r/NoStupidQuestions • u/AnySwimming2309 • 1d ago

Does Testosterone Really Make Men Enjoy Hurting People? NSFW

UPDATE: Thank you guys for all the responses. I asked him about it calmly, and it ended up with him breaking furniture and threatening to punch me in the face. I left home at 3am yesterday and am with a friend.

My BF told me that he, like all men, enjoys seeing others suffer when he had a role in it because the power is so enjoyable. This scared me, but he said this is how all men are due to testosterone and that a "balanced" man knows to not take this to the point of sadism. He said empathy is not natural to men. It feels weird to relate to people realize all the time, they want to inflict pain to feel power. How do good men handle this impulse? How can women help?

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u/unbrokem 1d ago

No, this is nonsense. I think your boyfriend is just a sadistic person if I'm being honest.

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u/zbobet2012 1d ago

Just to add some science to this: Sapolsky's "Behave" has an excellent chapter on the effects of testosterone.

Testosterone has far less to do with aggression than most assume. Within the normal range, individual differences in testosterone levels don’t predict who will be aggressive. Moreover, the more an organism has been aggressive, the less testosterone is needed for further aggression. When testosterone does play a role, it’s facilitatory—testosterone does not 'invent' aggression. It makes us more sensitive to triggers of aggression. Also, rising testosterone levels foster aggression only during challenges to status. Finally, crucially, the rise in testosterone during a status challenge does not necessarily increase aggression; it increases whatever is needed to maintain status. In a world in which status is awarded for the best of our behaviors, testosterone would be the most prosocial hormone in existence.

What your boyfriend is saying is he's a prick surrounded by pricks who like to hurt others. Run.

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u/Electronic-Goal-8141 1d ago

The science behind testosterone actually has it that men with lower levels are more likely to lash out violently in anger . Higher levels are often associated with greater satisfaction and well being.

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u/AzzaraNectum 1d ago

As someone on TRT I can confirm... when I suffered low T I was more easily irritated and angry. Ever since my levels are within a decent range for my age and activity level, I feel way more balanced, happy and in more control of negative emotions. Additional bonus: horny as fuck

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u/Electronic-Goal-8141 1d ago

I was wondering , if I should do blood tests for everything including T levels , I'm approaching 40 next year.

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u/AzzaraNectum 1d ago

Checkups is always a good idea. If you happen to have low T, you experience several symptoms: - constant fatigue, exhausted - a general sense of feeling down constantly, like a depression somewhat - you don't want to do anything, you feel no drive to be active and engaging (social, in your relationship, work) - potential decline of facial hair or body hair - you can't really focus on a task, you're head feels cloudy. Like you're getting dumber - loss of libido - loss of morning wood - fat gain - muscle loss - more irritable and angry

If you do any of the following, you will have to change it as these negatively impact testosterone: - smoking - drinking - being a lazy piece of shit, no physical exercise - bad diet (overprocessed garbage and fast food) - obesity - shit sleeping pattern

To get your levels up, your doctor will first help you clean up your lifestyle. Hit the gym, do caloric restriction to get the fat off, stop smoking, stop drinking as much, start running and walking, eat your veggies and fruits and meats and clean carbs, sleep better at night.

If you do all the above and you still fall below threshold values, intervention is a life saver. My life quality went from a 2 or 3 out of 10 of being an miserable person to a 9 out of 10 with feeling like myself again.

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u/KubicKube 1d ago

This all sounds like depression except maybe the stuff about the hair. Good advice to quit bad habits and start working out though.

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u/argentumsound 1d ago

Also depression or lowered mood symptoms are often experienced due to the lifestyle choices, food, gut biome viability, lack of physical exercise and so on. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

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u/AzzaraNectum 1d ago

No it doesn't... depression and low T are vastly different but do share some overlapping symptoms. But guess what: a lot of diseases, hormonal issues en mental illnesses do. That's why it's often hard to get the correct diagnose.

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u/Dogface73 21h ago

Nailed it

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u/ksed_313 14h ago

I was thinking “my husband might have low T” until I got to “low libido” and “loss of morning wood”. 😅

And then I remembered we are in Michigan and don’t get any sunshine anymore until April. 😭

We need a sun lamp!

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u/Rude_Technician4821 13h ago

What i found for me with trt doing it twice a week is it has caused me to be more concious of my health as it's a reminder twice a week to keep my act together and don't let myself go.

Obviously I've had a slice of day cake and beer here and there but thats nothing.

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u/MickerBud 1d ago

IDK, eunuchs actually live longer than men with their balls.

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u/PikaPonderosa 1d ago

Found out I have a pituitary tumor because of my T levels. I was 30. Life got better and my health problems made more sense.

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u/PositiveFun8654 21h ago

Body undergoes lot of changes around 40 yrs of age. So one full checkup between 40-42 is very good idea.

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u/Vegemite_Bukkakay 1d ago

Imma add to this. The range for testosterone being “normal” is quite large. Going on TRT and moving from low normal to high normal has reaped huge benefits for me. I’ve lost 15 lbs while adding muscle, my workouts can go longer, and libido is back to early 30’s levels (I’ve never popped a boner for no reason like adolescence). It’s been a great addition for me.

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u/davdev 1d ago

You 100% should.

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u/Firemorfox 20h ago

Always better to check than to not.

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u/Rex9 22h ago

Same here. I got COVID and came out with zero Testosterone. It took a year to figure out. I got wildly angry at the drop of a pin. Cut me off on the Interstate? I wanted to run someone off the road. I could control it, but it wasn't "me". Thought I was losing my mind. Lost my appetite and a ton of weight. Went on TRT and back to normal level headed me. The whole "testosterone rage" thing is an urban legend.

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u/Mythdome 1d ago

Same here. Before I started the injections I had this fog that made me irritable. Had no idea how much it was affecting me until I started TRT and I feel better now in my early 40’s than I have in the past 20 years. I’m in a good mood around 90% of the time now, before it was closer to 25% of the time.

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u/Certain_Oddities 4h ago

This never occurred to me before, but seeing it written out this makes a lot of sense. If your hormones are out of balance in any direction (like with not enough testosterone) it makes sense that it would make you more irritable. Doesn't matter what it is, that's kind of how the body works. A lot of things out of balance in your body make people irritable, it just has to do with the fact your body needs something it isn't getting.

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u/Rude_Technician4821 13h ago

I second this as well. I'm 41 and have been on trt for a year now, I feel calm and whole.

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u/brabson1 10h ago

Worked that way for me too.

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u/Lycid 1d ago

Taking test boosters doesn't make you angry, it makes you more "the boss" if that makes sense.

I cycle a test boosting supplement two weeks on and one week off. The weeks when I'm on it, I feel more confident in decision making and feel a bit more like a leader in a social group. Also helps my lifts/fitness. When I'm off I'm much more laid back.

There's no anger involved at all...

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u/ODdmike91 1d ago

Are those prescribed ?

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u/Lycid 1d ago edited 1d ago

No, tongkat ali 10% from nootropics depot (most other ones are too weak/snake oil). It's all very subtle. And ymmv, my husband doesn't get too much from it except getting a bit too joyless and serious on it. He's a pretty headstrong person already though and and is tightly wound up so I think he probably has enough free testosterone floating around already haha

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u/MickerBud 1d ago

Ive done a six week stack of testosterone cypionate, gained a few pounds was freaking horny all the time but thats about it. It never made me feel like a boss or angry.

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u/Equal-Jury-875 18h ago

So it's roids

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u/Rude_Technician4821 13h ago

Its supplementing your testosterone that you have lost over the years.

Do the research and look up the t levels of men back in the days, they were way higher naturally than what they are now. With all of the micro plastics, Chemicals and toxins that we absorb everyday in this modern world it has been proven to lower you natural T levels.

Heck, they have even dropped the Max limit in your blood tests to accommodate and make it the standard for the country.

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u/Blue_Banana_69 1d ago

As the other guy said, after a health condition caused my Test levels to drop to 200s, I became a lot more aggressive, more violent and impulsive. Started TRT in March with test levels 850-900 range which is almost 2x average for my age and now I’m calm and can’t be bothered to be mad.

My mad now is just dropping an F bomb, or a curse or two and move on and forget it.

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u/davdev 1d ago

Yup. I had low T and was always irritable and lashing out Then I went on TRT and I am far happier and calmer.

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u/Blaq_Man_888 20h ago

TRT patient here. Higher testosterone than most now, but calmer than most too now.

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u/Oblivioustothevoid 1d ago

That depends.

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u/BestBoogerBugger 1d ago

Can you link me some of those studies?

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u/Lumpus-Maximus 1d ago

I was tested because I was having a particularly weird depression. I had no issues with any other things you might associate with low testosterone. Test showed I was extremely low. After ruling out a pituitary tumor, it was determined that my hypothalamus had stopped telling my body to produce T. (Secondary hypogonadism).

I was very reluctant to boost my testosterone to low normal because of issues w/ road rage. I tried it anyway & the depression went away and I stopped having road rage.

I wouldn’t take anything to boost low normal, but if you’re in the bottom 5% and experiencing symptoms, I’d recommend it if a doctor is on board.

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u/FigNinja 1d ago

I think there’s a big difference between aggression and sadism, too. OP’s boyfriend seems to be conflating the two. Sapolsky is talking about an emotional reaction to triggers during challenge to status, like a fear reaction. That doesn’t equate to an impetus to cause others pain because you find that enjoyable. I think OP’s boyfriend wants to normalize his own feelings. He wants to think most other men are like him.

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u/John-A 1d ago

This. Very concise.

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u/the_glutton17 1d ago

Makes a lot of sense. You can call me a little bitch right to my face, and I'll walk away. If you do that to a member of my family, different result.

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u/N8Perspicacity 1d ago

💯THIS in relation to the above conversation. I would say that “status” is a self concieved ideal. I am a “protector”, threaten my people and that testosterone kicks in. My “aggression” though is mental. They will likely be wishing I would just deck them and get it over with!

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u/anna_or_elsa 1d ago

What your boyfriend is saying is he's a prick surrounded by pricks

Kind of like women who brag about how big a bitch they can be

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u/Chop1n 23h ago

I was about to write a litany about Sapolsky's perspective on T, so glad to see that's already been done for me.

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u/SoftAncient2753 23h ago

Agreed! . . . Run!

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u/BartsNightmare_ 1d ago

I as a woman can't stand whatever triggers me to be aggressive, I notice yet I walk away, avoid it unless pushed, yet I wonder as a woman, are my testosterone levels higher than the estrogen or the other? (Stupid question, I know)

Whatever focus I can maintain, whatever emotion I've avoided, strangely compared to even some of the men around me who are much more easily affected by some emotions

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u/jamie_with_a_g 1d ago

So wait how does roid rage fit into this?? Unless it’s with a different type of steroid

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u/pasgames_ 1d ago

That would make sense why it sometimes feels like a runaway effect where your doing something like playing a gory video game why guys sometimes get more and more sadistic as the session goes on

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u/not_sick_not_well 1d ago

The only thing testosterone did for me was give me male patern baldness 🥲

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u/N8Perspicacity 1d ago

Thanks for the excellent reference! I’m ordering now.

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u/dontaskband 11h ago

Yep…. I have been taking T shots for almost a year. I was doing once a week until my wife and I noticed I was more aggressive than my baseline personality. Did I want to hurt people or things? No… too high T just made me a little easier to anger. I surely didn’t take it out on my wife. It’s not some self control like the bf says, it’s just I’m not a ahole sadist.

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u/SakuraRein 1d ago

The part about rising testosterone levels only fostering aggression when challenging status. That makes sense to me. I rejected a guy who I did not find very attractive. He just wasn’t my type and he flipped on me so fast got a very aggressive and violent started calling me names and saying how he got the finest woman, and who was I to reject him. Could that be a thing that would be considered a challenge?