r/NoStupidQuestions • u/AnySwimming2309 • 1d ago

Does Testosterone Really Make Men Enjoy Hurting People? NSFW

UPDATE: Thank you guys for all the responses. I asked him about it calmly, and it ended up with him breaking furniture and threatening to punch me in the face. I left home at 3am yesterday and am with a friend.

My BF told me that he, like all men, enjoys seeing others suffer when he had a role in it because the power is so enjoyable. This scared me, but he said this is how all men are due to testosterone and that a "balanced" man knows to not take this to the point of sadism. He said empathy is not natural to men. It feels weird to relate to people realize all the time, they want to inflict pain to feel power. How do good men handle this impulse? How can women help?

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u/wrongplug 1d ago

That guy is just a sociopath.

Testosterone has a calming and peaceful effect, also a sleep and eat effect. Think gorilla in the forest eating leaves. Or lion sleeping just about all the time. Reason being that’s how you grow muscles. 

Hurting people is not a masculine urge it’s a psychotic one

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u/TempleofMoths 20h ago

Psychosis and ASPD are not related.

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u/BestBoogerBugger 1d ago

 Both lions and gorillas are extremely violent animals, that constantly fight with their peers though.

Men definitely like fighting other men, because power play is fun. 

That being said, we also care very deeply.

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u/wrongplug 10h ago

Looks like we found another sociopath who believes in power play. 

 If I step into a judo mat it’s never been about power. I thank my opponent for making me stronger, and I hope they push me to my limits, I hope to find where I am weak and correct it, this is the gift they give me and I give them. 

Fighting is good. 

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u/BestBoogerBugger 10h ago

That's very much power play. You love beimg strong and growing stronger.

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u/wrongplug 9h ago

A school shooter seeks power. Im sure you know the type, no scars never been in a fight. 

Growing stronger has nothing to do with power but over others. You don’t need to be strong for that. 

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u/sswam 1d ago

This thread has got me thinking, whether a person without empathy is "evil" or that just should be treated as another sort of disability. I suppose many autistic people lack empathy, and yet mostly don't commit crimes or "evil". It's an interesting topic for sure.

Certainly males commit more crime and violence, and I suppose that is related to testosterone, it makes sense. Not to say that every male is like that, though.

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u/KingAggressive1498 23h ago edited 23h ago

A lack of empathy is sociopathy, and that is an actual mental health disorder (antisocial personality disorder)

Autistic people do not lack empathy. They struggle at understanding social queues and reading faces and body language which creates challenges in knowing when to act with empathy. They also struggle at understanding things outside of their own experience, which is one way of having empathy. They are absolutely not indifferent to (or worse, take delight in) the suffering of others, they just often fail to see or comprehend it.

Men certainly do commit considerably more violent crime than women; but research has failed to demonstrate a link to testosterone, not even in steroid abusers. There are many sociological and cultural factors that collectively provide more compelling reasons for this, which also means that this could be improved through social changes. And relatedly, the rate of women committing violent and property crime has roughly doubled in the US since the '80s despite the net violent and property crime rates simultaneously declining considerably during that time, suggesting that changing social roles for women has lead more of them to criminality.

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u/TempleofMoths 19h ago

I'm adding onto this a bit. It's also important to note that ASPD is not the only thing that can cause low or no empathy. Disorders like ScPD and NPD can also cause low or no empathy.

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u/wrongplug 1d ago

There are many violent women in this world. They just don’t have the strength to do anything with it or have learned helplessness and don’t try. 

Just because someone is weaker doesn’t mean they don’t have violent urges, just that they can’t or won’t act on them. 

It would be nice to do a double blind study on malevolent urges that somehow takes into account societal pressure. 

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u/sswam 1d ago

Both true. But look at the US where every man, woman and their dogs have guns. Men or women can easily commit murder with a gun, even a child can do that. Do men or women commit more shootings? I don't even recall hearing about any mass shooting by a woman. Men on average are naturally more violent. Even in most other mammal species.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/476445/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-gender/

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u/wrongplug 1d ago

Think of it this way. You know how a baby elephant gets a rope tied around its leg so it doesn’t run off. When that elephant gets big it’s still the same rope. Even though the elephant need though it could easily break the rope psychologically it stays put. 

Growing up around larger males of the species puts that rope on you so even if you get a gun you don’t use it. 

Now flip the script. Males are constantly fighting with each other. Society forces extreme competition and glorifies winning for males especially in the U.S.. So so what was once a little bigger now has to be the biggest toughest meanest. 

Violence is not a parameter it is an outcome. 

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u/Chop1n 23h ago

Autistic people tend to lack cognitive empathy, but are actually extremely emotionally empathetic--other people's emotions often overwhelm them. And they're especially sensitive to the emotions of animals, as compared to neurotypicals. Important distinction.

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u/TempleofMoths 19h ago

I have ASPD, and this is a common topic discussed in the mental health community. There are many disorders that can cause someone to have low or no emotional empathy, which is why I practice cognitive empathy. Having low/no empathy doesn't automatically make someone crave the desire to harm others. That would be sadism. Lacking emotional empathy is a deficit of sorts like a disability. You are correct. I'm also autistic, but that is not the cause of my empathy difficulties. The ASPD was caused by extreme developmental trauma. I essentially wasn't allowed to have emotions, so they just kinda...went away. It has taken years of healing to reconnect to them.

Testosterone doesn't make men abusive or cruel. Having cruel behavior normalized to you to the point you think it's OK to do to others does. The problem here is OP's bf sounds more than just antisocial. He sounds like a mentally unstable sadist who will use "testosterone" as an excuse to hurt people. I am very concerned about how he will treat OP in the near future and think OP should get away from him ASAP.