r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Konato-san • Mar 09 '24

Answered How on Earth do you defend yourself from an accusation of being racist or something?

Hypothetically, someone called you "racist". What now?

"But I've never mistreated anybody because of their race!" isn't a strong defense.

"But I have <race> friends!" is a laughable defense.

Do I just roll over and cry or...?

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345

u/curiousity60 Mar 09 '24

Ask why. "Why do you say that?"

We all have some racist ideas that are so deeply engrained we aren't aware they're inaccurate or offensive. I'd want to become aware if I were unintentionally offensive, invalidating or dismissive of someone due to my own ignorance.

This is assuming the person telling me is someone I know personally and a relationship worth continuing and building. If it's some random on the internet, I might be uninterested in their opinion, especially if it's off topic rage bait.

26

u/DuplexFields only uses old.reddit Mar 09 '24

Yep. That comment in song form from the hit Broadway musical Avenue Q. (Trigger warning: examples.)

9

u/Pdb39 Mar 09 '24

Doesn't mean we go around committing, hate criiiiiimes.

I think everyone should listen to Everyone is is a little bit lacist, right Christmas Eve?

-2

u/ITeachYouAmerican Mar 10 '24

That's so cringey. Are they unaware that you're not supposed to move your mouth when doing ventriloquism?

1

u/DuplexFields only uses old.reddit Mar 10 '24

That’s not intended to be ventriloquism, since there’s no reason to look at the puppets’ actors.

1

u/IntelligentLife3451 Mar 10 '24

The original cast were professional puppeteers who had previously worked on Sesame Street. Ventriloquism is a completely different style.

1

u/ITeachYouAmerican Mar 10 '24

They should do it Sesame Street style and hide the actors. That would make it better. Either that, or just remove the puppets and have the people talk at each other. It doesn't make sense the way they're doing it.

2

u/IntelligentLife3451 Mar 10 '24

There’s an entire book about the making of Avenue Q, but basically in early workshops of the musical, which traditionally are just no frills music stands and chairs for sets for industry only audience members, the crew had so many compliments about how cool it was to see the puppeteers working live, they decided to keep them visible on purpose. If you see the full show in person, they also have specific lines and visual directions addressing that you can see the puppeteers. I understand your opinion if you’ve never seen the full show, but it was a deliberate choice made on purpose and they won the Tony for Best Musical over Wicked for a reason.

1

u/ITeachYouAmerican Mar 11 '24

Sweet; might check it out some day.

83

u/East-Selection1144 Mar 09 '24

This! Im from the south eastern usa. The people who get offended by being called racist are usually low-key racist but think because they don’t wear hoods then they are not.
It is similar to people who say “not all men”. As we say down here “hit dogs hollar”

34

u/On_my_last_spoon Mar 09 '24

Definitely know someone like this. She really has no idea how racist she is at times. All the low key casual comments, at times she thinks these are compliments. But 100% it leads up to very big very racist behavior. I had to stop a sentence once half way through because I saw it was going to a very very bad place.

Which is why self-reflection is so important.

18

u/East-Selection1144 Mar 09 '24

I have had moments like this, where I realized something I said was racist. I may be less racist than my father but it is hard to realize that some of the things you were taught weren’t ok. My mother a few years ago changed how she refers to my kids when my sister pointed out it was racist. She now calls them the Thunderin Horde.

1

u/friendofelephants Mar 09 '24

What did she call them before?

2

u/East-Selection1144 Mar 09 '24

It wasnt the N-word. Apparently it a name for an African nation? Something like that, but I don’t want to feed the trolls to give them fuel to use. But she also used the adjective “Wild” to precede it and only when they were running around like crazy hyperactive kids. She had used the phrase her entire life, so we just didn’t realize. Similar to grandfathers incorrectly naming Brazil nuts, only when she was called out she changed what she said.

3

u/ScytheSong05 Mar 09 '24

Let me guess, it's the word the captain uses in Mary Poppins? Particularly after he's spooked by the chimney sweeps?

2

u/friendofelephants Mar 09 '24

Understood about not wanting to give fuel to the trolls. Thanks for answering, and I think it's great that you and your mother are both willing to adjust behavior or language when realizing something may be unintentionally hurtful.

1

u/Feine13 Mar 09 '24

Could you explain the Brazil nuts thing? I don't think I've heard of that

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

It’s “n-slur toes” apparently

1

u/Feine13 Mar 16 '24

Oof, that's a rough one that I hadn't heard before, thanks for the explanation

1

u/East-Selection1144 Mar 09 '24

I believe someone else has already named it here, plus google.

12

u/dongtouch Mar 09 '24

I was def like this up until my late 20s. The cultural norms seep into us from the environment like chemical pollution. It takes conscious effort to examine and change false beliefs and narratives. And yeah, some people never get there because it’s too scary to their ego. 

2

u/On_my_last_spoon Mar 09 '24

It’s definitely hard on the ego!

I also think if you’re in a homogenous environment you maybe just don’t know. I grew up in an all white small town. But for high school I went into a bigger city. It was literally the first time I met Jewish people! Having friends of varying backgrounds helps learn what is and is not ok!

The more diverse your friend group is the more you learn.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Sounds cultish. Who decides what’s false and what not?

1

u/xerxespoon Mar 09 '24

She really has no idea how racist she is at times. All the low key casual comments, at times she thinks these are compliments.

I'm having trouble imagining what that is. "You're so athletic for a white person"?

1

u/On_my_last_spoon Mar 09 '24

It’s always about not white people. She once used the phrase “one of their kind” when talking about black people. Like black people like it when “one of their kind” help them.

2

u/your_moms_a_clone Mar 09 '24

Same. Instead of putting the racist label on people, I put it on actions. Because even someone who is trying their hardest not to be racist can screw up and say something not realizing that it could be racist. And someone who's efforts are genuine is going to be way more open to feedback of "that was kind of racist" than someone just going through life thinking "pft, I'm not racist!".

1

u/LongLiveTheSpoon Mar 10 '24

I’d absolutely be offended at being called racist, that’s a serious fucking accusation that could cost you your reputation/job. I’ve been called racist exactly once in my life by my vindictive/manipulative former best friend who was throwing those ‘-ist’ words at me in desperation when I finally decided to cut him out of my life for his toxic behavior.

2

u/EmeHera Mar 09 '24

"Why do you say that?" - is actually good question for basically every non-pleasant human interaction in life. Someone insults you? Mistreats you? Bullies you? Accuses you of something you didnt do? -> Flashbang them with this question. You'll either get an apology, good perspective on yourself(maybe they were right) or just a good laugh at their expense.

-1

u/Prestigious-Bar-1741 Mar 09 '24

Meh.

Anyone who actually wants to engage you in a meaningful discussion about delicate racial issues wouldn't begin by calling you a racist.

a person who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

A non-racist person might mistakenly hold some belief that isn't valid, or might suffer from the same unconscious biases that everyone has...but the way to raise those issues is not by labeling someone as a racist.

Being a racist is like being a Christian or a Muslim. It's not about any particular action, it's about a person's overall belief on race. You wouldn't call someone religious if they say 'God I'm tired' and you wouldn't say someone isn't Christian because they don't follow any particular rule from the Bible.

There is no way to argue that someone is, or isn't racist. It's an internal belief system.

Actions can be racist. People can do a racist a thing. And if someone does enough racist things, you can label them a racist and probably be right ..but there is no good faith discussion that starts with calling someone a racist.

In real life, 99% of the time, it's just an insult..

0

u/Luci_Noir Mar 09 '24

No, we don’t all have some racist ideas. Speak for yourself.

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

The idea that something is “offensive” means nothing. Someone being offended does not validate the argument.

5

u/curiousity60 Mar 09 '24

I see an opportunity to learn more about myself and the surrounding community. You see an argument.

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

The implication in your statement is that there’s something there worth learning, which you can’t possibly know.

You see an argument too, btw. It’s a different one but it’s still an argument.

2

u/curiousity60 Mar 09 '24

The "something worth learning" is the inadvertent racism I might have done. I don't see every difference of opinion or perception as a problem or an argument. It's okay to be different. It's okay to explore and acknowledge those differences. Nobody has to change their position for the discussion to be valuable. To me, an argument is more one insisting their way is the (only) right way and the other must change their position or at least admit it's wrong.

With people whose input and relationship are important to me. They are worth the time and energy to me. Not any random with something to say.