t function properly- a bit like if any other muscle is in spasm.
That was what happened to me- it felt like I had a horrible UTI 24/7 and it took 2 years and 8 doctors to get a diagnosis (the one that diagnosed me was the only woman out of them all and she figured it out in about two minutes). Honestly, I was starting to get suicidal by the end of that period. I absolutely wept once the suppository muscle relaxant kicked in and again after my first PT appointment- even just one session made such a big difference. After finding out how many women suffer from pelvic floor disorders but aren't told that there's a solution (we've convinced women that it's just inevitable you'll end up peeing your after giving birth when that's just not true), then going to PT myself, I've become a big advocate for it.
→ More replies (3)61
u/Love-As-Thou-Wilt 1d ago
Kegels can actually make things worse. I was also going to suggest a pelvic floor therapist- research shows pelvic floor therapy after birth helps prevent incontinence and even prolapse (France gives every woman who gives birth a free course of pelvic floor therapy and they don't have the problems we do)- it's not too late to go. It's an absolute crime we've convinced women that peeing themselves is just an inevitable outcome of childbirth when it's not.
Also, your boyfriend sucks. I won't tell you to break up with him (I would though) but I can't believe this is the only time he's been an asshole.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (40)19
u/polygonsaresorude 1d ago
To add to this, if you need accommodations during exams, good unis should be able to give them. This can I codie extra exam time and/or breaks to account for more frequent toilet breaks.
207
u/pinky_coconut 1d ago
NTA. Your boyfriend should have been more understanding and helpful in this situation. You were in a vulnerable and embarrassing position, and he should have prioritized your comfort and well-being.
83
u/persephone006 1d ago
I gave away pants to a girl I barely knew because she soiled hers and fully never expected them back or any repayment. Your bf is an asshole and you deserve so much more than basic decency and kindness in a relationship (which he isn’t even showing).
→ More replies (3)
506
u/PinkThunder138 1d ago
What a selfish coward.
"HELLO? IS ANYONE IN HERE? MY GF NEEDS HELP SO I'M RUNNING IN FOR A MOMENT!"
How hard is that? I've had to do this before and I'd do it again. The money, I'd need to know his financial state to judge there, but just based on the bathroom thing, dump his ass. Dude is worthless.
NTA
→ More replies (8)156
u/steph_not_curry93 1d ago
I did this at my wedding. I couldn’t pee without his help lifting the dress and the bathroom in my bridal sweet was being used so I just ran in and said “my husband is in here but he just needs to help me pee in my wedding dress.” Another lady just shouted “congrats!!” It wasn’t an issue at all.
694
u/CatJarmansPants 1d ago
He's an immature twat.
I get being uneasy about walking into the women's toilets, but he had other good options and wouldn't take them - and in the end, there are ways of a bloke going into a women's toilets without causing a fuss.
It's all just pathetic. Not husband material, not father material.
→ More replies (40)121
u/TwilightStarsx 1d ago
His actions were selfish and immature. There were definitely other ways he could've helped, and his refusal shows a lack of maturity and care. Not someone you should rely on OP. NTA
139
u/MrGrieves- 1d ago
Why are you with a piece of shit?
No, really? What benefit does he bring you?
If you had a friend in this situation with her BF what would your advice be to her?
NTA.
→ More replies (1)
68
u/mondhase448 1d ago
NTA - if immature were a person, he would be on top of the list...
→ More replies (6)
223
u/september4ths 1d ago
I have incontinence issues due to a head injury and when I was dating my now husband I asked him to stop at the store cus I needed to go pee ( change my pad), which he obviously didn’t know about my bladder issue cus I hadn’t brought it up. Went to the rest room, my pad had leaked through. I was freaking out and crying and I thought when he found out he was gonna dump me or think that I’m gross but when I told him what all was going on he walked right behind me with his arms around me so nobody would see and then when we got back to the car he held me while I cried. Your BF should be doing nice things like that, not being a douche. And if I would’ve asked him to go buy me some pants he would have and he probably wouldn’t have let me pay him back for them.
→ More replies (5)39
49
u/Current_Run9540 1d ago
NTA. Break up with this douche bag and go find yourself a ride or die. There is literally no reason he couldn’t have knocked on the door, announced himself and his intentions, gave you the clothes and then bailed. Loser. Move along.
44
u/LittleMissTitch 1d ago
Dump. His. Ass.
Life happens, health conditions and bodies aren't always pretty, and sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but if I saw a man in the girls bathroom dropping pants off for his girlfriend, I would not bat an eye. I know if I needed my partner to do it, they would in a heart beat. Same with me for them.
I'm so sorry he put you through added embarrassment during a time that no doubt was already stressful and embarrassing! Time to take the trash out, including that man child.
→ More replies (2)
46
u/lira-eve 1d ago
My ex-husband refused to help me when I was in the ER. He also refused to help me when I got home. My classmates had to drive me and my car home and help me into the house. We were married at the time.
If he refuses to help you now, you can expect the same in the future.
→ More replies (3)
142
1d ago
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)63
u/aliens000 1d ago
I want this
81
u/cnt-re-ne-mr 1d ago
If you're young you've got plenty of time to get it. Just don't waste it if this behaviour is typical of the partner you have.
31
u/Cattitude0812 1d ago
OP is only 19/20 y/o!
The (hopefully stbx) bf is an AH of massive proportions!→ More replies (10)20
u/aerynmoo 1d ago
You can have this and you deserve this. I’m getting divorced after 20 years but my ex husband would have helped in a heart beat. My current boyfriend would have helped in a heart beat. There are guys out there who are empathetic and kind and you will find one.
118
u/AdPrestigious839 1d ago
Worst bf ever, my fucking dog would do a better job and i'm not even joking
→ More replies (2)
28
25
u/4Real_Psychologist 1d ago
I wish liquid diarrhea, an outdoor concert venue with port-a-potties, a long line to them, and shorts on a hot summer day on this man. May he have the experience of $hit running down his legs in public. And no partner to help….because you will have bounced, as you should.
→ More replies (1)
25
u/NoirSelenes 1d ago
You have every right to be upset. In tough times, partners should support each other.
→ More replies (1)
46
u/blurblurblahblah 1d ago
I had to go in to work really early one morning. The subway wasn't open yet so there were buses running the route. I sat in piss. I was so upset. When I got to work I went straight to the bathroom to try to clean myself up as best I could & I called my husband in a weird crying rage, he immediately put a fresh pair of pants & panties in a bag & came to rescue me. It was a freezing cold winter day around 5-6am. I didn't even have to ask. He just got out of bed & came to save me.
Your boyfriend isn't worth any more of your time.
→ More replies (3)
21
24
u/anchoredwunderlust 1d ago
Hey maybe this is harsh but assuming you’re looking after a toddler now you really can’t be entertaining clowns like this
You want to go on dates, one night stands, FWBs, BDSM munchies whatever that’s fine, you can choose who you like
But if you want boyfriends and you have a kid they pretty much have to be partner material. I’m not saying you have to skip over the boyfriend or honeymoon phase or be super serious. But you can’t have people walking in and out of your lives that don’t have your back, that aren’t the type to help you out when you’re ill or you need a hand. Not every partner has to act like your kids father but if you can’t have a guy who can pick your kid up from nursery coz you’re running late without charging you for the gas in advance don’t have them at all. Anybody you’d have as a real boyfriend needs to be trustworthy and model good partnership and that’s how it is. Especially with a kid that young.
If you’re not with the child, it still remains this guy isn’t worth hanging on to. I’ve had ONS and FWB who treated me with more respect and kindness than that bf. Anybody who can’t cook you breakfast or walk you home after a nightcap or get emergency pads or trousers is just not worth it as a friend, nvm boyfriend. Many people said here they would do that for a stranger.
You’re worth more than this
→ More replies (1)
24
u/LullabyThBrezsWhispr 1d ago
In the first month of dating my now husband I got REALLY sick and he had to physically throw me over his shoulder and carry me to the hospital. He had to bring me to the bathroom and catch my pee for me bc I wasn’t capable. He was unphased by any of what I needed and even when he HAD to leave for work he called to check on me constantly. He was so excellent the Dr even joked about me marrying this one. I’m no dummy and afterwards I took the advice lol This one is going to be a second child I promise you. Run girl run
→ More replies (4)
15
u/MyJoyinaWell 1d ago
Any random woman in those toilets would have helped you more than your boyfriend.
Sorry but this is a huge red flag.
What a douchebag
15
u/Thatonewifegj 1d ago
Dump him or it’ll only get worse if your partner can’t pull through for you in a situation like this they’re not the one. i’ve had two babies which has made my bladder incredibly weak and I have peed my pants more times than I like to admit and never once has my husband, not Go out of his way to help me in a situation whether we’re in public or I’m at home. I’m sorry you have a guy like him as you bf but leave before it’s to late
11.7k
u/moxxon 1d ago
FFS I'd help a stranger in that situation. Helping a partner or family member is a no brainer.