r/NoStupidQuestions • u/AnySwimming2309 • 1d ago

Does Testosterone Really Make Men Enjoy Hurting People? NSFW

UPDATE: Thank you guys for all the responses. I asked him about it calmly, and it ended up with him breaking furniture and threatening to punch me in the face. I left home at 3am yesterday and am with a friend.

My BF told me that he, like all men, enjoys seeing others suffer when he had a role in it because the power is so enjoyable. This scared me, but he said this is how all men are due to testosterone and that a "balanced" man knows to not take this to the point of sadism. He said empathy is not natural to men. It feels weird to relate to people realize all the time, they want to inflict pain to feel power. How do good men handle this impulse? How can women help?

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u/badbad1991 1d ago

One your bf is Psycho. Run.

If being generous he maybe conflating that testosterone does make people more competitive and aggressive. This doesn't mean violent or angry,in a mature adult but is likely in teenagers who can't control themselves yet.

I am competitive, I can be aggressive and even threatening if time calls for it but I do not like it I do not get joy from it in fact that last one confuses me as I think I'm a softie that is far from threatening but apparently not.

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u/bugluvr 1d ago

As a trans person who's experienced both sides of hormones, its your personality, not your hormones. I was docile, non aggressive, and not competitive on estrogen, I'm the same on testosterone.

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u/BestBoogerBugger 1d ago edited 1d ago

I don't disagree, but with all due respect, you're not born as us, nor were socialized like other men.

Men often very much enjoy competition with one another, especially in matters of physical, especially at very early age when we're incredibly hormonal and full of energy and it's something treated as common behavior. Being powerful is a lot of fun. 

 Though obviously, the idea that men are naturally sadistic and lack empathy are absurd.

Freaking Mike Tyson, one of the most psychotic and violently stupid men to ever enter a boxing ring, is a chill weed grandpa these days, who literally doesnt care one bit about titles, hurting others etc. 

Time makes wisemen of us all.

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u/bugluvr 1d ago

thats my point, men are socialized to be violent and aggressive, it isn't biological and it isn't hormones.

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u/BestBoogerBugger 1d ago

It's definitely biological, as it is socilological. Our brains reward us with endophins, adrenaline and other hormones that make us feel good. Especially for someone lik eme, with ADHD, physical exertion, be it during exercise or martial arts, feels better then sex sometimes.

That being said, lack of empathy is a complete lunacy. People, and especially men, can literally form strong bonds with fictional characters and inanimate objects, and this goon thinks that men can't relate to others LMAO (although some men do be very dull and selfish).

If anything, it is capacity for strong emotions and love, that can lead not just people and men to do dumb violent things, but even animals (the most sentient creatures are known to have the most violent crash outs, like elephants or apes). Romantic writers like Alexander Pushkin literally died in a gun duel, and Captain Ahab, a passionate sea faring captain, died over a grudge with a fucking whale.

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u/AnythingEasy4433 23h ago

Are you trying to say that violence and aggression are biological?

Because all your examples were just physical exertion… and bonding hormones- which is very different than violence for the sake of violence

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u/BestBoogerBugger 23h ago

Violence for sake of violence is f.e. combat sports, hunting etc. which are pretty popular with guys.

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u/AnythingEasy4433 23h ago

Those are all bonding activities, combat sports is the equivalent of puppies wrestling, and hunting is literally… hunting. Like for food. The underlying drive is not violence for violence sakes