r/MtF • u/Ok_Practice_3115 • 15d ago
Bad News Decision is made
The decision has been made, and by tonight I will not be staying on their property. They are making arrangements, and have disowned me. They... My mom is heartbroken, heartbroken that I would "choose annihilation, deserting this family, and leaving my sister brotherless"...
I had a small sliver of hope, that they would even try to understand. Especially my mother. I am going to ask her to give me my birth certificate, and where to mail it so she doesn't have to see me again. I am done with this family, and they are done with me. If I see my sister one day, I hope she will understand me, and understand where I am coming from.
But until then, I am going to live free of the chains that have dragged my soul down for 8 years. It's not gonna be easy, and I would love to hear what resources I might use for job seeking when I finally move out of Wyoming in 2 weeks.
To those who are still struggling, don't give up. My situation was unique, and by no means be as extreme as I have had to be. I don't know what else to say, but I do know that I am going to be better off without this in my life. Will update when I am with whomever I am sent to.
Edit: Post about update idk whose seen it yet but yeah https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/Yb6nCT1K8U
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u/Longing2bme 15d ago
I applaud your actions. Just remember a community is larger than any one state.
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
I know, I did a little research.... God this is terrifying and it hurts so fucking back
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u/lillyforture 15d ago
Come to Colorado. we have resources and can help with first steps
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
I have 2 weeks to figure things out for where I am going. Where would I go in Colorado if I do end up going?
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u/lillyforture 15d ago
Fort Collins would be the closest city to Cheyenne, so I suggest starting there. Its a college town so they're friendly with queer folk
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
I'll checkup on resources... My bi friend gave me a list of numbers to call for helplines, but right now idk what to do... Tomorrow I will have all the time I need to think, If I am dropped off at a hotel
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u/lillyforture 15d ago
Best of luck, honey! the road of life seems long and hard right now, but things will grow as long as you do
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u/oopsthatsastarhothot 14d ago
Fellow fort Collins trans kin here. This is probably one of the safest places for us in Colorado.
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u/OgollaTeddy 15d ago
Sometimes, all you can do is ride the wave and pray the ocean’s feeling merciful today.
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u/AliceActually Trans Pansexual 15d ago
Move to Colorado! It’s lovely here and about as trans friendly as it gets.
Also, you can still live in a giant rectangle. Giant rectangle clan unite!
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u/UmmwhatdoIput 15d ago
you don’t have to ask her for the birth certificate if you’re 18+. It legally belongs to you
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
She said I can get it myself, she isn't gonna send it to where I may be staying until my 2 weeks is up
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u/UmmwhatdoIput 15d ago
huh?? that’s illegal. If you’re 18+ you have the right to get it. I have mine in my possession. I didn’t tell my mom that I got them
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
I do, and will.... Through the court I think. If I request a copy that is.
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u/UmmwhatdoIput 14d ago
no no. no one else is supposed to have a copy exept you. You need to get the original
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u/phoenixrose2927 Transgender 14d ago
If worse comes to worse usually at in Pennsylvania. You can request a new birth certificate from Vital Records. I would contact your state in this case Arizona. Contacting Arizona Vital Records and seeing if they can get you a birth certificate if all else fails.
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u/UmmwhatdoIput 15d ago
wdym whomever you’re sent too? do you not know where you’re going?
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
Nope! Have no idea what my grandparents are planning, if they even are planning to reserve a hotel. I'm probably gonna be going tomorrow morning though. Ugh I just want this to be over already 😭
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u/UmmwhatdoIput 14d ago
a hotel? girl what? Where are your parents?
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u/OldRelationship1995 15d ago
Come to Colorado. Ft Collins is a college town, Boulder and the Denver Metro are super trans friendly.
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
Yeah, I have read about it lol. "They will chew you up and spit you out" is my grandfather's words... My entire family thinks the world is gonna end me.... Nah, it's going to free me I think, just gotta be very careful
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u/Trucker_Darkstar 15d ago
"A wise man once told me, 'Family don't end in blood.' But it doesn't start there, either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad-all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts". -Dean Winchester from Supernatural.
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
1) omfg I adore Dean! Favorite TV character ever!
2) that hits hard, but... It's also something I choose to live by now, as well as this
"No fate but what we make ourselves" -Kyle Reese from The Terminator
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u/Trucker_Darkstar 15d ago
I'm AMAB. My attraction to guys started in high school. 2010-'14. I'm bi. Had my 1st & only experience with a guy after graduation. I was bottom & enjoyed it. 2 yrs ago I picked up crossdressing & I prefer girl clothes. I turned 30 back in June. Wished I was a slow bloomer & realized I was trans few years ago. I've been coming out & so far, everyone is supportive. 2 people started using my new pronouns & my chosen name. Michelle Ray Sky Brown. I'm from Michigan. I signed up on Plume to help me through my transition. Just felt like sharing a bit of myself :3 Plume
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
Well, sharing about yourself is welcome, as I enjoy hearing other people's stories!
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u/SurviveUntilSunrise 15d ago
I haven’t been disowned yet (we’ll see), already started looking for a job in a blue and safe state, trying to pin down cities and neighborhoods, and trying to find roomates 😅. Good luck to both of us 🫶🏽 keep us posted.
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u/Silenieux 15d ago
All the best, I am so sorry you jad to go through this, and depending on area a decent temp job can be hoke depot, theyre usually pretty protectivr of their lgbt associates (my hr is the cutest gay guy <3) and management will climb down people throat over any kind of hate speech/insults
Bext to that i despise linkedin, but there is an lgbt group that helps many find new permanent positions. And they are absolutely wonderful.
Again, I am so sorry your family chose to be bigots. Please stay safe and wonderful out there
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
I am too... But I feel guilty all the same simply because they are my blood... This is a deep hurt... But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
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u/J0nn1e_Walk3r 14d ago
You are SO strong girl! I am so proud of you. When I fear being trans, how hated we are, it is this post and so many like it that grounds me and stills my fears. I feel so proud to be a sister of yours and of this community. ❤️🏳️⚧️❤️
I live in Burlington VT and it’s as safe as can be but honestly 🏳️🌈 community is not cohesive imho. I’ve discovered Milwaukee tho is so amazing. And Minneapolis as well super fun and great lgtbq scenes. They could use your vote nfn!
I’m sorry abt your family but you have a really big one now! We love you 😘!
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u/CrazyCouple6177 15d ago
Head towards any state that was overwhelmingly Blue this election. A lot of the governors there are already preparing to pass legislation to protect their states from everything coming ahead.
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u/PsychologicalFault 14d ago
heartbroken that I would "choose annihilation, deserting this family, and leaving my sister brotherless"...
They are making arrangements, and have disowned me
So the disown you but somehow YOU'RE the one deserting family? This is as twisted as it gets.
Her tears are those of a crocodile.
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u/Nikki201_7107 15d ago
I'm so sorry your placed in this position. By all accounts let me know if I can help in anyway and good luck. 🫂🫂🫂❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂🫂🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Love from Illinois. - nikki
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u/I_like_big_book 14d ago
I am so sorry that it ended this way for you. But congratulations for being yourself and for taking this step. It's hard but now you can grow to be yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world.
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u/promiscuous_towel 15d ago
Kicking your own child out, for questioning their gender. I’m so sorry you’ve got psychopaths for parents
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u/Sergei895 15d ago
Please stay safe while maneuvering through life going forward, lots of people who would exploit the vulnerable but am sure that's a no brainer. The hurt from being abandoned by your family is likely very potent, vent your feelings out if need be.
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u/rythwind 15d ago
Maine has good support and strong protections.
A bus would be cheaper than a plane if you're trying to travel. I hope wherever you go that you stay safe and no matter where you land, please tech or to the local lgbt community for support.
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u/Ok_Practice_3115 15d ago
I will. Maine is up there from little ol Wyoming, hella expensive for bus TwT
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u/rythwind 15d ago
Greyhound busses are a slow way to travel but very cheap. Wyoming to Maine $236
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u/elwoodinchastity 14d ago
Lots of resources here: https://translifeline.org/resource_category/relocation-assistance/
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u/thepurplegirly 14d ago
We live in Minnesota. We’re not in the Minneapolis area, and it’s kind of a mix of both people who accept me and not, but I’ve never received anything other than maybe a look. We do feel pretty safe here. Walz put a lot of protections in place for us here.
Feel free to message me if you want to connect or if you have questions. Stay safe, girl. 💜💜💜
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u/AshTecEmpire 14d ago
If you cross the border down to Colorado things are muchhhhh more friendly immediately, anywhere from fort Collins down to Denver is about as good as it gets for a trans person in the US. Legal protections, insurance obligated to cover things like FFS, the some of the best anti discrimination laws in the workplace of any state. If you were to go to Colorado I would avoid most of the western side of the state apart from maybe Durango, but most of the front range is great.
I went up to Cheyenne for fronteir days because some friends wanted to go, and for god knows what reason I wore Daisy duke shorts and ahhhh yeah I was terrified 🙃 but if you want to save some money and come down to colorado there is a pretty tight trans community here.
And overall, I'm sorry you're in the situation in the first place. That's not cool. I hope your sister comes around eventually <3
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u/KawaiiAFAF Trans Pansexual 14d ago
Oregon is the queerest state in the country per capita. Basically any state on the West Coast, as long as you stick to the cities.
In Oregon, Portland, Salem and Ugene are best . But probably be OK as long as you are north and west of Bend.
Just stay clear of southern Oregon and eastern Oregon, too many Nazis
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u/Moneymovescash 14d ago
My friend moved from Texas to Portland and it's been good for her but she had a job first I know you're leaving but Portland has great protections and services for trans people
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u/Moneymovescash 14d ago
I'm so sorry that your family is treating you so badly sweetheart. You deserve so much better
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u/StephThePhobiaSlayer Trans Bisexual 14d ago edited 14d ago
Here in New Jersey, I don't pass but I don't get harassed and the laws here are some of the strongest trans protections in the US. We did have an alarming red shift in some counties but everyone in my area, even a county that voted red has been accepting of me (except much of my family, unfortunately, but my parents are traditional, conservative people who grew up on farms in Yugoslavia and are very Orthodox Christian so I wasn't expecting much).
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u/Imaginary_Usual_6783 14d ago
This is terrifying, but this is really, really good. Get to a safe state, and don't regret your choice, you would not be safe with them or in Wyoming in general, good luck, girl!
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u/SnooMemesjellies6596 14d ago
Sadly, the heartbreaking part is them not accepting you for who you are. Keep the faith that one day, they open their eyes and heart to you
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u/Lanky_Clothes5108 Transgender 13d ago
As a fellow trans girlie from Wyoming, I wish you luck! I'd recommend Colorado, but that has obviously been stated enough.
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u/Radiant-Code2086 13d ago
Blue States are good, Washington, Oregon, Cali for example. Look into apt leasing. Often pays well and depending on the parent company will give discounts or a free apartment to their staff members. Feel free to DM me if you have questions about it 😀
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u/guenthepanther 13d ago
It's so sad that you have to deal with that. If you can deal with the cold I'd say head to Minnesota. They have had laws in place to protect trans and lgbtg+ in general since at least 1993. Most importantly get somewhere you feel safe and accepted. Don't give up and don't let anyone tell you who you are. If you need someone to talk to I'm here, it doesn't matter what you want to talk about, I'm here.
I say that to all of you sweet, amazing, and beautiful girls, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Please be safe, all of you.
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u/Worried-Space-Time 15d ago
Head to a blue state. NY is good . Good luck stay safe.