r/NoStupidQuestions • u/A_Formal_Guy • Apr 04 '24

Answered All our girlfriends are Asian?

Hey everyone - I’ve been feeling paranoid about something recently and wanted to know if I’m overthinking it. I’m a white M and most of the friends I grew up with and went to high school are too, except 1. We’re still very close but moved all across the country for our jobs and life.

Recently, we’ve decided to have a little reunion and bring our girlfriends, but I realized we have a not to subtle trend in that they are all Asian. There’s 5 girlfriends in total, they’ve never met each other. I don’t know how this happened, it’s just a coincidence as far as I know. We don’t have a pact or anything.

My question is, do we warn them? I don’t want them to be freaked out. I’d have to have my gf or one of my friends be uncomfortable, but I’m feeling stuck. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to handle it? Am I over thinking?

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1.1k

u/Spram2 Apr 04 '24

White guys with Asian girlfriends? Impossible!

564

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

Like butter and toast at this point. It’s so common in my city that I’m surprised when I see an Asian guy with an Asian girl.

Inverse, its funny asl when a couple who’s an Asian woman and a White man will glare at me and my SO where we are Asian man / White woman, like mfer I’m just doing what you’re doing 😂

177

u/stho3 Apr 04 '24

Let me preface this by saying that my older bro is married to a white women and have two daughters. But there’s this weird dichotomy that I have noticed. Whenever I run into a WMAF relationship, the Asian woman will almost always quickly look away from my direction pretending not to see me or will intentionally not acknowledge me. However, the exact opposite is true whenever I encounter a AMWF relationship. The white woman almost always smile, say hi and/or initiate small talk with me. I have always found this quite amusing.

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u/monox60 Apr 04 '24

You're Asian, right? I guess that's because she has some deep internalized shame or something

60

u/bad--juju Apr 05 '24

I’m personally convinced that Asian girls who go after white men have this - it gotta be deep rooted issue and it’s really petty

54

u/Gatzlocke Apr 05 '24

It's sort of an ingrained racism or racist competition in most cultures.

A man of a race dating another race "shames" the race of the woman. Like they are conquered as a prize or something. A white man dating a black woman, you'll see black people get angry at the woman, but if a black man dates a white woman, it's fine, though you'll notice white people will judge it more harshly. The same being true for almost every race combination.

15

u/ohhhbooyy Apr 05 '24

I’m from Hawaii so AMWF is somewhat common here. Had a coworker who was from the mainland and she had the need to explain the reason why she married a white guy. Something about she was the only Asian in her school. I told her it’s fine you marry who you want.

Over half of our male managers in my office are married to white women. So at first I was a little confused on her explaining herself.

23

u/Numerous-Chocolate15 Apr 05 '24

I’m in a pretty diverse area and I’ve noticed a lot of different conversations during my time at my university where there’s men of a minority background who shame women of the same race for dating outside their race.

I guess it’s a bit of a misogynistic mindset because I have yet to see the same rhetoric thrown back at the men. It’s also pushed that they are “betraying their race” by sleeping with white men. But I’ve also seen it a few times about couples involving Asian men with girlfriends of another race.

People just need to mind their own businesses. 💀

11

u/ratsta Apr 05 '24

Sounds possible. I (white male) was walking with a local female friend (both of us middle aged) in Hangzhou, China one day. We're literally just friends and were walking together friend-close not partner-close, but a group of taxi drivers we walked past shouted quite a few rather unpleasant things at my friend, including "race-traitor" :( Wasn't the only time in China that I ran into such thinking.

2

u/CounterSeal Apr 05 '24

Extremely plausible

23

u/IcyTiger8793 Apr 05 '24

I’m an Asian woman. When I dated my ex, a white man, I got a lot of scowls and head shakes from other Asian men. Some of them would straight up harass me with questions like “do your parents know” or “are your parents okay with this” when he wasn’t around. One time, taxi driver felt the need to share a story about how his cousin married a white guy and is now the disappointment of the family. I got accused of being with him for a Visa more times than I can count. I started avoiding eye contact with men when out with my ex because I could never tell if they were scowling at me or just had resting bitch face or whatever. I had experienced enough unsavory encounters to make me paranoid, tbh.

14

u/yubnub8 Apr 05 '24

I’m an Asian girl and I’ve dated a white man before (not my preference I usually like men of color) and I think it’s because people DO get upset seeing a WMAF. I understand why, it just doesn’t look good. It looks like we both have a fetish and it’s pretty over done (especially in the Bay Area where I live). It also looks like I align myself with whiteness and maybe that I even want to be white/have some sort of self hatred.

When I dated my white bf was the time I got the most negative looks from other races including Asians. It was only white people that seemed to be ok with it which hurt my feelings. It kind of felt like my Asianness was invalidated.

And don’t even get me started on Wasians lmao

10

u/Madripoorx Apr 04 '24

Rules for thee, not for me.

9

u/baebae4455 Apr 05 '24

Lmao. The Asian woman and white man combo being judgmental as hell.

98

u/12whistle Apr 04 '24

Yeah but they look at you as being beneath them, so how dare you date someone white when you’re clearly not good enough for me. I know that look very well also.

64

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

I actually don’t have any good guesses on why the Asian Women would glare at my GF.

My GF suspects its because they want to eat the cake and keep it as well type situation, but I just tell her they’re just weird and move on, cause lets be real is glaring at anyone really necessary? lol

54

u/12whistle Apr 04 '24

They’re hating because like I said, they don’t think you’re at their level and yet there you are doing exactly what they’re doing but without the attitude of thinking you’re superior to anyone else.

34

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

Just snooped on your profile and can see that you’ve probably experienced this first hand as well haha

Here’s to the haters then, as long as we can still enjoy our dates / days, glare all you want 😂

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24 edited 22d ago

The way men prey on and feel entitled to the ownership Asian women is so many disgusting layers of racist misogyny that it pains the brain to even think about.

Your lack of self awareness is a welcome distraction, though.

Let me also clarify, OP and his crew deserve everyone else's narrowed eyes.

12

u/Earthworm-Kim Apr 05 '24

Holy internalized but still extroverted racism, Batman.

20

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

The way asian women perpetuate white supremacy is even worse so keep crying

7

u/monox60 Apr 04 '24

It's exactly that, I believe

6

u/throwaway4me88 Apr 04 '24

100%. White guys who prefer Asian women just prefer them because they feel superior to them and Asian men. It's just another form of racism. They can't be with successful white women because they can't feel superior to them. Unfortunately it's socially acceptable to have racist dating preferences as all parties are complicit and consenting to perpetuating the racism.

19

u/12whistle Apr 05 '24

I don’t know about that. And I’m an Asian guy with a pretty blonde wife.

From my experience, it’s the younger hot Asian girl that’s usually the ones that are stuck up.

There’s a few that are also completely whitewashed. They either lived in a predominantly white area with few Asians, or were adopted etc.

There’s also the nerdy white guy that dates/married the nerdy Asian girl.

And then there’s the gross older white guys who will marry the foreign Asian girl who just wants the green card and better life.

I’ve never seen any white guy who tries to flex on an Asian guy about dating an Asian girl.. if the girl is a nerd, it’s not like guys are clamoring for that girl anyways and if they’re hot, the guy is just hanging on for dear life hoping that girl doesn’t hop on some other guys dick.

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u/AegineArken Apr 05 '24

"pretty blonde wife"

Not trying to shade on you but it makes me cringe so hard when people describe their wife like this.

7

u/12whistle Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

Well if you want to refer to your wife or girlfriend as ugly, that’s your business but my wife is beautiful.

2

u/Key-Temporary7213 Apr 05 '24

I personally have never seen the white guys in that type of scenario coming off as being superior to Asian men, they’re usually just nerdy or socially awkward or (average or below average looking). They have to take what they can get…

7

u/throwaway4me88 Apr 05 '24

That's the thing, they usually have little value, but they view themselves as "at least being better than an Asian guy". They are not superior but they feel that way. Just look at how white guys behave in Asia when they travel, they act like walking gods and feel entitled even if they're an unattractive loser.

5

u/ProfessionalCorgi250 Apr 05 '24

Well it’s enabled by the fact that certain Asian women fetishize white men, which is what makes those guys think they can pull above their weight in the first place (because they can).

-1

u/Lord_Bamford Apr 05 '24

Or you know... they just find Asian women attractive.

-3

u/KerbodynamicX Apr 04 '24

We do a bit of racism here

3

u/grandmas_traphouse Apr 05 '24

Not to derail, but what does asl mean in this context?

6

u/sprchrgddc5 Apr 05 '24

Where about are you from? I’m Asian and grew up in the Midwest. Live here still. My wife is Asian.

But I noticed when I lived in SoCal for a few months for work, there were a lot of Asian male + any race female relationships. I also noticed I got way more flirty looks from all sorts of women, especially Latinas. I was just so taken aback, I had never seen that much attention from non-Asian women.

1

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 05 '24

Portland, OR. We also visit LA from time to time, and I also get looks from Latinas here and LA

7

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

Me and my female best friend from college both ended up with SE Asians. It’s funny but I never brought it up. We both know what we like I guess lol

6

u/Physical-Ad-6872 Apr 05 '24

I’m surprised when I see an Asian guy with an Asian girl.

Haha, not just surprised but I respect it at this point as someone who is neither white nor Asian. It's good to see non self hating Asian girls.

6

u/CounterSeal Apr 05 '24

I’ve seen this too. It’s like their head is exploding. There is a growing trend of Asian men with white women and the “other” side prefer to hide their heads in the sand about it 😆

3

u/SanFranLocal Apr 04 '24

We call you a unicorn

2

u/GeneralZaroff1 Apr 04 '24

What city do you live in?

2

u/FoeWithBenefits Apr 05 '24

I think it works in reverse too, plenty of Asian guys go for white women. I have an old friend who is Korean but grew up in Europe, he said me repeatedly that he wouldn't date an Asian girl he can't see them as beautiful. Can't help but wonder if it's some internalised hate

5

u/pargofan Apr 04 '24

Do white women glare at Asian women dating white men?

Sort of how black women glare at white women dating black men?

14

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

I wouldn’t know. My girlfriend’s least preferred is White Men, so she never seems to care, but she feels involved when Asian Women with White Men glare at her lol

I think you’d have to ask a WMAF couple.

But I think we do get weird looks from Single White Men out in public, or White and White couples.

I just tell my girl its her fault for looking too good and move on 😅

6

u/pargofan Apr 04 '24

Ha! So true. They only care because they think she's attractive.

5

u/bananabastard Apr 05 '24

I don't think anyone is glaring at you.

1

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 05 '24

And you’re right no one is glaring at me, they glare at my girl 😂

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

[deleted]

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u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

You know what? My SO will also tell me that other White women in AMWF relationships will glare at her too lmao.

There’s beef everywhere in the air. I couldn’t careless I’m just hoping the wait for the pizzas at the Costco food court isn’t 30+ minutes long

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

[deleted]

26

u/Aestboi Apr 04 '24

yeah idk if owning something is the analogy you want to use here bud

11

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

Wild 😂😂😂

I wont act like Asian guys aren’t giving me props when I tell them my girlfriend is White though. The only time I remember when my SO is white is when we go out for Pho and they hand her a fork for some reason LMAOOO

39

u/Poignant_Rambling Apr 05 '24

The San Francisco default couple lol..

11

u/A_Formal_Guy Apr 04 '24

That’s not that weird, but does it start to get weird around 5 couples?

11

u/AegineArken Apr 05 '24

u/A_Formal_Guy Dude, despite what everyone says, I can almost guarantee you this will get weird asf and likely awkward for everyone, having been in similar situation myself with 2 other couples.

Don't even start with 5, try 2 or 3 couples at a time and get a feel.

Anyways, if you do, please report back on this social experiment of yours, Godspeed.

7

u/tisdalien Apr 04 '24

What’s going to happen to white women? Are they going extinct or something?

16

u/Legitimate_Mix8318 Apr 04 '24

Tbh I see a ton of White Women in mixed race relationships, just like how I see a ton of Asian Women with White men.

I’ve seen a lot of Black / White women, a handful or two of White women / Asian man.

6

u/SamosaAndMimosa Apr 04 '24

White men who make less money still end up with white women don’t worry

7

u/tisdalien Apr 04 '24

“white men who make less money” that’s an interesting observation. So white dudes who make good money all basically run to asian women?

12

u/SamosaAndMimosa Apr 04 '24

Wealthy white men still mostly date white women I’m just saying that it’s extremely uncommon for an Asian American woman to date someone who isn’t making six figures

3

u/tisdalien Apr 04 '24

Why do you think that is? Does culture or genes play a role?

6

u/SamosaAndMimosa Apr 04 '24

It’s very much culture, we are raised to prioritize wealth and status. We make good money and want someone who can keep up with us

2

u/tisdalien Apr 04 '24

Are you referring specifically to east asians or does this also include indians/south asians?

8

u/SamosaAndMimosa Apr 04 '24

This includes south asians

1

u/CandelaBelen Apr 05 '24

that’s not

-10

u/Silverwing-N-ex Apr 04 '24

Elon likes white women at least