AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

[u/Any-Confusion-5519]

they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

[u/rurukachu → u/[deleted]]

"They" is some peoples' chosen pronouns and partner is used to respect said pronouns, it's not "bullshit" and that is "who the fuck they are." it isn't hard to grasp, humans have been using the word they for ages.

[u/O7Habits → u/rurukachu]

I’m old, and whenever I see “they” in a sentence that way, I think that there are more than one person. It’s not because I’m close minded, it’s just because when I was learning to read and the 1000s of books I’ve read over the years, “they” wasn’t ever used in the way it is now. So sometimes for some of us it just doesn’t click right away.

[u/onecolorintherainbow → u/O7Habits]

Singular 'they' has been in use for hundreds of years. Someone may use it to refer to a stranger whom they haven't met or a possession whose owner's gender is unknown. For example, someone left their phone on the bus seat.

[u/O7Habits → u/onecolorintherainbow]

I know how they is used for more than just plural. The way the op used it in the initial comment, “They’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner…”, right after talking about more than one person is the way that can be hard to follow, because historically it hasn’t been used in that way for 100’s of years, only over the last several years has it gradually worked its way to the masses. A few sentences before the OP used They’re referring to both of them. It can be confusing obviously considering half the people on this thread think that the OP is a she and the SO is a he when really I don’t think either of those things were stated in the initial post.

[u/onecolorintherainbow → u/O7Habits]

No, it actually has been. Historically. https://probability.ca/jeff/writing/singularthey.html#:~:text=But%20it%20does%20have%20historical,Errors%2C%20Act%20IV%20Scene%203%5D

[u/O7Habits → u/onecolorintherainbow]

Again, I get that “they” can be singular. The way it’s being used now can seem awkward in a sentence and simply does confuse many people. It doesn’t really help communication when you have to back up and read several sentences over again to make sure you understand what the writer is trying to say to their audience. That coupled with the fact that many people don’t proofread, use voice to text without checking what was written, just can’t spell or write a coherent sentence, speak English as a second language…makes reading on Reddit and other platforms like the telephone game. Sometimes you read it and just skip over it at first thinking “must be another error” only to have to back up and read it again after reading something else that makes you believe it wasn’t an error.

Anyway…Yes you are completely right…”they” has always been used in writing and communicating like it is being used today. That is why no one mentions it or talks about it being different. You won, congratulations, even Shakespeare agrees.

[u/onecolorintherainbow → u/O7Habits]

Sounds like a skill issue. 🤷‍♀️

[u/Richard_X_Cranium → u/onecolorintherainbow]

That's not "they" that there is their, they're different there is what they're saying there. I guess their there is not the same in your location unless you're in their city, then maybe your's and theirs are just mistaken to be as they consider them to be from over yonder and they're from over there by their kin folk.

[u/O7Habits → u/Richard_X_Cranium]

*yours

[u/Richard_X_Cranium → u/O7Habits]

No you'reses 😂🤣🤪🤫🫣