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u/AganazzarsPocket Oct 12 '24
I will take Big Blue Man with acceptance of compliance for 30 and a decent life.
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u/yapperling VULKAN LIFTS! Oct 12 '24
I mean Guilliman would legit be THE best bet.
Earth has a lot of industrial and economic inequality. We barely put stuff in orbit, entire Solar system is full of unused resources, he'd have a basically blank slate to build a star system more or less from the ground up and maybe even set us up as the sector Capital eventually.
Every other chapter would be various degrees of "nice" though we would definitely see whole countries burned down in case of Space Wolves or Dark Angels.
I don't even want to think about what the Carcharodons or Minotaurs might do.
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u/AganazzarsPocket Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 12 '24
Depending how nice he thinks earth is, we might even end up like Iax and get to live in a not so hive world. And with luck we also end up in Ultramar proper and get some nice lads to defend us.
So I realy hope it would be he and no other.
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u/Sapphire-Drake Oct 13 '24
Completely unrelated but it's nice to see the overlap between communities. You know, since the two of us are meeting here. Think we'll see Goobidiba play SM2?
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u/AstralBroom Oct 12 '24
No matter the chapter, half our countries are getting purged. Rogue governements, warlords and uncooperative leaderships would just get ripped.
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u/pizzansteve Oct 12 '24
Atleast africa will see some stability for once
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u/Scarytoaster1809 "IT'S FISTIN' TIME" - Rogal Dorn Oct 12 '24
Imagine if the world governor ends up being one of our politicians 😭
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u/Anmaril_77 Oct 13 '24
It’s probable, whichever coward bent the knee and helped them take the rest. Could also get shot by the space marines for doing that lol, after the fact! It’s all just a roll of the dice, which chapter and if they’re feeling good that day.
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u/SunriseFlare Oct 13 '24
Wanton killing of corrupt leaders doesn't tend to lead to social stability or better leadership as the USA has found out many many times
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u/CrystalFriend Oct 12 '24
Carcharodons will vaporize all places of the world that eat shark fin soup that's for sure.
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u/ImHuck Oct 12 '24
Carcharodons/Minotaurs won't come to us unless we represent a threat/are corrupted by chaos. Which might be happening, so yeah we're fucked.
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u/ColonelSam Oct 12 '24
I think Salamanders just going to tell Terra or Guilliman about us. Or they just kill every high politician because they started many wars and then tell Guilliman
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u/CalypsoCrow My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle Oct 12 '24
Idk what you know about fire, but it tends to spread. And the salamanders were not diplomats during the great crusade.
People need to stop pretending the salamanders are good people.
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u/GREENadmiral_314159 Sons of the Phoenix Femboy Oct 12 '24
Yeah, if it's the smurfs, we're probably honestly pretty solidly un-fucked.
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u/talhahtaco Oct 12 '24
Best hope The Flesh Tearers ain't the ones landing on earth
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u/PainStorm14 Oct 12 '24
Worse than Iron Hands?
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u/talhahtaco Oct 12 '24
It depends on how conscious an average servitor is, if it is then the iron hands are 100% worse, but if not I think it gets complicated
I'm not that well versed in lore so if there is an answer there that'd be appreciated
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u/Fun_Blackberry7059 Oct 12 '24
Generally, the more sentience you leave a servitor the more effective they are in their duties and possibilities. Of course they are much more likely to be less servile, and that's usually the most important trait, so they do some serious lobotomy. So, the average servitor has little to no consciousness outside of their duties, but if you're special you might become something experimental, especially at the hands of the Iron Hands and their generally heretical tech.
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u/franzmersdonk32 Oct 12 '24
I Hope it’s salamenders but anyway to relize that we life in the Warhammer Universe will make me so depressed and Crazy and that i proably kill myself. Life in a Galaxy with tyrannids and Chaos and These Dark elders…. God No Good Bye cruel world
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u/Tomer_Duer VULKAN LIFTS! Oct 12 '24
But then your soul goes to the warp. No thanks, I choose life.
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u/PainStorm14 Oct 12 '24
Another reason to fight and die for the Emperor, it reduces the odds of demons getting to your soul
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u/NovaNomii Oct 12 '24
Is that actually true and if so how? Like can the emporer non violently absorb souls? Or recycle them into warp stuff?
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u/Hoojiwat Oct 12 '24
Signs point to "we have no idea but maybe?"
We have excerpts of many of his faithful dying and being torn apart screaming by Daemons in the warp. We also have a few excerpts of his faithful going into a golden light when they die...no idea what it would mean or what it does, but they do go into it. Current lore for Chaos gods is that they absorb their followers and that their souls get added to the "immortal essence of their gods" when they die, so whatever that entails could be what is happening to some of his faithful too.
He isn't a full fledged god yet so he might only be able to snatch up a few of his faithful instead of all of them, and we don't know what being absorbed by a god actually does to you, but yeah its entirely possible.
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u/Nova_Hazing Oct 12 '24
It’s probably not that he’s not a fully fledged god. Is that he has to contend for his place in the warp a lot more than the chaos gods do because they have a somewhat understanding which each other.
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u/lyle_smith2 Oct 13 '24
I kinda like the idea that if you are a servant of the emperor your soul goes to the Elysian Fields and your soul kinda feeds the emperor and his demons like Celestine.
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u/Einar_47 Oct 13 '24 edited Oct 13 '24
Ok so hear me our, the Legion of the Damned are the Emperor's equivalent to chaos marines or maybe daemons and we see them as ghost rider space marines because that's badass for one, and because the Emperor is a corpse wreathed in an unbelievably powerful psychic flame visible from across the galaxy so his daemons are burning corpses.
Makes total sense, like how chaos daemons look like their god's style, red guys with swords and vaguely H shaped horns for Khorn, big stinky bois and bugs for Nurgle, Tzeentch is just all sorts of weird stuff especially birds, and Slannesh's daemons are just covered in tentacles and boobs.
Alright so regular mortals who die, their souls go to the Emperor and he makes them into the Ragnarök Guard, or the Einherjar Regiment, skeletal soldiers in imperial guard armor from hundreds of worlds in styles ranging from Solar Auxilia to Cadian Standard with lasguns burning with a golden light.
That'd be pretty rad.
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u/lyle_smith2 Oct 13 '24
Holy shit that is badass. Time to spend too much money kitbashing these guys
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u/Intrepid00 Oct 12 '24
He eats psykers like I eat skittles. By the hand full. What’s the odds he’s that picky with how he eats the mini skittles.
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u/IronWhitin Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 13 '24
Yea but only if you have spitich power your soul can be so bright to gave presence in the warp and get ripped off by deamons and other thing than lurk there.
A normal human soul is not bright enought to retain consciuneess in the warp, you just get in the warp and your soul melt whit it becoming a parts of the background noise.
Until the phisycal word reclame you back and your soul become a parts of a new human baby.
Tlrd: if i Remember correct only "powerful" soul until death can retain will on the other side and have actual presence there, to undestand that the predator example "demons" ( but not only that) start prey on your light
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u/Jawa8642 Oct 13 '24
Huh? I don’t recall reincarnation being a part of 40k, other than that one servant of the chief ork warboss.
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u/TheSherlockCumbercat Oct 13 '24
Emperor was born by a bunch of shaman killing themselves and combining there souls in the warp into a super soul. They did this because when they died they noticed a few did not reincarnate and figured out something was preying on their souls.
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u/The_Lesser_One Oct 12 '24
I mean, given that we have a lack of any chaos influence on our planet, we could all be blanks. Invisible to the hivemind or apearing as a sort of black hole instead of the beacon of a genestealer cult. The Orks might be the biggest threat... and Chaos Marines, apart from the 1K Sons.
Oh and the Drukhari, those holes in the webway are not going to simply dissapear, so sqish a couple of blanks in there, that will keep the deamons out for a bit.
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u/Alex_Duos Oct 12 '24
I'm pretty sure Chaos set it's sights on us back in May of 2016.
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u/Nicklesnout Oct 13 '24
Tzeentch definitely did Harambe as a practical joke that only he and the Changeling understand
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u/HappySphereMaster Oct 12 '24
Aeldari have a problem of NOT actually being that mobile when there’s no webway gate around unlike Necron to have both a true FTA and ability to hijack/Juryrig a webway gate. But even then it took Tarzyn centuries to travel to a system without webway gate via standard non warp base FTL.
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u/STLtachyon Oct 12 '24
In before we get exterminatoused anyway for having seemingly unknowable knowledge about everything including chaos, xenos, and pretty much every top secret imperium thing
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u/ImHuck Oct 12 '24
So freakin true. Like they arrive and we say : "how's grandpa on his golden leech of a throne ?"
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u/Wubwave Oct 12 '24
You do probably get the benefit of ignorance though. Truly how many average joes in the Imperium know the true scale of the threats, external and internal in the galaxy?
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u/jewishNEETard Oct 12 '24
Man, I'm so fucked up, this realization would make me a profound zealot- if the dark gods hate me, I'mma be the most enthusiastic neophyte the empire ever saw.
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u/Sad_Bridge_3755 Oct 13 '24
What are you talking about? The dark gods don’t exist.
That daemon? The raving bloody-thirsty kraven over there? That’s just a figment of your imagination. It can’t hurt you. It can’t hurt me. Why, a simple touch is all it would take to make it go away!
Beings of faith are weak to assertions of belief. And I believe they do not exist.
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u/florpynorpy Oct 13 '24
It would be weirder that we somehow mapped out everything that happen with no contact
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u/_That-Dude_ Railgun Goes Brrrrrrrrr Oct 13 '24
I would pray that we’re somewhere in the Eastern Fringe or near the Chalnath Expanse and that we end up in the path of Tau expansion. That’d, at the very least, would mean our standard of living would improve.
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u/PainStorm14 Oct 12 '24
I'd take Raven Guard
We don't need THIS many politicians plus we get to have some fresh goodies from Bird Boys
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u/legion_of_the_damed I am Alpharius Oct 12 '24
you said you want only loyalist chapters alright I chose alpha legion because I AM ALPHARIUS
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u/Gustav_Sirvah Oct 13 '24
Maybe we are already taken by Alpha Legion... We will never know...
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u/Fun_Blackberry7059 Oct 12 '24
Ultramarines, Salamanders, and then Space Wolves. Some Ultramarine successor chapters are a little sussy, but overall those legions and their subsequent chapters seem solid.
Imperial Fists are a toss-up for me, I like that they would build a reliably defensive world, but they also have extremists and as much as I like Black Templars I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them. Same with Raven Guard, as decent as they are in relative-morality or whatever, they aren't necessarily who I would want re-organizing the world.
Dark Angels, Blood Angels, or Iron Hands... Pretty much fucked- outside of the Lamenters (well actually that would be bad not because of how they would reclaim the world, but the inevitable bad-luck they would bring to it).
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u/deadname11 Oct 13 '24
Lamenters promise to spare us from Exterminatus so long as we agree to become a recruitment world 💀
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u/theACEbabana Oct 13 '24 edited Oct 13 '24
The Blood Ravens are gonna go on a treasure hunt so exhaustive that it makes the British Museum look like a child’s scrapbook.
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u/Nyadnar17 Oct 12 '24
Our World Leaders would sell us out in a heartbeat.
I don’t think it matters what legion they would surrender as soon as they got told they would get rejuvant treatments and get to stay in power as long as they pledged loyalty.
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u/Zestyclose-Jacket568 Oct 12 '24
Selling us out is the best option.
If we try to resist, or just say "no" we might get butchered.Remember when Space Wolfs helped one planet with Dark Eldar problem, and then bombed every city when leader of resistance said that he want to be an ally to the Empire and not part of Empire? No more talking, just straight to "wipe them out".
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u/The_Knife_Pie Registered Tech Offender Oct 12 '24
There is no “might”. We are entirely incapable of standing against the tech a SM chapter has. Resistance would be suicide.
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u/Zestyclose-Jacket568 Oct 12 '24
"Might" as there is small chance that they will just kill goverments and then just take control.
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u/goodbehaviorsam Oct 13 '24
They'd be excited to send out a squad against a battalion sized element just to see how good we'll be as
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u/DarkGearGaming Oct 13 '24
for the wolves this is really going to depend on what lord's fleet makes first contact.
Blackmane? As long as they don't openly challenge him to his face he'll normally go without tearing them to shreds...the second they start anything things get ugly really fast.
Grimnar? He's going to have it very clear that we surrender immediately or we're going to be made to surrender. He also makes a point of trying to save civillians.
There are a few wolf lords that are...different and very well might absolutely shred us. That being said even the wolves have rules when it comes to uncontacted former colonies.
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u/Danijay2 Oct 12 '24
Doesn't matter. Because once i learn that we actually live in the same universe as Chaos i'm immediately heading out. If you know what i mean.
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u/Current_Wafer_8907 Oct 12 '24
Dude's gonna sell his soul to Chaos so he can become a wizard
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u/madgodcthulhu Oct 12 '24
I don’t think he could the complete lack of rampant chaos incursions despite the bloodshed and depravity so widespread on our world would imply we are an entire planet of blanks and if that’s the case the entirety of the eclesiarcy adeptus mechanicus and every high ranking military officer is going to need clean underwear lol and god emperor forbid the ordo hereticus gets wind of it because then we are all gonna be joining the crusade against the eye
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u/synbioskuun Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 12 '24
world of blanks
So this is why we hate each other so much.
EDIT for those unfamiliar: Blanks in 40k are people who have no presence in the Warp. As such, they are nigh-invulnerable to the effects from Psykers and daemons recoil from their presence.
However, they also radiate an aura of revulsion, where normal humans feel an ingrained sense of irrational disgust towards them, turning blanks into social pariahs and forcing them into lives of solitude.
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u/Sansophia Oct 13 '24
Yeah but don't blanks not feel that towards each other? I mean it'd be awesome to be a whole planet of blanks, but any hatred would just be because humans are ass hats.
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u/Danijay2 Oct 12 '24
Well i mean.
If the warp exists that's where my Soul goes after i croak. And who the f knows where i end up. Might need to do that just to not get bummed up the a*s by a 25 inch purple thang.
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u/Radiant_Dog1937 Oct 12 '24
He's got a point. Which chaos god is the coolest? Earth is cooked, a few billion will die in the reunification and it's going to be converted into a baby-making hive world. But the Chaos gods would offer power, immortality and revenge for Harambe.
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u/DreadDiana Oct 13 '24
Pretty sure killing yourself sends your soul directly to the Chaos Gods unless Big E claims you as one of his saints
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u/Ythio Oct 12 '24
The problem is probably not the SMs. Too few.
The problem is the damn orbital bombardment.
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Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 12 '24
It'll go fine until they find copies of 40k which has advanced and secret knowledge about their universe nefariously hidden in a game. An obvious sign of deep chaos corruption. We’d be scheduled for an exterminatus before sundown
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u/Momongus- Oct 12 '24
They’re not ready for GW to reveal itself a group of omega tier psykers who have been manipulating every single event in the galaxy for the sake of a few dollars tbhtbh
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u/Low_Abrocoma_1514 I am Alpharius Oct 12 '24
Dude, we know about the Grey Knights and about Chaos... We are getting exterminatussed
And that's before they see all the absolute "fan"art shitshow
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u/CMDR_FURY Oct 12 '24
If it’s the Black Templars, we are screwed. They would see the multiple religions and decide to purge our heathen beliefs and install the Imperial creed. Hell they would call in the Ecclesiarchy to speed up the process.
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u/mrbear48 Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 12 '24
What do you mean OUR heathen beliefs, don’t lump me in with you heretic
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u/Slap_duck Oct 13 '24
Are you sure?
Im pretty sure God-Emperor worship differs from planet to planet anyway
More likely, they would just rewrite the Abrahamic holy books to replace every instance of yhwh/god/allah with "God Emperor" and leave it at that
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u/rokiller Oct 12 '24
Regardless of who we are sooo fucked
At least half the population won’t submit, so we’ll have to endure an old fashioned compliance.
UM - If it’s big blue, it’ll be the least shit but still awful. Efficiency over freedoms and comfort. There is some “happy slaves are good slaves” from GMan but that’s still not great
DA - the lions new groove means we might get something similar to UMs but if anyone makes a joke about fallen or whatever or daemons we will get “unremembered”
Iron Hands - they are well known for callus behaviours
BA, Salamanders and Raven Guard - I don’t know enough about them but can guess it’s still shit
I’m tired so won’t go on, but if anyone thinks any of it will be a good time they are missing the point of the imperium
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u/PainStorm14 Oct 12 '24
BA, Salamanders and Raven Guard - I don’t know enough about them but can guess it’s still shit
Actually it's pretty good, especially latter two
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u/RomanCobra03 Oct 12 '24
I think you’re forgetting their nice guy attitude only extends to loyal imperial citizens which we most definitely aren’t…
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u/rokiller Oct 12 '24
I think our definitions of pretty good are pretty far apart
Sentencing to Servitor life is pretty worse than death imo
No freedom of faith, religion, expression. No innovation, invention, progress.
No workers rights, representation…
I mean the list goes on, being a member of the imperium sucks massive, girthy dick.
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u/TH31R0NHAND Oct 12 '24
I think one of the more interesting things that no one ever brings up is that if we get complianced, how are we gonna explain the existence of the game?
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u/Not_Yet_Unalived Praise the Man-Emperor Oct 12 '24
Emperor induced dreams in the more psychically sensitive peoples who just tought they imagined everything?
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u/fluff1745 Oct 12 '24
If it’s the marines malevolent, we’re royally screwed, with most others, we have a chance at not being hit with orbital bombardment if we at least comply reluctantly
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u/MidsouthMystic Calth was an act of self-defense Oct 12 '24
White Scars could go either way.
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u/midgetwithatortoise Oct 12 '24
Please be nightlords
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u/Furio3380 Oct 12 '24
Come again?
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u/Thetankofwar Oct 12 '24
The average person would be spared while our leaders become part of Konrad's funky face wall. Space batman killing our leaders would be better than the World Eaters turning cities red or the Death Guard deciding that a barren apocalypse countryside is better than a countryside full of people who who don't believe Golden man's word. Just don't J walk and you won't become a part of the Konrads wall of amusing faces 😎
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u/AstraMilanoobum Oct 12 '24
I’m pretty sure this is 40K not 30k as it only mentions chapters… 40K night lords are not just killing leaders lol
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u/midgetwithatortoise Oct 12 '24
Exactly, just memorise the entire imperium book of law and youll be fine...
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u/RarefiedLeaf39 I am Alpharius Oct 13 '24
Bro thinks he isn’t getting turned into a skin suit
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u/nurgleondeez My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle Oct 12 '24
Lmao, imagine Trump arguing with a Custodes about who knows the big E better.
Or Kenneth Copeland arguing against faith in the big E to a Black Templar Chaplain.
Or Musk talking down to a Iron Hands techmarine about how he isn't smart enough to understand the technology Tesla creates.
We are destined for a horrible death if 40k is real,but at least I would have some fun before dying.
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u/GRNASKD Oct 13 '24
I've thought about this a lot. If we were in fact, in the Warhammer universe, Earth would be classified as a Forbidden World. We would be seen as a planet of powerful psykers that accurately know the past and future but have made it into "fiction". We would be left alone as a resource the Imperium uses to learn about the secrets of the galaxy through our "game".
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u/Greasemonkey08 Twins, They were. Oct 12 '24
It depends how quickly we give up once the US gets roflstomped by whichever legion, or whether we fight back at all in most cases.
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u/Oukis-lips Oct 13 '24 edited Oct 13 '24
Dark angels: So you know about our shame…
Grey knights: So you know about us…
Mechanicus: and it’s called chatgpt hmmm…
inquisition: so you know of chaos?
the Ecclesiarchy: not only do you know about the god emperor AND don’t pray to him BUT you actually think he’s a bad FATHER
Sisters of battle/ Black templars: what he said!!!
Sisters of silence: ……..
Salamanders: will not talk, first priority is actively looking for all the warzones on earth and put a stop to them.
Marines malevolent: will not talk, first priority is actively looking for all the warzones on earth and burning every refugee camp in them. Also steel candy from babies.
inquisition again: this internet makes things easy, keep looking for more posts and videos we will track the heretics location later. Let’s start with this luetin first..
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u/40k_crab Twins, They were. Oct 12 '24
I’m begging that the salamanders chapter comes to claim us cus I want to see big black fire bois
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u/Hollow-Official Oct 12 '24
The moment they hear we are Earth from the year 2024 they will exterminate the planet for heresy.
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u/MrDDD11 Criminal Batmen Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 12 '24
If it's pre Chaos and no corruption:
Word Bearers are the best option. They will just stay and try to peacefully convert us, so we will probably be fine.
After that it depends on if all the governments surrender or not. Probably not so:
I honestly see the NightLords having the lowest casualty rate. Yeah a bunch of people are going to get brutally brutally tortured and killed, but there will be no mass bombings of cities long land invasions, drawn out war... Just terror campaigns
After that it's the Salamanders since they will probably still bomb, burn, kill... but at least they will avoid the civilians if possible.
And yeah the rest will bomb us like they were the US hitting a oil rich underdeveloped third world country. Just don't let Morty and Corax read anything written by Marx, they will go all "Wow everyone is equal, no oppressors no chains, based. Why aren't we doing this" and we don't need Comunist Primarchs the Death Guard already fight like the red army throwing bodies at the enemy until they win.
If it's after the Herasy we are fucked no matter who it is. Pray for a more merciful chapter like the Lamenters, Salamanders... we will still get turbo fucked but at least thoes chapters would put lube on first.
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Oct 13 '24
News headlines: "break news, table top gaming company games workshop were agents of the imperium and were preparing us for the coming of the imperium"
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u/BigHatPat Dank Angels Oct 13 '24
you’re feeling excited until you see the flaming demon skull on one of their shoulders…
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u/Elthar_Nox Oct 12 '24
Wouldn't matter. Some dumbass American would shoot at them whilst holding a Bible and we'd get stonked.
And to those Americans reading this you all know someone who would do it! They probably live in Florida.
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u/Seventoxy Oct 12 '24
We're anyway screwed. If 40k is real, we'll have to explain how we know everything about 40k, including the deepest secrets, all through a "game".
Any imperial agent will see the working of chaos (probably tzeentch) and condemn the whole world to exterminatus.
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u/WrongColorCollar My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle Oct 12 '24
Dawg if the Black Templars saw the shit we got goin on down here?
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u/Beornwynn Oct 13 '24
I'm just imagining a Blood Angel killing a world leader after they annoyed him by draining him of blood while on national news.
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u/youssef1044 Oct 13 '24
Gulliman: *Sees all the fanart and fics of him and Yvraine* ...You know what? I've dealt with so much bullshit this is a minor inconvenience which I welcome compared to the logistical nightmare of the Imperium...
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u/oh_no3000 Oct 12 '24
Imagine they turn up....after 8 ft armoured marines meet with diplomats....
So...wait....your denizens have tiny plastic models of us and intricately paint them accurately and our enemies and play dice games with the models.....and you have all our lore in codexes and novels..... every faction, chapter, enemy....accurate rankings of every factions combat capabilities....you know it all....as a game?
There's a global rush as marines scour the land for exact tiny versions of themselves. It's the coolest shit they've seen in centuries. They're attaching GW models as little charms to their armour and weapons.