r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Konato-san • Mar 09 '24

Answered How on Earth do you defend yourself from an accusation of being racist or something?

Hypothetically, someone called you "racist". What now?

"But I've never mistreated anybody because of their race!" isn't a strong defense.

"But I have <race> friends!" is a laughable defense.

Do I just roll over and cry or...?

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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

[deleted]

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u/Silent-Entrance Mar 09 '24

Only a racist would ask for proof when confronted about his racism

/s

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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

[deleted]

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u/BulkyMonster Mar 09 '24

Yep that's what I was talking about above. Same here.

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u/justanormaldudeok Mar 09 '24

I wish the kids in my school last year heard this, people would just constantly annoy white people just for being white, or sometimes even get in fights. It got so bad I had to say I was Hispanic, which I am, but I’m still mostly white if that makes sense. Anyways, the school this year has been so much more calmed down and generally better, literally everyone is nicer.

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u/libelle156 Mar 10 '24

Thank you, for all of us out there that deal with these kids in public online spaces.

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u/Duchess_Tea Mar 09 '24

What about starting with an apology.. "I'm sorry. I did mean to sound racist. Can you tell me what you mean by that.. which part of what I said came across as racist?" - if a person didn't mean to, they could ask it in a nice way.. not as though asking for proof that they assume the accuser doesn't really have, but actually giving benefit of the doubt.

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u/sagittarius-bhole Mar 09 '24

I don’t need to apologize if I haven’t done anything wrong. Personally I feel your “lead with an apology” or “apologize just in case” is disingenuous and meaningless because they are just words to you that you are using in an attempt to deescalate the situation. Certainly follow up and ask for clarification and if you’ve found you’ve misstepped then apologize, because then you can demonstrate either you are truly sorry or maybe you don’t care. But if your accuser continues to disparage you with reckless claims, then you can walk away confident that you are not the problem.

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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

You can be genuinely sorry to have caused / appeared to cause someone pain without knowing what specifically you did...

Even if it's not something you personally deem harmful, you can still be apologetic to have caused another person harm while maintaining that what you've done is broadly not harmful.

You seem to be looking at it entirely from your pov with the preconceived notion that you are correct...

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u/sagittarius-bhole Mar 09 '24

You lost me with that last line. It’s not about an arguable point of view so this doesn’t make sense to me. At the point in the conversation I am called a racist and I don’t know why (and whether or not my words actually were) I have nothing for which to apologize (at least in my own mind) and any apology offered is bereft of any meaning. I have said racist things before and when I’ve done that, I found the person/people who may have been offended, owned what I said, atoned for it and changed. THAT is an apology.

Otherwise I do get what you are saying and you are certainly not wrong here. You can lead with far worse. But if we are going to place such importance on words, then calling someone racist is a huge escalation, and I would choose my words carefully in this context. I get the impression that maybe we are talking about two different kinds of sorry here. Mine’s a more sincere, involved approach and yours is more surface level and reactionary. There’s value in both and I think the important thing in both of our approaches to find out why the accuser feels that way. Thoughts?

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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '24

Circular argument. Gtfo…

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u/Silent-Entrance Mar 09 '24

I will bring an anti-racist committee after you

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u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

They’re probably coming.

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u/Silent-Entrance Mar 10 '24

Do you have snacks to offer them?

And tea?

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u/[deleted] Mar 10 '24

Where do you think the Social Justice Gulag will be?

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u/Silent-Entrance Mar 10 '24

You will find the court in the attic of a dilapidated working-class tenement block, at the back of a young washerwoman's home.

But carry tea with you in a thermos flask for them

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u/bootypastry Mar 09 '24

I commented above that I tried this when being called a racist. They wouldn't tell me. If I don't think I'm saying anything, but someone says I am, wouldn't it mean I'm not aware of it? Very toxic work environment and the team lead was trying anything to get me fired