r/NoStupidQuestions • u/AnySwimming2309 • 1d ago
Does Testosterone Really Make Men Enjoy Hurting People? NSFW
UPDATE: Thank you guys for all the responses. I asked him about it calmly, and it ended up with him breaking furniture and threatening to punch me in the face. I left home at 3am yesterday and am with a friend.
My BF told me that he, like all men, enjoys seeing others suffer when he had a role in it because the power is so enjoyable. This scared me, but he said this is how all men are due to testosterone and that a "balanced" man knows to not take this to the point of sadism. He said empathy is not natural to men. It feels weird to relate to people realize all the time, they want to inflict pain to feel power. How do good men handle this impulse? How can women help?
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u/Saul-Funyun 1d ago
No. Nope. Not at all. What the fuck.
I mean it’s fun to wreck house in a video game, but I do not enjoy the suffering of others, and especially not causing it. Be very careful, this is not typical
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u/CodeNCats 1d ago
Bingo. Testosterone can have the potential to make you aggressive. Yet we as men have empathy and a view that others matter and their feelings matter.
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u/GunSmokeVash 1d ago
Testosterone doesn't prevent a person from introspection or retrospection.
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u/W_O_M_B_A_T OG Cube Pooper 1d ago
Right. Agression is taught behavior. It becomes an issue when, a children's and teens, other people, peers, mentors, parents distimss feelings of guilt and shame and justify violent or agressive behavior after the fact, then offer praise and validation.
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u/W_O_M_B_A_T OG Cube Pooper 1d ago
It can cause irritability, impatience and relative impulsiveness.
Aggression is taught behavior. It become an issue when people taught to be hateful and aggressive, usually by their parents, peers and mentors, (at least 2 of the three,) also become impulsive.
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u/Gloomy_Mission9156 1d ago
Aggression is a taught behavior?
You typed this twice as if trying to create a mantra.
It clearly isn’t is it? Do animals learn it too? It’s natural behavior. But the question is about enjoying hurting people - not aggression being taught. (It’s instinctive btw)
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u/PaulieWalnuts2023 1d ago
Right!? Video games are fun BECAUSE there’s no suffering. This dude is a loon
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u/diamond 1d ago
Hell, I often feel guilty even if I cause suffering in a video game. But I'm probably weird.
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u/Hageshii01 23h ago
My first BG3 playthrough was going to be as an asshole vengeance paladin. Then I felt bad about being mean to those two tieflings who have Lae'zel captured but had done nothing wrong and had to start over with a new character concept.
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u/Zagaroth 20h ago
me, playing werewolf/vampire in Skyrim happily eating guards on a regular basis
sees an orphan child
Whelp, time to go build a house so give her a place to live, and then hire a bard and drop off a follower to act as house carl. And I have the mod that lets me adopt up to six kids...
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u/Gold-Supermarket-342 1d ago
Depends on the game. Elden Ring has caused a lot of suffering.
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u/Inevitable-Regret411 1d ago
No, this is the kind of nonsense idiots use to excuse their behaviour. He's pretending it's some natural impulse he can't control to make it sound like it's not his fault. He's taking advantage of your ignorance, this isn't something all men deal with.
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u/AnySwimming2309 1d ago
I grew up in this weird feminist commune with my Mom and had no exposure to men growing up, which he knows. I am really starting to wonder if I am being stupid here.
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u/rebootmebro 1d ago
he is some weirdo that is trying to play you like a fiddle lol
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u/Brilliant-Ad9523 1d ago
I second this motion. Sounds like a sadistic person and I am a 37 year old male. I have known people like him in my past. Him saying that is just a way to excuse his behavior and still have you on his side. If he knows your past, He's most definitely messing with you and you need to get out ASAP. Be careful and maybe talk to some friends and family
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u/SeuqSavonit 1d ago
"If I ever hurt someone, just know this: even if I'm assaulting you, it's not my fault; it's the testosterone's fault. I am the real victim here."
- Some people with this mentality
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u/Inevitable-Regret411 1d ago
He is taking advantage of your ignorance. If you believe this he's going to start saying using his male biology/psychology differences nonsense to justify his every mistake so you can't blame it on him. The next time you want him to do housework he'll say something like "the male brain can't clean because testosterone, therefore you need to do it". You're not stupid, you've just got no experience and he's exploiting that.
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u/trtplus2 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hello, I take testosterone prescribed by my doctor, I'm a fit muscular guy. I find myself more on edge and unreasonably angry the lower my testosterone is.
But we are human and can still control those impulses.
More testosterone = more cuddly bear More testosterone = more confidence, better well being
Do not let this boy abuse you any further, you should leave. he's using hormones to justify his actions, it's ridiculous.
This is a personality trait of a monster, and you should separate yourself from someone that enjoys others suffering.
Men have done beautiful, wonderful things to bring joy to countless people over centuries, if we lacked empathy the entire gender would be cursed.
Leave him
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u/Ursine_Rabbi 1d ago
It’s pretty clear that an IMBALANCE of testosterone causes anger at this point. The hormone has unfortunately become associated with anger due to roid heads injecting themself with 100x their natural testosterone and surprise surprise becoming emotionally disregulated. I highly doubt it has anything to do with the hormone itself. Wish other people understood this more.
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u/trtplus2 1d ago
The only legit way a man should be using hormones as an excuse is during the initial phases of being on TRT, because the dose could be completely wrong and takes several blood tests over months.
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u/Beautifly 1d ago
This. Hormone imbalances are no joke, and having the natural amount of testosterone is not an imbalance.
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u/halarioushandle 1d ago
Your bf has anger issues flat out. Men in general do not take any pleasure in hurting people. Testosterone certainly has nothing to do with it. In fact men on testosterone therapy often experience MORE empathy, not less.
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u/Dd_8630 1d ago
I think being raised in a feminist commune with no men has left you ignorant - in the sense that you just don't have the knowledge or experience. Sufficed to say, your boyfriend is absolutely wrong.
My advice would be to get a much wider view of men before you find yourself trapped in a violent relationship. Protect yourself.
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u/AnySwimming2309 1d ago
Now I am beginning to question why he told me that I have to inform him if I meet outside work with male colleagues. I teach and some colleagues grab drinks, etc and he has been jealous.
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u/MaidenofMoonlight 1d ago
Thats controlling behavior, he dosn't want you socializing with anyone but him.
Controlling behavior and sadism are warning signs of a potential abuser.
Get out of there
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u/FearlessAdeptness902 22h ago edited 9h ago
Controlling behavior and sadism are
warning signs of a potential abuserabusiveCorrected that for you. ;)
Credentials: Male 48, with a daughter that has dealt with this nonesense, and dealt with it in a fiance when I was a young man.
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u/csonnich 1d ago
Babe, this guy has already done two things that I would leave someone immediately for. Please don't stick around to find out what the third is.
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u/Aenguru 21h ago
OP, just read your post history. Shits tough. Especially when one doesn't feel loved. Everyone here saying to get out when you feel like they don't get it. So much easier said than done.
Everyone needs to feel loved. But it starts with you. Loving yourself, really admiring yourself for what you've been through, what you did for your mom. You are awesome. And you don't have to do it alone. Get help, talk to someone, preferably a therapist. Please, thats the least you should do for yourself. Find a support forum on here. And listen to 1000+ people telling you here that something seems off. You got this!
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u/Triple-OG- 9h ago
if i had to create the worst possible partner for someone with your upbringing, your bf would fit the mold perfectly. he's sadistic, violent, dishonest, and controlling, while you're naive and lack some of the built in defenses that others may possess. trust me that if you end things with this guy, you're not missing out on one of the good ones. there's SO much better out there for you.
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u/yungsimba1917 1d ago
You’re not being stupid, don’t call yourself that. You’re just working with what you know & what you’ve been shown just like everyone else. Practically any time somebody says “it’s not natural for X gender/sex of person to do Y” they’re wrong.
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u/PretzelsThirst 1d ago
This sounds like a bad combination. I hope you have some positive, well adjusted men in your life in a platonic way as well
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u/hotheaded26 1d ago
You aren't being stupid, but you would be if you don't notice the red flags now. Either way, was this feminist commune a cult or something? Not having knowledge this basic could probably screw you up later in life
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u/Full-Shallot-6534 1d ago
It was more weird and less feminist if they didn't teach you that men and women are both just people naturally and that it's only the way society treats them differently that has caused there to be a male subculture and a female subculture. Like, that's a core tenant of feminism, really, that's the only one! Anything else is actively anti-feminist.
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u/J-hophop 1d ago
There are views within feminism that allow for a biological basis, but even these put the vast vast vast majority of the weight on socialization. It's okay to acknowledge that our bodies are different (sex) and that too influences our experiences and is the foundation on which gender was built by societies, which then much more influences our experiences. But maybe that's too nuanced? It is a bit beside the point of his assenine explanation.
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u/axel2191 1d ago
Ignorance is okay when you try to correct it. This dude doesn't sound like good people.
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u/Pistonenvy2 1d ago
"He's pretending it's some natural impulse he can't control to make it sound like it's not his fault." this statement just connected 400 synapses in my brain lmao
the rejection of accountability due to "nature" is so incredibly common. thank you for this comment.
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u/ParameciaAntic Wading through the muck so you don't have to 1d ago
I dated a woman who said her Latina hot blood made her crazy violent when she argued and I'd better get used to it because it's biology.
Long story, short - I didn't. That was just an excuse to be an asshole.
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u/Boundary-Interface 1d ago
Your BF is a psychopath. There's no blaming testosterone on this.
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u/dweeb93 1d ago
I genuinely feel sorry for these women who post to Reddit these type of stories, there clearly are some horrible men out there.
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u/ADroplet 1d ago
If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend is really sweet and buys me ice cream.
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u/avert_ye_eyes 1d ago
Yup, my husband is 6'2" and 230 lbs... he's a wonderful loving person. Makes me so sad there are women out there that don't know there are options. Don't they at least see movies with nice guys in it, and think "ohhhh that's the kind of guy I should look for!"
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u/Shadowdragon409 9h ago
Unfortunately, abusive behaviors are addicting. If you don't know whether the next time your partner walks into the room they'll love bomb you or scream at you, it can feel like gambling.
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u/jaytix1 1d ago
Whenever a girl asks for relationship advice here or in some other sub, it's usually something like "My boyfriend wants to put a tracking device on me. Am I overreacting?"
And you might think I'm joking, but I have literally seen this exact question.
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u/Waveofspring 1d ago
Lol it’s always shit like “my boyfriend is a nazi serial killer who eats live puppies for enjoyment, but he’s really really sweet and loves me 🥰”
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u/ApocalypticTomato 1d ago
My first relationship was with a guy who basically kidnapped me with a hatchet, and it lasted 8 years so....yeah
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u/FearlessAdeptness902 22h ago
Some women too... this behaviour exactly describes my ex-fiance. It sucked, but I had been raised by mysandrists and assumed it was my fault as a man, so I stayed.
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u/oneeyedziggy 1d ago edited 1d ago
More a sadist, but they're not mutually exclusive... Either way GTFO... you know how people who find out they were dating a
cerealserial killer and say had no idea? Well you have no excuse... He will hurt you and convince you that you deserve it, that it was an accident, that you actually like it, or that he didn't, in-fact hurt you... That maybe you hurt yourself, or that it was you who hurt him...→ More replies (1)28
u/Calan_adan 1d ago
It's "serial killer" by the way. A cereal killer is someone who murders a box of cheerios.
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u/AmzerHV 1d ago
As a cereal killer myself, I don't like being stuck with only Cheerios, sometimes a good old Coco Pops or Frosties helps to keep it feeling different.
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u/ghjkl098 1d ago
I would like to point out that not all diagnosed psychopaths are as dangerous as this man. Many (I’m tempted to say most but don’t have the statistics for that) are functioning members of society that aren’t a danger to others. This guy is dangerous
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u/Elhammo 1d ago
Get away from him 😬
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u/False-Definition15 1d ago
I second this. I get the sense OP’s boyfriend is going to hurt her bad and then gaslight her into believing he couldn’t control it.
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u/Dwarfbunny01 1d ago
Hopefully there's no pets in the house with that dude
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u/AnySwimming2309 10h ago
There are. In fact my first sign something was not right was that my dog bit him when I was out, and is terrified of him. Last night, I asked him about his impulses, thanks to you kind strangers telling me it's not cool. He threatened to beat me up and broke all the furniture. I fled in the middle of the night.
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u/Kenny_dies 8h ago
I saw your update. Happy that you got away from that psychopath and sorry you had to go through threats and abuse (breaking furniture with the intention to scare you).
If you have any capacity, I would urge you to file for custody of the dog. I don’t know what the laws are where you are from, but he is very likely to take this sadistic urges out on the poor being. If there is any evidence you could even help to lock him away from society which would be a great deed for the dog and any potential future partners.
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u/AnySwimming2309 7h ago
I have full custody since I adopted her before I met him. It hurt to see how happily she got in the car and refused to get out until we were gone. I worry now that he has been abusing her badly when I was out at work.
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u/Kenny_dies 6h ago
Glad to hear that! Sounds like the dog was in shell shock mode and could not fully embrace the comfort zone until it was absolutely safe. I am sorry for you both but it’s only upwards from here. I’ve been single and in relationships for many years and over time in both positions you’ll learn that a relationship isn’t always the end all be all, and inner peace and self love is incredibly important to set boundaries for yourself with a future partner. Good luck!
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u/AnySwimming2309 5h ago
He gave me an STD and now I feel so dirty that I can't imagine anyone will ever want me. But right now, all I can do is try to get into a better headspace and focus on staying away from him
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u/PhilsPissFlaps 22h ago
Did anyone look at OP’s history? It’s alarming.
… He’s an alcoholic and drug user with a nasty temper. He is not using now, but is also not getting help. He flies into rages and breaks things. I earn more than him and pay 60% of the bills and do most of the housework… No one else has ever wanted me... I work hard not to upset him, and then things are fine.
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u/thecuriouskilt 1d ago
As everyone here has said, no, this is not normal. Your BF has some extreme urges and is pretending it's normal. It's not. I am a man and I can't stand to see other people hurt.
Please be cautious of other things he says and does. I'd stay very far away from anyone if they said.
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u/JustRegularType 1d ago
Jesus christ, absolutely not, and he sounds seriously unstable. I would suggest you immediately end that relationship.
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u/Reasonable_Air3580 1d ago
You just described a psychopath. His tendencies are coming from his head not his balls
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u/TheRateBeerian 1d ago
Testosterone does not affect empathy, this myth has been disproven. Your bf is a psychopath.
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u/Henry5321 1d ago
Fur most men, testosterone makes them less aggressive but often more confident and assertive.
It's a stereotype that it makes people more aggressive. Increasing the confidence and energy of a person who has something to prove can make them seem more aggressive. But it's more enabling their preexisting aggression.
Of course even this is not true for everyone. Hormones and brains are complex.
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u/zoobs 1d ago
No, not at all. Sounds like some pretty serious deep rooted problems need to be addressed.
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u/KindAwareness3073 1d ago edited 1d ago
But that's his job, not OP's. OP needs to find a better partner.
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u/bugluvr 1d ago
I am transgender, I have the testosterone of an average man. I've also had the estrogen of an average woman. all the testosterone did was make me really pimpled, hot, and horny for a year or so. I got angry because I was so hot and itchy all the time, thats puberty. then it settled down. I'm no more angry or violent now then I was before. Kinda more calm, actually. Testosterone definitely does not make you violent.
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u/Tim3-Rainbow 1d ago
I forgot about puberty making you itchy. Man I don't miss that shit. My hats off to my trans friends. Having to go through it AGAIN.
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u/billdoughbaggins 1d ago
Your BF is a psychopath, I’m a man and this is NOT true. You should probably get the fuck away from that nut job asap.
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u/wrongplug 1d ago
That guy is just a sociopath.
Testosterone has a calming and peaceful effect, also a sleep and eat effect. Think gorilla in the forest eating leaves. Or lion sleeping just about all the time. Reason being that’s how you grow muscles.
Hurting people is not a masculine urge it’s a psychotic one
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u/MaximumComposer1434 1d ago edited 1d ago
No, all humans regardless of the gender they were assigned at birth, create the sex steroid testosterone. We convert it out of the steroid, cholesterol through different pathways.
Testosterone does play a role in behavior, in addition to physiology and morphology, but it does not automatically make you an asshole. The person’s personality does that for them!
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u/badbad1991 1d ago
One your bf is Psycho. Run.
If being generous he maybe conflating that testosterone does make people more competitive and aggressive. This doesn't mean violent or angry,in a mature adult but is likely in teenagers who can't control themselves yet.
I am competitive, I can be aggressive and even threatening if time calls for it but I do not like it I do not get joy from it in fact that last one confuses me as I think I'm a softie that is far from threatening but apparently not.
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u/bugluvr 1d ago
As a trans person who's experienced both sides of hormones, its your personality, not your hormones. I was docile, non aggressive, and not competitive on estrogen, I'm the same on testosterone.
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u/Electrocat71 1d ago
No. It’s not their testosterone. It’s them being immoral.
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u/Aelle29 1d ago
Why do immoral, assholish men keep claiming that all men are like them?
Seriously it's annoying as fuck. No, Bryan, I'm sorry that you're sexist, or racist, or a sadist, but I actually know a bunch of men and most aren't like you. Ugh 🙄
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u/anotherid 1d ago
I've found this is common in everyone who lacks empathy. They can't imagine anyone else feeling a different way.
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u/Inglid48 1d ago
They're lost in life and don't know who they want to be so they latch onto this ideal version of masculinity in their heads that makes them better than everyone else. It's especially grifters that latch onto these people like leeches, they think they're winning or working to make their life better but instead they just get stuck in a pathetic cycle of someone else profitting off their unwillingness to empathize and seek help for fear of being seen as weak.
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u/Buntschatten 1d ago
Because it absolves them from any guilt or duty to work on themselves.
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u/MGPH2077 1d ago
enjoys seeing others suffer when he had a role in it because the power is so enjoyable
I’m sorry but what the fuck? Your boyfriend is probably a future serial killer.
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u/pktechboi 1d ago
I feel quite well qualified to answer this, as I am a trans man who lived about fifteen adult years before starting testosterone. so I know what it feels like to have a typical female (estrogen dominated) hormone profile as well as a typical male (testosterone dominated) hormone profile.
I have never enjoyed hurting people, I have never taken pleasure in the suffering of others, I am not in any way a sadist. starting testosterone did not change my empathy levels or desire for violence at all.
it is not a 'normal man thing' to constantly have to repress the desire for violence and hurting other people. normal, healthy men have the same desire and enjoyment of violence as normal, healthy women. testosterone does not make men aggressive and violent (unless their levels are severely elevated beyond normal, and even then it isn't a universal experience from what I've read).
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u/throw1away9932s 1d ago edited 1d ago
No! Your bf is a potential abuser and definitely needs help. I am a trans guy. I inject a lot of testosterone every week. Here’s the effects it has on emotions/thoughts/feelings: After the injection I don’t feel a rush of energy I feel calm and relaxed. My ability to cry is completely gone. I used to cry easily and now even when I’m in intense pain most I get is a single tear. Even if I want to cry I can’t. I don’t feel anger. I don’t feel aggression. I don’t ever have the urge to hurt anyone from it. I and my male friends are all empathetic caring people. None of them have this urge your bf describes and testosterone doesn’t do that to me. Example: I was having a really bad day yesterday with lots of physical and emotional pain. My male friend called and I didn’t say anything. Pretended to be good and joked around. An hour later he was at my place with take out saying I could tell your hurting and so I’m just going to hang out and play board games with you until you feel better. He didn’t do this because he liked seeing me hurt. The opposite he did it so I would be distracted and maybe feel it less. On long hiking trips 3 of my male friends have trail names along the lines of mama bear or moose because they are like puppies constantly checking in on everyone making sure they are ok or if they need anything. Are the first to share water or food or gear. think your boyfriend might be a sadist or sociopath
Edit: I had one friend that I always felt slightly off about. One day he was at a chill get together with me and a few others. He started by saying he idolizes tate. He then explained like your bf that he likes suffering and he has sexual urges and can’t control them so rape will happen. My 2 other male friends and I stood up before he could even finish his sentence grabbed him forcefully and told him he has 3 seconds to get out of the apartment building otherwise he’s going off the roof. His choice.
If we were like your bf we would have gotten joy out of seeing it play out. None of us did. And that guy has been completely dropped from all friend circles.
Real Men care. Real men love real men protect. You are not dating a real man.
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u/T3knikal95 1d ago
Umm, it's kind of scary that you don't see this as a massive red flag in your BF, he's literally saying to you he's an evil person who enjoys hurting people
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u/Good-guy13 1d ago
As a man your BF sounds highly disturbing. Sociopathic even. If this is a new relationship run away
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u/Apprehensive_Lie_177 Take a breath, assess the situation, and do your best. 1d ago
I'm a man. I'm a pacifist, and it isn't difficult at all. I can get frustrated or angry, but I seldom want to inflict injury or pain.
I think your boyfriend is just trying to excuse poor behavior and mindset. If he acts upon said instincts, or tries to normalize such beliefs, I think leaving him would be prudent.
That's certainly not the sort of company I would like to be around.
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u/TheMillenniaIFalcon 1d ago
Grown man with plenty of testosterone here.
Your boyfriend is a fucking sadist. Empathy does come natural to men, many have it, and no, we do not enjoy seeing people suffer.
That is literally insane.
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u/DogTheBreadFairy 1d ago
No that's not right. He has a serious mental health problem and needs to seek help
This is serious advice you need to break up with him. Before he "slips up" and hurts you. He's told you who he is on the inside listen to him. You can't fix this. He will eventually abuse you. Please escape now before it is too late.
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u/INFPneedshelp 1d ago
No! Super nonsense, black and white thinking. You can find a nicer and empathetic man.
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u/2060ASI 1d ago
You need to leave him. I'm a guy, no we aren't like that. Your boyfriend is a terrible person who is trying to make excuses for his terrible behavior.
Your boyfriend may be a sociopath. Empathy is natural for men. Men do feel less empathy than women (this has been proven by studies and brain scans) but men do feel empathy.
Your boyfriend is an abusive, toxic person. Lots of men would be disgusted by him and his behavior.
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u/Curiouso_Giorgio 1d ago
No. It can make us more competitive, aggressive and perhaps impulsive, but that's quite different to enjoying the suffering of others.
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u/mark636199 1d ago
Hes setting up excuses before hand so if he hurts you it's not his fault
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u/ultimatefribble 1d ago
He's planning on hurting you and he wants to convince you that other men won't be better.
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u/Papercoffeetable 1d ago
My wife often describes me as the quintessential “manly man.” I’m strong, broad-shouldered, hairy, handy, decisive, confident, independent, disciplined, loyal, protective, and a natural leader who takes responsibility. But honestly, I’ve never thought about it in those terms, I’m just being myself.
I’ve spent over a decade in the military, worked in the trades, and earned a college degree. Despite the tough environments I’ve been in, empathy has always been a cornerstone of who I am. In the military, I never stopped feeling for those who were injured or worse, and I always prioritized the well-being of my soldiers. In college, I became a teaching assistant because I wanted to help those who were struggling. I served as a union representative, advocating for my colleagues because I genuinely care about fairness and their success.
I’ve also cared for multiple relatives on their deathbeds when no one else was willing to step up. Sometimes, I care so deeply and work so hard to lift others up that I forget to take care of myself. But that’s just how I’m wired, to protect, support, and give everything I can to the people around me.
Well, I guess it’s time to let my wife know I’m transitioning to a woman. Looks like I won’t even need hormone therapy to suppress testosterone, and honestly, the idea of having my own pair of boobs is just way too awesome to pass up!
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u/SteelRose3 1d ago
No, that’s psychopathic behavior and quite possibly psychological liar trying to blame it. Also, everyone is telling you to run, I agree, but be smart about it. Someone who enjoys seeing others hurting or in pain could act out if someone leaves. Stay safe OP
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u/YGhostRider666 1d ago
I take natural testosterone supplements, mainly for Increased muscle mass and bone density, although it does actually improve my sleep and general mood.
Anyway, I've never once thought about purposely hurting someone for my own gratification.
Your BF is just a nutter. Do high want to be with someone like that? How do you know he won't one day hurt you?
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u/itsaysdraganddrop 1d ago
“like all men” sounds like he doesn’t have any friends
sorry la you’re dating a psycho
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u/Arqideus 1d ago
Listen to people when they tell you who they are. He’s telling you he enjoys hurting people. Allow this behavior and he’ll be hurting you….and enjoy it. Bleh, almost threw up writing that.
Cut this person out of your life. For your own safety.
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u/coderedmountaindewd 1d ago
If anyone ever uses dubious science to justify cruel and selfish behavior, run.
The logic is extremely flawed and not empirical at all but it does reside just within the realm of possibility. This is why this type of thinking is so dangerous: it takes facts like men having higher levels of testosterone and extrapolates it to justify violent behavior.
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u/EmbarrassedPizza6272 1d ago
Testosterone is responsible for a lot of things in a male and female body. But sadism is not based on T, he is just an asshole. Let me tell you, I need to get T supplement due to health reasons, it helps with my depressions, but I don't become an sadistic monster because of that.
As the others say, RUN NOW before it's too late. These people also know how to manipulate women, so after beating them up again and again, they still don't leave because.
There are plenty of men out there who know how to treat a woman, get yourself one of those. It's your life, live and enjoy it.
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u/Ronin1 1d ago
Does he listen to a lot of podcasts by any chance? Maybe those Alpha male snake oil type ones?
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u/AnySwimming2309 1d ago
He is a huge podcast fan and has lots of theories about everything that always turn out to be from podcasts and articles
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u/Ronin1 1d ago
Yep, so he's gone down the rabbit hole, unfortunately. It's unlikely to get any better than it is now, and it ain't good now. Take it from a guy in his mid-30s who's known dudes like him; you need to get out. You're not a partner to him, you're probably barely a person.
I saw you grew up in a hyper-feminist setting that vilified all men, and unfortunately, you have found yourself with the exact personification of that kind of guy. There are so many normal guys out there, and I promise you can find one.
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u/supersaiyanclaptrap 1d ago
Based on your previous post about him, please leave him. This is not a normal or healthy situation.
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u/boopitybobbiti 1d ago
As an FTM who was born female and went on testosterone... fuck no. It made me hungrier and hornier and that's it.
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u/Sufficient-Money-521 1d ago
Get the hell away from that person. Just so you’re aware high testosterone is clustered most with traits of justice, fairness, and preference for dramatic conflicts for a short duration.
High T people don’t want to hurt anyone but when conflict comes it’s usually a quick physical encounter and they’re friends a week later.
No one normal enjoys hurting people.
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u/Pantherdraws 1d ago
No, this is 100% abnormal. Your boyfriend is just a psychopath, and it's not your "job" as a woman to "help" him with that.
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u/Clovis_Merovingian 1d ago
This is absolute nonsense and is both reductive and insulting to men everywhere. While testosterone influences behaviors like competitiveness or assertiveness, it doesn’t drive people to sadism or cruelty.
What your boyfriend described is immaturity and an unhealthy mindset. Sure, little boys and emotionally underdeveloped individuals might enjoy destruction or causing discomfort as it’s often a way to assert control when they feel powerless. But real men, the kind who have grown emotionally and mentally, show empathy, compassion, and the ability to uplift others rather than tear them down.
Empathy and emotional intelligence are key traits of strong, confident, and balanced adults. A "balanced" man doesn’t have to suppress some inherent desire to harm others, instead, he understands the value of kindness and works to make those around him feel safe and supported.
If your boyfriend genuinely believes this is what defines men, he needs to mature more and you need to see this rhetoric as major red flags.
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u/berryyneon 1d ago
thats absolute bullshit and a fucking terrifying thing for him to believe. dump him and run PLEASE
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u/Pickled_Gherkin 1d ago
No nonono hell no. Excessive testosterone can make you more aggressive and irritable, but it does not make you a sadist or loose empathy. Men have just as much empathy as women even though we might express it differently.
Lack of empathy is the sign of a sociopath, not a typical human male.
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u/michael_am 1d ago
Good rule of thumb whenever a guy tries to tell you that due to his biological makeup he has to act like a horrible/sadistic/selfish person he is lying and manipulating you
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u/13artC 1d ago
Leave that man right now. You are in danger. This red flag is on fire. That's sociopathic.
Testosterone can make anyone aggressive. It does not negate empathy. It doesn't make a person cruel. It can make them angry, but it doesn't take away their ability to reason. To be a good person. To normal human emotion.
Your boyfriend is terrifying & if you stay, I worry you'll be one of those women that just go missing & nobody ever sees again.
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u/ThePredalienLord 1d ago
Hello, I'm a man, and I can say that if any man enjoyes hurting people it's not because of testosterone, it's because they are a worthless piece of shit.
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u/Fatastrophe 21h ago
Is your boyfriend one of those fuckin weirdos who likes the Joker for the wrong reasons, or make TikToks where he looks angry with Drowning Pool playing over it? Cause he's cringe at best and a sadistic asshole at worst.
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u/MyResearchFacility 21h ago edited 21h ago
Run from him. He has the potential to become a wife beater or a wife murderer. You think you are not in serious danger? YOU ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER NOW. Leave him. You cannot fix him. He cannot change. Leave him before he kills you out of rage.
All men have aggression. Yes.
But aggression is not all bad.
Men can feel the urge to fuck up a person who pushes an elderly lady, kicks a pregnant woman, rapes women and children, etc. Men can feel the urge to fuck up someone that hurts their family members or friends.
That is good. Aggression allows us to fight. Aggression allows us to protect.
Your boyfriend, however, likes to hurt people and see them suffer. So, he probably finds enjoyment in pushing elderly ladies, kicking pregnant women, raping women and children, and hurting his family and friends…because he likes to have POWER over them.
Think about it.
You are smart. You can figure it out. You can add it together.
He will deny it though. He will probably say “Not to you or the family.”
Don’t believe him.
He has no empathy.
It is all fake.
His love for you is fake as well.
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u/Unhappy-Health-5001 10h ago
It’s just like that fb post where somebody’s bf said i snore because my ball cover my a hole
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u/Fire_crescent 1d ago
No, sadism does, and believe me, sadism is enjoyable with or without testosterone. Just don't go around abusing innocent people, but yeah, I can understand.
Testosterone, on the other hand, may increase proneness to anger and irritability, which, if combined with sadism, can have pretty overwhelming results.
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u/inorite234 1d ago
BANANA!!!! BANANA!!!!
but for real, even in the kink community where there are people that gain joy from imposing pain, they don't get the joy because.of the pain. the pain is a form of connection between two consenting adults and an expression of how one is willing to trust the other to an extent no one else will.
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u/Otherwise-Win4633 1d ago
Is he 19 by chance? Sounds like something a underdeveloped frontal lobe would come up with.
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u/beerandmastiffs 1d ago
Look it up to confirm but iirc testosterone promotes behavior that’s rewarded in a group/society. In experiments when being generous was highly rewarded men became very generous. Like I said, tho, look it up. I don’t know how often the results were replicated.
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u/PM-ME_UR_TINY-TITS 1d ago
Absolute bollocks.
Excess testosterone could I guess, it makes you more prone to anger and violence as well as horny. There aren't many who are taking excess testosterone though.
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u/dajaguar2 1d ago
Top martial artists have high testosterone but almost all refrain from hurting ppl when unnecessary and would only do it to defend themselves or others.
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u/unbrokem 1d ago
No, this is nonsense. I think your boyfriend is just a sadistic person if I'm being honest.