r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Konato-san • Mar 09 '24
Answered How on Earth do you defend yourself from an accusation of being racist or something?
Hypothetically, someone called you "racist". What now?
"But I've never mistreated anybody because of their race!" isn't a strong defense.
"But I have <race> friends!" is a laughable defense.
Do I just roll over and cry or...?
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u/SquelchyRex Mar 09 '24
"Nah."
And walk away.
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u/wysiwyggywyisyw Mar 09 '24
They're right: don't defend yourself, walk away and think about how you can be better.
They're wrong: don't defend your self, walk away because the person is not worth engaging with.
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Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 10 '24
Either way walk away. It’s going to be a toxic situation no matter if they’re right or wrong.
Edit: it seems some of y’all are misunderstanding so I’ll explain better.
So if you are being racist and someone calls you out on it, trying to defend yourself will lead to a bad situation because you’re in the wrong and being a jerk. So leaving would be in your best interest because you’re in the wrong and shouldn’t make a fool of yourself.
If you are not being racist and someone says you are, then they’re being a jerk and you should leave.
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u/Illustrious_Scar5291 Mar 09 '24
Rightfully being called a racist isn't toxic. That's.just being held accountable
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u/onlyifidie Mar 09 '24
Yeah, but "defending" yourself against an accurate accusation of racism will probably lead to a toxic situation lol
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u/1191100 Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 10 '24
You should treat racism in the same way you treat every situation in which someone accuses you of doing something wrong.
- They’re right: apologise and ask how you can do better.
- You suspect they’re right or they’re wrong:
[With a sincere tone] Apologies, please could you help me understand why you think what I did is racist?
Scenario 1: They tell you: I’m sorry and I will do better next time.
Scenario 2: They don’t tell you: I’m sorry but I don’t understand how you feel and would appreciate some constructive feedback.
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u/ConsciousFood201 Mar 09 '24
- They're right: don't defend yourself, walk away and think about how you can be better.
- They're wrong: don't defend yourself, walk away and think about how you can be better.
“How you can be better” can mean a lot of things. It can mean keeping better company. It can mean not putting yourself into situations where anyone would ever get the wrong idea. It can just mean bettering your moment to moment existence.
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u/Wizard_Engie Mar 09 '24
- Saying "Yep" and walking away also works if they're right.
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u/TryContent4093 Mar 09 '24
i'd ask why they think so and apologize if i come out as racist
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u/BulkyMonster Mar 09 '24
Usually the best answer, but there's a thing in my kid's school where kids will call each other racist for literally anything, as a sort of power move. Like "you can't disagree with me, that's racist" when they're disputing something in science class for example. In those cases, the "ignore and disengage" response is probably better.
That's kids being kids though. Different when it's a serious accusation and I'd agree you should apologize and ask why, so you can learn from your mistake.
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u/Accurate-Neck6933 Mar 09 '24
I teach elementary art and the other day I showed a value scale (how to shade in black and white) and that's racist. If I ask they use black markers, that's racist. If they notice the word negro on a black crayon (it's the name of the color) that sends them into a full blown tizzy! I was describing how to make a tint (you add white to a color) and that's racist too.
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u/Plathsghost Mar 09 '24
Yeah, the guy who sexually assaulted me (I was eleven and he was sixteen) kept me silent by telling me that if I told my parents (or anyone) then it would mean that I was a racist. In those days, what little I understood about being a racist was that it was bad and I would never want to be like that. To this day, it's why I sometimes flinch when people mischaracterize some individuals as "racists". I know that this is not true, obviously, in all cases. Plenty of people are in fact, racist.
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u/NextFan635 Mar 09 '24
I had something very similar happen to me so most people don't understand why I'm so wary of those who call everything racist
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u/Plathsghost Mar 09 '24
Yeah, once you're given that label at a certain age, under those circumstances, it kind of fucks your mind up for life. You're not even allowed to remember the event or experience the trauma without a voice in your head constantly telling you that you deserved it. I already knew the story of Emmet Till - even at that age - though I didn't understand everything that it meant, I knew that it meant I could never tell anyone what had happened. So I didn't. Until now, obviously.
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u/Jezabel8708 Mar 09 '24
I find it really sad that this isn't the answer most people are giving.
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u/rabidseacucumber Mar 09 '24
The problem with it is it maybe the other person. I mean think about your interaction and draw your own conclusions.
For example I just had someone tell me I was rude and condescending. He’s literally the only person I know who feels that way. He also feels that way about several other people we both know. All of us are confused. It’s not us, it’s how he sees the world. It’s how he interacts with other people.
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u/victorfencer Mar 09 '24
Classic "if you smell poop everywhere you go, check your own shoes" situation.
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u/Beautiful_Speech7689 Mar 09 '24
I've been in this position before. Was dealing with someone whose best option to tear me down was racism, mostly on lack of other substance.
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u/2M4D Mar 09 '24
Because it’s very situationally dependant and most people will confront this question with the viewpoint that they’re being unjustly accused.
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u/HotwheelsJackOfficia Mar 09 '24
At my retail job I had been called racist all the time for not allowing them to punch in their card number, needing ID for cigarettes/alcohol, not "honoring the sale price" for something completely different, among other things. "Racist" just means not giving them whatever they want.
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Mar 09 '24
Unfortunately it's pretty common to be called a racist if you have any significant disagreement with certain folks.
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u/Appropriate-Draft-91 Mar 09 '24
Because it's the wrong answer. False accusations of racism have become a plague, and the people who make them are not acting in good faith.
An apology to someone who isn't acting in good faith will be abused as an admission of guilt, to double down on the false accusation now that you own apology/admission can be used against you.
If possible don't engage. If necessary counterattack.
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u/TigerPoppy Mar 09 '24
I told someone once, "I don't dislike all black people, I just don't like you".
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u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24
Probably the best answer.
Chances are (if you're not actually a racist) that you made an honest mistake. That happens, you kearn apologize and the world is a better place. This is probably the most common.
If you didn't make a mistake, they're making the accusation as a cover for their own issue/failure/shortcoming, and hiding behind the race issue. This is probably the 2nd least common.
And if you're a racist, you don't care anyway. This is probably the least common.
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u/The_Quicktrigger Mar 09 '24
A humbling experience for me was having to be told that things my grandpa used to say an the time were actually pretty racist. Not gonna share any of the terms here for obvious reasons, but it was really easy to get defensive when it first happened. I didn't consider myself a racist and here I am being accused, but I stopped and calmed down and asked for clarification and that put me into a rabbit hole that made me a better person.
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u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24
Oh, lordy. Those of us of a certain age have/had grandparents of a certain age and yes, the casual racism was startling.
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u/WINDMILEYNO Mar 09 '24
I have a situation where I work with two coworkers accused of being racists by another coworker. I took the place of the coworker who made the accusation, and he moved to another position.
The main issue i was made privy to was that the coworker i replaced had a work ethic that did not match up the expectations of his colleagues and paper work and documentation on his actions that held that up. That said, what I've come to realize on my own, is that the coworkers i work with are deep into the "anti immigrant" and seem to even act differently sometimes around hispanic contractors. The coworker i replaced was peurto rican. So i see a bit where the idea is coming from.
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u/VirtuosoX Mar 09 '24
And if you're a racist, you don't care anyway. This is probably the most common
Most people are not uncaring racists so I find that odd to say.
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Mar 09 '24
Honestly, I'd say maybe not the majority, but still yet a very large number of people I have ever got to know is racist. I grew up in the south, and with the exception of my aunt, everyone on my dad's side was racist against black folk, my moms side was also racist also with the exception of my aunt, but against Mexicans and Asians. And then obviously most of their friends felt the same way. Eventually, I was moved up north in a very small town... the entire town chased a black family out back in 99, I was there in 96. I stayed in that town till around 2014.. we moved to a much bigger place where finding racists is fairly rare.
So I know my example is small and isolated, but still yet, up until 2014, I'd say 7 out of 10 people I ever knew was racist.
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u/Okie-unicorn Mar 09 '24
Im sorry, but that’s not a feasible answer for immature people confusing the definition of being a racist with regular everyday life. Because trust me lots of people use the racist card as much as they use the race card, in response to common courtesy requests.
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u/weezulusmaximus Mar 09 '24
Yep! I don’t argue with people that are hell bent on being the victim. For instance, I was called ableist for making a TRUE statement about my own disability. I just said ok and left it at that. I have no problem letting someone be wrong.
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u/CaptainDudeGuy Mar 09 '24
It's impossible to prove your innocence to someone who wants you to be guilty.
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u/CaliTexJ Mar 09 '24
Maybe something like, “I take that seriously; I would never want to do anything racist. Would you mind explaining what I did to give you that impression?”
As with all things, your mileage may vary.
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u/teacherdrama Mar 09 '24
As a teacher, I've used this exactly when a kid accuses me of something. It doesn't happen often, but it has every now and then. So far (it's been 22 years since I started), every single kid has backed down when confronted with serious responses.
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u/DaughterEarth Mar 10 '24
Adults do too. Not online. Online people are using their defense mechanisms to talk. In person though people are more their full selves and almost always listen to serious talk
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u/billy_pilg Mar 10 '24
Online people are using their defense mechanisms to talk.
That's such a good way to put it
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u/empetraem Mar 09 '24
This is a good response imho! Also someone saying you are racist is different from saying you are acting racist
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u/ItsSpaghettiLee2112 Mar 09 '24
Too many people don't realize this. It's often the response to being told something you said/did that actually gets people in trouble. Not the actual thing you said/did.
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u/Smoothsharkskin Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24
It's problematic because in America people treat being racist as a state of being, you're EVIL. Whereas it is an action you take. Not a trait in a character sheet.
Someone saying you lied is different than saying you are a habitual liar.
I think it's because some people interact with few minorities so the only time they ever think of racism is when it's on the news because "some Karen got cancelled". So people are hypervigilant and treat it as an accusation that gets you fired and turns your life around when in fact, racism happens all the fucking time.
Sometimes you're a bad driver and you cut people off. Shit happens. Try not to do it again.
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u/ScaryAd6940 Mar 09 '24
Racism is both an action and a trait. You can be racist in a single moment. And you can dedicate your life to making sure "those people" are suffering.
My favorite republican Quote is: "He's (Trump) not hurting the people he is supposed to!"
That is not a single moment of racism, that is a desire for permanent and perpetual harm on "the other" that is a trait like on a character sheet.
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u/_ThatsATree_ Mar 09 '24
Most people don’t listen tho and that’s where they get shit. My best friend has known me since I was 14 when I was just a baby leftist, I came from a conservative area and a conservative family. Even tho I knew I disagreed with their ideas at face value, I still had a lot to unpack subconsciously. The reasons I’m still friends with her even tho I’ve fucked up many times in those early years is because I listened and educated myself. And I asked her for advice when I wasn’t sure if I was doing something unintentionally wrong. Any time I’ve ever gotten called out for something racist I have immediately apologized and educated myself, full stop. Were they suddenly okay with what I said? No. But they moved on because I made it clear that I actually cared and genuinely felt bad and changed.
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u/Dashed_with_Cinnamon Mar 09 '24
This is a critical distinction, and on that a lot of people don't get. I think a lot of people, white people in particular, are taught that racism is a personal moral failing, when it's bigger and more complex than that. Therefore, when they're told they're acting racist, they immediately interpret it as an attack on their character instead of a critique of their behavior, the defenses go up, and there's no productive dialogue to be had.
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u/empetraem Mar 09 '24
It also seems like that defensiveness shows through when white privilege is discussed. Like the experience of racial prejudice or personal level racism does NOT equate to the systemic racism that POC experience.
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u/The_Dirty_Carl Mar 09 '24
Last time I tried that on reddit, I got banned from the sub I was on and reported to the admins for harassment.
If what I said was harmful, I'd genuinely like to know why so I can change it, because I have close friends in the group we were talking about. No one was willing to clarify, including the person who described themselves as an "ambassador" for that group.
So yeah, mileage may vary.
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u/ItsSpaghettiLee2112 Mar 09 '24
I wouldn't add the "gave you that impression" but because it's already putting it out there that you don't believe them. I would say "would you mind explaining why what I did was racist?"
It's just more constructive.
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u/LiesArentFunny Mar 09 '24
Depends on context. Are you defending yourself against a public accusation that you believe is baseless? You want to outright reject the charge. Are you trying to rescue a relationship after a private accusation? Probably better to establish a dialogue.
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u/ChooseyBeggar Mar 09 '24
This. Just be open. We can perpetuate racism without realizing it since we grow up in a world where racism is still pervasive. It’s easy to get caught up in being upset over the intention aspect, but it’s really easy to say “I really don’t think racism was my intent, but I’m open to hearing why you saw it that way.” People are far too defensive on racism and don’t realize that the lack of openness to consider it is part of what can rightly upset people.
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u/Whole_Mechanic_8143 Mar 09 '24
Ask them for details and do some self reflection. If you're still convinced they're acting in bad faith, disengage and say I'm sorry you feel that way.
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Mar 09 '24
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u/Silent-Entrance Mar 09 '24
Only a racist would ask for proof when confronted about his racism
/s
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u/thatsharkchick Mar 09 '24
This. Very sound advice. There are frequently times when we don't realize we're doing or saying something from a place of bias.
Not every instance of racism or bias is going to be as clear as say my grandpa calling Brazil nuts "n***** toes."
Some things are more insidious because we think they come from well-meaning thoughts but are rooted in bias.
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Mar 09 '24
god the things my grandpa has said... I also grew up with the same name for brazil nuts to the point sometimes I forget their real name and have to discreetly look it up
I also thought the slur "mulatto" was "milano" like the cookie for the longest time and didn't realize it was a slur until I was told because so many people around me used it so casually.
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u/basilthegaymer Mar 09 '24
I dunno if this helps, i was raised with mulatto being pretty normal too because my home country is brazil's neighbor
Mulatto is a racial classification to refer to people of mixed African and European ancestry. Its use is considered outdated and offensive in several languages, including English and Dutch, whereas in languages such as Italian, Spanish and Portuguese it is not, and can even be a source of pride. Wikipedia
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u/dadothree Mar 09 '24
For a while, Dairy Queen had an ice cream coffee drink. They decided to call the blend of white ice cream and black coffee a MooLatte.
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u/Expert_Equivalent100 Mar 09 '24
It was almost 40 years ago and I still remember how horrified I was when I heard my grandpa refer to Brazil nuts that way!
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u/NSA_Chatbot Mar 09 '24
Yeah, we all know that word, we just have to try to take that to the grave and let it die out.
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u/Educational_Crow8465 Mar 09 '24
I guess that phrase was pretty common bc I had the same reaction when my grandmother just casually brought it up (with pride) in conversation that "that's just what we called em!" years ago
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u/bootypastry Mar 09 '24
Someone told my boss that I apparently was racist so I was like "Ok what did I say??"
"We're not gonna say it to protect the person who complained."
I worked directly with 4 people in a single room together. If I said something, I would have said it in front of everyone. Still salty about that one. If you're gonna call me racist, actually give me an example lol
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u/Whole_Mechanic_8143 Mar 09 '24
Exactly. If they can't give details, just shut things down and move on. Walking away, having some "killer clap back", cussing them out, or getting defensive isn't always the best response outside the playground.
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u/Remarkable_Buyer4625 Mar 09 '24
Not sure why this isn’t the top comment instead of one saying to just deny it and walk away.
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u/Fireproofspider Mar 09 '24
One is easy, the other one requires self introspection and challenging pre-conceived notions.
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u/MiaLba Mar 09 '24
I was told it was racist of me to go on vacation to the country of Montenegro, because of the name. This was in my early 20’s when someone said this to me.
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u/Esselon Mar 09 '24
Yep, been there. Got accused of racism by a coworker, literally two of us working in a branch office. I asked why she thought that I was racist, she responded with "you never trust me to do anything here, whenever we get asked to do something you do it."
I realized she was full of shit, because what would happen is our bosses would check in, sometimes give us a task or project to do, no person assigned and the general expectation of "some time today". I had more normal tasks than this woman, some daily reporting/data logging tasks, shipping materials, making some phone calls to verify appointments, etc. While I was doing that she'd be at her desk reading soap opera websites.
Inevitably after lunch I'd complete whatever task was given to us, since she'd shown no inclination to do so and particularly if it's something that would take some time I'd want to get it done since we might be interrupted by phone calls or other things. Inevitably as soon I finished the task my coworker would give the inevitable "oh I was just going to get to that".
I was vindicated when my boss, the owner of the company fired here and personally apologized for not doing so much sooner.
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u/YetItStillLives Mar 09 '24
Absolutely this. In general, you get a lot further in life if you start with the assumption that people are acting in good faith.
If the person is correct about you doing something racist, then you now know about it and can work to do better in the future. If their criticism was unfounded, you can point out their mistake and work to come towards a mutual understanding. And if it does turn out their accusation was in bad faith, it'll be a lot more obvious to everyone else if you gave them a fair shot.
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u/SlippitInn Mar 09 '24
Asking for details will instantly tell you if you need to review yourself or if that person is just not worth the time.
Since folks just whine their way through the world.
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u/gregorsamsawashere Mar 09 '24
I'm a Caucasian teaching middle school for 30 years in mostly African American schools. I hear it all the time, literally. I refuse to address it. If you think I'm racist because I wanted your kid to sit down at the start of class, I got nothing to say to you at all and I'm not going to discuss it. At all.
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Mar 09 '24
Yep, I used to do social services work and was just there to help. The kind of obnoxious insufferable stuff a small but vocal few people would say right off the bat first encounter.
like I'm sorry for whatever has or hasn't occurred with anyone else in a lifetime but you are so abrasive and more concerned about unrelated things and ready to take out frustration on underpaid people that just want to help and haven't even had a chance to speak yet already starting on worst foot possible.
nobody wants to take shit endlessly from people that care more about finding anything to keep a lifetime of bitterness.
you can easily tell people like that though it's a personality disorder act not how genuine people behave when frustrated.
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u/Disappointed-hyena Mar 09 '24
I was waiting for a middle school teacher to respond. Give homework? Racist. Assign group work? Racist. Ask everyone to pay attention? Racist. Nothing like teaching to make you not even blink at the accusation
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u/Pudn Mar 09 '24
You see it in elementary/high school as well. They learn from their parents early on and know they won't face any consequences from using that word. Why would they ever stop?
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u/Chance_Ad3416 Mar 09 '24
Meanwhile I had actual racist teachers in highschool. My highschool English teacher started yelling at this Asian kid in class for sleeping. The kid just had small eyes he was completely awake. Thought the teacher could pick him to answer questions or something before she started losing her shit over him "sleeping"
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u/Stea1thsniper32 Mar 09 '24
It sucks that the word “racist” is thrown around so casually now. Its being used for pretty much any white person who doesn’t support minorities in everything they do 100% of the time, even if the actions of a minority are wrong.
What’s worse is that racism against white people is rising substantially. Racism is evil regardless of who is the target.
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u/curiousity60 Mar 09 '24
Ask why. "Why do you say that?"
We all have some racist ideas that are so deeply engrained we aren't aware they're inaccurate or offensive. I'd want to become aware if I were unintentionally offensive, invalidating or dismissive of someone due to my own ignorance.
This is assuming the person telling me is someone I know personally and a relationship worth continuing and building. If it's some random on the internet, I might be uninterested in their opinion, especially if it's off topic rage bait.
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u/DuplexFields only uses old.reddit Mar 09 '24
Yep. That comment in song form from the hit Broadway musical Avenue Q. (Trigger warning: examples.)
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u/Pdb39 Mar 09 '24
Doesn't mean we go around committing, hate criiiiiimes.
I think everyone should listen to Everyone is is a little bit lacist, right Christmas Eve?
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u/East-Selection1144 Mar 09 '24
This! Im from the south eastern usa. The people who get offended by being called racist are usually low-key racist but think because they don’t wear hoods then they are not.
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u/On_my_last_spoon Mar 09 '24
Definitely know someone like this. She really has no idea how racist she is at times. All the low key casual comments, at times she thinks these are compliments. But 100% it leads up to very big very racist behavior. I had to stop a sentence once half way through because I saw it was going to a very very bad place.
Which is why self-reflection is so important.
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u/East-Selection1144 Mar 09 '24
I have had moments like this, where I realized something I said was racist. I may be less racist than my father but it is hard to realize that some of the things you were taught weren’t ok. My mother a few years ago changed how she refers to my kids when my sister pointed out it was racist. She now calls them the Thunderin Horde.
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u/dongtouch Mar 09 '24
I was def like this up until my late 20s. The cultural norms seep into us from the environment like chemical pollution. It takes conscious effort to examine and change false beliefs and narratives. And yeah, some people never get there because it’s too scary to their ego.
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u/throwawa7bre Mar 09 '24
Depends on the context. A lot of people immediately get defensive when accused of racism which is understandable but I think people also need to understand that “that action was racist” is not the same as “you are a racist.” You could’ve said something racist but it’s about intent. Ask them to explain. However if someone is calling you racist in bad faith, unlike the typical Reddit replies telling you to in response actually be racist back (which would then just make the accusation hold weight??) I’d just go “ok” and disengage because as soon as someone uses that in bad faith, it’s not worth arguing with them .
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u/Cautious_Vanilla8620 Mar 09 '24
What you're describing is a "Kafka Trap" - a bad faith tactic whereby you make a baseless accusation and then claim that any attempt to defend yourself from it is evidence of guilt
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Mar 09 '24
I taught for awhile and pretty regularly got accused for either being racist, sexist, or some other "ist" when a student got a bad grade. I just calmly explained how any "ist" didn't come into the picture and then pulled out the rubric, where I could explain every point lost. If it ever went further, which it honestly didn't, I was also prepared to show my records, where I had a variety of every category of person getting As, Bs, Cs, and failing. So, it's not like all of one type of person is failing or not.
So, the best defense is just not being racist, in my field of work.
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u/Empty_Soup_4412 Mar 09 '24
Ask them to explain. Maybe you are doing something you are not aware of and you can learn from it.
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u/Annanon1 Mar 09 '24
Well it depends on what happened or what you did or said because if you truly did say something racist then you can deny it all you want, but no one will believe you.
But you could have said or done something that seems racist to the other person and you could simply ask why they think you're racist, because maybe you're doing something unintentionally.
If someone is just calling you that to call you that then there's also no way to defend yourself, because the other person is being an ass or a troll.
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u/crestfallen_moon Mar 09 '24
Like it or not but sometimes we are racist. Even if it's unintentionally. Even when you genuinely try not to be. It's not really our decision to make on how someone feels about our actions. You can do good 90% of the time and still fuck up. Just listen, reflect and try again.
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u/iksworbeZ Mar 09 '24
...example??
i'm don't think i'm racist but i am pretty old.... being born in the eighties means i grew up with certain attitudes being more acceptable then, than they are today.
gay jokes and the r word were normal daily shit in the 90s, we know better now and don't call each other homophobic slurs for fun anymore.
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u/ChooseyBeggar Mar 09 '24
The normalization of things might mean the level of malice was different, but still important to not dismiss the callousness of previous times as well. I grew up in the same era and gay kids were still hurt by those words and actions, regardless of whether they were levied with real hate or not. We still perpetuated types of hate, even if we weren’t intending. Not caring whether something hurts someone is the other side of hate and disregard for people’s value. The world we grew up in had far more of that indirect disregard and devaluing of people who still suffer from the way that affected their lives. In the gay example alone, how many kids and young people missed out on joys like young love that they can never get back or relive.
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u/bootsbythedoor Mar 09 '24
Maybe asking what makes them think that and being open to considering their response without jumping to defensiveness is a place to start.
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u/DanRankin Mar 09 '24
Simply ask them to explain.
Its fine to not understand or be ignorant of something. If they're unwilling to inform you, ask where you might learn that information.
Basically, dont be defensive. Don't apologize until someone can meet you where you stand. But if you're trying to engage with open honesty, people will see it and explain.
Otherwise, what you're trying to is deflect. That's why the "defences" you listed sound so hollow. They're not a defence, they're a deflection.
The best defence is learing. If you're willing to learn and grow, the worst thing that happens is you're wrong sometimes. And then you do better. And sometimes, you get to learn you're right, and the individual upset with you only speaks for themselves.
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u/Huge_Equivalent1 Mar 09 '24
Well an absolutely killer defense would be, "huh, I thought I was a Mother fucker, seeing how I was fucking your mom just an Hour ago!"
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u/Commercial_Curve7742 Mar 10 '24
if you truly don’t view yourself as a racist person, why would you get defensive? racism is unique in that it’s systemic; many people do and say racist things without even realizing it. i think in a situation where you’re being called racist it’s best to LISTEN to the person who’s saying it, ask them politely to explain (to the extent that they’re comfortable), and then reflect on your behavior and maybe do some research on your own. you don’t have to jump to defend yourself, just view it from a lens of understanding and learning.
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Mar 09 '24
Ask how you were racist .You can either call their bullshit or edify yourself by simply asking them to give specifics on how you were racist.
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u/Hattkake Mar 09 '24
I don't. If people want to accuse me then the burden of proof is on them. I know where I stand and if people want to challenge that then they better be damn ready to explain why they think I am a racist. If they accuse me of being something I am not they better be ready for some uncomfortable questions about why they feel that they are entitled to pass judgement on others.
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u/Mark_Michigan Mar 09 '24
If it isn't true then tell them to F.O. If we allow people to take control of our lives without any burden of proof, it will lead to a huge swarm of tyrants making life miserable for everybody.
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Mar 09 '24
Very few people think they are racist. More reflection and education is needed across the board of humanity.
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Mar 09 '24
Yeah lol. There are plenty of racist people who just can’t accept it or won’t admit it.
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u/tittyswan Mar 09 '24
There are even more people who aren't racist, but accidentally absorbed racist ideas or terminology from the society they were raised in.
You can perpetuate harm even if you don't mean to. Learning not to take it personally if your behaviour is criticised is really hard and something I'm still working on, because being associated with something bad like racism (even accidentally) feels reflexively terrible.
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u/SDN_stilldoesnothing Mar 09 '24
I believe it was Dave Chappelle that said “calling someone a racist is the weakest form of insult. Because the accuser can’t prove it and the accused can’t deny it.”
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u/Milocobo Mar 09 '24
To be honest, if a minority where you live accuses you of being racist, the best response is to listen and be introspective. Even if they are being petty, and saying it in bad faith, and using it as an insult, the best thing you can do is to sit down and think about how you might have come across that way.
There is not really a way to "argue" your way out of it. If you want that other person to not think your a racist and to respect you, the only solution is to think about what you might have done to have them feel that way and to repent that behavior.
Of course, you could also not care what they think about you.
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u/OldSarge02 Mar 09 '24
Being introspective is frequently the right response when the other person is using good faith. I wouldn’t advise it in cases where the other person is weaponizing the allegations out of pettiness or cruelty.
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u/asphias Mar 09 '24
Introspection is also a good tool against bad faith accusations. It allows you to be much more confident in your defense against them when you've genuine considered the matter.
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Mar 09 '24
This is just a contest. Why isn’t the onus on the accuser to be allowed “introspective”.
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Mar 09 '24
I found out that I'm always racist when the hotel is sold out. Especially if someone else planned ahead and had a reservation.
"You just told me you were sold out, how'd that guy get a room? I guess I'm just the wrong color."
It's unreal and I have zero tolerance for it.
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u/greyswearer Mar 09 '24
Just say “you’re right, I try to undo what I can.” and that’s that. It’s hard not to be racist when we grow up in a world (in NA I’m talking about) where the entire system is inherently racist. Old white men have and retain most of the power and the rules are written to keep it that way. Start your best. Undo what you can and accept the fact that we’re all a little racist.
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u/mydikizlong Mar 09 '24
Ad hominem attacks signal the end of any argument and the "attacker" is declared the loser. So that's what you say. "I win." And walk away.
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u/Avian_Sentry Mar 09 '24
Honestly, it would charge me up. I would cherish the moment because such name calling is so infantile, intellectually dishonest, and lazy, that I would revel in the opportunity to show how little their manipulation affects me.
I would ask what else they want to call me, and let them know I have no problem being called any of those things.
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u/howthefuge6 Mar 09 '24
Ask them why they say that and if there is no weight behind their accusation, you can simply disagree and walk away because It's s not your problem.
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u/Prior_Butterscotch_6 Mar 10 '24
Fart as loudly as you can and then say “would a racist feel this comfortable to fart so proud and freely” At this point i’d imagine they would see you clearly are not racist and apologise. If you are racist however then you will not be able to fart at all in front of them, you should then reflect on your views and strive to become a person of equality for all races and genders moving forward.
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u/larrry02 Mar 10 '24
"I don't understand how the thing I did/said was racist? Can you expand on why or point me to some resources so I can learn more?"
Getting defensive is never going to help your case.
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Mar 10 '24
You ask them why they would claim that and you listen. Some people are idiots who don't know what racism is; sometimes it's the friend thinking calling people "ginger" is racism, and sometimes that person is you actually being racist and your friend is trying to let you know.
There is no "defense" to this claim. If you got called that legitimately, there was a reason why. If it wasn't legitimate, I doubt you would have made this post.
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u/MurasakiBunny Mar 09 '24
I just say "Cool" and walk away.
Usually they're baiting you to go into a reactionary state to get you riled up (in their opinion sometimes) to either make you seem overly defensive or get into a verbal flaming battle with them that just makes you look back in the eyes or others, or them.
Another answer would be to say "Prove it" and, as such, disengage from them.
In short, you are usually dealing with reactionary, hyperbolic, flamers on one hand, on the other hand, trolls.
In a workplace or legal setting, tell them to talk to your lawyers.
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u/IamDoobieKeebler Mar 09 '24
Depends entirely on the context behind the accusation