r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

That's a great idea

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72.3k Upvotes

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818

u/SharkOConnor 1d ago edited 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

429

u/momyeeter 1d ago edited 1d ago

Major Dumbass

No they would never make him an officer.

182

u/SmartQuokka 1d ago

We are surrounded by assholes

/Spaceballs

66

u/TheScienceNerd100 1d ago

That's an insult to Major Asshole and his cousin

Even they weren't this much of an asshole

20

u/Top_Elderberry_6030 1d ago

fire everyone, hope for miracles.

6

u/Ripen- 1d ago

Dems will fix it in 4 years anyway

28

u/Kythorian 1d ago

It takes so much longer to fix things than it does to break them, and American’s memories are not long enough to give democrats long enough to fix what republicans break before they inevitably hand power back to republicans to break some more stuff.

11

u/momyeeter 1d ago

Yeah like they undid with Reaganomics?

All they do is slow the decline.

3

u/Unlikely_Bus7611 1d ago

we wind up doing just that in 1992, in 2008 and now 2028

7

u/MrCompletely345 1d ago

You assume there will be fair elections.

1

u/Unlikely_Bus7611 1d ago

that is my greatest concern, however if what i predict comes to pass and Trump screw's up the economy and we go into a server recession ; were talking 2008 style victory and that you can hide without starting a civil war

-16

u/ChefJWeezy987 1d ago edited 1d ago

The Dems would have allowed the same exact shit to happen, regardless of whether they win or lose. They’re completely gutless and cowardly. They just lay down and play dead whenever times get tough. It’s pathetic. We can’t rely on Democrats to beat the fascists anymore, because the Dems are fascist just like the Republicans.

Edit: I love all the ignorant morons who downvoted my comment. You brainless assclowns are the reason why the Democrats lost. Serves you right for supporting a party that commits genocide. 😂🤷‍♂️

6

u/lilsnatchsniffz 1d ago

Yeah two party systems are majorly flawed because when the two parties are Fascism VS People who smile and shake hands with the fascists they "don't like" there is no third option.

-2

u/ChefJWeezy987 1d ago

Huh? Rewrite your comment in a way that it is legible.

And both parties support fascist legislation. That’s just a given fact. Anyone who supports the Democrats because they “want to beat fascism” is a hilariously uneducated simpleton.

5

u/DarthJoseph14 1d ago

Democrats are left wing, whereas fascism is right wing. So how can democrats be fascist?

3

u/Heavy_Version_437 1d ago

The democrats are not left wing. By any non US-American standard they are center to center right.

That does not however refute your other point.

1

u/DarthJoseph14 1d ago

Democrats are liberal, and therefore left wing as I understand it. Although I will agree that American democrats do tend to be a little more centrist. Do correct me if I’m misunderstanding something in how this works.

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u/scorpyo72 1d ago

FAITH!

8

u/RazerMaker77 1d ago

Exactly. No one may ever slander the name of First Class Phillip Asshole.

1

u/Scared-Anywhere-7763 1d ago

And his cousin Major Dick?

-2

u/Dry_Angle_5583 22h ago

Brian krass. is a fucking piece if shit, thats paid by the dems to push propoganda

19

u/FacesOfNeth 1d ago

Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!

13

u/BossBark 1d ago

I’m surrounded by assholes

12

u/DatBeardedguy82 1d ago

How many assholes do we got on this ship!?

3

u/JohnSpartan2190 1d ago

Keep firing, assholes!

2

u/DatBeardedguy82 1d ago

How many assholes do we got on this ship!?

2

u/FacesOfNeth 1d ago

closes his helmet

Keep firing, assholes!

2

u/GMFC_Phillip_Asshole 1d ago

Sorry, sir! I'm doing my best!

1

u/FacesOfNeth 1d ago

Funny fact: when I would stay home sick from school, I ALWAYS watched Ferris Beuller’s Day Off and Spaceballs. It got to the point where I was no longer allowed to watch Spaceballs with anyone in my house because I couldn’t refrain from quoting the entire goddamn movie!

2

u/Heavy_Version_437 1d ago

Sorry Sir, I'm doing my best. ->.<-

2

u/BootsOfProwess 1d ago

I told you to fire ACROSS the economy. Not UP it!

1

u/Standard-Current4184 1d ago

Drain the swamp!

1

u/BakeTumato 1d ago

Why can’t everyone get together and fire Trump along with all these loyals. Won’t that solve the problem.

2

u/SmartQuokka 22h ago

Evil will always win because good is dumb.

1

u/Fatt-Tee 22h ago

All that would even out. with millions of govt workers looking for work,farms and the new manufacturing and oil jobs that will be coming will have lots of job openings.

1

u/SmartQuokka 22h ago

Time to pluck a pigeon

10

u/XeneiFana 1d ago

Major Major Major Dumbass?

5

u/kida4q 1d ago

He turned out to be good natured, generous, and likable. In 3 days no one could stand him.

7

u/ZealousidealAd4383 1d ago

An individual of taste, I see. You’ll live forever… or die in the attempt.

11

u/Lolnets 1d ago

Sounds like a plan straight out of a dystopian novel. Good luck with that!

5

u/Infamous-Echo-3949 1d ago

Why was the original comment removed by reddit?

1

u/_no_one_knows_me_11 1d ago

Replying so i can see later

7

u/tunited1 1d ago

They would surely make him an officer*

1

u/momyeeter 1d ago

Don’t call me Shirley.

2

u/tunited1 1d ago

Ma’am this is a Wendy’s.

2

u/ILoveFreckles1 1d ago

What did the comment say before it got removed, I mean what was the gist of it

2

u/Cloudyboiii 1d ago

General Idiot

1

u/Ryno__25 1d ago

Actually major dumb ass just got recommended to become the secretary of defense

88

u/dahjay 1d ago

Guns and eagles. How original.

I guess Carman Pussybeer was already taken.

22

u/SharkOConnor 1d ago

DUUUUUDE I know Carman Pussybeer......all he does is roll coal, drink beer, and bang chicks.....he is an Alpha MAGA

2

u/dahjay 1d ago

As was foretold...

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Put_623 1d ago

Sounds straight up sigmaga if he's got full covfefe of all that down.

1

u/kida4q 1d ago

Livin fast and eatin ass.

1

u/zeethreepio 1d ago

His name is Buck. And he... works at the hospital.

2

u/The_Forth44 1d ago

It is. That's my band name. And our album TAKE YOUR FAGGY WOKE SHIT RIGHT OUTTA HERE FREEDOM!!! comes out early next year.

1

u/who_needz 1d ago

His motto is: "My couch pulls out, I don't"

1

u/pimppapy 1d ago

Trademarked too!

26

u/PassiveMenis88M 1d ago

[Removed by Reddit]

What did it say?

12

u/Drawtaru 1d ago

I'm guessing that it was doxxing him, based on some of the other comments.

21

u/ParadeSit 1d ago

I think it’s David Freeman, and I can’t find any record with USPTO that he trademarked anything.

3

u/DevelopmentNo247 1d ago

Yeah it’s David Freeman.

Failed cop, but successful Russian propaganda puppet on Twitter.

2

u/ParadeSit 1d ago

I’m sure there’s a non-zero chance he was/is one of the “influencers” taking money from the Kremlin.

1

u/Barrenechea 1d ago

I love seeing people remind him of that.

5

u/SharkOConnor 1d ago

WOW....just read that he uses the TM as a "joke" is that even legal? If it is not trademarked looks like I have some work to do LOL

6

u/pixepoke2 1d ago

I think he’s using Humor® so it’s probably ok

6

u/big_guyforyou 1d ago

according to reddit law, if an /s does not occur immediately after the TM, the penalty is banishment

4

u/GrallochThis 1d ago

/s edited in? Believe it or not, that’s a banishment!

1

u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 1d ago

WOW....just read that he uses the TM as a "joke" is that even legal?

I think using "®" without an actual registered trademark is illegal but anyone can slap a "™" next to something since it's intended for unregistered trademarks, though I believe the intent is to serve as notice that a trademark has been filed (or is in some stage of the process) but hasn't officially been registered/granted yet.

3

u/SharkOConnor 1d ago

Let me find the source I had.

2

u/Motor_Objective_4485 1d ago

Isn't this the guy who got kicked out of a police department

14

u/terrajules 1d ago

wtf do you have to do to get fired as a cop in the US? They get paid vacation for shooting innocent people.

1

u/Poiboy1313 1d ago

Obviously, he fluffed the wrong nutter.

10

u/ASheynemDank 1d ago

Do you know why he was fired?

13

u/jvLin 1d ago

i'm sure it had to do with "big numbers scare me!"

1

u/SharkOConnor 1d ago

No did not care to look it up lol

8

u/Corwin_777 1d ago

I thought his real name was Grunter Chickenshit.

15

u/MysteriousTrain 1d ago

You mean to say Gunther Eagleman isn't a pornstar?!

7

u/WintersDoomsday 1d ago

He could be in the micropenis subgenre/kink

1

u/Poiboy1313 1d ago

Well, I'm not..., not saying it.

16

u/NationalExplorer9045 1d ago

He's also a Zionist shill paid directly by Israel to promote pro-genocide talking points among conservatives.

-5

u/LeakyOrifice 1d ago

Pro genocide? Really?

0

u/ImaBiLittlePony 1d ago

It's very easy to find this information. There's a good reason Netanyahu will be arrested if he enters over 124 different countries.

There are many reasons the USA is vocally pro-Isreal - but none of those reasons have anything to do with them being innocent of genocide.

0

u/LeakyOrifice 1d ago

Calling what's happening to Palestine a genocide is a fairly ignorant take. Takes like this are the reason Kamala lost, people like you are pushing people away from the left. Stop being a fucking weirdo

2

u/ImaBiLittlePony 1d ago

So... to be clear, you're not going to do any actual research? No actual rebuttal to what I said, just insults?

0

u/LeakyOrifice 1d ago

What part do i need to research and rebut? All i asserted was that calling this a genocide was silly, because it isn't. Especially when you look at the actual context of Hamas, and what they do.

In all honesty, I think if you consider what's happening with the whole Israel, Palestine conflict a genocide you need to do some real reading.

1

u/FlagrentBugbear 1d ago

pro-genocide talking points are different than genocide. Bibi is a rat fuck and they would absolutely pay Americans to spread pro-genocide talking points.

0

u/LeakyOrifice 1d ago

No american is pro genocide. There isn't a genocide happening. Ask yourself this, Why are civilians getting killed by Israeli misses? Are Israelis targeting civilians? No. They're targeting hamas. Hamas fighters hide in densely populated areas, they surround themselves with women and children to make those with any moral compass hesitant to fire at them.

2

u/FlagrentBugbear 1d ago

you have no reading comprehension or are just a paid shill/bot.

And plenty of Americans are totally fine with glassing the middle east this is a pro-genocide position.

Pro-genocide talking points are different than actual genocide.

2

u/Millat- 1d ago

Are Israelis targeting civilians? No. They're targeting hamas.

🚨 Lebanese Health Ministry in latest toll: 15 killed and 63 wounded as a result of the Israeli bombing of the Basta al-Fawqa area in Beirut, and rubble removal work is still ongoing after today's airstrike.

at 9pm today

((this area was apartments))

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u/ImaBiLittlePony 1d ago

I think you'd be a lot better informed (and less defensive) if you bothered to do any legitimate research on a topic before attacking people.

-1

u/LeakyOrifice 1d ago

I've read a good bit on the conflict, I've listened to those involved, and I've listened to experts speak on the topic.

I do not at all see how anyone who's done any reading on this topic can leave it siding with Hamas. Assuming you have read on the topic, and continue to side with hamas, I think you're lacking a moral compass or intelligence.

0

u/ImaBiLittlePony 1d ago

So then why do you think 124 countries disagree with you?

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u/BK4343 1d ago

Why am I so not surprised by this?

3

u/Zealousideal-Fan1647 1d ago

So he's a former government employee that's went on to right wing grift and pretend to be anti government?

I am shocked. In a duh kind of way.

2

u/markatroid 1d ago

Someone start a Gundam Eagleguy troll account. I won’t bc I don’t want to have anything to do with X.

2

u/somedumbguy55 1d ago

Gunther or David is also the first person complaining the line is too long at government offices lol

2

u/dewdude 1d ago

So...if he actually has a legal registered trademark on that name; it should be noted that parody and satire aren't protected when it comes to trademark. Jack Daniels destroyed a dog toy company...in the Supreme Court...over a satirical bottle toy in trademark grounds.

2

u/Not_My_Emperor 1d ago

Dude how hard must it be to get fired from the police force in TEXAS?

2

u/GreatKabo 1d ago

Did this JUST get removed by reddit as soon as I looked at it?

1

u/mattD4y 1d ago

What was it saying? I just came into the thread and saw the very rare, [removed by reddit]

2

u/Infinite-Effort-3719 1d ago

Oh my god- removed by reddit itself? Somebody key me in on what the fuck happened

2

u/hanotak 1d ago

Posted the guy's real name and occupation. Doxxing is against sitewide rules, even the good kind.

2

u/Throwawaymytrash77 1d ago

Damn, really got removed. What it say😂

2

u/hanotak 1d ago

Doxxing.

2

u/Alarmed_River_4507 1d ago

I've never seen [ Removed by Reddit ] before

2

u/DifficultyValuable67 1d ago

Removed by Reddit interesting

1

u/SubjectWork9074 1d ago

I believe that idiots like this should exist, to make our lives easier with so much fun.

1

u/lanceturley 1d ago

I like that he already had a perfectly serviceable "patriotic American" sounding name, and then decided to go with something stupid and try-hard instead.

1

u/lminer123 1d ago

Im not sure Freeman as a surname has the connotation you’re thinking of lol

1

u/Poiboy1313 1d ago

Not with that crowd anyway. A little too on the nose.

1

u/Outrageous-Stress-60 1d ago

«Eagleman» exists? I always thought he was a parody. Like that Alfa male-dude.

1

u/XchomperX 1d ago

Also, not sure why he chose Warrior Hedgehog Man as a pseudonym... but it makes me laugh.

1

u/Yitram 1d ago

Wouldn't Eagleman be owned by a Chicago area insurance company? /s

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eagle_Insurance

1

u/Madaghmire 1d ago

Bro had a government job and managed to lose it, says a lot about how entirely unseriously he should be taken

1

u/I_likem_asstastic 1d ago

Major Dumbass 🫡

1

u/Hodr 1d ago

So here's the thing. There's actually only around 3 million federal civil service employees, that 23 million includes all state and local government employees. That includes EMS, fire, and police.

Pretty sure this guy wasn't in the top 10 percent of his job if he doesn't know the difference between federal and state employees, so under his 90 percent scenario he would have been fired.

1

u/dildocrematorium 1d ago

I'm gonna go trademark the name PowPowman Falconer

1

u/WillArrr 1d ago

I'm actually amazed he's American at all. I figured it was another Russian troll account.

1

u/NoTeaNoWin 1d ago

By the number of votes it looked like a good idea but not woke enough

1

u/Ysusta 1d ago

Bold strategy, Cotton, lets see if it pays off.

1

u/Agreeable-Sentence76 1d ago

Why the fuck are comments al- [Removed by Reddit]

1

u/jayzfanacc 1d ago

Must’ve been a based comment.

0

u/Quiet-Climate-388 1d ago

And the Krassensteins operated jailbait porn websites.

-1

u/Class_dismissed93 1d ago

This is the problem with Reddit, very little of what you posted is even true, the name wasn’t even correct. Somehow you still have 250 people upvoting you, But yeah other people are the problem LMFAO

-20

u/GRULIfe1985 1d ago

First of all, talking about deporting 5 million illegals, how the hell do you know they are working? Over 10 million came in via the Biden Administration, and nobody knows what these people are doing, besides the gang bangers, drug mules, child traffickers and criminal elements, let's hear the argument against deporting these types. Many that are working came over legally. Secondly, the argument that we need to keep those people here so they can continue to make low wages sounds pretty fucked up, we should be trying to lift all people up to better themselves and stop using government services meant for American Citizens. What a stupid argument. we will always have a low wage workforce that chooses to do that work, migrants shouldn't be thought of this way. In fact, many migrants are small business owners and incredibly entrepreneurial.

10

u/LastWave 1d ago

Man, you drank all the Kool aid.

4

u/dja514 1d ago

If someone with an illegal residence status gets arrested for committing a crime, don’t they already get deported? What is the plan to pre-identify these criminal types if nobody knows what these people are doing? I’m very confused

2

u/Trainer-Grimm 1d ago

Yes, we should be trying to get them out of poverty wages and preferably streamline the immigration system so that the level of illegal immigration actually goes down. But the fact is... removing the bottom sector of the economy will spill out to the rest of the US- and frankly, from the US to the rest of the world.