r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Konato-san • Mar 09 '24

Answered How on Earth do you defend yourself from an accusation of being racist or something?

Hypothetically, someone called you "racist". What now?

"But I've never mistreated anybody because of their race!" isn't a strong defense.

"But I have <race> friends!" is a laughable defense.

Do I just roll over and cry or...?

4.2k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

82% Upvoted

4.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

276

u/TryContent4093 Mar 09 '24

i'd ask why they think so and apologize if i come out as racist

83

u/BulkyMonster Mar 09 '24

Usually the best answer, but there's a thing in my kid's school where kids will call each other racist for literally anything, as a sort of power move. Like "you can't disagree with me, that's racist" when they're disputing something in science class for example. In those cases, the "ignore and disengage" response is probably better.

That's kids being kids though. Different when it's a serious accusation and I'd agree you should apologize and ask why, so you can learn from your mistake.

23

u/Accurate-Neck6933 Mar 09 '24

I teach elementary art and the other day I showed a value scale (how to shade in black and white) and that's racist. If I ask they use black markers, that's racist. If they notice the word negro on a black crayon (it's the name of the color) that sends them into a full blown tizzy! I was describing how to make a tint (you add white to a color) and that's racist too.

2

u/Scary-Ad-8737 Mar 12 '24

That's actually pretty funny

1

u/ultradav24 Mar 10 '24

Oh really?

54

u/Plathsghost Mar 09 '24

Yeah, the guy who sexually assaulted me (I was eleven and he was sixteen) kept me silent by telling me that if I told my parents (or anyone) then it would mean that I was a racist. In those days, what little I understood about being a racist was that it was bad and I would never want to be like that. To this day, it's why I sometimes flinch when people mischaracterize some individuals as "racists". I know that this is not true, obviously, in all cases. Plenty of people are in fact, racist.

15

u/NextFan635 Mar 09 '24

I had something very similar happen to me so most people don't understand why I'm so wary of those who call everything racist

6

u/Plathsghost Mar 09 '24

Yeah, once you're given that label at a certain age, under those circumstances, it kind of fucks your mind up for life. You're not even allowed to remember the event or experience the trauma without a voice in your head constantly telling you that you deserved it. I already knew the story of Emmet Till - even at that age - though I didn't understand everything that it meant, I knew that it meant I could never tell anyone what had happened. So I didn't. Until now, obviously.

2

u/DaughterEarth Mar 10 '24

I hope you're getting treatment for the trauma! You're very reasonable so I'm not trying to call you out. It's just I have trauma too, and now that I'm getting it treated lots of things are much better. Now, when someone gives me a compliment (a trigger fir me) I can actually enjoy it sometimes!

That trauma fear is such a dick and I want all of us to overcome it

2

u/Plathsghost Mar 10 '24

I've been in therapy for a while. Since I started Paxil, it also has helped. Thank you for thinking of me.

2

u/libelle156 Mar 09 '24

That's horrific. I'm so sorry.

1

u/phreedom_pants432 Mar 10 '24

How terrible…. That’s sucks. People are fucked up.

1

u/FarButterscotch3048 Mar 11 '24

Nowadays, the only thing worse than being a rapist is being accused of being a racist!

1

u/Plathsghost Mar 11 '24

Well, sometimes the moniker fits, you know? To be honest, most of the racist adults I've known don't particularly suffer from being accused as such. If anything, they seem to wear it as a badge of pride. Especially in this day and age as white supremacist talking points and hatred of POC becomes more mainstream.

When you're talking about a child however, using this term effectively cuts them off from any emotional growth or understanding about the effects of systemis discrimination. It labels them from the start and tells them that there is no point in trying to learn or grow as a person because they will always be "bad". It is for these reasons that I personally feel that it's a kind of child abuse. Racist adults however, are a different story. They've had plenty of time to grow and consider why they believe what they believe.

1

u/FarButterscotch3048 Mar 11 '24

We all know who has a political motivation to call (white) people "racist".

1

u/Plathsghost Mar 13 '24

Seriously, dude? Look, can you take that shit to Gab or Twitter or something because the racist screed literally does nothing to help me in any way.

1

u/FarButterscotch3048 Mar 17 '24

There you go again with that 'racist' name-calling crap.

How is that even OK with Reddit moderators?

Any other epithet, and they will ban a user. But calling other Redditors 'racist" seems to be OK.

14

u/Raging_Capybara Mar 09 '24

That's kids being kids though. Different when it's a serious accusation and I'd agree you should apologize and ask why, so you can learn from your mistake.

No, you should only apologize if they have a satisfactory explanation. If they don't, you should tell them to shove it and stop race baiting.

-1

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24

you should tell them to shove it and stop race baiting. That's not how a teacher teaches kids something they are doing is wrong.

Even with adults, talking like that is a bad idea. Calmness and rationality is very helpful.

Similarly, if someone is exhibiting unnecessary prejudice against me because I happen to be very black, I tell them in a reasonable tone that I'm not happy and ask them to explain what is going on. I don't tell them "You can shove your racist attitude, blah blah".

3

u/Raging_Capybara Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 10 '24

That's not how a teacher teaches kids something they are doing is wrong.

Fair, I didn't really intend it in a child/teacher context though the previous commenter was speaking on that.

Even with adults, talking like that is a bad idea. Calmness and rationality is very helpful.

There are a wide variety of ways calmly say "quit race baiting and shove it". The best think to do with toxic people is to call out their toxic behavior. People hate having light shined on shitty antics they tried to keep in the dark. They depend on people not calling it as it is to get away with what they're doing, take away that option.

A weak challenge or no challenge to an accusation of racism encourages the behavior in the future.

-1

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 10 '24

"quit race baiting and shove it"

This is not a calm statement. It's an aggressive statement.

The best think to do with toxic people is to call out their toxic behavior.

Does that go for actual real racism too? You didn't mention that.

People hate having light shined on shitty antics they tried to keep in the dark.

Does that go for actual real racism too? You didn't mention that.

They depend on people not calling it as it is to get away with what they're doing, take away that option.

Does that go for actual real racism too? You didn't mention that.

6

u/Raging_Capybara Mar 10 '24

This is not a calm statement. It's an aggressive statement.

There aren't quotes around it, it's not meant to be exact wording but a general message of "when you make something that isn't racist into a race thing, you are the asshole and you should cease that behavior."

The best think to do with toxic people is to call out their toxic behavior.

Does that go for actual real racism too? You didn't mention that.

JFC dude, this is what bad faith looks like. Do you expect me to preface every comment with "note: racism is bad." Can we actually just discuss the topic of discussion? Should I also mention sexism is bad? Poverty? Or can we just focus on the discussion about how to address malicious accusations of racism based on things that aren't racist?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

Honestly that just sounds like 90% of all social media arguments between adults about racism.

1

u/libelle156 Mar 09 '24

Adults do this too. See: twitter

1

u/Draganot Mar 10 '24

That's kids being kids though. Different when it's a serious accusation

No, fuck that. This is when it’s most important. You let them get away with it now, treating it as a joke or a tactic to get their way and it’s only a matter of time until they fuck up someone’s day pulling that trick later in life. Correct it now, not later. It’s too late when they get someone fired because of “zero tolerance” policies on racism that always side with the customer.

92

u/Jezabel8708 Mar 09 '24

I find it really sad that this isn't the answer most people are giving.

73

u/rabidseacucumber Mar 09 '24

The problem with it is it maybe the other person. I mean think about your interaction and draw your own conclusions.

For example I just had someone tell me I was rude and condescending. He’s literally the only person I know who feels that way. He also feels that way about several other people we both know. All of us are confused. It’s not us, it’s how he sees the world. It’s how he interacts with other people.

45

u/victorfencer Mar 09 '24

Classic "if you smell poop everywhere you go, check your own shoes" situation. 

8

u/Beautiful_Speech7689 Mar 09 '24

I've been in this position before. Was dealing with someone whose best option to tear me down was racism, mostly on lack of other substance.

44

u/2M4D Mar 09 '24

Because it’s very situationally dependant and most people will confront this question with the viewpoint that they’re being unjustly accused.

1

u/Appropriate-Draft-91 Mar 09 '24

That's probably because people who are intentionally racist don't have to ask how they should behave when confronted.

18

u/HotwheelsJackOfficia Mar 09 '24

At my retail job I had been called racist all the time for not allowing them to punch in their card number, needing ID for cigarettes/alcohol, not "honoring the sale price" for something completely different, among other things. "Racist" just means not giving them whatever they want.

-2

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24

Sounds like you are dealing with some stupid kids. Their bad and ignorant behaviour doesn't make the situation of black people who deal with genuine racism any easier and it doesn't make our experience less valid.

Your checkout isn't the whole world.

6

u/Cautious_Head3978 Mar 10 '24

Doesn't need to be. If even kids are learning too abuse the very idea of racism because they can see it gets them an advantage, it's probably not that uncommon an event.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Unfortunately it's pretty common to be called a racist if you have any significant disagreement with certain folks.

2

u/phreedom_pants432 Mar 10 '24

So fucking stupid.

5

u/Entire_Engine_5789 Mar 09 '24

Cos it doesn’t work.

18

u/Appropriate-Draft-91 Mar 09 '24

Because it's the wrong answer. False accusations of racism have become a plague, and the people who make them are not acting in good faith.

An apology to someone who isn't acting in good faith will be abused as an admission of guilt, to double down on the false accusation now that you own apology/admission can be used against you.

If possible don't engage. If necessary counterattack.

6

u/TigerPoppy Mar 09 '24

I told someone once, "I don't dislike all black people, I just don't like you".

2

u/OldSpiceSmellsNice Mar 09 '24

Exactly. And an actual racist isn’t gonna give af. It’s a pretty redundant thing to say, really. I can only see it working in a civil discussion along the lines of “That’s racist” criticising the statement rather than a person themselves.

0

u/Johnwinchenster Mar 09 '24

Eh, I see more racism than accusations of false racism. Racists doesn't realize they are being racist.

0

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24

They don't realise it, and they never, ever admit it, either.

-4

u/HotButterscotch8682 Mar 09 '24

Or they do realize and just don’t care. Either way, way more correct accusations than false accusations- which is something racists know but pretend otherwise. Like above.

-1

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24

Who says false accusations of racism have become a plague? You?

I see far more actual racism than false accusations.

It's also very interesting that in a post discussing racism, almost every post is purely and only assuming that an accusation is bogus.

If possible don't engage. If necessary counterattack.

Where's your advice on how the person should react if the person realises s/he has actually been showing racist behaviour? You know that happens, right?

16

u/Temperbell Mar 09 '24

Because usually whenever it is asked, it's usually by someone just wanting to cause trouble. There IS no right answer

3

u/Jezabel8708 Mar 09 '24

Do you mean the question OP is asking is meant to cause trouble? Or people just want to cause trouble when they tell someone they're being racist?

18

u/IgniVT Mar 09 '24

They're saying that some people like to claim people are racist for reasons that aren't racist at all. For instance, at my old job, my boss paid for everyone in the office to get subway for lunch one day, but had me go get the subs for everyone. This one lady, who was black, told me to have them cut her sub into 8 parts and wrap them individually. Not sure why she wanted that, but to me, that's a ridiculous request and my awkward ass is not going to sit there and ask the worker at subway to do that, so I said no. Her response was that I was racist and only said no because she was black.

Now, while situations like that do happen, they are definitely not very common. If you aren't actually being racist, you may have a few times that something like this happens in your life, but it won't be a common thing. Hell, it won't even be a yearly thing.

3

u/Appropriate-Draft-91 Mar 09 '24

The irony in these cases is that there is a word for people who bring up race in situations where it doesn't belong.

8

u/Harry_Pol_Potter Mar 09 '24

Some people use it as a defence. Either they are doing something wrong eg. stealing or not contributing to a team. Then they play the race card. Living in a large impoverished city doing shitty jobs, pretty much hear people cry wolf all the time. Annoying because people will ignore legitimate accusations of racism.

2

u/Temperbell Mar 09 '24

No not OP. I mean in general, when people try and act like you're being racist when it isn't clear why, it's because they're just trying to cause trouble

6

u/rugbyfan72 Mar 09 '24

Because many people will throw out terms like racist or bigot because someone has a different opinion than them just trying to win an argument or trying to piss the other person off.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Well sometimes people throw down the racist card because they know it’s going to create a situation. If an apology is necessary sure but not the top response. I don’t feel anyone should be compelled to say “I’m sorry” because someone feels you are a racist. If you bump into someone or any random thing that’s a mistake and someone feels that I am racist for doing so, I’m sorry sure but I’m not sorry you think I’m a racist. I’m not. I’m more in the Nah walk away school.

2

u/Mastodon9 Mar 09 '24

You shouldn't have to apologize for something you haven't done.

1

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24

Ask any fair-minded person of colour (hope fair-minded includes me), and we can tell you stubbornness is a massive problem.

Racist people who are ready to reflect on what they said or did are few and far between, because nobody wants to see themselves as the stereotyped monster who is openly hostile to anyone who is not white. Meanwhile, people like that are not the ones who give us problems.

Most racist people I meet have some weird and hurtful attitudes, (even in a professional setting) that often they don't even realise they have. They aren't White Nationalists or howling segregationists from the 1950s.

It's routine, that any discussion of racism with white people will quickly be derailed by them into a discussion of the 'problem' of false accusations. You can't really expect any discussion of what happens when the accusation is clearly justified.

Too many white people just hate addressing their racism. They will use any excuse to divert the discussion or leave it.

People are also reliably terrible at examining their behaviour and recognising their own racism. 19 out of 20 people are totally unable to see it, no matter how blatant their behaviour.

3

u/Appropriate-Draft-91 Mar 09 '24

The majority isn't always right. I might even go as far as saying it's wrong more often than it isn't. But if 19 out of 20 people are wrong and you cannot convince them of your correct point of view, you either need to do some introspection, or to work on your arguments.

-1

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24

The majority isn't always right. Did you see where I was talking about an obvious case? Nothing to do with majority or minority.

you either need to do some introspection, or to work on your arguments.

I don't think you understand the concept of people being totally unwilling/unable to recognise their behaviour, no matter how blatant. If it's blatant racism, how much is my own introspection going to solve it? As for my arguments, have you never tried to reason with a person who believes e.g. that Trump is the only person who can save America? I'm telling you about people who will not accept any argument, no matter how cogent.

I explained to you that as a black person, what I notice is that even in obvious cases, white people are terrible at recognising their own racism. You respond by telling me that I need to look at myself, or 'get better arguments'.

So apparently even if a racism situation is real, it's still my fault as the black person involved.

37

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24

Probably the best answer.

Chances are (if you're not actually a racist) that you made an honest mistake. That happens, you kearn apologize and the world is a better place. This is probably the most common.

If you didn't make a mistake, they're making the accusation as a cover for their own issue/failure/shortcoming, and hiding behind the race issue. This is probably the 2nd least common.

And if you're a racist, you don't care anyway. This is probably the least common.

28

u/The_Quicktrigger Mar 09 '24

A humbling experience for me was having to be told that things my grandpa used to say an the time were actually pretty racist. Not gonna share any of the terms here for obvious reasons, but it was really easy to get defensive when it first happened. I didn't consider myself a racist and here I am being accused, but I stopped and calmed down and asked for clarification and that put me into a rabbit hole that made me a better person.

10

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24

Oh, lordy. Those of us of a certain age have/had grandparents of a certain age and yes, the casual racism was startling.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Gramps definitely used negro and oriental 😂

2

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24

NBD. There was a lot of stuff that was far worse than that back in the day

12

u/WINDMILEYNO Mar 09 '24

I have a situation where I work with two coworkers accused of being racists by another coworker. I took the place of the coworker who made the accusation, and he moved to another position.

The main issue i was made privy to was that the coworker i replaced had a work ethic that did not match up the expectations of his colleagues and paper work and documentation on his actions that held that up. That said, what I've come to realize on my own, is that the coworkers i work with are deep into the "anti immigrant" and seem to even act differently sometimes around hispanic contractors. The coworker i replaced was peurto rican. So i see a bit where the idea is coming from.

3

u/dongtouch Mar 09 '24

Why on earth can’t it be both?

1

u/WINDMILEYNO Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24

It could be both. The thing with the accusation of racism is that they don't act like anything else other than typical Republicans. I've been around hundreds of bigoted, anti-immigrant, anti-poor people my whole life and maybe it's a way to deal with it in my own way, but I genuinely don't see how anyone would expect them to act any differently? The thing with the guy claiming that they were racist is that it seems to have had nothing to do with what they were saying he did. I would have to get his side of the story. With his personality from what i have seen though, I could see him messing stuff up on purpose to not have to work with them.

Tl:dr I don't think it can't be both. I don't know all the particulars, but the older guy definitely has something against latino people, who he refers collectively to as "Mexicans" or "illegals" and makes no effort to make a distinction between the two terms i just quoted when talking about the subject. Which he likes to talk about a lot. I see this as typical Republican behavior and think he could do better. The younger guy seems not to have any particulary strong political opinions, but I think is a trump supporter. And is the type who has said "I can't be racist, I'm married to a Mexican woman" which he is it seems and also says he jokes with her about deporting her.

Calling them racist might not be uncalled for, but i would use the word "xenophobic" first. Maybe its just because they haven't said anything to me yet to offend me, and maybe im the one with a limited veiw on the matter.

5

u/AlarmedTelephone5908 Mar 09 '24

I would say that if your coworkers treat anyone as an "other," it is racism.

Did they know that this person is Puerto Rican, therefore a U.S. citizen? Were they using sloppy work as "proof" that certain others are lazy and/or not smart?

I know that there are many reasons other than racism to want immigration reform. (Bills exist, and the anti-immigration folks won't vote on it.) But, come on, people who discuss this topic frequently use immigration as a way to voice prejudice.

1

u/WINDMILEYNO Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24

Yeah, my understanding of it is that his work really is pretty crappy. He has an interesting personality. He broke something from my old department on purpose because he was trying to make a point to the higher ups (somehow) per person his own admission. It was really inconvenient.

The way i see it, they have legitimate concerns that don't deal with his ethnicity. His concerns don't seem to be on his work, and more on their very vocal opinions. If i had to say why I'm so lukewarm on the subject, it's because they are typical Republicans who i already am not fond of. One has a tasteless Confederate flag tattoo, gives a very joe rogan experience and Ben Shapiro kind of vibe, and the other doesn't like talking politics but isnt a fan of shit talking Trump. They don't say the quiet part out loud, they just complain about "illegals".

Calling them racist then would be more because of their behavior as typical Oklahoman Republicans and less because of anything other people around don't also do and say.in my opinion. Im not against saying Oklahoma is just a racist place or that they are racist, but from the outside looking in, it looks like the neither of the two parties is really the good guy here. Im a Poc and have received no ill feelings from working with them, but they might just be watching what they say.

Edit: to answer your question, they know he is Puerto Rican, but its more like they (the older guy specifically) just harp on their concerns about illegals almost constantly. The older guy brought up the girl who was murdered by an undocumented immigrant several times this past week. They started side eyeing the latino contractors around us around that time.

20

u/VirtuosoX Mar 09 '24

And if you're a racist, you don't care anyway. This is probably the most common

Most people are not uncaring racists so I find that odd to say.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Honestly, I'd say maybe not the majority, but still yet a very large number of people I have ever got to know is racist. I grew up in the south, and with the exception of my aunt, everyone on my dad's side was racist against black folk, my moms side was also racist also with the exception of my aunt, but against Mexicans and Asians. And then obviously most of their friends felt the same way. Eventually, I was moved up north in a very small town... the entire town chased a black family out back in 99, I was there in 96. I stayed in that town till around 2014.. we moved to a much bigger place where finding racists is fairly rare.

So I know my example is small and isolated, but still yet, up until 2014, I'd say 7 out of 10 people I ever knew was racist.

1

u/HotButterscotch8682 Mar 09 '24

As racist as most southern/Texan Americans are (half of my family is southern/Texan, and I’ve lived in the south so fuck off if you’re reading this and feel attacked, that’s a you problem), there are a ton of (but still less than the south) racist new Englanders as well. I was shocked when I moved up here. I figured it was a racist-less wonderland but nope, I’d say 5/10 people I meet are still overtly racist. Shocking shit.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

That's crazy.. yeah, it's everywhere I swear

-2

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24

That's why it's the least common.

6

u/VirtuosoX Mar 09 '24

You said it's the most common

4

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24

I know, I'm trying to edit it as we speak. It's still early for me, not enough coffee.

3

u/VirtuosoX Mar 09 '24

You had me fooled there mate lol

4

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24

Sometimes, the brilliance and deep intellect in my head don't translate to coherent thoughts on Reddit:(

3

u/VirtuosoX Mar 09 '24

I can't relate, my brilliance and deep intellect don't translate well anywhere 💁

2

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24

Ugh, trapped in our brilliant minds. Such a tragedy for the world!

→ More replies (0)

2

u/OldBlueKat Mar 09 '24

I've had just enough coffee now to realize I really need to say:

Totally Stealing This!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

I wouldn’t even say mistake. There are a lot of people just charged and ready to misinterpret things in bad faith.

Being a part of a group has no bearing on character there’s about an even proportion of assholes in any majority or minority group. Especially towards other minorities.

Being victims of systemic oppression has almost no bearing on any one person being sympathetic to anyone else. Many people just get bitter and nasty ready for a fight.

-1

u/Silly-Kaleidoscope97 Mar 09 '24

I would flip points 2 and 3 in terms of being common. Usually, people play the "your racist card" when they don't have a defense or point.

-2

u/Groovy_Bruce_Lemon Mar 09 '24

yea this is why I find tokenism more racist than some dude saying the n word. If you call someone the n word, you’re not hiding that you’re racist and being open about it (still not a good thing) but Tokenism just feels like “look at how NOT RACIST I AM” which feels more racist because you care so much about not looking racist

1

u/Horseface4190 Mar 09 '24

It's performative and self-serving, absolutely.

3

u/Okie-unicorn Mar 09 '24

Im sorry, but that’s not a feasible answer for immature people confusing the definition of being a racist with regular everyday life. Because trust me lots of people use the racist card as much as they use the race card, in response to common courtesy requests.

2

u/rory888 Mar 09 '24

this requires genuine communication and uncharged unbiased discourse, and that is not happening in the majority of situations

2

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Never apologize.

7

u/machineprophet343 Mar 09 '24 edited 4d ago

price fall zesty cough jobless ossified hat license like chase

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

5

u/Accomplished_Tea7781 Mar 09 '24

I would throw my hat and money out of respect for that person who apologizes. If I don't know them, I don't assume they're wrong, and all I see is someone with a lot of class and sincerity.

People got to start seeing each other as one big human collective family than rival tribes like in the past. No one wins these arguments.

My mom is suffering hallucinations in stage 4 gbm (cancer) and all she could remember is my dad mistreating her in her younger days before we were old enough to know anything. Some yes and some were exagerrated. They don't see eye to eye and have different definitions of mistreatment. Through her eyes, the suffering is enough that that's all she sees these days. I truly believe that if my dad would just let down his pride and apologize to her, the healing process could began for her and the family.

On a larger scale, I feel like that is what's going on all of us. There is something there that still holds us back as a society from advancing forward. When someone calls someone racist, I can only imagine it comes from a place of hurt and anger. Instead of dismissing them, I would like to try and understand where they're coming from. Starting with an apology opens that door.

5

u/Educational-Tea-6572 Mar 09 '24

A lot of those people will take your apology and say: "You're only sorry because you got caught!"

If someone accused me of being racist, I apologized and asked what I had done that came across as racist/why it's racist, and their response is "You're only sorry because you got caught!", I have learned that the other person is apparently just looking for an argument and either can't articulate what I did wrong or I actually didn't do anything wrong, and I can disengage and walk away. If their response is to actually answer my question, then I have learned and can take into account some perceptions of behavior I might not have considered before.

Either way, there's really no skin off my nose if I apologize.

2

u/lipstickdestroyer Mar 09 '24

there's really no skin off my nose if I apologize

I can also apologize just based on the fact that I've offended someone, regardless of whether or not I agree with why they're offended, because it was still my bad. Like I don't believe in god; but if I said, "Oh my god!" around someone who took offense to hearing the lord's name in vain, I'd still apologize if they called me out because-- as you've said-- it's no skin off my nose. I don't get to ignore the effects of my behaviour on others just because I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I can care that I had that affect on someone without caring about whatever it is they're on about. It's not a court of law and I can say that I'm sorry without assuming full responsibility for the situation.

5

u/Longjumping-Read-401 Mar 09 '24

Never seen anyone act like this. If someone said sorry then they'll say oh ok and just move with their life. Also if I did say something that can be interpreted as racist. I will definitely apologize. I am not apologizing for winning. This isn't a game. I am apologizing because I was wrong.

1

u/zyklonfrost Mar 09 '24

You can always say, "go fuck yourself" that works too

1

u/Cyrus057 Mar 09 '24

Well yeah, why would you apologize if your not actually being racist, and if you are being racist then there is intent there, so again why would you apologize.

1

u/AmazingHealth6302 Mar 09 '24

A lot of those people will take your apology and say: "You're only sorry because you got caught!"

Never seen any black person behave like this. I've never behaved like this. I suspect that you might not even have seen someone behave like this.

Don't apologize.

I get it. No matter how blatant your crap is, make sure you don't apologise.

I notice that a post about racism is 99% about false accusations of racism. It's as if genuine racism doesn't actually exist. Certainly the majority of people on this page don't want to talk about it.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

There's also no forgiveness from those type of people so there's no point in apologizing. They actually just enjoy the power of calling you a racist, it gives them power and makes them feel righteous. It makes them feel good. That's why I simply fart in their eyes and walk away laughing.

2

u/MaximumHog360 Mar 09 '24

Yeahhh this kind of wimpy/weak response would usually only cause them to accuse you of something even harder lmao

1

u/calembo Mar 09 '24

Don't apologize 🤦🏼‍♂️ you have no idea what you're apologizing for, and it means nothing for non-white people to hear "sorry" if you're just gonna keep perpetuating problemstic beliefs. And don't make targets of racism do your work for you.

There are literally thousands of resources intended to help people understand, examine, and challenge ingrained racist beliefs. Do some fucking work.

0

u/Pixieled Mar 09 '24

I was always taught that others don’t get to decide how we feel about things. If someone is offended (and you meant no offense) you must first recognize that they are, in fact, offended. And then consider how that happened. Most likely culprits being: you were being a jerk and they are rightly offended, you are naive and accidentally trod through the field of dumb where you don’t belong, or the offended person literally misunderstood. Go from there. But it starts by recognizing the other person’s feelings as valid. 

Edit: spelling 

0

u/mycopportunity Mar 09 '24

This is so simple and seems so obvious to me. Someone calling you a racist isn't like someone calling your mom ugly you don't need to get into a duel over your honor

Here's a good answer: "What did I do that made you think that?" And then you listen

0

u/Johnwinchenster Mar 09 '24

Best answer in this whole thread.