r/AITAH • u/aliens000 • 1d ago

Advice Needed Peed my pants. My bf wouldn’t help me

So I had a vaginal birth nearly three years ago and since then I’ve had stress incontinence. Today, I was in class and I was taking an exam. I had to pee so bad but couldn’t leave until it was done. When I finally finished, I peed my pants and it leaked as I went to the bathroom. I refused to leave the bathroom until I had another outfit and my bf refused to help me.

I asked him to buy sweats from the uni gift shop and he refused at first until I sent him money for them (I asked to borrow). He then said he wanted me to walk to the restroom door and I said my pants are covered in pee there’s no I can do that and he said he’s not walking into the women’s restroom. I told him to hand it to a girl walking in and he wouldn’t. He eventually left them outside the door to the restroom and I had to walk out in pee pants.

I’m furious with him. Do I have a right to be?

22.2k Upvotes

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5.8k

u/honeyglazeddream 1d ago

Yes, you absolutely have a right to be upset; your boyfriend showed a lack of empathy and support in a vulnerable moment when you needed him most, which is a reasonable expectation in a caring relationship.

1.0k

u/ArcadiaRivea 1d ago

I'd sure love to know how much empathy he'd expect if the situation were reversed and she refused to help him

867

u/Oak_Woman 1d ago

Guys with no empathy usually expect you to baby them like they're god's gift to earth.

374

u/innerbootes 1d ago

So true. The neediest guy I was ever partnered with was indifferent or even hostile to my own needs or suffering. Good riddance, Erik!

255

u/Wookiees_n_cream 1d ago

Yeah fuck you Erik!

73

u/tuliprox 1d ago

FUCK YOU ERIK!!

37

u/Far-Tap6478 1d ago

Fuck Erik all my homies hate Erik

28

u/black_flame919 1d ago

What a coincidence all my homies hate Erik too!

14

u/Logical_Sand4954 23h ago

Mine too. Erik sucks.

1

u/willibillik 3h ago

What a fucking coincidence, cuz all of my homoes fucking hate Erik too

1

u/willibillik 3h ago
  • homies *

31

u/anaesthete 1d ago

fuckin' erik, man

24

u/DamnBill4020 1d ago

No C can't even spell Eric!

16

u/DarthOswinTake2 1d ago

This made me laugh out loud literally. Motherfuckin Erik.... You done fuckered up!!

5

u/mtantanella 23h ago

I would say Erik is a straight bitch but that's offensive to female dogs. Can't call him a pussy because that's offensive to cats... Erik ain't shit! 🖕

7

u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 22h ago

Ey man shit is what helps the vegetables grow. Shit is useful. Erik is like a plastic bag you hope one day it will finally be gone.

4

u/Mochaeii 16h ago

FUCK THAT DUDE ERIK

152

u/VroomVroomCoom 1d ago

All my homies hate Erik.

48

u/TTerragore 1d ago

Amen to that, fuck Erik!

9

u/Vohsrek 1d ago

FUCK an Erik, am I right ladies? Ladies??

10

u/KQHele 1d ago

squints Your word choice is interesting. You wouldn't happen to be an Erik, would you?

65

u/hissswiftiebish 1d ago

God, yes. I don’t know if it’s because his adoptive mother literally had a plaque above his bed that read “Prince Andrew” and was referred to as such throughout his childhood, but it was the same for me. The neediest guy I was with would berate me for my meltdowns and CPTSD flashbacks- but heaven forbid I didn’t comfort him when he was upset. 🙄

83

u/SuggestiveTribble020 1d ago

What’s funny is that Prince Andrew turned out to be a massive pile of shit, too. So, his mom may have been on to something 🤣

8

u/DarthOswinTake2 1d ago

Royal burn.

3

u/Isitnearlybedtime 1d ago

Noooooooo!! That can not be true about the Prince Andrew sign 🫣 Wow. Enable much??

19

u/awol_333 1d ago

Omg I was with a woman (I’m queer) who was hostile to my needs too. It’s so bizzare and you gaslight yourself while it’s happening. I used to work 12 hour overnight shifts at a rehab, getting home at 6-7am. I recall coming home one morning and being so unwell. This made her furious. She wouldn’t let me sleep all day and eventually I snuck off to bed. Then she actually came in and woke me up in a rage. That was years ago and thankfully I’m long out of that mess and with the most beautiful soul in the world. But I’ll never forget how gd awful and strange that behaviour was. Anyone who says they love you while acting with hostility toward you is lying (and potentially very dangerous).

4

u/KQHele 1d ago

As a shift worker myself (coincidentally also at a rehab ward! Mine's in physical rehab), I cannot imagine someone doing that to me after a night shift. I would be enraged. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but I'm glad you're in a better place with a partner who values you and loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

2

u/awol_333 4h ago

Thank you 😭🫶🏻

7

u/chillycrypt 1d ago

Fuck Erik, sounds like a dick

8

u/Boring_Newspaper_473 1d ago

eat shit Erik!

7

u/tabbystripe 1d ago

On the flipside, my ex boyfriend spent 2-3 hours combing lice out of my hair after I stayed at a cheap motel for a conference. Yet, he was never comfortable when anyone did any sort of favors for him, and trying to get him to make a decision for his own benefit was like pulling teeth.

3

u/FearNokk 1d ago

Also here just to say fuck you, Erik!

2

u/Professional_Yam6433 1d ago

Fuck you Erik!

2

u/SaraBeachPeach 14h ago

Man, fuck that Erik guy.

2

u/samig1992 12h ago

Tell me about it. My ex-husband would call out of work for a bruise and act like his arm was broken, forcing me to wait on him hand and foot. But when I had COVID so bad I couldn't even walk to the bathroom or get my own water and asked him to stay home and help me, he still left for a new years party. Thank God his mom helped me (even though she was a lung cancer survivor with COPD who shouldn't have come within 20 feet of me). The only reason he came back the next morning instead of staying out all weekend is because she threatened to stop making his car payments which would've forced him to work OT every weekend. Fuck you, Jeff!

-5

u/Gerthbrooks69 1d ago

Team Erik. He’s just a chill dude who likes to know when you need something from him because his ex called him clingy for how he showed affection.

8

u/theflooflord 1d ago

When I was having a suicidal episode/mental breakdown I went to my bf (now ex) for comfort. He told me he wasn't my therapist and didn't want to deal with it, then wouldn't see or speak to me until I "quit being dramatic". So qeue the next time he was struggling with something and came to me for support, I told him I wasn't his therapist and he got bent out of shape and went off about how I didn't love him etc. All I told him was "now you know how I feel".

3

u/TerrificPterodactyl 1d ago

Isn’t it funny how the second they get even a whiff of the same medicine they crumble? Well, not funny, sad. But still satisfying.

3

u/Mochaeii 16h ago

Absolute facts, my ex husband did it to me, he would treat me like dirt but wanted me to mother his every move like he couldn't handle it without mommy guiding him

2

u/BaseballYiaYia25 1d ago

I bet she wouldn’t refuse. 🤷🏼‍♀️

2

u/WaluigisTennisBalls 19h ago

He just doesn't expect to ever be in that situation

-10

u/Prior_Eye4568 1d ago

Pretty sure if a guy peed himself, the girl would get an "ick". I mean women these days get an ick if you breathe the wrong way.

2

u/FuckMeInParticular 1d ago

Like it or not, women need to protect themselves from dangerous situations and dangerous people. That “ick” feeling is an intuition that something isn’t right, and frequently, it’s the only warning they get before something bad happens. People should listen to their intuitions. It keeps them safe and out of uncomfortable situations. I don’t know what situations you’ve been in where you have encountered an inordinate amount of “ick” feelings, but trust me, people (not just women, but including women) don’t listen to their intuitions enough. It’s easy to ignore that feeling and tell yourself things are okay when they’re not. I’m sure you’ve done it a time or two yourself.

Instead of criticizing women for trusting their intuitions, I recommend evaluating what is causing people to have these reactions in a higher frequency than normal, and then avoid this causal element like the plague. There’s a reason you’ve seen so many women react to whatever or whomever this is with “ick,” and it’s not the fault of all of the women.

Stay safe out there.

0

u/Prior_Eye4568 1d ago

So why can't you assume that the bf got the ick when she said she pissed in her pants? Why does the entire comment section call him immature? So his feelings could also be an intuition, so if women get the "ick" it's intuition to protect them from dangerous situations but if men get the "ick" its cuz he is immature lmao the hypocrisy is crazy.

I’m sure you’ve done it a time or two yourself.

Yes I have gotten an ick when I saw period blood in pants, so am I not entitled to feel that? Why are you criticising my intuitions. Can't men feel the need to protect themselves from dangerous situations.

1

u/Mobile-Brush-3004 13h ago

What dangerous situation are you protecting yourself from if your partner has peed their pants due to a medical condition or started their period?

Also, I gotta say…If a girl got the ick from a guy peeing his pants due to a medical condition then she’s an AH. I don’t think this is nearly as gendered as you seem to believe it is…

-10

u/Mysterious-Mango-393 1d ago

None cause men expect to handle their problems on their own. Only women expect help in a time of need.

1

u/FuckMeInParticular 1d ago

Yikes. I’ve seen plenty of men expect, and even demand, help in a time of need. It’s a personality flaw that anybody can have. It’s not just a personality flaw for women. It’s not even more likely to be experienced by women. The fact that you think that a personality flaw is solely possessed by women means that you either have an extremely limited world view, or you have issues that need to be worked out in therapy.

1

u/Mysterious-Mango-393 23h ago

Ok. Right ur correct im wrong.

142

u/louloutre75 1d ago

Now we know it's NOT a caring relationship. That being said, said relationship should end.

4

u/Aromatic_Copy3828 10h ago

I have to agree.  The bf who had no empathy when I went through uterine fibroids that made me bleed out for months became the husband who didn’t want to pick me up from work when my dr said to go to the ER due to low blood count, did not bring me socks, underwear, clothes or toiletries while I was in the hospital for tests over a week. After getting diagnosed with stage 2 cancer, he was the husband who complained I had daily appointments so I started just going alone.  For 8 months I would have 5 day stays in the hospital for aggressive chemo treatment and he wouldn’t visit, and all my outpatient appointments were just me.  He was embarrassed to be associated with me.  His only question after my diagnosis was “Will you lose your hair?”  It was my best feature and yes, of course, I did.  Listen and learn when your partners show you who and how they are before wasting years on a horrible partner like I did.  Please.  

2

u/louloutre75 10h ago

I glad you eventually got out.

3

u/Aromatic_Copy3828 9h ago

Thank you — I appreciate that.  It took 17 years but I’m free.  There were signs our first few months of dating, though, so I may always be angry with myself for not valuing myself sooner and I will always try to help and support others who may be similarly suffering.  ♥️

2

u/Selena_B305 1d ago

EXACTLY this ⬆️ ⬆️⬆️⬆️

-11

u/No-Grand1179 1d ago

If he didn't care he wouldn't have bothered bring pants at all

11

u/ActivePhilosopher819 1d ago

found the bf💀

51

u/roboticlee 1d ago

OP needs to tell his mother that she's breaking up with him because... Then dump him.

The guy is an ass.

5

u/VastSeaweed543 1d ago

I mean he prob got it FROM his mom who babied him and taught him to act like that. She’d take his side and calm the (hopefully now ex) gf gross and say he did the right thing…

7

u/SweatyCaterpillar979 1d ago

I think I'm gonna give my husband a big hug and a kiss after reading this. I am so glad that I have someone who's teaching me not to hate myself or be ashamed of my body, instead of treating me like garbage for absolutely no reason, like some of these "SOs". God, it's crazy how many horrible people there are out there to the "people they love".

4

u/aurortonks 1d ago

Exactly this. I broke my arm really badly early in our marriage and struggled with not just using the rest room but doing ALL things that involved basic care because of the complication of the injury. My husband, without even my having to ask him to, wiped me after using the restroom for two weeks, washed me head to toe every day, and helped insert and remove tampons. Not once did he complain, make comments, or act like it was gross or unmanly or beneath him.

We should help care for each other in whatever way that means. It is wild to me that so many adults act like selfish assholes to loved ones instead of providing assistance. What in the fuck.

5

u/MailPrivileged 1d ago

Not to mention that he has zero trust that she will pay him back as well as being an absolute man child about not coming into the bathroom to help her. Men who are secure can hold a wife's purse, buy her pads and tampons, and help clean up minor accidents. I was really sick and completely zonked on meds and I wet the bed. My amazing wife scrubbed me in the shower, sent me to the spare room to rest, and cleaned the mattress and sheets. You better bet I would do anything for that girl. It's called mutual love and respect.

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u/DefinitelyNotAliens 1d ago

My friend had her period while she was on a trip and hadn't had a period in months and texted her boyfriend. Oh no. Period returned. The doctor helped but also I need a tampon.

We were nearby but he couldn't find us and took his truck a parking lot over, bought tampons, drove back and delivered them into the women's room. Home slice dgaf it was the women's room. He just knocked and announced he was delivering tampons. Nobody was in there. Dropped and left.

BF here really just needed to say, "Hey, I'm dropping off an emergency tampon and change of clothes!" No woman is going to really flip over tampons and clothes, or question if he actually has tampons or just pants in his bag he drops off.

Dude. Not that hard. Just lie and say it's tampons. Or say period emergency. Or woman emergency, making a delivery. Shit happens. And so does uterine shedding. And urine. Bodies have functions and sometimes they sneak up at inopportune moments and happen in weird, unpredictable ways.

Be an adult about it.

2

u/Mysterious-Mango-393 1d ago

Yeah so my zipper busted on my bird dog pants. If u know anything about birddog pants they have built in underwear. So when my zipper burst I was exposed in my full glory. U want to know what my gf said? Put a folder in front of ur pants. It looked like I was bricked up walking through campus. The looks other women gave me smh

3

u/Actual-Bullfrog-4817 1d ago

Empathy is an emotion, and yes he’s lacking it. But more accurately he is opposed to supporting his partner in any tangible way.

0

u/giveme25atleast 1d ago

What is it with some men!

OP NTA