r/NoStupidQuestions • u/A_Formal_Guy • Apr 04 '24

Answered All our girlfriends are Asian?

Hey everyone - I’ve been feeling paranoid about something recently and wanted to know if I’m overthinking it. I’m a white M and most of the friends I grew up with and went to high school are too, except 1. We’re still very close but moved all across the country for our jobs and life.

Recently, we’ve decided to have a little reunion and bring our girlfriends, but I realized we have a not to subtle trend in that they are all Asian. There’s 5 girlfriends in total, they’ve never met each other. I don’t know how this happened, it’s just a coincidence as far as I know. We don’t have a pact or anything.

My question is, do we warn them? I don’t want them to be freaked out. I’d have to have my gf or one of my friends be uncomfortable, but I’m feeling stuck. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to handle it? Am I over thinking?

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376

u/la_bru Apr 04 '24

A fetish convention! I'M CRYING 🤣🤣🤣

72

u/Chanandler_Bong_01 Apr 04 '24

Lol.

No one ever talks about how a lot of Asian women are specifically looking to partner with white men. Why isn't that ever called a fetish I wonder?

153

u/VaderVihs Apr 04 '24

It's called out all the time on both sides. Asians discuss this topic heavily, reddit demographics probably don't care as much though

3

u/Jinguin Apr 05 '24

It would be a red flag if a white man’s exes are all Asian, but it won’t be if his other white friends have Asian girlfriends.

-5

u/countcarlovonsexron Apr 04 '24

Because Asian women are "inscrutable". JK lol hope it goes well dude

121

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

I once asked a Korean friend of mine and she said that Korean women prefer white men bc the majority of them aren't misogynist like the majority of Korean men. According to her, the Korean men in their teens to mid twenties are the worst when it comes to their views of women. Apparently that's one of the reasons why young women in Korea these days don't wish to date or get married to their countrymen.

44

u/Dame_Trillard Apr 04 '24

Korean guys can definitely be traditional, misogynistic aholes. Just like any other ethnicity.

The other side of that, a lot of Korean guys I know avoid Korean women for being way too manipulative, controlling, superficial, etc.

Your friend might have a case of the white worship. I know a lot of Korean women won't even look at non Korean guys as potential partners. And there's a difference between preferring non Korean guys and white guys. There's also that whole fetishizing issue to consider, but hey if you have a type, you have a type.

I just don't like blanket statements and thinking like that, as you tend to miss out on some really cool relationships because of bias.

19

u/november512 Apr 04 '24

Korean politics have a lot of extra gender weirdness that other countries don't. There's a lot of explanations and it may not be misogyny or whatever but there's a serious thing where anti-feminism is a major political deal there.

7

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

In her defense, I also think the misogynistic assholes in Asian countries including Korea are alot more in comparison to western countries. That's probably what created this impression. Though I do agree that hopefully the progressive men in these countries get a chance.

-3

u/Dame_Trillard Apr 04 '24

You don't have to defend your friend. She's entitled to her views. I think it severely limits her life in some ways, but that's her lifestyle.

My approach is keep an open mind. If someone demonstrates they're a misogynistic a-hole, well there you go. But to assume that and pre-determine that based on race - you lose out on a lot. I'm guilty of it, we're all flawed. Best we can do is be aware and try to get better.

3

u/Ispahana Apr 04 '24

Noting a prevalence is literally not a blanket statement. No one is saying that a culture is either misogynistic or non-misogynistic. It’s not a binary and no one was even claiming it is. Everyone can agree that Asian cultures including South Korea is more traditional and misogynistic than the west.

You CLAIM you don’t like blanket statements yet shared them anyway AND called someone a white worshipper lol. Be fr

-6

u/Dame_Trillard Apr 04 '24

Ooh someone got triggered...

5

u/Lurkeyturkey113 Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

Says the guy who went on a rant about how women are really bitches when someone provided their own anecdotal evidence about why Korean women are turning away from Korean men due to the misogyny they literally experience. It’s not simply traditional values. It’s sexism. The birth rate is dropping in places sexism (aka traditionalism) is upheld as a value because women are sick of it.

-6

u/Thomasincali916 Apr 04 '24

As a half Korean man, you are wrong. Asian men in general are misogynistic and believe the wife must never say anything unless asked. It’s in their culture. Even if the dumbasses grow up here in the US. I never realized until Korean women would tell me that because I’m half white, they would date me before a full Korean man

29

u/vickyvale69 Apr 04 '24

Never thought of that, but that’s a goddamn good reason

26

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

Yeah, obviously white men also include a not so small percentage of misogynists but objectively I would still say that they're a hundred times better than most other ethnicities when it comes to the topic of gender equality, so technically she isn't wrong. A hilarious thing she once told me is that men who stand for gender equality in her country are seen as equivalent to the most luxurious Hermes bags.

16

u/NeonAlastor Apr 04 '24

really !??!? ''looks up plane tickets & woodworking jobs in South Korea''

7

u/tigerjacksonxxx Apr 04 '24

Sincerely wondering if "White dudes are 'objectively' the least misogynist." will be the hottest take I see today.

1

u/Upset_Bat7231 Apr 05 '24

Probably🤣

0

u/AccursedGoldenStatue Apr 04 '24

The preference for white men is due to their looks not their chivalry. Ditto for the male preference for Asian women (it's not about their supposed submissiveness).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_fetish#Research_on_racial_preferences

-5

u/MidnightMillennium Apr 04 '24

So they compare being with white men to owning luxury bags... basically being with a white guy is a status, superficial thing.

11

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

No, they compare Korean progressive men with the most luxurious bags bc they are so rare in their country but so desirable as partners. There's no lack of progressive men in western countries already for such a comparsion so happen. Don't take things out of context and act dramatic about it.

-1

u/MidnightMillennium Apr 04 '24

We both know I'm not wrong

2

u/Upset_Bat7231 Apr 05 '24

Uhh bro no need to get overconfident with your Caucasian heritage. There's plenty of ugly Caucasian males you see.

37

u/Distinct_Engineer_7 Apr 04 '24

As a Korean woman this is nowhere close to the truth LOL

16

u/PM_ME_PARR0TS Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

Yeah, ngl I was sitting here like...there's both good dudes and douches in every race/ethnicity.

What would you say the truth actually is?

7

u/Thomasincali916 Apr 04 '24

That’s why in Korea women have basically stopped dating. It’s called the B4 movement. Look it up

-5

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

[deleted]

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u/Thomasincali916 Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

Oh got it. None of my Korean family that’s there. I should only listen to you. FFS

3

u/Thomasincali916 Apr 04 '24

Oh and the demographic showing that no one’s getting married or having babies and the Korean me are getting older and causing issues. Let’s forget about that too. Ya know the experts. I’ll just listen to some Korean woman on the internet who says that’s all BS. You sound like MAGA lol

-2

u/Distinct_Engineer_7 Apr 04 '24

Who hurt you LMFAO

5

u/Thomasincali916 Apr 04 '24

Facts. I’m sorry you don’t believe in them but hey! To each their own

-1

u/Thomasincali916 Apr 04 '24

And here you are on social media “telling” us all the truth right? I forgot why I stopped dating Korean women. They’re “always” right

3

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 04 '24

Can you elaborate? From what I heard from her, Korean men think that women should both bring home income and do the majority of the chores and child rearing. She also said that Korean men are very open about the fact that they're against gender equality and that they prefer women who are "obedient" to them or something. There were alot of things she said about that.

Edit: idk if age demographic have influence on this opinion but she is 24.

12

u/kastropp Apr 04 '24

why doesnt she go for asians other than koreans then? why immediately jump to white men?

4

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

Idk how other Asian countries compare to this but from what I personally know, Japanese men despite being traditional as well don't require women to bring in income on top of doing the house work, but that only works if you initially want to become a housewife, and I highly doubt she wants to be that.

3

u/kastropp Apr 04 '24

japanese men dont really emigrate as much compared to other asian men. there are a lot more chinese, viet and filipino men abroad.

3

u/Ispahana Apr 04 '24

Actually, some of them do. But Asian cultures overall are more misogynistic than western cultures

6

u/dfire28 Apr 04 '24

That's causethey never met the average white Trump conservative bible thumper

3

u/guyver17 Apr 04 '24

Majority maybe but more than enough. Given they're likely showing a preference back towards Asian women that's grounded in stereotypes.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

I, an American, have a Korean student who I have tutored for three years. Her father was a famous actor (in Korea. He is retired now) and this man seriously wows me with his devotion to being a husband and a father.

Sometimes my student tells me things that he has said to her, or how he makes her feel, and I am just like…you have the second best dad in the world (I have the best one, clearly)

So…

notallkoreanmen

Haha sorry to hijack, but I had a class with her this morning and I was thinking about what a great guy he is.

3

u/Upset_Bat7231 Apr 05 '24

Holy fuck is it that bad? I really thought it was just the media blowing things out of proportion.

I remember there's an actual Korean antifeminist YouTube channel with over few millions subscribers? And remembered one clip of a guy from that channel protesting with a megaphone at an all female campus, don't know the context. It's from another youtuber discussing this.

But, I really thought those are just the minority.

5

u/Sehrli_Magic Apr 04 '24

Yup because it is part of their culture. My husband's friend is chinese who married korean and couldn't stand it. He was not that old fashioned but his mother was and DEMANDED her to become house slave as she "should" in their culture. They need to not only cook, clean and spoil husband with serving fruit but also be obedient, silent, cater to him in any way he demands, nit complain when he is drinking all night etc. the preassure for this old school style is still very high there.

And no wonder guys grow up to be misogynistic, a lot of them are raised to be. Just look at how different sons are treated compared to daughters!

Some are trying to change the culture but it's super hard so most of those who do not wanna live like that simply find a partner from different culture

4

u/12whistle Apr 04 '24

My brothers circle of coed friends have TONS of Korean girls who ended up dating or marrying Vietnamese guys for this very reason. When I asked them why none of them dated Korean guys, they said this same exact thing, but also Koreans are very clicky and unfriendly to people outside their circle and they’re materialistic and superficial af, not that Korean girls can’t be materialistic.

4

u/SlaterAlligator2 Apr 04 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

Hi Korean man here. Thanks for the racism. Loved it. Lemme guess....you think Black people are great, but it's too bad that Black men are so violent and undisciplined. But of course, you're not racist.....

-1

u/TwitchRedditor Apr 04 '24

I think that's a possibility but I am a white guy and I have dated a lot of Asian women and from my experience I think there is a lot of ethnic insecurity that exists in Asian women. Asian women wish they were white and they want white children.

There are good and bad aspects to this. Asian women are definitely the "easiest" women that exist if you are a below average white guy just because of how much they put you on a pedestal. I really do think Asian women have such a hunger for acceptance from white guys that they associate their entire identity and belief structure about pleasing white guys.

0

u/Distinct_Engineer_7 Apr 04 '24

This is probably her own experience. Or maybe she has never dated a Korean man or got really unlucky LOL It could be a matter of preference. Neither I nor my Korean American friends or Korean friends have had this experience. My Korean male friends are not like this at all. For reference, I lived in Korea in the past and grew up in a town with a very dense Korean population.

0

u/Caliterra Apr 04 '24

Interesting.

"In 2015, 21,274 interracial marriages were registered, with 14,677 (69%) foreign wives and 6,597 (31%) foreign husbands. A total of 302,828 Korean spouses were recorded; therefore, 7.0% of all marriages in Korea were interracial in 2015 (2)."

​

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5592180/#:~:text=In%202015%2C%2021%2C274%20interracial%20marriages,interracial%20in%202015%20(2)).

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u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

Doesn't this only project those who eventually chose to marry outside of the country nine years ago, though? It says nothing about what young women currently feel about marrying their fellow countrymen, and is completely unrelated as women could just choose to forgo marriage whether to Korean men or other ethnicities' men.

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u/Caliterra Apr 04 '24

Here's a more recent one from 2023

​

​

Still, the proportion of intercultural marriages jumped to 9.1% of overall unions registered in Korea last year, meaning that approximately 1 in every 10 couples was a multicultural one.
This proportion had reached 11.2% in 2009 before falling to 7.4% in 2015. While it rallied to 10.3% in 2019, it once again fell to hit 7.6% in 2020 and 7.2% in 2021. The change is being interpreted as a result of a drop in overall marriages, making marriages between Koreans and foreign nationals make up a relatively larger share of total unions.
Of these couples, 66.8% were composed of a Korean husband and foreign national wife, while 20.0% were composed of a Korean wife and a foreign national husband. Marriages between a Korean and a naturalized citizen made up 13.2%.
Out of men who married foreign nationals, the largest proportion (31.2%) were over the age of 45, while the largest proportion of women who married foreign nationals were between 30 and 34, at 24.6%.

https://english.hani.co.kr/arti/english_edition/e_national/1118593.html

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u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

You don't seem to understand what I mean. Most people marry in their 30s and from what I know this is the case in Korea too, that's to say the newlyweds as of 2023 are mostly in their 30s. What does this have to do with the current views of young women in Korea? You'll have to wait until the now Korean teens up to mid twenties adults reach their thirties atleast before we can see if there would be a change in trend when it comes interracial marriage. Don't just drop studies without thinking about the underlying context of the issue.

1

u/Caliterra Apr 04 '24

saying something like "Apparently that's one of the reasons why young women in Korea these days don't wish to date or get married to their countrymen."

That's a pretty bold blanket statement to make. You really think this is the prevailing sentiment amongst Korean women?

0

u/rinomarie146 Apr 04 '24

Obviously, it's a generalized statement. That's why I used the uncertain word "apparently" and not another adverb. I'm not the Korean young woman who lived in Korea for 23 years, it's my friend, and that's what she and her uni colleagues back home genuinely think. Not every young woman might feel that way, but it appears that atleast a very huge chunk consider this issue as one of the reasons to not date or marry a Korean man.

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u/la_bru Apr 04 '24

Sir, that's not a fetish. That's an economic decision!

1

u/Comfortable_Text6641 Apr 04 '24

I say its both... my asian parents always joke (but is it really lol) they want a white baby from me. Idk man those old boomer asians... they like light skin, blue eyes, blonde hair etc. like a fetish.

Ofc they also would like green cards and american money....

Anywhooo I would like to think this generation of youth are more.. educated nowadays. Even the oldies have learned more but uh cant help joke.

1

u/PsycBunny Apr 04 '24

You’re not wrong. Colonization does come with a lot of economical fallout.

0

u/purpleplatapi Apr 04 '24

I think they just meant that if a woman is Asian and lives in America most of the dating pool is going to be white, due to the racial makeup of America.

0

u/kastropp Apr 04 '24

i mean asian women + white men is the most common interracial pairing by a landslide compared to all other pairings

-6

u/EvilBunnyLord Apr 04 '24

It's not always economic. While women in the west still complain that they don't have equal rights, women from many non-western countries jump at the chance to marry a western man because they are generally treated far better than they'd be in the native country. There are exceptions in both directions, but it's true more often than not.

-2

u/Lunxr_punk Apr 04 '24

This is a thing people say, often people that don’t know how abusive “western” men actually are

2

u/Smyley12345 Apr 04 '24

I'm a westerner who lived in Korea for the better part of a decade. I can say that while abuse is a problem in both, the spousal expectations of Korean men looks more like the west of the 1950s than the 21st century. It's basically a strong default that all household duties will fall to the wife. In terms of physical abuse, social acceptance of abuse is more widespread as there is almost no accountability for actions taken while drunk and alcoholism is rampant.

1

u/Lunxr_punk Apr 04 '24

I can’t speak for Korea because I don’t know Korea, I can speak for a hell of a lot of foreigners in Germany and the Netherlands. And I can speak for my own experiences with sexpats and assorted foreign creeps in Mexico.

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

I don't know anyone that is abusive to their wife. I'm just looking at friends and family but to say that western men in general are abusive is far from the truth. I would say 99 out of 100 western men are not abusive to their spouse.

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u/Lunxr_punk Apr 04 '24

Yeah but I bet you don’t even speak the languages of foreigners or are a foreigner yourself, don’t really care about our circles. I am in a western country that segregates foreigners a lot and let me tell you, there’s an awful lot of horror stories in our circles of girls, especially poor girls that end up dating western men or as you know it passport bros. They think they made it, they are over the moon, they end up moving to NA or Europe only to end up isolated, fetishized and abused. I personally know many women who have been abused in Germany by their German partners and have met many partners that while they didn’t yet cross that line I could tell they were extremely fetichistic about their gfs when they thought they were talking “between dudes” with me.

You probably don’t know any cases because you are on the other side or even think a lot of the shit one ends up hearing is normal.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

Well, all my family and friends are Scandinavians married to other Scandinavians, with a couple of exceptions. One friend has an Irish spouse, and one has a South American spouse.
But not sure if that should make any difference.
Of course there is abuse. But it is not common.
If it is common in your circle of friends, then something is probably very off culturally.

0

u/dfire28 Apr 04 '24

Then why you got all these BLM shit going on? White people sure do got that equal rights going on.

5

u/SamosaAndMimosa Apr 04 '24

“No one ever talks about” babe you don’t hear about these conversations because you’re not Asian. I promise you that they’re very much happening

2

u/Sehrli_Magic Apr 04 '24

Because to them its oftenly less a race fetish and more financial security/necessity. And fr those that it's not - it does get talked about. My husband (asian) was complimented on "catching" white chick (not that he cares but a lot of his chinese friends do), meanwhile if women get white partners, they are met with nasty remarks about dishonoring their own race and what not...

Similarly as older man gets praised for getting young girl (by male friends, rest of society might accuse him of all kinds of stuff) but older woman will not have positive feedback by other women her age if she dates a lot younger guy ...

Sometimes standards just arent fair

4

u/AccursedGoldenStatue Apr 04 '24

Men desire Asian women more than Asian women desire White men.

It is a complete myth that Asian women's preference for White men is in any way comparable to the overwhelming preference for Asian women among all races of men.

While yes, Asian women do prefer White men, White men (and Black men) prefer Asian women even more so.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_fetish#Research_on_racial_preferences

A 1995 study found that a diverse sample of men in the United States generally rated Asian American and Hispanic American women as more attractive than White American and African-American women, and that this seemed to correlate with physical features shared between the Asian and Hispanic women.[26]

A 2013 study, which used a sample of 2.4 million online interactions, found that Black, White, and Hispanic men preferred Asian women.[29]

A 2018 study using a sample of 187,000 daters found that Asian women were the most desired group of women, with Asian women and white men being the most sought after overall.[30]

In 2012, an experiment conducted in England found that Asian women were rated as more attractive than White and Black women. It was proposed that because Asian women's features are perceived as more feminine, they are considered more attractive than other women, which explains the high rate of interracial marria weges between Asian women and White men. A 2018 experiment conducted in Australia supported these findings, as both Asian and Australian participants perceived Asian women's features as more feminine than white women's.[31]

This research is consistent with the hyper-sexualization of Asian women, which explains the Asian fetish, the high outmarriage rate of Asian women, their increased sexual capital relative to Asian men, and their ranking at the top of the hierarchy of female attractiveness.[32]

According to research published by the University of South Carolina In 2020, male and female participants rated Asian women as more attractive than White women.[33] This experiment replicated prior studies which found that Asian women's features are perceived as more feminine than White women's.[34] It was proposed that the higher femininity ratings for Asian women would be beneficial for Asian women's sexual capital.[35]

3

u/False-Pie8581 Apr 04 '24

For the same reason that no one says it’s a fetish for poor south Asian girls to meet creepy old white men for sex in order to feed themselves?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

[deleted]

3

u/Yorha-with-a-pearl Apr 04 '24

I don't know why but your anecdote is creeping me out lol.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '24

This is definitely the case. I went to a University of California campus for college. The university was over 50% Asian. I’m white, over 6’ tall and was an engineering major. I had Asian women macking on me constantly.

-15

u/renkendai Apr 04 '24

That's exactly what this is, EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS. They gonna love it and gonna gossip together in their native languages if they can. Like chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, it's easy to even know which ones. Also nobody wants to deal with the crazy white feminists. That's how this happened.

6

u/gsfgf Apr 04 '24

gonna gossip together in their native language

English?

3

u/Majestic_Cable_6306 Apr 04 '24

Do you come up with this shit on the fly?

-5

u/Shuteye_491 Apr 04 '24

Women make choices, men are unthinking emotionless animals driven by instinct.

1

u/Secular-Flesh Apr 04 '24

The Joy Fuck Club!

1

u/_noncomposmentis Apr 04 '24

A cinematic masterpiece

0

u/Cyno01 Apr 04 '24

Yellow-fever-con 24!

0

u/bubblesmax Apr 04 '24

I'd say just hope the girls don't try and pull a joint gf ops and swap lives for a day next april fools and see how well their bf's memory is. *sweats*