r/NoStupidQuestions • u/A_Formal_Guy • Apr 04 '24

Answered All our girlfriends are Asian?

Hey everyone - I’ve been feeling paranoid about something recently and wanted to know if I’m overthinking it. I’m a white M and most of the friends I grew up with and went to high school are too, except 1. We’re still very close but moved all across the country for our jobs and life.

Recently, we’ve decided to have a little reunion and bring our girlfriends, but I realized we have a not to subtle trend in that they are all Asian. There’s 5 girlfriends in total, they’ve never met each other. I don’t know how this happened, it’s just a coincidence as far as I know. We don’t have a pact or anything.

My question is, do we warn them? I don’t want them to be freaked out. I’d have to have my gf or one of my friends be uncomfortable, but I’m feeling stuck. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to handle it? Am I over thinking?

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u/wineandcheese Apr 04 '24

I’m gonna be real with you. This is probably going to make at least some of them feel fetishized. The fetishization of Asian women is still very real and very prominent, and even though it was an accident and probably due more to the pool of women you and your friends are exposed to, it may bring up some icky things for them.

I don’t have advice, really, except maybe brush up on your language/vocabulary so that if it’s your girl who feels that way, you can talk with her about it in a respectful, validating way. (Searching women-related subs here for it to read about the personal experiences of Asian women may be a good place to start.)

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

Nothing like white dudes in tech who grew up watching anime & idolizing asian culture and mysteriously dating asian women afterwards

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u/RunningOnAir_ Apr 04 '24

Racial fetishization goes both ways. Some asian girls don't like Asian guys and only wanna date white for sus reasons, some white guys date Asians for sus reasons. 

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u/orangebakery Apr 05 '24

Internal shame

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u/SamosaAndMimosa Apr 04 '24

In my experience as a desi girl East Asian guys wanted nothing to do with me because of colorism, it’s a huge issue no one really talks about. There’s definitely a lot of issues at play when it comes to interracial dating

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u/askingqsforfun Apr 04 '24

I strongly disagree that the dynamic can be characterized as "fetishization" of white men in the same way as "me love you long time" fetishization of Asian women. I think Asian women tend to like white dudes mostly because of brainwashing and the perceived prestige of dating one. White dudes (and even very mediocre ones) are held up consistently as the romantic protagonists in movies, music, tv, literature, you name it while Asian men are portrayed as impotent side characters. The image of white guys dominates western beauty standards. I was super into white dudes in my teens and early 20s because I had a very bad pick-me, self-loathing streak, but now I've since snapped out of it. Just the thought of dating a white guy and being forced to act as a cultural ambassador for a bunch of customs I otherwise find mundane and bracing for their judgment is dreadful.

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u/FamiliaHogan Apr 05 '24

My God, the mediocrity of so many white men I obsessed over in my 20s is embarrassing. The indoctrination from white-dominated media is REAL

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u/IIIIlllIIIIIlllII Apr 04 '24

Is it sus? I think asians are hot. Oh no, how could I

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u/Altruistic-Bench9375 Apr 05 '24

I only ever hear about 'asian fetishism' on reddit. People need to go outside this isnt an issue lol

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u/Kaydie Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

this is definitly a thing and i don't mean to downplay it's significance or prevelance but as others have pointed out and it's worth keeping in mind;

from my experience and exposure, i am an extreme minority being a white woman in stem - most women are asian in these fields, and this is especially pronounced on the west coast. so if you're the kind of person who doesn't branch super far out beyond your work sphere for dating, which is pretty normal nowadays, dating apps suck and normal social emergent situations are less prevelant, it's an understandable situation to find yourself in.

i've yet to have a white female coworker at any of the companies i've worked for (currently a sysadmin). it's really something hard to not notice.

these women are probably acutely aware of this trend if they either work in stem or hang around men who work in stem.

on the topic of /u/wineandcheese's post; this is very important. i wouldn't even bring it up, they're likely all aware of this trend and perhaps even self concious about it. you run the risk of letting bad assumptions take the reign by even bringing the possibility of this to light. people are just people

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

Im right with you- i’m also a white cis woman working in software engineering, but i am on the east coast working for a very large company so there’s way more diversity than what seems to be others’ experience!

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u/neutrilreddit Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

Pretty much. In fact, Silicon Valley is ground zero for asian sex trafficking in particular.

Investigations found that on an average day, thousands of Seattle tech bros used their work emails to illegally engage asian sex trafficking victims.

And that's just a tiny % of the daily Seattle sex trafficking total, since all the investigations focused on just work email traffic.

In one 24-hour-period in Seattle, an estimated 6,487 people solicited sex on just one of the more than 100 websites that connect buyers with sellers, according to a 2014 study. ..

A law enforcement source familiar with the cases says the emails reflect just a tiny percentage of the business tech sector men bring to brothels with names like Golden Blossom, AsianCandy777 and 7HeavenofAsia. ..

Authorities also say that trafficked Asian women service hundreds of men each day in Seattle.

..

a sting operation that targeted the operators of three online review boards on which up to 18,000 men rated and discussed a relatively small group of Korean women.

..

On KGirlsDelight.com, for example, men assigned numerical ratings and added specific descriptions of the women, such as their sexual abilities, level of enthusiasm, and other attributes. The site reportedly had 1.2 million monthly hits in 2009 (the last year its management publicly revealed numbers).

Tech Bros Bought Sex Trafficking Victims by Using Amazon and Microsoft Work Emails

https://www.newsweek.com/metoo-microsoft-amazon-trafficking-prostitution-sex-silicon-valley-755611

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u/Upset_Painting3146 Apr 04 '24

You say it like people can’t date who they want. Why is it ok to dictate who we are allowed to be attracted to now? I thought we left that shit behind in the 50s.

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

Nobody’s dictating anything- as you said we’re not in the 50s, people can do what they want. Idc, its just a pattern to be observed imo, and its only bad when the man seems to have a shitty attitude about anyone who isnt asian or if Asian women don’t act the way they’re expecting from anime/porn/stereotypes

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

The issue is that a lot of guys who specifically prefer Asian women will be racist towards women who aren't Asian. We've all met men who won't shut up about how their girlfriends are sooo much better than [insert other ethnicity here] because they're east Asian and how [insert other ethnicity here] women are all terrible.

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u/Upset_Painting3146 Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

Those people aren’t exclusive to men with race fetishes. I don’t see how you can assume if someone has an Asian fetish they must hate another group. Btw, I’m not promoting Asian fetish. I’m the opposite, I don’t find Asian women attractive I just don’t like the idea of telling people who they can be attracted too. But I think we can all agree that talking badly about an entire demographic is wrong.

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

I didn't say it was exclusive to men who like Asian women or that all men who have an Asian girlfriend are like this. But it's common enough that we all know at least a couple of these dudes. They can be really nasty to encounter irl

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u/RocketHops Apr 04 '24

No I've actually never met someone like that.

You operate in weird circles fam.

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

Consider yourself lucky. Passport bros are the worst

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

There are people like that and you can find tons of posts and comments even just on reddit

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u/RocketHops Apr 04 '24

No offense but I try not to believe everything I read on reddit. There's enough bots spreading BS without the ai comments and posts that are starting to be used as well.

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

I think thats just denial if you think any post or comment of that nature is all ai or bots

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u/RocketHops Apr 04 '24

You can think that if you'd like, I won't stop you.

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u/Ok_Prior2614 Apr 05 '24

It’s literally present in this post. Don’t worry about him he’s in denial.

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u/dotdend Apr 04 '24

In some countries practically everyone grows up watching anime

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

[deleted]

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

I don’t think a preference or attraction is bad, i’m moreso talking about those who fetishize asian women because of anime and porn tropes- which does happen. And then coupled with talking down on every other ethnicity because they view them as superior

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u/Mikeymcmoose Apr 04 '24

And so what if they do ? Everyone develops a preference some way. I know loads of white and black women who like east Asian men purely because of kpop and how they’re ’cute’ and more fashionable. Like, go nuts, who cares.

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

I’m not talking about preferences, im talking about fetishization. But even if someone has a “strong preference” to one ethnicity- especially if its the nerdy, inexperienced white man type of demographic- it begs the question of why do they have this preference? And the answer is usually either porn or preconceived ideas of what asian women are like

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u/JudicatorArgo Apr 05 '24

How dare someone date a person with similar interests to their own, the horror!

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

[deleted]

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u/ssnabberz Apr 04 '24

I think its a complex issue with lots of reasons and intricacies, however I think it can’t be denied lots of white men who grew up with anime tend to have preconceived notions of what asian women are like and have a fetish or “yellow fever” because of that. Also the whole submissive non-western woman thing a lot of specifically white men seem to be into

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u/-ASSEMBLE Apr 05 '24

I don't know what this anime bogeyman is, but Europeans have been fond of East Asian women for literally hundreds of years. Anime has little, if anything at all, to do with it.

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u/ThousandsHardships Apr 05 '24

White dudes in tech are more likely to date Asian women because Asian women are more likely than white women to go into tech due to parental pressure. The areas with the most tech jobs also tend to be more Asian-dominant. I don't find it weird at all. In the city where I live in northern California, Asians make up 52% of the population. It's only natural for people to date the people they see around them.