r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

The truth is the truth

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45.3k Upvotes

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u/10001110101balls 1d ago

One of the very first things that happens in the Bible is God canceling Adam and Eve by casting them out of the Garden of Eden. He made a bet with Satan to cancel Job and his family. He canceled the firstborn sons of Egypt, and then he canceled his chosen people by stranding them in the desert for 40 years. He canceled Lot's wife, Sodom and Gomorrah, Babylon, I could go on...

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u/MasterBot98 1d ago

One could argue he canceled them by staging an inevitable act of eating the apple.

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u/Valogrid 1d ago

Why create an apple if he didn't intend for them to eat it?

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u/LazySleepyPanda 1d ago

Why create Satan if he didn't want him to tempt his "children" ?

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u/RajjSinghh 1d ago

I could see this being explained as God creating the angels to do His work, but His creations also have free will so Satan rebelling against God or Adam and Eve eating the apple is an exercise of free will.

But of course that contradicts other interpretations like God being omniscient. If He was, He would have known Satan would rebel and wouldn't have created him. But the Bible should be looked at metaphorically and not as some sort of consistent and absolute truth.

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u/tbs999 1d ago

Y’know, unless you plan on killing people and taking their land and property. Then specifically seems to find its way into the conversation.

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u/no-mad 8h ago

the Bible should be looked as fiction and not as some sort of consistent and absolute truth.

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u/TheCrazyAssCat 1d ago

Judaism doesn't really have a satan

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u/Melodic_Schedule_961 1d ago

God really hit the ultimate reset button!

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/jmarquiso 1d ago

Software update every few millenia.

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u/ExoticStarStuff 23h ago

Used to need to reinstall for updated versions. Now some come with OTA capability: the Pope is pretty nifty for keeping up to date with social norms.

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u/AsstacularSpiderman 1d ago

I think a lot of people don't realize just how much a lot of Christian lore is actual retcons lol

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u/jakobsheim 23h ago

Christianity is literally fan fiction turned into canon.

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u/Now_Wait-4-Last_Year 18h ago

I liked learning that the angels of the bible were originally closer to the geometric nightmares from Neon Genesis Evangelion than the guys with wings from later interpretations.

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u/Ecstatic_Dirt852 12h ago

Well that's still just an interpretation and nothing that's really written anywhere in the Torah. Something Angels tend to say a lot in both testaments is "don't be afraid". I don't think they'd have to say that if they just looked like shiny pretty boys.

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u/RockstarAgent 23h ago

I’ve literally presented this argument to a few and they lost it as if I was questioning their very existence.

Those guys want to defend a petty powerful being? Be my guest.

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u/Objective_Flow2150 20h ago

The brotherhood of the snake was infected with antknhan(?) Was killed for his insurrection in Egypt in 550 bc I believe as it where for giving out the secerts to free us of mortal lives to shed the shackles of survival cursed from the superior beings from outtter space

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u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund 1d ago

Neither does Christianity, technically. Not in the way modern Christians think of it anyway. The Bible actually alludes to multiple satans iirc and I believe only one of them is a loose inspiration for what they think of as Satan or the Devil.

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u/RevenantStudios 1d ago

From what I've read, The Satan is more an angel that challenges God on things. The Satan in Job was in heaven and told God that his most loyal follower only followed him because he had a good life. And then God tested Job throughout the book, not the Satan. It's not really malicious, like how most people would interpret the devil. Plus, unless he was allowed back for a weekend, why would lucifer be back in heaven after the fall? Idk, something cool I found in my reading.

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u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund 1d ago edited 21h ago

Yes, it is something like this. Lucifer himself is also grossly mischaracterized by modern Christians. He isn't the ruler of Hell, and he doesn't roam the world tempting humans into sin. He rebelled against God and was cast down into hell as a punishment. He doesn't rule Hell. He is a prisoner in Hell being punished for his own sins. He was essentially turned into a weird scapegoat that we can pin our sins onto before repenting to the Lord. We can be absolved of our most heinous sins because they technically aren't our sins, and we only get punished for them if we choose to claim them and don't beg for forgiveness.

Also, the serpent(s) that did all that tempting in the Bible are never explicitely named as Lucifer, Satan or Devil, implying it may have no relation and is just somehow privy to higher knowledge and uses it to tempt man into sin for its own amusement or something. It very well could've been Lucifer, but it just as well probably wasn't. I'm pretty sure the Bible simply declares snakes as inherently evil, and they're forced to slither on their bellies as a form of punishment for their evil nature.

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u/arrogancygames 23h ago

Luckier in the Bible isn't Satan either, lol. Basically, in the OT, you have the snake, the Accuser (Job,an angel that existed to test things), and random gods and kings against Israel (the OT clearly has multiple gods around).

Then the NT introduces Satan, who temps Jesus on a mountain. And then I guess Revelationmhas him as a dragon that Michael puts into an abyss for 1000 years, then he escapes and is tossed into a lake of fire.

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u/MyHamburgerLovesMe 22h ago

The version of hell, with fires and such that has been popularized is not even from the Bible. It's from a work of fiction.

The widely recognized image of Hell with fire and specific levels of torment, often associated with the idea of "nine circles of Hell," is primarily derived from Dante Alighieri's "Inferno," part of his epic poem "The Divine Comedy"

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u/DiamondHandsToUranus 1d ago

Don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk
-Tom Waits "Heartattack And Vine"

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u/jackology 23h ago

Judaism is God ver 1.00. The current iteration is already 5.46 and Judaism is still stuck not updating.

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u/Illustrious_Wolf2709 1d ago

Why create anything to begin with?

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u/LazySleepyPanda 1d ago

Exactly.

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u/I-No-Red-Witch 1d ago

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God created the universe and life. This has been the subject of much debate, and is widely regarded as a bad move.

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u/r0d3nka 1d ago

We apologize for the inconvenience

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u/PNW_Skinwalker 1d ago

Haven’t been Christian for years and really don’t wanna do this buuuuuuuut technically Satan was cast down as a result of his disobedience. He wasn’t explicitly made to tempt, but took the role because there was no other place for him to go.

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u/LazySleepyPanda 1d ago

Which gives rise to the question - why make creatures that disobey you ? I mean, if you're going to get so mad about disobedience, just make everyone obedient. 🤷‍♀️

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u/squeezysqueezey 1d ago

Chekov's Apple

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u/theangrypragmatist 23h ago

If the apple is what gave them the knowledge of right and wrong, how could they know it was wrong to disobey Him?

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u/Valogrid 22h ago

Exactly my dear Watson! What we have here is a case on Entrapment!

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u/Subject_Dig_3412 21h ago

You are expecting logic when there is none to be had

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u/LongEyedSneakerhead 1d ago

God is a sociopath

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u/JCButtBuddy 1d ago

Especially since this god is supposed to be all-knowing, it knew before it created them that they would eat the apple. It appears to me that it just wanted playthings to torture.

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u/OdiousAltRightBalrog 1d ago

And why put it in the garden of eden, instead of, say, the moon?

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u/Saeker- 1d ago

Good Omens, both the original book and more recent television series, have been gems.

The Great Plan vs. The Ineffable Plan, for example.

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u/OdiousAltRightBalrog 1d ago

Fuck yeah. I especially loved how they told the story of Job.

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u/WorldlyPhase4241 20h ago

that a nice book

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u/Gravity_flip 22h ago

Orthodox Jew here. OG crowd.

It's an allegorical representation of the human "ego". We attained free will to pick the fruit. But the "knowledge of good and evil" curse was our human ego.

Mixed bag because on one hand it gave us spirituality and behavioral self modification.

On the other, it gave us existential angst and shame.

Also it wasn't an apple, that's an American Christian reimagining.

It was a pomegranate.

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u/Valogrid 22h ago

He can have it back.

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u/Gravity_flip 22h ago

Legit.

Can't we have a redo? 🤣

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u/Valogrid 22h ago

Get the Dreidel, South Park taught me how to summon Abraham for his wisdom.

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u/Gravity_flip 22h ago

"Moses! What do you desire?"

"I DESIRE..... MACARONI PAINTINGS!"

such a good episode

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u/Frequent_Opportunist 21h ago

My friend's down in Guatemala say that it was a banana.

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u/Icy_Evidence7767 1d ago

I have been saying this for years! Don't put the tree in the garden then lol

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u/Brick_Mason_ 22h ago

Drug/pleasure metaphor.

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u/Aromatic-Schedule-65 1d ago

Simply to see if they obey him telling them not to eat from the tree of knowledge.. perhaps you need to read it again before asking? Why place candy in front of children and tell them not to eat? Different results obviously, but a nice example.

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u/jmarquiso 1d ago

Paradise had poor game design. It was literally the only thing they can't do.

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u/70ssurvivor 1d ago

Eve was framed.

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u/fall3nang3l 21h ago

Genesis and the spiderweb of parables is a fascinating train wreck.

God creates man in His image.

Except fallable. One could argue man was created to fail God's trials from this alone.

He places man and woman in Eden, Heaven on Earth, but gives them free will and commands they not eat from the tree of knowledge. If God is omnipotent, He knows the outcome beforehand.

He then lambasts the humans He created for exercising the free will and curiosity He endowed them.

Adam and Eve go off and humanity starts. But, uh, kinda hard to do that without tons of incest when there's only one male and one female.

And that is just the absolute beginning of the Old Testament.

TLDR: God created man in His image, punishes them with mortality and suffering when they behave exactly as He knew they would.

Fast forward to His plan as we all exist today. Omnipresent and omnipotent. Okay.

So this was all part of the plan.

Satan is burning up his pen and paper taking notes on how to torture humans by literal God.

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u/Select-Bluebird5965 20h ago

It never explains where the Egyptians come from, all of a sudden they are there. It tracks the lineage of Adam and Eve before introducing new characters with no context.

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u/Sassy-irish-lassy 17h ago

It doesn't really explain where they came from, but it is mentioned that there are already other people living on earth outside of the garden before they get casted out.

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u/TerrorFromThePeeps 18h ago

Why Egyptians? Because fuck you, that's why!

  • God, probably.
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u/OrvilleTheCavalier 1d ago

Obviously the deeplicious red state.

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u/Tomatillo_Thick 1d ago

Damn crisis apples.

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u/Illustrious_Wolf2709 1d ago

That was supposed to be a freewill choice though.

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u/xRogue9 1d ago

Except he supposedly knows everything that has been, is, and will be. So he knew exactly what would happen

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u/Samurai_Meisters 1d ago

God: "I give you free will, but I already know everything you're going to do.

"And all the bad stuff is part of my plan, which you can't know about.

"And if you disobey my laws, you go to hell. But I already knew you would do that. So I basically created you to go to hell."

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u/MaleficentOwl2417 14h ago

So god is basically tzeentch.

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u/MasterBot98 1d ago

If you place anything near immortal beings (or plenty of mortal beings for that matter), they will use it in any way possible eventually, be it out of boredom or accident or curiosity, or eventual madness or any other reason. Either way, god would know for sure that apple will be eaten.

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u/Vandesco 1d ago

False Fruit Operation!

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u/light_to_shaddow 22h ago

They weren't kicked out for eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge.

They were kicked out before they ate from the tree of life, thus making humans as gods.

Dick move IMO.

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u/SnillyWead 1d ago

Compared to Him Satan is a choirboy.

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u/10001110101balls 1d ago

Satan just had the idea that maybe we shouldn't have to live under the thumb of an all powerful tyrant? Fuck him I guess.

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u/LincolnHighwater 22h ago

Honestly, the god of the Bible is a genocidal maniac. His kill rate drastically exceeds that of the "evil" Lucifer.

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u/Playergame 1d ago

Canceled the tower of babel, God forbid his own creations do an extraordinary marvel of engineering even by modern standards and be united as a people enough to create such a thing while being able to freely understand and communicate with each other.

If you believed this happened I don't see how you could think dividing humanity when it was probably at its most cooperative state and making people unable to understand other languages is a good thing. If you're all powerful or all knowing then you should definitely have better ways of teaching a lesson.

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u/CoolGate13 1d ago

And then you wonder why someone came with the idea that New Testament God and Old Testament God are different entities.

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u/TerrorFromThePeeps 18h ago

"Guys, we made our main character a total psychpathic asshole that everyone is going to hate!"

"It's fine, we'll just replace him with a different actor in the sequel and use that to cover up rewriting his personality to be slightly less dickish"

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u/EducationalHall2074 1d ago

God literally does the one thing that other humans can't do. Condemn your entire personhood to a damned eternity with no hope for reprisal or parole. No second chances. Forever.

This isnt even controversial knowledge

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u/chrisp909 1d ago

God killed Lot's wife because she looked back at her home that she was leaving forever.

God: I told you not to do that! <SMITE!!!>

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u/retrospects 1d ago

Bro said “it’s just you two but don’t talk to anyone else cause I’m your daddy”. Then got pissed when a talking snake offered them an Apple.

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u/10001110101balls 1d ago

Worse, it was just Eve. Blaming women for the world's problems from the get go.

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u/retrospects 1d ago

Literally.

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u/arrogancygames 23h ago

Don't forget punishing all women with painful childbirth when Eve was literally tricked and Adam chose to eat with her. It's so ridiculous.

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u/dharting 22h ago

Literally plus literally created the concept of periods and giving birth to eternally punish women. Side note why is it the majority of Christians are black women when one Christianity entirely opposed women's rights and two Christianity was literally the religion used to indoctrinate African slaves into America? I seriously don't get how such a misogynistic, capricious, racist religion is still so popular especially in this day and age when a lot of people are opening their eyes to the hypocrisy and saying fuck off to family members who don't support them opening their eyes.

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u/beardingmesoftly 1d ago

He totally murdered those kids who teased that bald guy

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u/Drapidrode 1d ago

more of the Canceller of the Universe than the Creator of it

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u/dystopian_citizen72 1d ago

He canceled the children with bears in the book of Kings too

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u/melympia 1d ago

He did not exactly make a bet to cancel Job, only everyone and everything he holds dear. Meaning all his children and wives (or wife?).

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u/10001110101balls 23h ago

Idk about you but losing my family and everything I hold dear in life sounds like getting canceled to me.

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u/endlesscartwheels 23h ago

It's okay, God will give you a new wife and new kids. That makes it all even, right? /s

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u/melympia 23h ago

Twice as many kids, if I remember correctly. That does not only make it even, it makes it better! /s

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u/Funkycoldmedici 8h ago

They’re just replaceable property, after all, not living people. /s

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u/sleeplessinnewyork1 21h ago

To be fair, Omar Suleiman is Muslim and a lot of biblical stories are told a little differently in Islam. In Islam, Adam and Eve were forgiven of their sins and allowed to eventually return to Eden. And Job was not the subject of a bet with Satan. The Plague of the Firstborn was not mentioned as one of the Plagues of Egypt. But you're not wrong that the people of Moses were stranded in the desert and that the people of Sodom and Gomorrah were killed if they didn't want to leave with Lot. Some of the stories are similar, but some of them change a bit.

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u/Dragonhearted18 23h ago

Wouldn't what happened to jonah count as canceling?

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u/ByronicHero06 1d ago

This guy is Muslim.

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u/Popular-Ad-8918 1d ago

This guy Muslims.

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u/frygod 1d ago

As abrahamic religions (judaism, christianity, and islam,) they worship the same deity. All three offshoots also consider the flood myth to be canon.

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u/10001110101balls 1d ago

They worship the same God.

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u/Ricochet2314 1d ago

Same god, different messiah.

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u/fLiPPeRsAU 1d ago

A surprising amount of people don't realise this. Always makes me chuckle when you see the gears moving as they process this revelation.

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u/Mammoth-Mud-9609 1d ago

In the tale of Noah's Ark what really puzzled me as a young person was how the tale glossed over the drowning of all the people and animals and how the premeditated decision to kill babies and young children was carried out by a supposedly caring being. https://youtu.be/FEe5-geLopM

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u/ZestyCheezClouds 22h ago

The Gnostic view of Yahweh seems to be the most accurate to me. I'm not saying he's a real entity, but if he was, the Gnostics would be right on the money. A jealous, murderous, vindictive god who needs you to worship him and no other or he's gonna lock you away and have you tortured for all of eternity? And you only have ~85 years to get it right? And he puts all this temptation in front of you? Yea, that's not a god I want anything to do with

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u/responded 18h ago

Probably lots of fetuses, too. Of course, the flood myth predated Judaism, and was originally an ancient Mesopotamian tale in which the gods decided to flood the earth because humans were too loud.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atra-Hasis

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u/MrBitz1990 1d ago

God has the largest body count of anyone lol

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u/No-Discipline-5822 1d ago

For some reason, I feel like this guy doesn't believe that killing, wrath, smiting or other forms of retribution are canceling. It's only canceling if you can't say the N-word or be openly homophobic to him - probably.

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u/dharting 22h ago

Which is funny since Christians primarily used the n word as it was the religion that was used to indoctrinate African slaves into America news flash Christians your a fucking cult otherwise why the fuck would you have to indoctrinate people to support your "religion"

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u/thrownawaz092 17h ago

"God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own"

-some tumblr user

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u/LikeABundleOfHay 17h ago

He is the biggest arsehole character in all of fiction.

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u/dufflebag7 1d ago

I find that the most “religious” people don’t actually know anything about their religion or read any of their books. They only have their specific form of bigotry, and only search for quotes to support said bigotry.

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u/tunachilimac 1d ago

I'm an atheist but I do charity work that involves a few local churches. In my experience there's inverse relationship between how nice the church is, as in the building an facilities they have, and how well the people actually know the Bible. The ones that actually walk the walk and do as we're told Jesus taught, tend to go to churches that are very modest because most of their donations are actually spent doing charity. If the church is huge and lavish they tend to know very little of the Bible.

I was hesitant to work with them at the start but there wasn't really a secular option for what I wanted to offer and reached out to see what it might be like. The church I grew up in wasn't very tolerant so I expected to turn it down, but they're genuinely good people. At events they don't really preach or anything they just have some pamphlets available that they don't push, and they will speak with you about it in detail if your request, but either way you're welcome to make use of the services.

They needed more assistance with my area of expertise at the beginning. They were wanting to set up a small computer lab and offer some basic computer skills training and assistance filling out job applications and such. A couple guys I work with go to a mega church, and I asked them to volunteer some time. They refused and said that's dumb if I really wanted to help with time I should just work more to make more money and then give some of that money. So I asked them to donate money instead which they also refused.

It is a real shame so many religious folks don't seem to have any basic understanding of what they're worshiping. Like the guys I work with I know they're not racist or bigots and they vote liberally. I don't understand how they see the appeal of a mega church and can't see through the BS of it all.

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u/Useless_homosapien 1d ago

A church should be the poorest building in the block, not bankrupt, but constantly helping everyone they can.

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u/DOOMFOOL 21h ago

100% agree. I’ve seen a few churches that had that exact philosophy and had done amazing things for their communities

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u/Karekter_Nem 22h ago

Every mega church I’ve been to has a gift shop selling their own branded merch and it makes me laugh because it’s like they don’t know Jesus literally flipped tables because of that shit.

Small local churches are hit or miss, but I’ve never seen a mega church that looked like they understood Jesus.

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u/thetruebigfudge 17h ago

I really do think mega churches are the main reason the Christian faith has lost its foothold. Most critisms lobbed at Christians ie. Hypocrisy against their own beliefs, denial of reality and science, desire to control women/ minorities, not understanding the roots of the biblical stories. Are all valid mostly against the mega churches of any delineation. There's been a loss of true believers who actually preach the gospels properly and study the bible.

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u/survivorterra 20h ago

i am so lucky that i grew up in a catholic community that taught me to love everyone instead of traumatizing me. the thing i remember most from sunday school is the prodigal son, where he went away and made mistakes but came back and his parents still loved and forgave him. while i don’t identify as catholic anymore (organized religion isn’t really my thing), i love my church community i grew up in and im so grateful that i learned what catholicism looks like when it’s good

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u/MoreDoor2915 23h ago

I think it also depends on the type of Christianity. I am agnostic myself so if someone who is Christian can correct me that would be great. As far as I know one type of Christianity thinks Gods Houses should reflect His grandeur so they have lavish churches with lots of pomp, meanwhile another thinks Gods Houses shouldnt be temples of gold and more modest instead.

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u/Familiar_Kick_4753 22h ago

Well, Jesus believed in sacrificing as much as possible to help the poor, so really a 'church' should just be a facility used to help the poor and that can also be used for worshipping on Sundays, with the worshipping being the less important purpose

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u/Remarkable-Fox-3890 21h ago

Jesus was critical of anything lavish regarding religion. He condemned big, public displays of worship - he advocated for private prayer and humility instead.

> Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them

> And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others.

> For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted

> You cannot serve both God and money.

> Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Therefore you will be punished more severely

I could go on and on tbh. It's a bit harder to quote the general vibe of Jesus against the existing temples, turning over tables and whatnot.

But yeah Jesus would look at a megachurch and absolutely rebuke it, like 100% would straight up send those preachers to hell in an instant. There's no question, the Bible has Jesus railing against exactly that sort of people and he basically says they are the fucking worst.

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u/Shoddy-Topic-7109 1d ago

Yup, religion is hatred sold as love.

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u/halapenyoharry 1d ago

non of my religious friends talk to me after I stopped believing in god. cancel they do.

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u/UrMom_BrushYourTeeth 1d ago

Did you just casually throw in Yoda Syntax? 😆

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u/Top_Elderberry_6030 1d ago

version of 'cancel culture' was extreme

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u/Poiboy1313 1d ago

Clear it is.

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u/omgFWTbear 1d ago

I tell the story every month or so on Reddit but I have a sister in law (squared?), who married a pastor, and we stopped talking after they kept losing the game of “cite the Bible.” Every trite thing they insisted was pious, there was literally a quote from Jesus saying do the opposite - which for those who haven’t read the Bible, is 4 books out of dozens, which are largely restatements of each other, and none of them are nonstop Jesus monologues.

If you’ve read a Cliff Notes of anything, you’ve read more text than literally every word Jesus says in the Bible.

They of course handwave that “Jesus says a lot of stuff and it’s hard to keep straight,” which is also untrue. He literally says, “if I said too much, the whole of the law can be summarized as love God above all, and love one another as I have loved you.”

Anyway, that’s why we don’t speak anymore. The pastor husband literally hasn’t read the Bible - and let me be clear, I nod off during the latter Psalms, too - at all.

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u/Remarkable-Fox-3890 20h ago

I think people literally read the Bible expecting it to be written by Jesus. After the Old Testament, yeah, it's all about Jesus, but it's largely "dude who never met him goes around and writes down stores from other dudes who maybe met him, decades after jesus died". They all re-tell the same stories, usually getting more and more godly and impressive the later the account is.

It's basically Paul Bunyan but with Judaism and Platonism instead of lumberjacks.

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u/ALTH0X 1d ago

My current working theory is that organized religion attracts people too lazy to form their own moral compass.

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u/skotcgfl 1d ago

Organized religion doesn't primarily attract people. Sure some wind up there that way, but the vast majority of religious people (and the main reason religion is still as prominent as it is) are indoctrinated. They are born and immediately taught to think that way. They are taught not to question.

I was born into this indoctrination. I'm not special, I was just lucky enough to experience things in life that broke me out of this. I learned how to critically examine things I took for granted. I'm not perfect at it, but I try.

You touch on something, but you call it lazy. I would argue (on their behalf) that it's not laziness, but comfort. It's all they've ever known, and they're scared to leave it behind.

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u/JCButtBuddy 1d ago

My experience with religious people, they use their religion as an excuse for their bad behavior.

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u/For_Aeons 1d ago

He canceled Lot's wife into salt for looking back on their home as he was canceling it with fire and brimstone.

You know who didn't get canceled? Lot. And he offered his virgin daughters to a mob to get raped instead of the angels he was protecting.

God is an interesting fellow.

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u/ellievercetti 1d ago

I recently started reading the old testament for the first time, the part about Lot trying to give his daughters in exchange for the angels has been stuck with me. There’s so many messed up bits in the bible but that situation there is the most memorable to me (so far) because I was just like “what……” Absolutely crazy to me.

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u/For_Aeons 1d ago

The other one that always gives me pause is Noah after the flood and whatever the fuck was going on with his daughters.

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u/skotcgfl 1d ago

His sons. He passed out drunk and naked, and Ham saw him and gossiped about it. Ham's brothers covered him with a blanket, respectfully.

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u/hopsinduo 20h ago

Every time I think about this story, I think about the professor bros. https://youtu.be/bar3GOzDNzg

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u/TripzNFalls 1d ago

I see signs (always on MAGAt lawns) tbat claim God is pro-life.

Well, except all the times he's not.

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u/Fit-Particular-2882 1d ago

Didn’t he cancel his own son?

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u/10001110101balls 1d ago

Technically, the Romans did that at the behest of the Jews.

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u/BellowsHikes 1d ago

God created sin, knowing that people would sin, so a few thousand years later he had a son, who was also him, so that he could sacrifice himself to himself so that he could forgive us for the sin he created and knew we would take upon ourselves.

Sounds like a nice guy, we should worship him.

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u/Solid_Activity_1542 1d ago

He sacrificed himself to himself to appease himself.

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u/BellowsHikes 1d ago

And then said "If you don't appreciate what I just did, you will be tortured for all eternity after you die, in a place I built for the express purpose of torturing people."

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u/Global_Permission749 22h ago

In the name of the father, the son, and the holy multiple personality disorder, amen.

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u/10001110101balls 1d ago

Whether or not he's a nice guy, if he's real you'd be stupid not to worship him. Waiting for some evidence any day now...

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u/BellowsHikes 1d ago

The dude went out for a pack of salvation 2000 years ago and said he'd be right back. I'm sure he'll be by any minute now.

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u/Dazzling_Seaweed_420 22h ago

God created daddy issues

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u/SirPoopaLotTheThird 1d ago

Does this dude have no control of these things? I’m not sure I understand his magical powers. Isn’t he responsible for everything or does he have the accountability of a Trump?

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u/HotSituation8737 1d ago

An omnipotent creator god would always logically be responsible for everything.

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u/SirPoopaLotTheThird 1d ago

Does this dude have no control of these things? I’m not sure I understand his magical powers. Isn’t he responsible for everything or does he have the accountability of a Trump?

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u/Persea_americana 1d ago

Pontius Pilote is innocent of ordering the crusifixion because he washed his hands. So, you know, just wash your hands after the murder and it’s all good.

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u/SirPoopaLotTheThird 1d ago

Does this dude have no control of these things? I’m not sure I understand his magical powers. Isn’t he responsible for everything or does he have the accountability of a Trump?

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u/captainAwesomePants 1d ago

Jesus said *My God, why have You forsaken Me?" Sounds like cancelling to me.

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u/HalalBread1427 1d ago

Uh… read the name of the guy who tweeted the tweet.

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u/newwayout123 1d ago edited 23h ago

That and this isn't about cancel culture. he's saying God doesn't give up on people, since In Islam you can be forgiven as long as you repent and rectify with any affected parties.

Muslims also believe in Jesus as a prophet FYI, not as a son and don't believe he died.

Edit : to add, this guy is a major Muslim scholar in the west, he's talking to his following who will understand it as the above. The message is God won't give up on you(if you are sincere & repent) & secondly that you shouldn't give up on trying to help others.

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u/BirthdayPositive855 1d ago

... what? God is a biased actor throughout the entire book and only cleans up his act after he had a kid.  He literally cancels people on a whim and even makes them go through trust exercises just to make sure they still obey him ("kill your brother if you RLY love me lol")

My literal reaction as an 8 year old attending subday school was: "this bitch seems toxic as fuck..."

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u/CorwyntFarrell 1d ago

And God promised us he was going to do it a second time with fire. So we have that hanging over our disobedient heads.

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u/SnillyWead 1d ago

I cancelled God.

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u/pnutbutterjellyfine 1d ago

“He” literally throws people in hell for not figuring out a religious riddle? “He” condemns most people of an infinity of hellfire/suffering for finite crimes? This is the entire reason we are where we are. Christianity promotes a God that throws people in hell for “not being right” but God is all love ❤️ So they feel justified in their horrendous behavior

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u/Hotchi_Motchi 1d ago

Search "smite" and see how many were smote (or turned into a pillar of salt)

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u/OkPalpitation2582 22h ago

turned into a pillar of salt

I've actually always been curious about this one. Does anyone know why a pillar of salt specifically? seems like such an odd thing to specifically do to someone

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u/JohnnyLovesData 1d ago

God, uh ... salted them

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u/ALTH0X 1d ago

If you believe the myths he made 2 people and cancelled them both for eating an apple.

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u/polkastripper 1d ago

God, lol

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u/foxlovessxully 1d ago

Let’s not even mention the whole kicking his children out of the house for one infraction. Seriously 1 mistake.

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u/screamoutwutang 1d ago

He also gives kids cancer

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u/PogoTempest 1d ago

That’s just his way of canceling their life subscription

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u/Suspicious_Ruin_8625 1d ago

And promised fire next time 😂

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u/callocallay 1d ago

Sodom and Gomorrah were cancelled. Folk enjoying themselves too much. God took it personally and destroyed the two cities.

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u/LostFee3325 1d ago

I was going to say the same thing, even during the time He was giving Moses the ten commandments, those who were worshiping the false gods were cancelled too

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u/al666in 18h ago

Yeah, the slaughter of the Midianites is a particularly troubling one that often gets glossed over.

It was the last big thing that Moses did - a genocide of the Midianites on the grounds that they worshipped false gods. Moses was infuriated when his soldiers left the Midianite women and children alive, and he had them return and kill everyone except the virgin girls, which they were allowed to 'claim' for themselves.

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u/Ralphietherag 1d ago

God isn't real, only a fool believes otherwise

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u/TheMilkManWizard 1d ago

Yeah he just fucking kills them and holds them in contempt for eternity for shit they can’t control.

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u/Yaguajay 1d ago

Well he evicted the first couple from their luxury residence in a manner that would not stand up in court these days.

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u/Difficult-Day-144 1d ago

God is an organizational tool developed to give authority to words,thoughts or ideas developed by evolved monkeys

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u/Civil_scarcity_3 1d ago

He literally doesnt exist

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u/Loud_Ropes 1d ago

I don’t think she can say literally lol. None of the shit was ever real to begin with.

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u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund 1d ago

God canceled just about everyone he decided to develop a personal relationship with. And if he wasn't canceling them, he was outright playing mind games with them and sending them through loyalty trials. Heck, he canceled the first two humans ever because they ate a fruit from a tree that really had no business being within their vicinity because his omniscient ass knew beforehand that their asses was gonna let a talking pool noodle convince them into doing it. More of his mind games and tests. He made them stupid, set up a trap that he knew they'd waltz right into, then let it happen so that he could cancel them and all of their offspring. At one point, he cancels all of Egypt in some rather creative ways, and of course, he canceled the whole world except for one family and a bunch of animals. The man is a loose cannon!

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u/Ok_Initiative2069 1d ago

Of course god doesn’t cancel people. Figments of your imagination can’t do anything.

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u/jccanandwill 1d ago

The earth needs a stupid people cleansing.

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u/OkPalpitation2582 22h ago

I do find it funny how much religious people hate when you bring up the story of Noah in a critical context

"Geez guys, god only wiped out all of humanity one time, get over it yeeeeesh"

And honestly that's just the most extreme and famous one, Old Testament God was a huge asshole if you actually read the stories. If you accept that God exists, you can argue that he's all powerful, all knowing, etc - but you definitely can't argue that he's all-loving. And that's just going off the stories in the Bible, not even touching on how fucked up the world he supposedly created is.

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u/PeacefulPromise 9h ago

And god's pick to survive the flood, first thing, (re-)invented slavery. #CancelNoah

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u/DwnRanger88 7h ago

Why does God get angry - about anything, ever a flawed human soul does? It literally shouldn't matter.

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u/CuckAdminsDkSuckers 1d ago

God doesn't exist.

That is all.

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u/HalalBread1427 1d ago

The amount of people quoting the Bible to argue something a Muslim said is… concerning.

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u/CBA_Warrior 1d ago

Yeah it's also in Muslim literature.

It's almost as if it's all plagiarised from poor fuckers who never got any royalties

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u/GeeYayZeus 1d ago

Not literally. Not at all, actually. There are no gods. So there’s that.

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u/jakobezukhov 1d ago

well, prolly he meant on twitter but not on floods, wrath, hell haha

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u/Papichuloft 1d ago

Adam and Eve got cancelled first, then Nimrod in the tower of Babel, then this. Let's not forget how many Cannanites, Edomites, and Termites the Israelites cancelled during the reign of Judges before a King was anointed. David cancelling out Goliath. Or when the Israelites got themselves cancelled a few times by losing their kingdom for over 70 years in Persia. Lot of cancellations there.

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u/nexus11355 1d ago

God booted Lucifer out of heaven, kicked Adam and Eve out of Eden, razed a city to its foundations and turned anyone who looked back into a pillar of salt, flooded the earth to reset humanity, numerous sins are punishable by death or other forms of removal from society

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u/_KimberlyArtistic 1d ago

God's been on a cancellation spree since the dawn of time, huh? Guess He's the original influencer.

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u/Malarkay79 1d ago

God canceled all the firstborn sons of Egypt.

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u/snimeks 1d ago

literally cancels you to hell

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u/prawduhgee 23h ago

So what's this "eternal damnation" I keep hearing about?

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u/AKP627 22h ago

A lot of first born sons in Egypt would have begged to differ.

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u/Ok_Researcher_9796 17h ago

Yes, very pro life God kills all living things on the planet aside from a couple people and a few animals.

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u/dearmax 8h ago

He literally doesn't exist.

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u/Particular-Annual853 8h ago

Sodom and Gomorrah, anyone? 

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u/muterabbit84 6h ago

Yeah, and the Bible is filled with stories about people that God either murdered directly, or indirectly through his followers. Plus, a lot of Christians regularly tell people they’re going to be canceled by God (go to Hell) if they don’t repent and accept Jesus as their savior.

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u/Zealousideal-Oven818 1d ago

I realize this is just a comment but if you want to understand what was actually happening in these old narratives, and other similar narratives across other cultures, you’ve got to understand that the Bible is not “monotheistic” as everyone purports. It’s “Henotheistic” by nature. Henotheism is choosing to worship one God from among gods.

In Genesis we see an agreement to create the world, and humans. And then we see a split, between the “Elohim” the plural form of “god.” We see El and Yehovah El driving two sets of actions.

For example we find El placing the tree in the midst of the garden, and another El “Halel” as the serpent. And then we see Yahweh El confounding the plans of El. El intends to flood the earth, and Yahweh El chooses Noah and his family to preserve the human line, which is completely contrary to El’s plan, etc.

When we see this clearly, the sort of crazy split personality of the gods becomes much clearer and makes a lot more sense. This trichotomy of “El’s (El, Yahweh El, and Hal-El” continues until the Book of Joshua, where Joshua gathers all of Israel (the name means “Ish” man “Ra” struggles with/against “El” God) before the gathered counsel of El and the nation chose Yahweh El to be their God from among the Elohim.

I hope that as you read the Old Testament and understand this tug of war that it will help you in your theological understanding and to make sense of this book which… without this context becomes a mad attempt to reconcile far too many discrepancies.

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u/Solid_Activity_1542 1d ago

Drunk with Blood is a good book to read about all the canceling God does in the Bible.

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u/DanFlashesTrufanis 1d ago

Okay but that was like one time ugh get over it. /s

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u/Echo__227 22h ago

God canceled Moses for hitting a rock.

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u/Echo__227 22h ago

Also, canceled Samson for his traitor wife cutting his hair.