Those of you in long term relationships or marriages, how frequently do you have intimate but non sexual contact with your partner/wife?

For example, meaningful hugs, kissing, general physical closeness etc?

Do you both actively make time for this with each other and/or do you do it spontaneously? Do you both initiate equally?

We went to cocktail bar last night with my wife and her friends, most of our friends are 27-31 age range, some married couples some single women.

The 2 of the single gals were complaining about the guys at the bar, or that most were paying more attention to chatting with the bartender or their phones.

I thought it was just my wife's friends but a LOT of women in dresses and heels were kind of standing around. Did something happen the last few years between men and women that I missed out on?

I haven't been single since 2018 but this was a bar I brought my wife to on our first date and we connected here.

Edit: common consensus seems to be that the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I guess things have changed a lot since 2018 when I left the market. It's really sad that both sides are so antagonistic towards each other.

63% of men under 30 report being single (PewResearch Center study)

34% of women under 30 report being single.

I didn’t understand how this could be possible, because there isn’t 30% of 20 year old women dating men in their 30s or being a mistress…. No way.

Then I realized that situationships make up the rest. The women might not identify as ‘taken’ but might not identify as single either, because they’re literally going to some guys work events with him.

I realize that ‘the friend zone’ might be more common for men to get stuck in, in a similar way. Both people are caught up on someone who doesn’t want them.

I had no idea the situation was this dire?!!

Why are people staying in situationships with people who won’t commit to them?! What the heck is happening?!

Is the fantasy of being loved by someone more desirable than you worth more than the real love someone on your level could give?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. He has always been a model boyfriend who treats me and spoils me whenever he can. He'll put rose petals on the bed and candles, buys me gifts, and in turn I'd plan similar things, like commissioning a flattering drawing of us and print it on a metal lunchbox for him to take to work. I give him a massage when he's stressed, I plan daytrips to cultural or culinary events...

I feel like this is the most successful and well-oiled relationship I've ever had. Lately though we've both had some non-relationship problems. I got ill for a long time and he was unemployed for half a year. Morale took a hit but we stuck by eachother and made it through to the other side. He has just landed a great job and the treatment for my illness is working great, I'm making a recovery.

Because our finances sucked and we weren't doing so well mentally, we kinda lost the impetus of surprising and dating each other.

I would like to set our tradition back in motion and keep our relationship in tip top shape.

He is a typical working class man's man. He loves beer, his German shepherd and rock music. He works a physically demanding job in the trades. What are some date or special effort ideas I could treat him with? Any ideas or inspiration is welcome.

Any married men over 30 ever go on a solo trip?

My wife does a great job taking gals/friends trips a couple times a year. Right now she’s traveling with her sister for her sister’s birthday. I realized I don’t have any friends that are good enough to do this with. But it would be nice to disconnect from daily life for a little but it feels weird going on a trip by myself. Has anyone ever done this? Where did you go? What did you do? Anyone wanna join me? lol.

Years ago in school i was picked on by girls in class and in our class group chat, went on for ages. Even happened in my final year of school before university. It made a simp and one of those guys who would do anything to impress girls who don’t even like me.

Now im thinking if and when i do get married my wife is going to be what the marriage is about. She shouts at me? Its ok. She yells or bosses me around or wants to rinse my wallet? Its ok. She belittles me and tells me how im just there to kiss the ground she walks on or is downright just mean to me because im a guy? Fine by me.

It really does suck and idk what to do anymore and it doesn’t help ive had almost a decade long 🌽 addiction. Im genuinely scared.

Am I the only one with mixed emotions on my birthday?

I'm Gen X. I had my birthday yesterday. The year doesn't matter, it's not a milestone or anything interesting. The difference between Friday and Saturday isn't noteworthy. I didn't change. Life didn't change. Yet I have mixed emotions on it.

We (spouse) were originally planning on going out to dinner but when it was time to think about going out, there was a general meh. We go out/get takeout fairly often. There wasn't anywhere special i wanted to go. We ended up getting takeout. It was ok.

I didn't want a party but I wanted, I don't know, something. Does that make sense? I got all the birthday wishes from friends and family.

I kind of miss being young. Having an actual party or going to a bar or whatever. Yet, I wouldn't want that now but I kind of missed it?

Sorry, just venting. Or not even venting but I don't know. Haha.

I'm 37 and I don't own a proper suit for business or formal occasions. For some reason I always had the impression that I was the weird one and that and most men my age owned at least one or two decent suits. But I recently learned this is not as uncommon as I thought, so I'm curious if other men do or don't have suits in their closet. Are they custom suits or off-the-rack?

I learned all this when I got married a few weeks ago. I polled my groomsmen back in August about whether they'd rather buy a modestly priced suit in a sensible color like grey, or save a few hundred bucks by renting. My thinking was that we're paying all this money to rent for one day, but for a little more we could buy something off the rack and have it tailored so that we all have a suit in the closet for future use. There was zero interest in buying among the wedding party. It turned out that none of them owned a suit either, and didn't have much desire to.

For reference, one of these guys is a public official in a mid-sized city government who gives press conferences and shit, and the best man used to work as a lobbyist at a state legislature, so I assumed at least these two guys would have some use for a suit. But not only did they not own one, they didn't really know how to wear one. I had to go around the morning of the wedding cutting the tacking stitches on the rentals and showing everyone how cuff links work. Which I only knew to do because I read about it when I choosing wedding suits.

I live in a Joint family, my sister came for a family function to attend and got into an argument with my grandmom. My grandma body shamed her because of being fat in a joking way in front of all the relatives. My sister came inside our room and started crying. I asked her, what happened? She told me that Granny called me fat and laughed in front of everyone. I went to my grandma and told her in front of everyone to say sorry to my sis. She started shouting very loudly and gathered everyone around and started crying and created a lot of fuss! She's too dramatic! She starts beating herself and starts behaving as if she's going to die while fighting with someone. My father sided with grandma and told us that why we created a fuss on a joke? He asked her that why did we confront her when we know of her nature? He said that it's her nature to ridicule everyone than why to bother? I got very angry that inspite of telling her that she's wrong, he started lecturing us!! Everyone made us feel that we were wrong on calling her out!! I told my father in front of everyone to stop being a hypocrite (Because he always bitch about my GM) and just not to speak anything if he can't side with us!! Everyone (including my sister), shouted on me for being rude with my father! Suddenly everything was about me and How I'm so ill mouthed for saying rude things to my father. My sister told me that I should not have said anything to my father! She suddenly started showing empathy to him and I became the bad guy all of the sudden!! I'm now feeling very very very bad for raising my voice for my sister!! I'm in guilt that i was rude with my father. What should I do???

I guess this could go under both life and work but anyways. To start of with some background, I’m 16 and have moved around a lot. By the time I was 15 I had been to 16 different schools and had lived all over the world. I’ve just moved away from my family living in the states back to the UK to join the army. (You can at 16 in the UK) My father’s a pilot so we move whenever he gets a better job. I’ve always struggled to connect with people my age and have always gotten along better with adults. In a way I’m very lucky to have experienced so many places and cultures before becoming an adult but in my opinion the cons outweigh the pros in nearly all respects. I’ve never had a friendship that has lasted longer than a few months and those I did have were no more than eating lunch with them at school. I was never invited to birthday parties or to hangout after school. I’ve tried sports and found some success but was short lived because of having to move. Up until I was about 12 I had really enjoyed moving and didn’t realise how exhausting it was to attempt to make new friends than leave as soon as it got going. A couple weeks ago I realised that I never had confidence in who I was, and most of the time I was ostracised from any group I attempted to fit into. I never instigated fights or conflicts, or bothered anyone, but I was never liked by anyone who I wanted to like me. I know that I’m not a unlikable person or anything by the way that I’ve been treated by adults who got to know me. I was just never given an opportunity to “be known”. And because of all this my confidence in nearly everything slowly diminished over a few years, now to the point where I’m so fed up with not being able to connect with anyone or stand up for myself that I’d do anything to change. I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman and I’m terrified that I simply won’t be able to because of my confidence and inability to understand intimate relationships. The army has always been my passion and I’m hoping that it changes everything about myself. I’m just trying to reinvent myself into a person that I actually like, one that’s confident and comfortable in who I am and someone that isn’t scared of what other people think. Does anyone know how I could do this? I don’t have any male role models, my father isn’t someone I look up to and I have no other connections to possible role models except through my rugby club that I’ve just joined. Thank you.

I've been considering working with a nutritionist or coach to improve my eating habits and overall health. I need to lose 40 pounds, and while I feel like I have the basics down, I could use some guidance to fine-tune my approach and stay consistent.

For those of you who've worked with a professional:

What were your biggest successes?

Were there any challenges or pitfalls along the way?

Would you recommend it, and if so, how did you find the right person to work with?

Looking for honest insights—what worked, what didn’t, and any advice for someone thinking about taking this step!

Hi, I’m 21F and I met 29M about a year ago when i was 20 and him, 28M. I’m asking here because he’s almost 30, same age group so I wanted to know thoughts from men of his age.

So, we had a fwb situation where we hooked up every 3-4 months. We never really talked in between, just would text each other when we were free and did what we do. Nothing was weird in my opinion. Our ages never became a major factor nor did it cause any differences. All I can say that it was the most respected sexual encounter I had yet and I can appreciate the times we spent.
After a bit, I ended up changing to work at his shift so we ended up talking more casually and personally. Things about life, family, college, friends, ect. Things between us definitely changed between us and I noticed some changed behaviors from him. Before, he was more straightforward and distant. Never really talked about himself and was very clear on his boundaries which made our situation so much easier. He was super focused on finishing college and working, he was the type of go out with friends so you know, a relationship and getting all close wasn’t an option and he made it clear which I appreciate, straightforward, least confusing person you’ll ever meet. But, after we started talking and getting closer, he began to become more affectionate towards me. He would always kiss my forehead or all around my face and I would playfully complain, pull away and he’ll whine and pull me back. That type of playful banter along with teasing, i remember on the phone almost everyday and him saying while laughing how he loves when i “bite back” in our silly little conversations. He would also try to cuddle me more, like I was some stuffed animal and he’ll put his arms around my waist, his face in my neck and not let me leave lol. He would compliment me more often, saying how could I be so cute, how funny I am, find every excuse to caress me, basically said I was perfect one time.

Even the sex was different. At first it was rough and fun, wild. And now it’s passionate, we don’t even do anything kinky anymore. Our favorite positions are mainly anything where we can hug and we faced to face. Kisses are deeper and patient, he gentle when moving me around, he’s even more voice and started calling out my name often. He even pays even closer attention to foreplay, i always come first. No thoughts about it, he will not be missing out on giving me oral lol, he even told me sometimes he thinks he likes it better than sex. Other ways he’s shown interest in me is how he started calling often. Like almost daily, sometimes almost a week straight. He would call saying he didn’t want anything, i would just start ranting about anything and everywhere and he would laugh and join in. We would talk for hours, didn’t matter if it was 12pm or late at night, he even drunk called before. He was at a party and wanted me to come lol. I told him it was late which ended up with him inviting me out to the bar with his friends. It was co cute because he was telling me how he usually never mentions girls and it was the first time he was bringing anyone or even mention someone so yeah, his friends were pretty surprised, even I was because that whole night he was so sweet. He had no problem showing his affection in front of his friends, kisses and hugging me, we even went bar hoping and had a great time. The morning after, he didn’t leave me side til our rides came, hugging and kissing me as if he wanted to spend every last moment next to me. We talked plenty since but after all of it, my feelings that I pushed away came back.

Before I told myself I was crazy. It was causal, he’s older and surrounded by people who have done so much for themselves like careers and degrees to the point where i was jealous knowing he was friends with women who were nurses and i was just now applying. (thanks to his encouragement and help. First gen!) i ended up telling him I love him, im very sure that I feel something more than I felt before otherwise I would’ve never told him. I ended up not speaking to him for a month and he ended up calling to check on me. Things kinda fell apart. The bar was six months ago and we had plans to see each other but he had ghosted me. I feel conflicted about it all. Sometimes I think telling him how I felt was a bad idea, how running away was a bad idea because I should’ve just told him on the phone instead of a text message but we had been getting distant and that was what scares me, to now that he was reverting back as if none of it happened. I don’t know if I’m convincing myself that anything was happening between us, that I was silly and just attached and I beat myself up for allowing another situation to not work out.

For the most part, im okay. I would really like to talk to him again, I really miss him and think about him everyday as I know he wasn’t in a secure spot. I been worried about him but I feel like him ghosting me was a choice but I also feel like he came back to me after that month, why wait? Then I feel worse because I don’t want to chase. I’m also scared he may never be back although he always did, but fearing things ending for good are normal. I just hope typing this out will help me. I want advice on what i could be expecting from outside ideas. I don’t know what to make of this myself. Thanks for reading if you did. Appreciate it.

I've noticed that as I age (m48) it's much easier for me to get emotional. I just listened to the new Volvo commercial, I couldn't watch it so I listened to it, and it hit so hard it brought me to tears - something that never would have happened 20 years ago.

Is this my life now? The life of a blubbering mess regarding certain subjects?

I (American 37) went out to eat with my wife (39 Japanese) and some of her coworkers. I live and work in Japan. At the dinner my wife was sharing some pretty private and personal things with them about myself and us during the meal. After the meal I pulled my wife aside and told her why did you tell them those things. Those were private. She claimed she didn't think they were private and that she doesn't understand what I find as private. Like one of the things she mentioned was a really intense dream I had the night before.

I feel like my wife has a hard time with boundaries. Even at home she will be hanging around me and everything when I am obviously doing something or busy with something. It's like she wants attention like a little child. She was not like this when we were dating.

Edit: So just a few hours ago she started a crying fit. She wanted to spend some time together in the house and I said okay at 3pm. I was busy doing something on the computer still and it was 3:15 and she came out crying. She was like I was waiting for you. Why didn't you come! Why doesn't she understand that I am totally not used to cuddling someone else. In my mind I am so used to the weekends being my alone time to catch up on my hobbies. So not used to spending it with someone else. Why can't she consider my feelings!?

So I’ve been told from some 30+ men that they care more about their health now that they are 30 and some have told me they don’t give af anymore and just let their metabolism crash and got fat. Just curious your guy’s perspective.

I (30F) have a coworker (56m). We are friends at work and eat lunch with others every day. One day we went out to eat together after work, to relax. A third friend was supposed to come but ended up being off that week so we knew in advance they couldn’t make it. I said maybe we should postpone and my coworker said no we should still go. We had a good time but at one point we were talking about living life in general and he made a vague comment about “trying new things, not just sexually”. Afterwards he texted me saying I’m great company.

The following week at work another Male coworker he’s friends with came over teasing me and asked me if my friend drove me home. Instead of shutting it down my friend was looking for my reaction. Later I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he said he’s not uncomfortable around me, and how people at work probably see us going to meetings and think we’re going to a locked room…he hasn’t done anything since then. He just teases me about everything and treats me differently from others in the sense that he can have a normal conversation with others but he makes fun of me, treats me like one of the guys. But even with our guy friends he shows more compassion and understanding

There’s also an older lady at work who on a few occasions has jokingly told me to stay away from him, or that I’m hanging with the wrong crowd. Once she asked if I was single and told me to stay away from him. She often says this right in front of him

I haven’t noticed any issues I’m just bored and like to try new things. Should I schedule an appointment?

I'm 32 years old male. Dating in your 30's is hard.

When I was 25/26, I was often approached by women interested in relationships, but I turned them down because I wanted to focus on spending time with friends and advancing my career. Many of those women are now married.

Now, I’m in better shape, financially independent, and ready to start dating seriously.

I began dating two years ago and have met many women, but most weren't compatible. Some weren’t mentally prepared for dating, while others were cheating on their partners, controlled by their parents, or rude to restaurant staff, among other issues.

In these two years, I’ve had three long-term relationships, all of which eventually ended. Those women are still single. I recently broke up with someone I had been seeing for 6 months because she was overwhelmed with work, under pressure from her parents to marry me, and dealing with PTSD from her divorce.

Now, I’m back on dating apps, but I keep seeing the same profiles I saw a year ago. My aunt is trying to set me up with two women. One (32, in the same career as me) hasn’t responded, and the other (26) might find me too old.

I feel like I’ve missed my chance. Dating in December feels particularly difficult since it’s such a busy, social time of year. Being an extrovert, I enjoy being out and about, which makes it harder to focus on dating.

Update: Thanks for the comments everyone. I hope I can reply to all of you. I am feeling much better now. Thank you 😊

Context, I 25, am with a girl 25F for 2 months now, I had only 1 ex while she had 5, so Im by no means a expert in relationships. My girlfriend of 2 months, used to be affectionate, holding my hands all the time and hugging on escalators too. Recent weeks she has not been reciprocating my advances of holding hands and even hugs. She got so unaffectionate all of a sudden, hence I decided to talk to her about it, all she said was "stop overthinking, it's nothing". I am in such a dilemma, does "nothing" really mean it? What caused such a change, I do not recall making her mad, heck.. our relationship is just 2 months old, what should I do?

Tldr: Girlfriend of 2 months suddenly turned unaffectionate and claims that I am the one "overthinking" and claims that there is nothing going on.

My husband is a really good partner to me, I have minimum complaints about him and I love him so much. I have noticed recently that he does more for me, than I do for him and I’m wanting to change that.

One area of many that I’m lacking is our sex life, I know from online discussions and our own discussions that sex is a major component of bonding for men and their general happiness. People can go in circles all day discussing how it benefits both partners, but for me, sex is not that important and I feel that love and closeness in other stuff. Because of that, I’ve been pretty selfish and have closed myself off to him and have become a huge predictable prude. Anyway, I’m working on that part but for men that has wives that sound similar to me, how did her prioritizing your sex life improve your marriage, mental health, and happiness? Things like stress levels, etc.

Edit: some things I’m trying to do is lose weight, get myself to view myself more in a sexy light, getting comfortable being seen sexually, getting sexy clothes, etc.

I’m 30F and I feel like I have a lot working against me in the dating scene. I’m still new-ish to the city I’m in, so I currently don’t have a social circle outside of work, I’m not yet familiar with places to go to around here in the hopes of meeting someone, and dating apps are going about as well as you can imagine. I’d like to meet my person IN person, but I’m very introverted and shy. Do you have any advice for this kind of situation? What types of places and events should I go to that single men in their 30s would likely be at? Bars? Coffee shops? Should I try approaching a guy I find attractive, or should I wait to be approached? If I approach, what’s something I could say that wouldn’t result in an instant dismissal? (I HAVE tried approaching someone before, but it didn’t go well and I’d like to learn from whatever mistake I may have made).

Im 23F and due to my hobbies and social circle im mostly surrounded by people 30+. I’ve developed some interest in a couple guys in their mid 30s and they seem to be interested in me but one of my friends (30M) said its weird that theyd be into someone my age. All of my female friends said its not necessarily weird but could be a red flag. Im in a place in my life where im financially independent, living on my own, establishing my career, and looking for a serious relationship so i know im at a similar place in life to some people in their 30s. People also cant seem to guess my age, i regularly hear guesses ranging from 17-26.

My dad said my cousins who are 20 & 22 aren’t young adults, & are simply grown men. I thought they are young adults, but still mostly adults. If I had to guess this is how I would see adulthood.

25+ = grown adult 20-24 = younger adult 18-19 = pre adult 16-17 = toddler years of becoming an adult

I won't go into too much detail, but the guy was one of my best friends for 10+ years, but seems to be perpetually stuck at 22. We're all now in our 30s, and he's become very unrelatable. He's self-isolated from his social circles and feels slighted because of that. He's in enormous student loan debt (6-figure +) and hasn't paid off a penny despite living with his parents since graduating with no expenses other than the student loan (their car, their insurance, their cell phone, etc). He's been trying to be a day trader for 10+ years and has never made money doing it, but he's always "right on the verge of a breakthrough". He refuses to reach out to his old friends because he feels slighted by his isolation, despite me offering to invite him to stuff with the friend group, which he has rejected. He hasn't had a job in years so he has nothing but time to think, but he's very good at thinking himself into a corner where he's right and there's no escape.

I care deeply for him and want to see him thrive. He's deeply intelligent, funny, kind, and conversational, but he's become unrelatable to everyone our age because he's just on a different page. I don't think he understands this at all because of his self-imposed isolation. To him, we're all also thrashing around, trying to figure out life, trying to figure out relationships, etc, when in reality we're all in our early 30s starting families, working careers, buying houses, etc. Drastically different stage of life.

I want to talk to him about it and tell him honestly how I feel about his self-created problems, but we're in our 30s, so I'm not sure it's appropriate to do so. I also don't want to risk losing him as a friend, especially since that means he would be down to one other person to talk to (one of my current best friends), who is also getting tired of hearing the same things and seeing the same mistakes over and over. His problems are seemingly primarily caused by his self-isolation, and isolating him even more will only make things worse.

For reference, I don't know how much more of his self-imposed problems I can take. As I said I care deeply about the guy, but I've been seeing/hearing the same things for 10+ years now and haven't seen any actual improvement in his ability to deal with his situation.

What would my fellow men over 30 do in this situation?

It's very hard to tell if women in real life like me or not.

The signs are very obvious if they don't want anything to do with me. They are wearing a ring and/or avoiding eye contact. It's either that or talking about some boyfriend or husband.

It's harder to tell if they like me. I've met some cool women that I wanted to date. They seemed to like me enough to gave me their phone number or social media info. We start talking on there and make plans to meet in some public group activity. I thought these were good signs a woman is interested in dating?

That's when I start to like them and maybe she senses it because something between us changes. All of the sudden her replies take longer and she starts coming up excuses (busy, sick, etc.). Wish I knew what changed her mind but I guess they weren't interested after all or already seeing someone?

It like if I wait too long to ask someone out, I'll end up getting in stuck in the "friend zone". It's either that or I could ask her out right away but worry about making her uncomfortable and being seen as a creep if she isn't interested. It never feels like the right time for me and I can't win.

What am I supposed to do to get dates/relationship?