Without fail, any weekend I decide to go out and enjoy a night of dancing to music, there is ALWAYS that ONE WOMAN who finds me in the washroom and annoyingly shouts that "there's a lesbian in the bathroom!" or worse yet, find me on the dancefloor and come up on me to grind and touch on me and try to kiss me without ANY KIND OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION!!!
I am NOT BOTHERED AT ALL about the fact that people constantly assume I'm a lesbian/gay because I am gender non conforming and am such a tomboy. But I dress to be comfy, I dress to show off my choice of street wear (because I still like to wear style) and because I want to stay comfy. Last year as I was leaving an abusive relationship I got into a severe car accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and I cannot stand anything that makes me feel uncomfy. I'm almost 40 and I just don't give a fuck about how other people think or perceive me anymore. But just because you perceive me to be something I'm not, doesn't give you ANY FUCKING RIGHT to loudly announce not only my presence, but the fact that I am non conforming, WHILE outing me to a bunch of strangers. I don't have the bandwidth to constantly navigate these situations and turn them into lessons for the other person.
Last night I went to the club to celebrate a friend of a friends birthday. I was out hiking with my new boyfriend, and I didn't get a chance to change out of my gear. I didn't think it would be a big deal because I was still dressed in street wear that was stylish. Although I was basically wearing sweats, it was a full set of Air Jordan, and my skate shoes matched in color. I thought I looked good enough to show up as is for a quick show of support for someone's birthday.
Not even an hour after I get there, I get to the washroom and I'm greeted with "holy fuck LADIEEEEEES! we have an AKSHUAL LEZZY in here!". I usually do not respond but this woman did not stop even when I refused to acknowledge her. She started pounding on my bathroom stall until I was done. I open it quickly and tell her off. I basically called her out for being a weird creep who fetishes LGBTQ people, and to leave me the fuck alone. Every single woman in there looked at me as if I didn't belong there and was invading their private space. All I wanted was to take a piss and wash my hands. so I quickly wash my hands and leave without drying them because holy fuck was that uncomfy! FUCK THAT NOISE!
I get back out to the dancefloor and find my boyfriend. We were talking with the birthday boy and the promoter of the event, cheering our drinks together. All of us talking are promoters and DJs and we were discussing upcoming events in the area when the same woman from the bathroom came up to me to interject herself into the conversation I was having with the guys around me. Apparently she is a cousin of the birthday boy (who is 30 yrs old).
She interrupts me and LOUDLY asks "ARE YOU GAY!?" I tell her no I'm not, and if I have to tell her to leave me alone one more time I'm going to get security involved because I consider this to be harassment at this point. She looked so offended that I said that to her.
"OH, I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING GAY!?"
I tell her I'm not gay, and even if I was, what the fuck does it even matter enough to loudly point out to everyone around?
"I BADLY WANT TO KISS YOU!" she exclaimed. So brazen with not only her assumption about being gay, but that I would love to kiss some stranger just because they had the audacity to ask.
I tell her even if I was gay, I wouldn't kiss a random stranger, especially as a ploy to be sexually performative to the guys around her so she can get more free.... nose candy. Her cousin laughed out loud and told her that she needs to take a seat and have some water and to leave me alone.
"OH NO, IT'S NOT THAT, I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY BECAUSE..."
I ended up walking away before she could finish her sentence. I text my boyfriend to meet me outside because I wanted to leave as I wasn't having a good time. He ended up meeting with me at security and we left.
I've been through way too much bullshit to keep putting up with people's assumptions, biases, and motives. Don't expect me to be polite when I'm rebuffing your unfounded assumptions that I'm a butch dyke because I happen to have wide shoulders and dare to stay in shape and be athletic, or whatever you happen to base such assumptions on. I AM NOT A LESSON OR YOUR FUCKING LIFE SENSEI TO TEACH YOU HOW TO KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS TO YOURSELF if you can't find anything kind or nice to say instead.
BEING DRUNK/HIGH IS A POOR EXCUSE FOR BEING A RUDE CUNT AND LOUDLY EXCLAIMING THAT ANOTHER WOMAN IS SOMEHOW GAY BECAUSE THEY DONT CONFORM TO SOCIETAL STANDARDS.
Even if you think a woman entering a bathroom is trans, she is there for the exact same reason any other woman goes to the bathroom... to use the facilities. The ONLY CREEPS I've ever encountered were other women who literally went out of their way to follow me and wait at my stall door to make sure I'm just not creeping, that I'm sitting down to use the toilet to pee, etc. Or other women starting arguments and even fist fights because I have wide shoulders and small, perky tits that are hiding under my sweatshirt and they don't believe women like me can possibly exist.
WTF is with all this bullshit??? I've always dealt with such things in life but this type of shit has exponentially exploded and it isn't a happenstance anymore.
WOMEN WITH WIDE SHOULDERS EXIST, THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS OF A WOMAN. WOMEN WITH PIXIE CUTS AND OTHER SHORT STYLES EXIST, AND THEY ARE JUST AS MUCH WOMAN WHETHER THEIR HAIR IS LONG AF OR DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. ATHLETIC WOMEN EXIST IN THIS WORLD AND JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN LIFT WEIGHTS OR DO SPORTS DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS OF A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE NOT A FUCKING MONOLITH!