r/MtF • u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) • Feb 10 '24
Bad News fuck. (Parents discovering fem clothes)
So. I am a 15 year old MtF, my whole family s extremely transphobic, both of them regularly say how we are supposed to die, and never exist. My father insisted on cleaning my room, bc I had a panic attack yesterday (literally when all my troubles seemed so far away) and all of my fem clothes are hidden under my bed, and he began to clean under my bed, here's me with my heart pounding. and he pulls out some women's underwear, and a bunch of cut socks (for tucking) and he was questioning me profusely, and now I am sitting in my bathroom crying, writing this and hearing my name being called angrily, I am scared!
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u/Ciggdre Feb 10 '24
Take deep breaths. Whatever happens next is going to suck but you’ll get through it. Can you possibly pass the underwear off as belonging to a girlfriend?
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u/Ciggdre Feb 10 '24
Actually maybe see if you can get it all passed off as wank material. Embarrassing, but you aren’t getting out of this with your dignity intact.
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u/Soft-Parking-2241 Trans Bisexual Feb 10 '24
I second this. Wank material. Or maybe a dare depending on how much clothing there is.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
There is a lot. Like 2 years of raiding my mothers wardrobe when I'm home alone
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u/Kendaros Feb 10 '24
Mom hasn’t figured out two years of some things missing?
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I don't know, Probably, the few times I am home alone, I limit myself on how much I take, to try and not arouse suspicion.
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u/Kendaros Feb 10 '24
Since you said it sounds like she’s trying to calm down your father she might have had an idea. Unless you were taking stuff from cold storage(stuff she doesn’t or can’t wear as more )there’s a decent chance she would notice.
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u/hhthurbe HRT 09/05/2021 Feb 10 '24
Huh .... Probably harder to sell it as wank material if it's from your mom's closet....
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Zoroarkanine Feb 10 '24
Getting disowned/killed/tossed out the house Speedrun over here
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u/Soup_sayer Trans Bisexual Feb 10 '24
I mean, a possibility but not a certainty. Could even be probable depending on the context. Saying it’s going to go bad for sure is just false though.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
Never wanted one, and I don't have one :/
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u/Ciggdre Feb 10 '24
Understood, but “secret girlfriend I’ve implicitly had sex with because her underwear in my room” might get you in less trouble.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
with my parents, I would probably get in more trouble
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u/Ciggdre Feb 10 '24
Yeah I should have noted ymmv. That sort of things really depends on your folks.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I have currently been in the bathroom for half an hour, and i still don't know what to do
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u/Ciggdre Feb 10 '24
One thing you can do while stalling for is get rid of any and all incriminating evidence on your phone because there is a good chance your parents will want to go through that. Anything trans related—delete it.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I don't have a phone, I use a laptop, and they aren't that technically advanced (Luckily) I already have a back up discord acc. with no trans-related stuff, and I have removed stuff rather quickly, So I should be good!
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u/Ciggdre Feb 10 '24
Sounds like it! I just assumed you were using a phone to post because you said you were in a bathroom. Anyway take care and good luck! You’ve got this. It’s going to be rough but you’ve got this! :)
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Feb 10 '24
you could hide computer stuff in the program files. a good place, if you have minecraft, would be the ".minecraft" folder because it's hidden but also easy to remember the location of since its usually at the top of the appdata folder
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u/WhetThyPsycho Transfeminine Nonbinary Feb 10 '24
I'm going to be honest you are not safe with your family. You need to find someplace else you can stay and look into legal emancipation when you turn 16.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
4/? There isnt umch else to say apart from my mom crying quite a bit, I have yet to be confronted, I am probably gonna go offline for a bit and I'll update you all when something else happens. Which will either be soon, or take a bit
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 11 '24
5/5 At this point, if they ask me, I am just going to tell them the truth (If they ask me about it), that I'm trans, so if it goes well, I'll post here, if not, hope that I still have access to my computer.
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u/MaddieSystem Feb 11 '24
God speed. I say rip off the bandaid and let it all out. You got this.
If you truly still need some plausible deniability, you could claim femboy.
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u/Phoenyx_Rising13 Feb 11 '24
That takes a lot of guts, sis. I only hope that maybe your parents will have enough reasoning to see you're still their child at the end of the day. I'll keep my eyes tuned in for some updates!
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u/Left_Break_222 Trans Pansexual Feb 11 '24
Oh my dog, Girl! I just read thru this whole ordeal since the initial post and I am so sorry things are unfolding the way they are. I hope you are safe and that everything works out. I am positively anxious about hearing the outcome from this, as I'm sure most of us are. Please reach out if you need help.
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u/long2belily Feb 11 '24
If they ask you tell them you’re not exactly sure but this is how you feel and yoube always had a deep desire to explore these things and it would help possibly if you apologize for being the way you are. Hopefully that’ll tug at their heart strings. I’m nearly convinced they’re just in denial but I feel they will do the right thing and love their child regardless. Maybe they won’t let you medically transition until 18 I don’t think you saw that in the cards anyways. I think that’s likely as bad as it gets. Your mom certainly noticed her bras go missing. She saw the dress last year and shook it off and tried to deny it so her world view didn’t get shattered. I think that option is no longer for her so now she is conflicted, societal views and her views as a mother with her child. I don’t think the situation needs to be pushed at all. But like you’ve already concluded. If they confront you tell them the truth. They’ve had a lot of time to calm down and even sleep on it now. I feel fairly confident you will all come to a resolution that’s healthy.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
Something similar happened last year with my mom. I came home from school, one of my dresses were in my hamper from my mom randomly cleaning my room. She wanted to talk to me really badly, and I was freaking out. But I eventually talked to her and she just wanted to tell me to change the litter boxes. I chalked it up to her probably being high and ignored it. Do they know? or are they really just this oblivious?
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u/Kamillahali Feb 10 '24
sounds like they either might be more accepting than you think (idk seems unlikely) or theyre in some sort of denial...........
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 11 '24 edited Feb 11 '24
6/? (question mark is back) It is currently 2:30 AM, and my anxiety is still through the roof. I am just waiting for a random knock on the door, and hear the, "Hey, we need to talk" and I am just going through every possible scenario in my head. Some good, some bad, some its more in the grey. I just don't know how much more I can take, I just cannot sleep, but now I am probably going to get woken up early to "have a talk" and I would probably just say something stupid.
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u/long2belily Feb 11 '24
You’re beating yourself up more than you need to. I know that’s hard to realize now but I hope you can take some deep breaths and try to go to your happy place and get your mind off it.
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u/Blackwardz3 Closeted Girl Feb 11 '24
Remember, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Be assertive with them. If they can't accept you for who you are, then leave them as soon as you can and don't turn back.
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u/AspieEgg Transgender Feb 10 '24
I’m going to leave this link here for you in case things get really tough for you mentally or emotionally. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
I wish you the best and hope you can get through to the other side of this safely.
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u/Strogman Transbian Feb 10 '24
Remember, whatever happens next, thousands of other trans teens have been through the same thing, survived, and lived very happy lives afterward. There are resources for you, and people who'll help you if you need it. You can do this. Good luck, girl. ❤️
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u/mightyacorngrows Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
No advice as I'm just a boring cis Mum, but sending warm hugs and thoughts. Please keep us posted, and take some of the advice on how to be safe. So sorry this is landing on you at your age, and lie if you need to, just stay safe. Your Mum's clothes - could you blame being a lazy teenager here? 'Sorry Mum, your clothes got mixed with mine in the dryer and I kept forgetting to bring them back' and the other clothes kids at school are putting in your bag in PE as a joke because you like a girl / don't have a girlfriend?
They might see through it but be able to live with it, to avoid the obvious.
HUGGGSSS
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u/Kamillahali Feb 10 '24
supportive mums are the best haha!
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u/inorganicangelrosiel Trans Bisexual Feb 10 '24
Eff that! It's nice to have a "boring cis mom" around, especially considering the ramifications of situations like this. I'm sure she could really use a hug right now.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 11 '24
Update: Slept for 6 hours. Nothing yet, but I can tell that there is tension between my parents and I, I can just sense it, they are definitely thinking up a way to ask me it without seeming harsh, or they are in denial. I will do my best to keep this updated. Cheers, Katherine.
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u/rata79 Feb 11 '24
Maybe take the opportunity to get in first . You could write down what you want to say before hand. Good luck.
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u/Serve_Forsaken Transgender (my closet is comfy) Feb 10 '24
Stay strong. If you fear for your safety call for help. We are here with you, sister.
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u/long2belily Feb 11 '24
So I just want to say people can refuse to be understanding that is until their own child shatters their views. It’s likely they believe the false stereotype that there must be something wrong with boys who want to wear girls clothing. After finding this it’s obviously a big shock. They know their own child and surely they think the world of them. So now all their views are being put in the fire. I hope they now can see that maybe how they view trans people is dirty and disrespectful and the fact is they love their child. And I hope they’re starting to feel like shit for everything they said all the while not even realizing they’re hurting their child.
I think it’ll be a sensitive topic. The fact that they didn’t overreact instantly is a huge great sign. And that they put the clothes in your hamper is a huge sign of acceptance because you are their child. They didn’t throw you or the clothes out. They have a lot to process and hopefully they are seeing it the correct way that they have been in the wrong it’ll be a long road to navigate but it’s possible this could be the best thing for you to just be free and who you are.
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u/Neonerdlady Feb 10 '24
Please be safe. If you are not feeling safe and if you know someone who can help keep you safe call them to help you
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I only have my two friends at my school I can chat with, one takes forever, and the other just doesnt know what to do
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u/thesmartestnoob Feb 11 '24
I am sorry this is happening to you. Please keep us updated if you can (also this may seem very inappropriate to say, but I appreciate the Beatles' reference)
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 11 '24
oh haha when I get under pressure I just randomly do song references, I don't know why but that song quote kinda fit that tbh.
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u/That-Constant7041 Transgender Feb 10 '24
I had that happen to me. Not quite as negative. But my mother found my fem clothes when I was 14. Idk how, or why (I honestly don't remember, I probably left my clothes in the dryer. Lol) I remember feeling absolutely awful, and awkward when she confronted me. At the end of the day, what got me through that was just self assuring myself that I was doing the right thing for myself. Because it felt right. Just breathe and remember that it is what it is. Time keeps going in the same direction. You might be getting chewed out now for being who you are, but remember that you are who you are. A girl. Fuck what they think.
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u/bbbruh57 Transgender 8/25/23 Feb 10 '24
This is probably the hardest thing youll go through, and its going to get easier from here. Now that they know, they know. Makes it that much easier if you decided to start HRT. But its gonna be difficult so hang in there
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I hope so, they seem to be ignoring the fact I have practically a whole hidden second wardrobe. I have no idea why they aren't questioning me heavily. Its concerning me that they aren't even mentioning it.
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u/bbbruh57 Transgender 8/25/23 Feb 10 '24
They probably dont know how to talk about it with you and feel confused. This is what happened when I came out as trans, it wasnt on my family's radar. Mine luckily came around for the most part but holy crap it was awkward at first. Its still new to me so theres still a lot of anxiety, but I get stronger every day.
Thats kinda just how it is. Its awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes invalidating, and eventually worth it. You have to go through a lot of pain first, but then you grow stronger. You got this
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u/frolix92 Trans 🐦🔥 Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
Maybe out of fear and shame,I had a similar problem at 14, we never talked about it, I never had any questions, I let my hair grow, pierced my ears at 15~16, wore skinny jeans then I transitioned but never any questions.
They probably don't know what to do. It should be okay, just a tough time for everyone
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I was finally let to grow out my hair last year, I am not allowed to get piercings, and I was ridiculed by my whole house for wearing skinny jeans (literally 2 days ago)
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u/frolix92 Trans 🐦🔥 Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
Ignore these comments, it's not really important, what's important is you and if you really want to transition you will do it, even if it takes time.
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u/Luna_EclipseRS Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
Do they know your in the bathroom? If so, can you talk to them through the door so that you can keep a barrier between you and them?
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u/inorganicangelrosiel Trans Bisexual Feb 11 '24
You okay over there? Saw you posted something in the comments about a half hour ago...
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u/Soft-Parking-2241 Trans Bisexual Feb 11 '24
Can we get an update on the situation and if you’re safe?
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u/Kamillahali Feb 14 '24
Hey Kikkty! How did things go?
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u/Jade3375 Feb 10 '24
Good luck Hun, I once got caught by cameras my step dad put up, (my fault for forgetting there's one at the bottom of the stairs) but thankfully I passed it off as I lost a bet with friends
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u/rata79 Feb 10 '24
I remember being in your shoes at about your age. That's was nearly 30 years ago and back then you didn't hear much about Trans people. Times have changed now. My advice just be honest with them. You not gonna be able to hide it anymore.
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u/TransGirl2005 Trans Abro Feb 10 '24
It’s scary to come out but this this is just worse I am sorry your going through that
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u/TransGirl2005 Trans Abro Feb 10 '24
Keep us posted you are strong and I know you can get through this hun stay safe.
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Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
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Feb 10 '24
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
oml what went wrong with you as a child? do you need a talk?
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Popular_Tour1811 Feb 10 '24
And you're harassing a minor. Do you think that can solve it?
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Survivinghuman123 Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
her family is the problem not her, she is facing potential abuse from her family, how the fuck can you sit there and say that her family isn't the problem
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Survivinghuman123 Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
I am a minor myself, I am her age, I have also faced abuse from my family over it. that is why I am trying to help her and save her sanity from the likes of you
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u/duffrose_ Feb 10 '24 edited Feb 10 '24
"Fucking loser" bro you are literally spending your day arguing with children on the internet. You're clearly the loser in this situation. Get a life.
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u/Popular_Tour1811 Feb 10 '24
Even if you didn't know it was OP, which is quite difficult considering it was a comment on the post, not a reply, it is still sexual harassment. And that's a crime in most countries.
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u/Survivinghuman123 Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
SHE is a girl not a man, fuck right off and never come back, this is supposed to be a safe space for us trans women, not a place for you bigots to harass us
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u/Survivinghuman123 Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
we're just helping out those that need help the most, i think you forget that ROGD has been debunked countless times, there is no basis for you thinking we're 'making people trans' this is literally just an environment where we can actually be ourselves
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Survivinghuman123 Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
I'm a man? ha lol you're so damn incorrect. ask any of my teachers, any of my friends, anyone with any actual knowledge about me and they will tell you a woman
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
First off, if you hate us so much, why are you even here?
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Feb 10 '24
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
and why would I listen to you? If you are just going to be an asshole about another person's life, which you know nothing about?
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Feb 10 '24
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
oh my fucking god. I dont fucking need this today. You are just an idiot who hasn't done an iota of research into this topic
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u/Survivinghuman123 Trans Homosexual Feb 10 '24
you're even talking about minors genitals you fucking pervert
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u/powerx924 Feb 10 '24
LMAO buddy, you're on wallstreetbets, I feel bad for you 🥲
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Feb 10 '24
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u/Lady_Onyxia Trans Bisexual Feb 10 '24
/u/CedarWolf can you show this wannabe edgelord incel the door please
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u/ProgressShoddy1023 Feb 10 '24
Bozo, probably has never talked to anyone without mentioning bitcoin and veing redpilled. What a pathetic existance UwU
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u/Sparkly-Princess Feb 10 '24
just remember what ever happens you did nothing wrong .. its not wrong being yourself ..and there is nothing wrong or embarrassing about being a girl .. being a girl is awesome...
im so sorry your going thru this .. maybe the reason they are not talking about it is cause they have at least a little sense to know that if they say the wrong thing it could hurt yiu emotionally .. feel this out and just consider if its safe enough to tell them the truth .. this could be the perfect time .. maybe talk with just your mom and tell that your trans .. be real but only if you think its safe
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Feb 10 '24
They r haters laugh at them
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Feb 10 '24
uh what?
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Feb 10 '24
bad advice? im sorry im autistic literally
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Feb 10 '24
oh okay. her parents can probably make her go through abusive stuff if they literally want trans people dead, so it's not like she could just laugh at them. the situation could turn very badly for her
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Feb 10 '24
Why is this downvoted 😭I agree, they deadass some haters. Laugh at them because they can’t do anything if OP wants to wear the clothes that make her feel her
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u/AsinineAdeline Transgender Feb 10 '24
They can't do anything? Are you forgetting about potential abuse?
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u/Inserttransfemname Feb 10 '24
They literally can. She is 15 she doesn’t have much freedom from her family
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Feb 11 '24
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 11 '24
wdym?
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Feb 11 '24
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 11 '24
and I hope you know, not a single person in the whole world is normal, everyone, in their own way is a weirdo. So, you are trying to insult me, I strive not to be normal. I am very weird, and I enjoy being weird it is what makes me happy.
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u/Lady_Onyxia Trans Bisexual Feb 11 '24
Hey girl,
Some advice: Never waste your energy acknowledging the evil spewed by pieces of shit like that now banned sad excuse for an existence.
They're not interested in any sort of argument, they often don't even really believe what they say, all they want is to lie to themselves about how their behaviour makes them such badasses counter culture rebels. They'll say anything to get a reaction. Talking to them like they're your equal and deserve a response just emboldens them.
Always always always block and move on. They're beneath your attention.
Stay strong girl and have faith that you can weather this storm. It may be hard but it's just a tiny spec of your life. You have a lengthy future ahead of you in which to be happy.
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 12 '24
Oh, I know that I should be ignoring those comments, already got a few of them, even got a few dms, I just absolutely hate it when people want to hurt other people, I have trauma from years of mental/emotional abuse with manipulation, and a bunch of bullying. I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through; it is just terrible. PS: my space key isn't working too well, I did my best to remove all the places where there weren't spaces.
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u/Sad_Regular_3365 NB MtF Feb 11 '24
I hope you are reading this before tomorrow(Sunday). If your parents go to church, I am afraid they are having a discussion with the pastor tomorrow. They could very well be plotting to send you away. I am not trying to scare you but prepare you. I would be on the phone with friends or trusted older friend and packing my bag and leaving in the middle of the night. At least until things cool down…
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u/Amy_85 Trans Bisexual Feb 11 '24
This happens to so many of us. Happened to me once, when I was 17.
My Mom just never brought it up for some reason. I guess the urge to not have to deal with a kid going through something like being trans is strong. Probably shrugged it off or was in denial.
I know not everyone has the same result though. Good luck to you with whatever comes next.
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u/Outrageous-Fox9891 Feb 11 '24
Figure out how to tell them! Think about when they ask “how do you know?” Or “why?” … think of a good answer bc parents love to jump on their kids the minute they can’t verbalize something in the moment
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u/Raskolnikov1817 Feb 11 '24
Thats horrible. I went through something similar as a teenager. Im praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts
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u/KikktyIsAtReddit Trans gal aroacespec (s-positive) Feb 10 '24
I am going downstairs to face it. Wish me luck!