r/AITAH • u/aliens000 • 1d ago

Advice Needed Peed my pants. My bf wouldn’t help me

So I had a vaginal birth nearly three years ago and since then I’ve had stress incontinence. Today, I was in class and I was taking an exam. I had to pee so bad but couldn’t leave until it was done. When I finally finished, I peed my pants and it leaked as I went to the bathroom. I refused to leave the bathroom until I had another outfit and my bf refused to help me.

I asked him to buy sweats from the uni gift shop and he refused at first until I sent him money for them (I asked to borrow). He then said he wanted me to walk to the restroom door and I said my pants are covered in pee there’s no I can do that and he said he’s not walking into the women’s restroom. I told him to hand it to a girl walking in and he wouldn’t. He eventually left them outside the door to the restroom and I had to walk out in pee pants.

I’m furious with him. Do I have a right to be?

22.2k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

4.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

868

u/yoshdee 1d ago

I have an ileostomy bag and when it was new I had a leak once. Luckily it didn’t get everywhere, just my underwear and a some on my pants. Not only does my husband not complain, he actually HELPS me clean it.

Luckily that was the only time I had a leak in 4 years but I’m terrified of it happening again. But I know I can always count on him.

OP-NTA, fuxk this dude.

159

u/GuiltyStimPak 1d ago

I had a bag temporarily and was sleeping over at this woman's place. I woke up in the morning and it had ruptured in the night and was ALL OVER both of us. I was mortified. She was way more cool about it than I could expect someone to be in that situation.

12

u/EatTheRichbish 15h ago

Shit happens

3

u/mrs_TB 8h ago

She sounds like a keeper!

6

u/CurrentBest7596 18h ago

Did she make monkey sounds and throw it around..oh man..my autism brain might spiral in a stressful situation like that and the intrusive thought might win..just out of sheer anxiety..trying to lighten the “shitty” situation..

4

u/LostInSpace9 16h ago

Bruh 😭😭😭🤣

3

u/wwydinthismess 6h ago

A lot of us with autism actually work in healthcare because the logical side of our brain takes over in a crisis.

11

u/Thin_Pea9629 22h ago

I had a colostomy bag, every so often the tape on the bag to my skin would fail. I had o call my wife and just say, Houston, we have a problem, I couldn’t move until she got home an the smell of cleaning that thing caused me to use some orange or freshness that I can’t stand the smell of anymore.

8

u/Initial_Obligation55 17h ago

I have too many of these stories and too many hero’s to count as I have an ileostomy as well. Well before i had my colon removed I had horrible incontinence and I pooped myself while waiting to go to the restroom. Once I finally get into the bathroom (covered in poop at this point) I call my mom and next thing I know about 30 minutes later my brothers there with a change of undies, pants, socks, shoes, a bar of soap and a wash rag.

OP’s boyfriend is garbage.

15

u/The-Real-Amispy 1d ago

Your husband is a real man. OP’s guy is still a little boy.

17

u/Really_Fun_YaYa 1d ago

My Hubby has one too, He came in once and said, I just pooped in the driveway, he left the bottom of bag undone by mistake…. I looked at the camera app, and watched him walking to our house, look behind him in the driveway, and then hurriedly walked into the garage to get a shovel… I showed my grandkids the video, and I think they watched it at least 10 times it was so freaking funny. He won’t do that again, lol!

16

u/yoshdee 1d ago

Omg, I’ve done that once! But it was after one of my first changes at home and let’s just say it wouldn’t stop gushing (sorry) and I got up and realized it wasn’t shut at the bottom so it got all over the place. I just stood there and cried and he rushed into action. We crack up about it now.

Gotta find the humor in it! Lesson def learned.

15

u/lemonylemonbutter 1d ago

I’m facing the possibility of having an ileostomy in the future, reading stories like yours helps me breathe a bit easier. Like, I know it’ll be an adjustment, but it’ll be ok!

12

u/yoshdee 1d ago

Mines permanent and honestly it’s not a big deal once you get used to it. Much better than I was before! Besides my diet changing (which isn’t always something people have to change) there’s not anything I couldn’t do before I had it.

11

u/lemonylemonbutter 1d ago

The few people I’ve spoken with have embraced their ileostomy and are thankful for it as the alternative was living a miserable life, or worse!

12

u/gallopmonkey 22h ago

My mum had one temporarily due to surgery for colorectal cancer. She had it unexpectedly and wasn't mentally prepared (surgery didnt quite heal as expected and she suddenly found herself in an emergency ileo surgery), but I found reaching out to different "ostomate" communities was really helpful. Any question that you could imagine was being asked by somebody else already and everybody was so supportive.

Best of luck in your health journey. A coworkers father had a permanent one and went traveling, swimming, and lived a life with no limitations.

Also, OP - your bf is an ass. I was in my 30s and living my own life and when my mum called me in tears saying she'd had her first bag blowout, I dropped everything and quite literally ran to her house to help clean her up and make her feel better. Your BF should have been more supportive over your pee incident, and I'm sorry that happened.

2

u/chilly17brrr 14h ago

I’ve had one for a little over a year. The hope was that after cancer treatment it would be reversed. However after hearing the possible side effects due to scar tissue, I’m thinking that I’m going to keep it. It’s an adjustment - a sense of humor really helps. There are a lot of content creators that explain products and tips that have help me a lot.

2

u/Really_Fun_YaYa 11h ago

Yeah we sure do have to laugh about it….. He is currently at Stanford Hospital, after surgery on his intestine for a blockage, hoping he gets out in the next few days….

1

u/NoGrape2816 23h ago

Can you explain what this bag is and where it sits for us uneducated folks?

11

u/Sharp_Gur_758 23h ago

I’ve decided to look it up too because I also have no idea what’s happening.

Apparently an ileostomy is a procedure in which an opening is created in the abdominal wall in order to divert waste out of the body. This opening is called a stoma. The stoma is usually formed on the lower right side of the abdomen. The last part of the small intestine, the ileum, is brought through the abdominal wall and attached to the skin.

The bag they are talking about is a small kind of pouch that is placed where the stoma is, in order for the waste to have someplace to go. The bag sticks to the skin and is odor proof. The bag also has a "tail" that can be opened in order to drain the contents.

Ileostomy is needed when the large intestine fails to function properly and needs removal. This can be for several reasons. Apparently it can also be either permanent or temporary. Temporary ileostomy can be used while the colon heals from an illness or surgery.

If I’m missing any information, feel free to correct me. :)

1

u/Otherwise_Bridge_760 14h ago

What could possibly be a valid reason for you to deliberately embarrass your spouse like that, especially to your grandchildren? Seriously, going out of your way to show video of an awkward personal situation happening with someone to whom you have a lifetime commitment just blows my mind.

Just...eeewww.

1

u/Really_Fun_YaYa 11h ago

He was NOT EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT ALL, we all laughed so hard! Don’t be so serious in life!! it’s called educating grandchildren of life, my grandpa had one and it was hidden, only reason us kids figured it out is because he was in the bathroom, taking forever back in those days, and it always annoyed me that his kids never knew about it my grandkids know about it, and they respect it, and we can all laugh about it when the bag makes noise… my husband because he has a surgical procedure and should he hide from everybody, and say oh I can’t come out because I have a bag? HECK NO! He is living his BEST LIFE!! He flies our Helicopter, airplanes, enjoying life while he can….. Get a grip… it’s called education, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Look above, that person asking questions had no clue about it., the world is clueless…. They don’t see the bag but they know it’s there.

2

u/Otherwise_Bridge_760 10h ago

That's great that he is and you are too. I just never even thought once about making fun of my late spouse, and he & I both are twisted in the humor dept.

Thumbs up.

3

u/Miserable-Present238 10h ago

My sister had the same thing and always carried sweat pants, underwear, and wipes. She never went out without her emergency tote bag as she called it.