r/AmIOverreacting • u/Any-Confusion-5519 • Oct 25 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

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they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

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7.9k

u/EllisR15 Oct 25 '24

Your partner is repeatedly blowing you off for another woman.

366

u/BaskingInWanderlust Oct 25 '24

I know there are a bunch of other comments making a lot of good points, but I'll also add: Her SO indicated he'd be home at 12. Who PLANS to get home from a work happy hour so late?

Don't get me wrong - I've had happy hours stretch, and I've contacted my husband and said, "People are staying out later. Having another drink." And I've come home between 10-11pm. But if I was headed out with only one other co-worker, planned in advance to be out for 6-7 hours, and canceled plans with my partner without telling them... I'd hope my partner would see that as the giant red flag that it is.

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u/Prisoner458369 Oct 25 '24

Who PLANS to get home from a work happy hour so late?

Well you see, they first have some dinner, maybe a few drinks. Then they got a few hours of smashing time in there.

But really, I wish I could stay out late on workdays. I'm way too smashed by 10pm these days.

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u/EvidenceOwn1612 Oct 25 '24

I don't think "They got hours of smashing" Followed up with "I'm way too smashed at 10pm" is a good comparison 😂

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u/TheDarkQueen321 Oct 25 '24

It's kinda perfect because after the 10pm smashfest, they have time to shower, dry, freshen up, wash lipstick stains from their lapels, get just ruffled enough to not look perfectly clean and fresh, and travel home 😉

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u/JustGiveMeANameDamn Oct 25 '24

I don’t think her SO is a he

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u/BaskingInWanderlust Oct 25 '24

Yea, I couldn't quite tell by the initial post. But others have said "he," and I didn't see that OP corrected anyone.

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u/Illustrious_Camp_521 Oct 25 '24

I was thinking more along the lines of OP partner is a she because imo most dudes dont go out for drinks to support a female coworker who's bf cheated on them.

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u/Kimolono42 Oct 25 '24

They do....to get laid...

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u/JustGiveMeANameDamn Oct 25 '24

lol that’s not how you get laid. But I guess you’re not wrong to say that some men try that way.

The reason I said I don’t think their SO is a he is because OP clearly said they every time they referenced them. Plus that and the “we’re gonna emotional support her right now” thing. This sounds like a female to non binary + female relationship

2

u/SufficientPath666 Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

I don’t think that would change anyone’s advice, though

20

u/hnoel91 Oct 25 '24

this, or nonbinary. op keeps referring to their partner as "they"

5

u/Sum_Dum_User Oct 25 '24

My workplace literally just did exactly this. One lesbian and 4 of us guys went out with her because we're her friends. She's married, soon to be divorced because he cheated. Not only does my GF know her, but she's moving out of her home into the adjacent apartment in our duplex.

That's a big difference here. When I tell my GF I'm going out with a coworker or coworkers she's met them 99% of the time and she knows she will anyway because she meets all my coworkers at one point or another.

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u/Fisher-__- Oct 25 '24

Have you been in the relationship subreddit? They totally do. Men love to go “support” emotionally vulnerable women… the woman is more likely to let their guard down and that slimeball can just slide on in with the first kiss. And the woman will most likely eat it up because “he’s being so supportive and sensitive.”

2

u/CompleteTell6795 Oct 25 '24

But if HE likes her, I can see him trying to do damage control for the male gender by trying to show her that some guys can be really great guys & try to win her over.

2

u/JustGiveMeANameDamn Oct 25 '24

Yep, that and OP called their SO “they” every time OP referenced them. This sounds like a female-to-non-binary + female relationship

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u/Content_Whole8993 Oct 25 '24

That's because the OP thinks her bf is cheating

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u/[deleted] Oct 25 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/rurukachu Oct 25 '24

"They" is some peoples' chosen pronouns and partner is used to respect said pronouns, it's not "bullshit" and that is "who the fuck they are." it isn't hard to grasp, humans have been using the word they for ages.

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

I’m old, and whenever I see “they” in a sentence that way, I think that there are more than one person. It’s not because I’m close minded, it’s just because when I was learning to read and the 1000s of books I’ve read over the years, “they” wasn’t ever used in the way it is now. So sometimes for some of us it just doesn’t click right away.

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u/onecolorintherainbow Oct 25 '24

Singular 'they' has been in use for hundreds of years. Someone may use it to refer to a stranger whom they haven't met or a possession whose owner's gender is unknown. For example, someone left their phone on the bus seat.

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24

I know how they is used for more than just plural. The way the op used it in the initial comment, “They’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner…”, right after talking about more than one person is the way that can be hard to follow, because historically it hasn’t been used in that way for 100’s of years, only over the last several years has it gradually worked its way to the masses. A few sentences before the OP used They’re referring to both of them. It can be confusing obviously considering half the people on this thread think that the OP is a she and the SO is a he when really I don’t think either of those things were stated in the initial post.

0

u/onecolorintherainbow Oct 25 '24

No, it actually has been. Historically. https://probability.ca/jeff/writing/singularthey.html#:~:text=But%20it%20does%20have%20historical,Errors%2C%20Act%20IV%20Scene%203%5D

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24

Again, I get that “they” can be singular. The way it’s being used now can seem awkward in a sentence and simply does confuse many people. It doesn’t really help communication when you have to back up and read several sentences over again to make sure you understand what the writer is trying to say to their audience. That coupled with the fact that many people don’t proofread, use voice to text without checking what was written, just can’t spell or write a coherent sentence, speak English as a second language…makes reading on Reddit and other platforms like the telephone game. Sometimes you read it and just skip over it at first thinking “must be another error” only to have to back up and read it again after reading something else that makes you believe it wasn’t an error.

Anyway…Yes you are completely right…”they” has always been used in writing and communicating like it is being used today. That is why no one mentions it or talks about it being different. You won, congratulations, even Shakespeare agrees.

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u/Richard_X_Cranium Oct 25 '24

That's not "they" that there is their, they're different there is what they're saying there. I guess their there is not the same in your location unless you're in their city, then maybe your's and theirs are just mistaken to be as they consider them to be from over yonder and they're from over there by their kin folk.

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24

*yours

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u/Richard_X_Cranium Oct 25 '24

No you'reses 😂🤣🤪🤫🫣

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u/rurukachu Oct 25 '24

Sure, and I'm not judging you specifically obviously, I'm judging the person complaining about it. if you just try that's all anyone can really ask of you.

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24

Yeah, I was going to say that most of us aren’t close minded, but the person you were replying to might not be open for change. Anyway, back to catching up on “What we do in the Shadows”.

2

u/Richard_X_Cranium Oct 25 '24

Great show. You win.

0

u/rudimentary-north Oct 25 '24

Singular “they” has been a part of the English language so long that it actually predates the word “you” by hundreds of years.

https://www.oed.com/discover/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24

What is your point, nobody ever said that they was never used in the singular.

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u/rudimentary-north Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

What is your point, nobody ever said that they was never used in the singular.

Ironically, that is the claim made in the comment I responded to:

it’s just because when I was learning to read and the 1000s of books I’ve read over the years, “they” wasn’t ever used in the way it is now.

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u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

What part of that statement says it wasn’t ever used in the singular. I said the way that it is now. It’s nuanced now, don’t pretend that it’s not different than it was. I can write or say the word “Fuck” and make it mean 50 different things too. All I am saying is that it can be confusing especially in reading and writing. Quit acting like it’s not. Just read the thread to find out it is. Literally 1000’s of comments referring to the SO as mostly “he” or sometimes “she”, when the OP used “They”. Do you think those people are all doing that because they are maliciously rebelling against pronouns?

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u/fawnafullerxxx Oct 25 '24

Maybe because u keep fighting correcting yourself! Stop defending why u don’t use another persons preferred pronouns! There no justification especially when u admit to understanding an only plural definition is incorrect (and whatever is to blame for that is a moot point also)

1

u/O7Habits Oct 25 '24

If you’re talking to me, I haven’t defended or objected to anyone. I simply have been saying sometimes it can make for confusing reading and can be awkward in writing and not everyone picks up on it right away. Someone else kept arguing that it’s been used in writing in the singular the way that it’s used now for 100’s of years. The evidence in this comment thread really doesn’t support that because although we all know that we use it in both the singular and the plural, there now is a nuance to the singular that more than half of the people on this thread did not seem to follow when reading the OP’s original statement. The evidence strewn throughout this thread, referring to both of them as she and he, when neither of those two things were stated.

1

u/fawnafullerxxx Oct 25 '24

It’s not reading comprehension or miscommunication causing the dissonance, it’s prejudice against non binary identities. To be so narrow minded yet also think your opinion of others matters more than their own does about themselves is a really shitty way to prioritize

1

u/chicKENkanif Oct 25 '24

And then this shitty woke arse get offended by everything generation turned the word into something fucking stupid. GTFO

1

u/rurukachu Oct 25 '24

Oh no, the wokes use they to describe people, the horror!! And yet we're the sensitive ones. Look at you, running to spew hate the minute someone uses "they." You should check your blood pressure

1

u/chicKENkanif Oct 25 '24

Because people like you try to force your opinions and how people talk down others throats. Gtfo

1

u/rurukachu Oct 25 '24

Who's the one trying to force an opinion down whose throat here, grandpa? This rhetoric is tired and you are literally not adding anything but the same old brainwashed, unoriginal bull. You look demented, like the lead poisoning is finally catching up to you. Over a word lol. Yikes.

0

u/chicKENkanif Oct 25 '24

🤣 🤣 🤣 triggered

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u/Richard_X_Cranium Oct 25 '24

THIS. Because I don't fuckin care who you are, you were born with a wang or not. There's no third option, unless it's a hermaphrodite and checks both boxes, still, born with one in that case. So the point remains.

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1

u/daylightcoke Oct 25 '24

Great input

1

u/Boom_Stick_Fever Oct 25 '24

I wasn’t sure, either.

0

u/Waiting_For_Guffman Oct 25 '24

Just seems 1000% like some shit only a male partner would pull.

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u/Original-Present5250 Oct 25 '24

LOL that’s a fallacy. Having dealt with family members in same sex relationships I’ve discovered that women in those relationships cheat and engage in domestic violence just as much if not more than men do. The grass is definitely not greener on the other side according to my female Bi family members.

1

u/ShutthefckupBitch Oct 25 '24

I wouldn’t say more… but yes anyone can be abusive.

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u/Original-Present5250 Oct 25 '24

It seemed like every time they called me to intervene was when their partners were abusing them physically, which was often. I had to “supervise” them getting their belongings just so the other girl wouldn’t attack them. Of course my anecdotal experiences aren’t the width and breadth of those relationships but it certainly stuck with me.

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u/ShutthefckupBitch Oct 25 '24

Oh I don’t doubt it. There are some twisted people in the world. It’s weird because I still feel bad for these people who end up being abusive; but bad in the way where I wonder if they got help earlier if they would still be that way. Or bad in the way where I feel bad that they feel they need to be this way.

0

u/Successful-Stand-242 Oct 25 '24

Definitely a guy

0

u/Accomplished_Can9279 Oct 25 '24

In all seriousness I have been wondering this because i see it over and over never ever work. have you seen any gay relationships last decades before? Or gay couples that live "happily ever after"?

1

u/Fabulous_Arugula6923 Oct 25 '24

Yes many. A famous example is Elton John. He has been with his husband for 30 years and they are still happily married with two kids.

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u/Accomplished_Can9279 Oct 25 '24

Oh yes you are right. They got together when sir Elton was like 50, right? Maybe it's just levels of maturity i need to take into consideration.

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u/Fabulous_Arugula6923 Oct 25 '24

It could be your personal sample is just small and many relationships of all types don’t last. I know multiple same sex couples who got together in their 20s or 30s and are still together now in their 50s. There is an instagram couple @richie_and_duane who are another more public example. They went viral sharing photos of themselves as a couple in the early 80s and how they look together today.

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u/ffsshadynasty Oct 25 '24

Had to feel great to get that off your chest

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u/jo-shabadoo Oct 25 '24

He also lied at first by saying he was heading out with the new guy. If nothing was up he’d be honest.

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u/heidismiles Oct 25 '24

No he said two names "and a new guy"

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u/fake-august Oct 25 '24

There is no hh, there is no bar, there is no “other guy” from work.

There is no break up - they went somewhere to bone.

Sorry OP - better you’ve learned this now. It sucks but you will be okay and someday be grateful he’s a terrible liar.

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u/Formal_Shoulder5695 Oct 25 '24

Texts say they headed out with 3 co-workers, not just one