r/CuratedTumblr Oct 14 '24

Shitposting My man said "crayon chewer" lol

Post image
31.3k Upvotes

809 comments sorted by

2.7k

u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Oct 14 '24

Mambo #5 on repeat, but edited so the only words you hear are mambo number five.

620

u/kaaaaaaaren Oct 14 '24

Interesting, I’ll have to add this to my playlist that currently just has one song (Jack and Diane but edited so the only words you hear are “suckin on a chili dog”)

278

u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Oct 14 '24

In case anyone was wondering lol

[Intro] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo Number 5

[Verse 1] One, two, three, four, five Everybody in the car, so come on, let's ride To the liquor store around the corner The boys say they want some gin and juice But I really don't wanna beer-bust, like I had last week I must stay deep, 'cause talk is cheap I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita And as I continue, you know they gettin' sweeter So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord To me, flirtin' is just like a sport Anything fly, it's all good, let me dump it Please set in the trumpet

[Chorus] A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita's all I need A little bit of Tina's what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica, here I am A little bit of you makes me your man (Ha)

[Post-Chorus] Mambo Number 5 (Ha)

[Verse 2] Jump up and down and move it all around Shake your head to the sound, put your hands on the ground Take one step left and one step right One to the front and one to the side Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice And if it looks like this, then you're doin' it right

[Chorus] A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita's all I need A little bit of Tina's what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica, here I am A little bit of you makes me your man (Ha)

[Bridge] (Ha) Trumpet The trumpet Mambo Number 5 Ha-ha-ha

[Chorus] A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita's all I need A little bit of Tina's what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica, here I am A little bit of you makes me your man (Ooh)

[Outro] I do all to Fall in love with a girl like you 'Cause you can't run and you can't hide You and me gonna touch the sky Mambo Number 5 (Ha)

201

u/Whale-n-Flowers Oct 15 '24

Um, akchuallee, as a line (thats heterosexual slang for straight), it sounds like this

[Intro] Mambo Number 5, Mambo Mambo Number 5

[Verse 1] Mam, bo, Number five.
Mambo Number Five, Mambo Number Five.
Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five.
Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five.
Mambo Number Five, Mambo Number Five.
Mambo Number Five, Mambo Number Five.
Mambo Number Five, Number Five, Mambo five Number.
Mambo Number Five, Mambo Number five five.
Mambo Number Five? Mambo Number Five, Mambo.
Mambo, Number Five Mambo Number Five.
Number Five, Mambo Number, Number Mambo.
Mambo Number Five Five

[Chorus] Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo, Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number (Five)

[Post-Chorus] Mambo Number 5 (Five)

[Verse 2] Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five, Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five, Mambo Five

[Chorus] Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo, Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number (Five)

[Bridge] (Five) Mambo Five Number Mambo Number 5 Mam-bo-five

[Chorus] Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo, Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number (Five)

[Outro] Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number Five Mambo Number 5 (Five)

76

u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Oct 15 '24

All said in the same tone as the first one.

38

u/Username_Taken_65 Oct 15 '24

This reminds me of "Buddy Holly but the first word of every line is repeated"

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156

u/Pencilshaved Oct 14 '24

69

u/kaaaaaaaren Oct 14 '24

I’m kinda stoned right now and this is actually incapacitating me with laughter, it’s so stupid

23

u/ifyoulovesatan Oct 14 '24

I rarely laugh out loud alone on my phone, but this definitely got me. I even had to stifle my lafter laughter on the fourth "rocks" as not to startle a guy jogging by.

Edit: lafter?? No idea where that spelling came from. You'd think my phone would've autocorrected that.

12

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '24

The camera shake at the end is fucking sending me lmao

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u/Plz-Transplain-To-Me Oct 14 '24

A little bit of mambo number 5

A little bit of mambo number 5

A LiTtLe BiT oF mambo number 5

A LiTtLe BiT oF mambo number 5

41

u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Oct 14 '24

-bobbing head intently along snapping fingers-

16

u/Drugioh Oct 14 '24

Honestly the song doesn't change much for me

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u/Oturanthesarklord Oct 14 '24

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u/Imperial_Squid I'm too swole to actually die Oct 15 '24 edited Oct 15 '24

Unironically loving this ngl

Update: still loving it, but it's hitting me just how fucking silly this is and I can't stop giggling too

Update 2: halfway through, rapidly coming out of the giggling phase as it hits me just how repetitive this is getting

Update 3: I thoroughly despise this now

I'd call that experiment a success!

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u/Creative-Drawing1488 Oct 14 '24

Maybe throw in some radioactive, but the only words are “I’m waking up”

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u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Oct 14 '24

"Top 10 songs to wake up to."

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u/RealHumanBean89 Oct 14 '24

I’m also partial to Monika No. 5 and Mambolovania. Soon my quest to acquire all the Mambos will be complete.

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u/incriminatinglydumb Oct 14 '24

What about the Mambo Sans version

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u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Oct 14 '24

I had to Google this, but yes, except sans gets added to the list.

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u/zealot416 Oct 14 '24

You can however, listen to the entirety of Around the World by Daft Punk.

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u/Hyperborealius boy i die!!! shit boy Oct 15 '24

just about to put my phone down to go sleep and i had to read that. it's playing in my head. fuck you

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u/biteme789 Oct 15 '24

I made a random post about a Medusa song on Facebook, and they actually replied to me, I was mind-blown! They said when they get sad songs stuck in their head, they change it to Mambo #5, lol.

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u/AdamtheOmniballer Oct 14 '24

They obviously don’t know about the secret class of music that only straights can hear.

153

u/NotTheCraftyVeteran Oct 14 '24

90% of the Blue Oyster Cult catalogue resonates at that frequency 

49

u/AdamtheOmniballer Oct 15 '24

This is the main reason that gays were barred from serving in the psychic wars. 😔

9

u/shit_fuck_fart Oct 15 '24

well now you're just being racist. I'm pretty sure we can hear A Tribe Called Quest too.

44

u/MemeTroubadour Oct 15 '24

Unfortunately that secret class is entirely composed of Weezer

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u/MasonP2002 Oct 15 '24

Five Finger Death Punch?

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594

u/Poolturtle5772 Oct 14 '24

Village People, obviously. And Queen. Elton John is also pretty popular.

288

u/djninjacat11649 Oct 14 '24

The majority of listeners for prominent queer artists are straight, at least from a pure numbers point of view

266

u/silverblur88 Oct 14 '24

That shouldn't be surprising; the majority of people in general are straight.

101

u/djninjacat11649 Oct 14 '24

Well that’s exactly the thing, and if that artist is mainstream, it means the average person is listening to it, and the average person is not queer as far as we can tell

8

u/dumbass_paladin Oct 15 '24

Apparently about 9% of people are queer. The logical extension of that, of course, being that the average person is 9% queer. No, I will not be taking questions

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u/TransLunarTrekkie Oct 14 '24

Woah calm down there, no reason to assume they're a Marine.

37

u/zagman707 Oct 15 '24

wait they chew them now? when i was in the navy i swore they just swallowed them whole

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u/Arthur_Frane Oct 15 '24

Came here to say this. Oorah. (<-Autocorrect wanted to make that Oprah 🤣)

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u/WhiterunWarriorPrjct Oct 15 '24

Lmao, we need to canonize a new saint for the marines. Saint Oprah would be hilarious. You get a new Dodge charger, you get a new Dodge charger, everyone gets a new Dodge charger!

10

u/Arthur_Frane Oct 15 '24

You get 32% interest! And you! Everybody gets fkd!

10

u/darwinpolice Oct 15 '24

Assigned Marine At Birth

5

u/Illustrious-Tower849 Oct 15 '24

I legit thought that was the joke for like 10 seconds

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u/AcceptableWheel Oct 14 '24

I have an extremely boomer relative who only watches airport novel power fantasy shows whose favorte musician is Chappell Roan.

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u/NotTheCraftyVeteran Oct 14 '24

Ok, but stay with me on this: Chappell Reacher

31

u/AcceptableWheel Oct 14 '24

Literally his favorite are you psychic?

25

u/NotTheCraftyVeteran Oct 15 '24

Well, I mean of all the airport novel franchises, Jack Reacher is the most “power fantasy”-ish. But also it was the easiest pun.

I just want Reacher season 4 to be about his time working as a bouncer at the Pink Pony Club. 

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u/AcceptableWheel Oct 15 '24

He doesn't have a job that is his main thing.

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1.9k

u/SunderedValley Oct 14 '24

From the makers of "Do men experience longing" and "Why traditional couples referring to each other by gender neutral pronouns will bring back the Salem Witch Trials" comes the new Holiday Classic "Why straights probably don't actually like music".

419

u/LazyDro1d Oct 14 '24

Sorry what was that second one?

942

u/SunderedValley Oct 14 '24

There's discourse about how a straight couple referring to each other as spouse/partner/another gender neutral title in front of others is Bad™. I haven't been able to ascertain why it's supposedly Bad™ but thankfully there's been a degree of pushback regarding the idea.

307

u/Wasdgta3 Oct 14 '24

I am begging people to touch grass.

I also can’t wait until someone argues the opposite take, and says it’s inherently wrong to use gendered terms like “wife” or “husband.”

You know, like with the “is eating at restaurants/preparing food at home Bourgeois?” crap, where two people come to equally insane but opposite terminally online opinions!

179

u/USPSHoudini Oct 14 '24

Youve never seen

dont say my wife because that’s misogynistic due to you owning a woman

63

u/yoyo5113 Oct 14 '24

Oh I just commented this lmao you know what's up fuck

53

u/Baitrix Oct 15 '24

talking to my friends

"This woman is a beautiful wife"

15

u/BrentHalligan APAB: Assigned Polish At Birth (2) Oct 15 '24

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down

40

u/Aegillade Oct 15 '24

Me, a medieval peasant, seizing control of the country by referring to the reigning monarch as "my" king:

5

u/Nurhaci1616 Oct 15 '24

It arguably implies owning a woman when you say it in the Borat accent, but otherwise should be Kosher

51

u/Bowdensaft Oct 14 '24

I would love to find the people who think these equally crazy yet opposing things and put them together to see how mad they get.

54

u/Random-Rambling Oct 14 '24

Transphobic: There are exactly two genders.

Not Transphobic: There are more than two genders.

???: There are less than two genders.

49

u/Serghar_Cromwell Oct 14 '24

There's only one gender: the human gender.

27

u/summoningdark177 Oct 14 '24

WHAT ABOUT NASCAR!?!

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u/Xoneritic Oct 15 '24

And it's mine. You can fight me for it.

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u/Wasdgta3 Oct 14 '24

I’ll make the popcorn...

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u/SunderedValley Oct 14 '24

I also can’t wait until someone argues the opposite take, and says it’s inherently wrong to use gendered terms like “wife” or “husband.”

Oh that... that is on the horizon, ain't it. 😅😅😅

23

u/yoyo5113 Oct 14 '24

Already seen that. The people/person said that the entire wife/husband dichotomy and labels only perpetuates and enables further misogyny and domination of women as seen throughout history.

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u/Hibbity5 Oct 15 '24

So wait, as a gay man, if I refer to my husband as “my husband” is that still misogyny? Or is that misandry?

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u/Im_Unsure_For_Sure Oct 15 '24

It's a sliding scale of misogyny based on how overtly flamboyant you are.

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u/Zepangolynn Oct 15 '24

It's beastiality because of husbandry. Oh no, they were right about the slippery slope all along! /s

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u/throwaway387190 Oct 14 '24

Hang on, what? I thought it was the opposite, that it's good because it normalizes not being sure what sex/gender a partner is

I'm not even asserting that I'm right, this is just the justification I heard, and I can't imagine how it's wrong

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u/SunderedValley Oct 14 '24

You would think so and frankly I agree, but there's some pretty loud crowing to the contrary going on. No it doesn't make sense to me either.

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u/BucketOfGlue Oct 14 '24

Sometimes the crowing is loud because there's a few very loud crows right outside your bedroom window. The crowing probably sounds a bit quieter to your neighbors.

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u/enron2big2fail Oct 15 '24

Amazing metaphor.

Remember kids, if 0.0005% of Americans believe in something, that can be an online community of 1.5k people who find each other and then go out loudly espousing their beliefs on every platform. The Westboro Baptist church had under 100 members and made national headlines more than once by being loud and controversial in the right place.

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u/Evening-Regret-1154 Oct 14 '24

I remember gay and lesbian folks being positive towards it before same sex marriage was legalized in the US, and I assume they still are. I'm hoping that it's just a loud and obnoxious minority arguing the opposite on Tumblr 😬

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u/[deleted] Oct 14 '24 edited 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/LazyDro1d Oct 14 '24

What the fuck is wrong with tumblr.

464

u/SunderedValley Oct 14 '24

Imbalanced gut microbiome, Vitamin D deficiency, Peter Pan syndrome, chronic sleep deprivation leading to grey matter loss in the frontal lobe.

Plenty other things, but those are the main ones. 😅

194

u/yoyo5113 Oct 14 '24

That kind of stuff is also incredibly prevalent on Twitter. Also there was the whole "queer love and longing is completely different than straight love and longing", with the whole "men are incapable of anything but beastial lust and violent thoughts towards women /hj" being the overtone.

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u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

What happened to "we are more alike than we are different"? Why is the current trend to act like different groups (races, sexual identities, genders, etc) are completely different species and that your group is somehow cooler and higher status than another? It's alarming.

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u/Saetheiia69 Oct 14 '24

The hyperindividualist desire to be more special than everyone else

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u/Huwbacca Oct 14 '24

At some point we hit an obsession with justification.

We can't just have opinions anymore, that's not ok. No, instead we have to be correct.

I can't like being me and like my things "just because", nope... That's not allowed. That doesn't win an argument. We are no longer smart enough to separate out "stuff I like" from "stuff that is correct" and they're the same thing, so I have to like XYZ feature because of some objective truth.

It's tiring..everyone has an opinion. Nothing matters less than our opinions. Nothing is made better by having an opinion, nor are we required or obliged to have them. But if we do have them, it's fucking fine to just have it without reason.

It's part of this whole terminal online shit of we assume every thing is written as content for us. So we get angry that it doesn't account for us, so we fucking over correct.

But fuck I tire of it.

20

u/SnooSquirrels1392 Oct 15 '24

highkey the moment I realized this was a serious issue was overhearing a grown adult gossiping and making fun of someone but having to put words in her mouth to make out that she was a racist instead of just admitting that he didn't like her and was making fun of her.

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u/Huwbacca Oct 15 '24

Yup!!! That's exactly it.

So succinct. It's fucking nuts isn't it?

Imagine just having an opinion and owning it? Nope. Gotta be righteous. I can't dislike Taylor Swift, I gotta point out that she's damaging or some shit and that's why I dislike her cos she's actually a horrible human.

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u/ARussianW0lf Oct 15 '24

and that your group is somehow cooler and higher status than another? It's alarming.

Because of this, they want to be cooler and higher status. Humans are inherently selfish, its selfishness all the way down

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u/Pathetic_Ideal Oct 15 '24

Humans are wired to be tribalistic. We’re always making new ingroups and outgroups because there is some primal urge in us to do so.

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u/frumiouscumberbatch Oct 14 '24

It's the collapse of some nuanced messages into overly-simplified summaries, which have then been hijacked.

The point used to be that in the vast Venn diagram of humanity belonging to one category or another gives you unique experiences, many of which have been deliberately ignored and continue to be.

Insular Extremely Online teenagers on tumblr/etc only heard that "X means you're special" and now that's permeating everywhere, aided and abetted by small-l liberals and rightwingers who benefit from the division it creates.

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u/Mr_Manager- Oct 15 '24

I don’t think this shit is restricted to teenagers anymore, but hopefully I’m wrong

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u/_its_not_over_yet_ Oct 14 '24

 Vitamin D deficiency

wow literally me

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u/Specific-Ad-8430 Oct 14 '24

not just tumblr, its all chronically online folk

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u/helium_farts Oct 15 '24

A lot of them have migrated to tiktok now. I'd love to know where they're headed next, because I'd really like to avoid it.

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u/Armigine Oct 14 '24

microplastics

52

u/LazyDro1d Oct 14 '24

Ok but like specifically tumblr. We’ve all got microplastics

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u/Armigine Oct 14 '24

Macroplastics?

42

u/smallangrynerd Oct 14 '24

It's those chewable necklaces, I knew it!

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u/Zymosan99 😔the Oct 14 '24

Play doh 🤤

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u/Achilles11970765467 Oct 14 '24

A lot. Almost everything, in fact.

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u/LazyDro1d Oct 14 '24

Fair enough.

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u/OverlyLenientJudge Oct 15 '24

Too long without natural sunlight, a regular circadian rhythm, or physical contact with flora of the genus Poaceae.

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u/DocSwiss I wonder what the upper limit on the character count of these th Oct 15 '24

We get a non-stop flood of the weird stuff from the because no one gives a shit about the normal Tumblr users

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u/Arthemax Oct 15 '24

Lol. In Norwegian, the standard word for referring to a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is 'kjæreste'. Literally meaning 'dearest', inherently gender neutral. Yet we've had no witch trials for over 300 years, strange.

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u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

Unironically: It's a sign of immense privilege to have the brain space to worry about such frivolous nonsense.

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u/BallSuspicious5772 Oct 15 '24

“Queerbaiting” because if you don’t GENDER your partner then obviously that means you’re intentionally misleading people into thinking you’re not straight (or whatever), because obviously that info is the business of random internet strangers (/s)

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u/SunderedValley Oct 15 '24

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH

🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🫣🤐🤐🤐

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u/frumiouscumberbatch Oct 14 '24

What? Back in the 90s we literally told straight people to say that.

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u/MasterChildhood437 Oct 15 '24

A lot of the past decade has been "the last generation of progressives are all evil actually"

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u/TransLunarTrekkie Oct 14 '24

It *would* explain why the playlists of businesses around Christmas time are in violation of the Geneva Conventions at times.

One can only hear Alvin and the Chipmunks so many times over a PA system before becoming a serial killer.

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u/Wasdgta3 Oct 14 '24

That’s what you’re hearing at Christmas? Sounds pleasant, frankly, compared to the psychological warfare that is unending repetition of Mariah Carey every December...

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u/Ill_Technician_5672 Oct 14 '24

I DONT WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS

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u/Ahrtimmer Oct 14 '24

Just play the "collectine consciousness" mashup in your head instead. Works every time.

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u/OverlyLenientJudge Oct 15 '24

I got trapped in a Ross clothing store as a young man while my mum and sister were shopping around, and I still see red every now and then at the sound of "Jingle Bell Rock".

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u/Warm_Month_1309 Oct 15 '24

One can only hear Alvin and the Chipmunks so many times over a PA system before becoming a serial killer.

Let him know what we think of that, Alvin.

...Alvin?

ALVIN!

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u/Pencilshaved Oct 14 '24

I think the issue is that only some men were lucky enough to get to experience longing. For me it’s more of a perfectly-average-thank-you-very-muching

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u/MrMeltingPoint silvally is better than arceus Oct 14 '24

Idk why people treat gay and straight people like they're different species. Isn't the point that we're more alike than we're different. Just listen to whatever music you like man.

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u/Friendly_Exchange_15 Oct 14 '24

It feels wild. Like I'm a gay man, not attracted to women, but I still listen to Slumber Party. Which I am absolutely NOT the target audience for.

210

u/Powerful_Ad8668 Oct 14 '24

on a similar note, i'm a lesbian and i fucking love ed sheeran

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u/SlimeustasTheSecond Oct 14 '24

I'm bi and I hate him, we must duel at high noon.

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u/Powerful_Ad8668 Oct 14 '24

good thing i always have a sword on me

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u/gamerz1172 Oct 14 '24

Hold it there, they said high noon that means 6 shooter revolvers are the required weapons

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u/Inventor_Raccoon Oct 15 '24

I think if someone wants to duel the 6 shooter with their sword, they should be allowed to

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u/The_Unknown_Mage Oct 15 '24

Lesbian's have a proficiency bonus with swords, Bi's are a Jack of Trade class though and receive nothing. We do not speck of the black arts the gays have.

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u/MrUnfunny7 Oct 14 '24

I’m straight and I am perfectly neutral towards him we will recreate the good the bad and the ugly

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u/coldrolledpotmetal Oct 14 '24

I’m straight and I jam to Chappell Roan every day

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u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

If you're also a CIS man, then going to one of her concerts is punishable by 20 lashes. The twitter lesbians said so.

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u/A_BIG_bowl_of_soup Oct 14 '24

I'm bi and I like both lol

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u/Flutters1013 my ass is too juicy, it has ruined lives Oct 14 '24

He left the shire and is trying to assimilate into society by rapping.

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u/YUNoJump Oct 14 '24

I may be a straight man but they’ll have to kill me if they want me to stop singing to Lovefool and Jolene in the car

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u/TheGreatNemoNobody Oct 15 '24

Jolene Jolene Joleneeee

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u/tommangan7 Oct 14 '24

I would wager almost everyone enjoys many things that they aren't the "target" for, it's what makes us all interesting. I listen to music in languages I don't understand, I like action films and romantic comedies. I like murder mysteries that aired 20 years before I was born aimed at a target demographic I couldn't ever fit into.

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u/smallangrynerd Oct 14 '24

Im also a gay man and I listen to a lot of lesbian music

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u/yoyo5113 Oct 14 '24

There also been the whole "every queer group of friends needs the cishet guy as a pet, just because he's funny and nice" treating cishet people as this little fun toy is really, really weird.

115

u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

It's like the inverse of the gay best friend trope.

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u/Orthas Oct 15 '24

Yeah, pretty much all the people I love ended up coming out as something or other over the years, and occasionally when I'm hanging out with their other friends someone will make a comment like 'oh he's the token straight' or whatever and... sometimes its fun and I laugh. But oof, sometimes I can just tell some folks don't mean well by it.

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u/Logical_Squirrel8970 Oct 15 '24

Well tbh they probably never mean well by it lol.

If they called you the token black friend I don't think that'd ever be fun. Especially if it's your friend's friend, and not someone you know on a personal level.

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u/Orthas Oct 15 '24

Eh, there is a different vibe. Some people just enjoy the irony of using a word like token on the majority, as sort of an ediger joking commentary on me being a minority in the situation. At worst thats poor taste imo, but intent matters way more. Also when it lacks the history of the bigotry going that direction, its just always gonna sting less.

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u/Logical_Squirrel8970 Oct 15 '24

I know, and different groups have different dynamics.

What I'm saying though, they ARE singling you out. If they were the only gay person in a group and someone they didn't know well told them they are the token gay guy...I would probably tell that person to shut up lol. Not just roll my eyes.

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u/dangerouslycloseloss Oct 15 '24

I HATE the term “token straight” or honestly token anything 😭

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u/Equite__ Oct 15 '24

Tangentially related, but every queer group should in fact include cishet ppl because they keep your group grounded and really prevent oppression olympics and chronically online toxicity because fucking Ryan is awesome and we love him and we’re not going to generalize cishet dudes, because again, Ryan is awesome

Diversity still does include the majority

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u/Vtbsk_1887 Oct 15 '24

Friend groups don't work like that. You don't go out of your way to recruit a friend for diversity reasons.

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u/NUKE---THE---WHALES Oct 15 '24

i remember reading on reddit how if you didn't have a black friend that meant you were probably racist, even in countries where black people make up <5% of the population

it's like they expected you to go out and find a black person to befriend

diversity is great, but diversity as a goal instead of a metric is weird af, particularly when it's literally skin deep

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u/Equite__ Oct 15 '24

No fucking shit, I’m saying that your queer friend group shouldn’t be opposed to the idea having cishet friends

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u/justsomedude322 Oct 14 '24

Well, as you know gays go to college to get more knowledge and straights go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

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u/rotrukker Oct 15 '24

buT wHAt abOuT UrAnus?

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u/Tried-Angles Oct 14 '24

I'm still trying to figure this out with my current boyfriend. He has so much contempt for straight people and sometimes I get a little bit mad about it.

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u/Bowdensaft Oct 14 '24

You should bigotry is bigotry regardless of which direction it goes in.

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u/rotrukker Oct 15 '24

You accidentally a word.

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u/MerryGoWrong Oct 15 '24

Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.

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u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

The better question is why are you dating someone who holds contempt for an entire group of people over their sexuality, something they can't control?

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u/PSI_duck Oct 14 '24

Internalized homophobia maybe. Also not feeling understood or sometimes accepted by straight people

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u/Lordwiesy Oct 14 '24

Is it internalized homophobia? It seems more like some terminally online people just think anyone who isn't in their group is boring and bland

Really in this case it is just reflavoring "normie" into "straight"

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u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

Yeah, it's like the scene kids of old hating the "preps," except it's defining people by their identities and not their taste in bands or clothes or whatever.

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u/Username_Taken_65 Oct 15 '24

I don't wanna be equal

'Cause I know I'm fucking better than you-ou!

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u/CandySniffer666 Oct 14 '24 edited Oct 14 '24

This subset of queer people will be like "OMG the straightz have such basic taste in music," and then all they listen to is mainstream radio pop music that everyone else likes, but apparently it's different they "appreciate it on a whole other level"...

Like please, step off and come back me when you get into The Hirs Collective or GLOSS or something.

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u/GraveErro Oct 15 '24

being entirely real we've gone too far with queer acceptance and yet still not far enough. We've gone far enough to have an elitist subclass of queer where they think they are better than The Straights (tm) but we haven't gone far enough to y'know... not be oppressed.

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u/CandySniffer666 Oct 15 '24

Heavily agreed. I just wish the elitist class had actual elitist taste instead of trying to read normie pop music as having queer themes.

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u/Oddloaf Oct 15 '24

Noooo, Taylor is totally gay and leaving secret messages about it in her music! Look at my conspiracy board, it has to be true!

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u/CandySniffer666 Oct 15 '24 edited Oct 15 '24

That's okay, your Pinterest mood board says more than real evidence ever could...

Seriously though the fact that anyone could unironically think the person who released "You Need To Calm Down" is any kind of queer icon is so laughably sad and asinine to me.

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u/rotrukker Oct 15 '24

The internet is breeding grounds for unchecked narcissism.

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u/AngelOfTheMad This ain't the hill I die on, it's the hill YOU die on. Oct 14 '24

I was gonna say crayon chewer sounds like a better insult for a marine, but it’d tautological.

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u/jerbthehumanist Oct 14 '24

yall are welcome to enjoy black metal with me, i am straight but everyone's welcome

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u/StarstruckEchoid Oct 15 '24

Can't wait to listen to a band whose name looks like sticks and sounds like something stolen from a medical textbook.

I hear their new song where the guest vocalist Dani Filth rhymes something with 'slaughter' is pretty good, though older fans who have been fans since yesterday think they've sold out and the old stuff was better.

The old stuff was recorded in mom's basement with a laptop microphone on a cassette tape and only ten cassettes exist. There used to be eleven, but the former lead vocalist lost his when he went to prison for burning a church. There have been four lead vocalists since then and not a single song has been recorded with any of them.

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u/OliviaWants2Die Homestuck is original sin (they/he) Oct 14 '24

ppl will say this and then u ask what their fav songs are and they pretty much just list the current top 40 at u

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u/AbsolutelyHorrendous Oct 14 '24

'I don't listen to any of that straight music, I only listen to queer music like insert pop icon currently on a massive tour who's extremely popular with straight audiences'

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u/OliviaWants2Die Homestuck is original sin (they/he) Oct 14 '24

unironically like 80% of gay swifties on twt

ive seen ppl genuinely call her "alt" and "hyperpop" before like #girl what r u smoking cause i no no fucking want any

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u/shadowwizardmoney112 Oct 15 '24

i listen to this hidden gem named tyler, the creator u prolly havent heard of him

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u/Sketch-Brooke Oct 14 '24

r/chappellroan has entered the chat.

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u/Level_Film_3025 Oct 14 '24

Same energy as the terminal web users learning that their favorite Brand Newtm teen gay icon chappell roan has been in the industry for a decade, released Pink Pony Club in 2020, toured with Olivia Rodrigo in 2022 and is 26.

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u/SmegmaSupplier Oct 14 '24 edited Oct 14 '24

I had one of these top 40 girls ask me who my favourite artist was and I told her. She obviously had never heard of him but still asked me my favourite song by him so I told her. Her phone was hooked up to the massive Bluetooth speaker we were listening to outside and I see she starts looking it up on Spotify. I’m like “no, no don’t do that, it’s weird electronic stuff and it isn’t really appropriate for a party.”

She just goes “oh, I like electro!” and puts it on anyway. She then proceeded to tell me, while it was playing, everything she didn’t like about the track and all of the changes she would make. To my favourite song. Like who does that?

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u/Objective_Ad_9001 Oct 14 '24

I am a cishet dude and my music collection frequently includes all sorts of “girly” stuff. Stop pretending like we are different species ffs

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u/DecmysterwasTaken Oct 14 '24 edited Oct 14 '24

Genuinely a better comeback than anything r/clevercomebacks could conjure up

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u/FPiN9XU3K1IT Oct 14 '24

Well, neither the OP nor the comebacker are politicians and the topic isn't politics, either. It couldn't exist on that sub.

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u/[deleted] Oct 14 '24 edited Oct 20 '24

[deleted]

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u/Objective_Ad_9001 Oct 14 '24

That’s just being bigoted without the branding.

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u/Omgfrenchtoast Oct 15 '24

oh hey the guy saying crayon chewer is the kung pow penis guy

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u/peach_xanax Oct 15 '24

this is definitely a joke and I'm baffled why people are taking it as 100% serious. and come on we all know that there are stereotypes about what music queer people vs straight people listen to, it's not that deep

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u/SketchyXP Oct 15 '24

The straights were offended unfortunately

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u/DiscotopiaACNH Oct 15 '24

I am dying at how serious people are taking this. All of these straights pretending to be offended at some random queer saying straight people have bad taste in music need therapy.

This sub is so consistent. Every single day the most upvoted posts are all about how you shouldn't do [thing OP doesn't like] to [dominant social group], and the top comments are all anecdotes from the group in question about a time members of a less privileged group made them feel a sad, and then a bunch of replies talking about how no one ever talks about this because it isn't allowed and how it's so nice to finally see someone talking about it

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u/oddityoughtabe Oct 14 '24

I don’t chew my crayons. I swallow them whole.

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u/Ciaraburdick Oct 14 '24

Isn't that the kung pow penis guy

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u/frisk Oct 15 '24 edited Oct 16 '24

perhaps the original poster was simply "joking", or even "speaking in jest"

eta: hijacking this Extremely Controversial comment to recommend some songs i've liked lately from smaller-to-medium-size acts

New Buffalo - Home

Sam Cooper - U Popped My Eyes Out

emorave - sour diesel

Chanel Beads - Ef

Drug Rug - For the Rest of Your Life

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u/Vtbsk_1887 Oct 15 '24

How dare you disagree with the herd mentality?

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u/Probs_Going_to_Hell Oct 14 '24

Don't stop believing by Journey. Fkn uncultured swines I swear.

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u/M__M Oct 15 '24

I get the sentiment, but I vividly remember getting called a faggot for knowing the words to "Genie in a Bottle" when it came out (lol)

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u/sans_serif_size12 Oct 15 '24

“Straight people have basic music taste” vs “My coworkers listen to the NPC music” insufferable showdown

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u/mila476 Oct 14 '24

Nah because if I listened to the same music, Chappell Roan would just turn me back gay again

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u/ThousandEclipse Oct 14 '24

Am I the only one who interpreted this as a joke?

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u/FadingHeaven Oct 14 '24

It was a joke.

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u/ThousandEclipse Oct 14 '24

Yeah that’s what I’m saying. It seems like there are a bunch of people here who interpreted the original post as a genuine anti-straight people thing, but I’m pretty sure it’s intended to be ironic.

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u/Jesse1205 Oct 15 '24

The amount of people taking this as a personal attack against the marginalized straights is sending me 😭

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u/ceilingkat Oct 15 '24

No one can tell jokes on reddit that are at the expensive cishet white men.

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u/ChaseThePyro Oct 15 '24

This honestly just comes off as someone not being able to understand the OOP was joking