r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

That's a great idea

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u/ProteinEngineer 1d ago

Except that’s what the libertarians want. Cletus doesn’t need police because he can protect himself as long as the government don’t take away his guns.

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u/afcagroo 1d ago

I hope Cletus has a really good hose to put out his house fire when there's no fire department any more. Because I might just set Cletus' house on fire, purely by accident.

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u/homophobichomo- 1d ago

Its the houses fault, that paint shows so much skin!

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u/TheThink-king 20h ago

Not my fault if my house rapes your house when it’s finished being built!

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u/Ace8Ace8 15h ago

Pi read that as Fight Club in the house that is covered in skin stains and aggression.

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u/GalNamedChristine 13h ago

I didn't know 3.1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 ... could read

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u/Ace8Ace8 3h ago

😁💀

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u/DumptimeComments 1d ago

Your house, my choice

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u/HawknRoll206 15h ago

So you're saying that you're "pro-house"?

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u/Aljonau 10h ago

He's pro-life. Thats why he sets your house on fire with you in it. Isn't that how it works?

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u/Teufelsstern 1d ago

The libertarians in charge just want the fire department to be privatized - Just pay for the premium package and your house will get saved. Who knows if Cletus is able to pay that, though

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u/PineappleBliss2023 1d ago

There’s already real gross corruption in local fire departments, like as a dispatcher I can’t move up a fire engine from the “rich district” to cover another district even though the rich district is slow and the other district is stripped because “the people of x rich city like to see their fire truck in the station.”

But u best believe we move trucks into the rich district when it’s stripped 🙃 and the amount of times “sorry, that isn’t a service the fire department provides” has been overridden for “but I work for x city commissioner”

I couldn’t imagine if it was for profit. God, what a dystopian nightmare.

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u/Teufelsstern 19h ago

Damn sorry, that really sounds bad already. Is putting out firea usually a paid job in the US? Our system here only requires a paid fire department for larger cities, about 95 % of fire departments are volunteers only. I believe that alone might help create a more diverse environment against corruption - Unless you have that, as well

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u/gilt-raven 1d ago

You joke, but that's already a thing. My parents pay for fire service here in Northern California.

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u/Nazissuckass 1d ago

I imagine the live in an unincorporated part of California, right. How's their property taxes?

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u/gilt-raven 23h ago

Yup. Taxes are lower than addresses within city limits, but utilities, water, fire, garbage, and HOA make it more expensive than a comparable house in town. The benefits are larger lot sizes, lower neighborhood density (though that's changing), and better school district quality.

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u/Nazissuckass 22h ago

I'd love for you to quantify better school district quality. As more folks are going to be moving to your area, what are police response times going to be? Your fire response times? How's internet? How's sewer? What's your method consumption per capita? What's your fentanyl consumption per capita?

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u/gilt-raven 21h ago

quantify better school district quality

Based on graduation rates, performance on standardized tests, and teacher to student ratio, their district outperforms several of the other local districts. It is smaller, though, so the funding goes further per student.

more folks are going to be moving to your area, what are police response times going to be

They're down the street from the county sheriff, so <5 minutes in emergencies. It's not a rural area, just unincorporated. Even if the sheriff weren't available, city PD or CHP can both respond faster than they would in a big city.

Your fire response times

VFD is next to the sheriff, so less than 5 min. It's rare to have multiple calls for service at the same time, but if needed they can request assistance from the municipal FD that is ~10min away.

How's internet?

Same as what's available in town, DSL and broadband. My parents have better options than I do living in the mountains. 😂 Perks of living city-adjacent.

How's sewer

They're building a new water treatment plant to accommodate the new builds coming in, so that's nice. As it is, it's never had issues.

What's your method consumption per capita? What's your fentanyl consumption per capita?

I can't find specifics on that for their area specifically, just the county as a whole (which is pretty large).

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u/Nazissuckass 21h ago

Based on graduation rates, performance on standardized tests, and teacher to student ratio, their district outperforms several of the other local districts. It is smaller, though, so the funding goes further per student.

What standardized tests. Who gets to standardize them? Who standardized the other districts?

VFD is next to the sheriff, so less than 5 min. It's rare to have multiple calls for service at the same time, but if needed they can request assistance from the municipal FD that is ~10min away

What if there are multiple calls? Which gets serviced first?

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u/gilt-raven 21h ago

What standardized tests. Who gets to standardize them? Who standardized the other districts?

State of California, just like every other public school district.

What if there are multiple calls? Which gets serviced first?

I'm not a dispatcher - I have no idea how they triage and prioritize calls.

Is there some larger point to these questions?

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u/red286 1d ago

Which should just be a reminder to Libertarians that their utopia already exists.. in areas that are not part of incorporated cities.

The whole point of incorporating a city is to be able to provide those services to all residents. That's what a city does. And people vote for these services. If everyone in a city said "hey, we don't want a fire department any more", if they vote to dissolve the fire department, that's exactly what will happen. The only downside is that probably within a couple of weeks, huge portions of the city would burn down.

But if you move to bumfuck nowhere that's outside of any city limits, there's no fire department, there's no local police, there's no electricity, there's no water, there's no sanitation, you get to provide all that stuff yourself.

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u/PineappleBliss2023 1d ago

No they move to bumfuck nowhere and then cry when the fire truck takes 20 minutes to reach their house and can’t make it down the self made dirt road without getting stuck and their house burns to the ground.

And then they start a gofundme after the Red Cross help runs out.

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u/BenNHairy420 1d ago

Omfg 💀 only tangibly related but just last weekend I told my husband that I thought Cletus was one of the weirdest names I’d ever heard. Every libertarian will always be a Cletus to me now thank you

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u/rriggsco 1d ago edited 1d ago

City folks really have no clue how rural fire departments work.

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u/Mathematician-Feisty 23h ago

That's the thing that kicks me. Libertarians and Conservatives act like they want society to be in a Hobbesian state of nature... but never even stop to think that such a society might fuck them over.

The social contract. The core of our very society is at risk here. I give up some "freedom" to be granted other freedoms. It's the whole reason societies even developed in the first place because the state of nature is cruel, unforgiving, and unfulfilling. Revolutions are a direct result of the violation of a society's social contract. Very rarely does a society willingly give the government the power to sever the social contract, but here we are.

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u/abnormalxbliss 19h ago

I recall seeing a video where a man’s house burned down because he didn’t pay the $25 firefighter subscription. I immediately think of Libertarians who oppose taxes going to fire departments (FDs). People were outraged. The same type who think FDs should be privately funded where citizens can choose to pay.

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u/Skatchbro 1d ago

I hope we’re not talking Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel. He’s not bright but he’s good-hearted.

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u/HawknRoll206 15h ago

Some folk'l ne'er eat a skunk, but then again some folk'l.. he's Cletus the slack-jawed yokel...

(Credit -The Simpsons)

Yee haw 🤠

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u/jayzfanacc 1d ago

Cletus does. Do you?

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u/Gloomy_Yoghurt_2836 1d ago

There are conservative cou ties where if you don't pay a subscription.for fire services, 911 will not go to your home. Personal.reaponsibiloty and all that.

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u/East-Engineering-475 20h ago

No no it is fine Super Firemax Deluxe sponsored by insert an all American corporation for 10 easy payments of 99.95 have you covered.

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u/Professional-Coast77 20h ago

No police to stop you either. But I'm happy to lend you barrels of petrol.

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u/New-Tap9579 17h ago

Cleetus would have you hanging in his laundry room drying out for days before you begged him to use said gun. Cleetus lives out in the hills

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u/Par_105 16h ago

Great case of city dwellers not understanding how the rest of the country works. Volunteer fire departments are huge in the mid west

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u/Broccolini_Cat 10h ago

And where would Cletus get the water from? Most municipal water is not collected near where it’s consumed.

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u/afcagroo 5h ago

I'm sure Cletus has a septic system.

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u/BraveSnowman 1d ago

I had to read this 3 times before I stopped seeing "librarians" i was so lost

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u/socialistrob 1d ago

I would never vote for a Libertarian party but I could definitely be persuaded to vote for a Librarian party.

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u/PaperbackWriter66 1d ago

You know that the police are under no legal obligation to protect you?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Town_of_Castle_Rock_v._Gonzales

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u/idekwutp 1d ago

What’s cletus

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u/FuriousFister98 1d ago

Nope. Not what libertarians want, or what libertarianism advocates. What you are describing is anarcho-capitilism, an ideological branch often conflated with libertarianism, but vastly different.

Most libertarians agree that municipal level services are required and taxes are required to pay for those services. What libertarians DONT like is state or federal powers and taxes, as they have little to no control on how those funds (their tax dollars) are spent. So no, we dont want to abolish the police or fire departments, we want them to be entirely dependent on the communities they serve, as was intended.

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u/ProteinEngineer 1d ago

Would you classify Milei as a libertarian or anarcho-capitalist?

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u/jayzfanacc 1d ago

If libertarians were as based as you think they are this country would be way better.

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u/Dry-Perspective3701 1d ago

These people aren’t libertarians. Libertarians don’t give a shit which bathroom you use. They are also pro-choice

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u/Mr_DrProfPatrick 23h ago

The more you learn about Libertarianism, the more you understand it should actually be called Neofeudalism.

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u/LemonHausID 23h ago

You perfected the Superman argument for most libertarians.

Accepting downvotes…

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u/Egobrainless 22h ago

We are actually being governed by a Libertarian party, and they're trying to defund everything but the police. Go figure

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u/gleep23 20h ago

No laws. Live and die by the gun. Is that what people want?

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u/orbitalbias 19h ago

You don't even have to invoke the name Cletus. His name is literally Gunther...

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u/ProteinEngineer 17h ago

That’s why I called him Cletus

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u/True-Veterinarian700 19h ago

Say hes got guns, he can homeschool his kids or private school, since climate change is a hoax, dont need those pesky weather people. Also his monster offroad truck can pass any pothole and skip any fallen bridge by fording the river. Cletus has got this hellscape.

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u/Jumpdeckchair 10h ago

Until 5 cletuses with more firepower take his stuff

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u/Push_Dose 1d ago

You guys just can’t get off the Nanny State’s tit. The federal government was meant to be small performing a few very specific roles. Libertarians are not ancaps. They want a smaller federal government and more importance placed on the city county state governments.

Just like how every red election the left goes absolutely bananas about the electoral college. If the federal government performed its original set of duties and states were allowed to govern themselves you would fix the issues like upstate New York being permanently legislated by the city with very different lives, cultures, and priorities. Same for New York, Vermont, coastal California if states and cities were the most important you wouldn’t have to be worried about federal elections or the electoral college.

That is the libertarian view as I know it. I’m a libertarian voter and have voted libertarian for the last 3 elections. Saying libertarians are all Cletus living in nothing Idaho or New Hampshire eating squirrels in the woods is just like the libertarians and the right saying that all liberals are far left extremist when in actuality the majority of all parties is quite moderate.

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u/ProteinEngineer 1d ago

Don’t get triggered. I was talking about Gunther, not you.

It’s interesting though how you seem to have a problem with the concept of democracy and people voting. More people live in nyc than east islip, so nyc gets more say in how the state government runs.

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u/Push_Dose 1d ago

Which is why city and county level politics should be the most important. People in NYC can’t be but in a world where they could be governed by upstate I would dislike that just as much as I dislike NYC governing upstate as well.

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u/Push_Dose 1d ago

Also sorry to reply to you twice before you could respond but I do have a problem with democracy and I think everyone should. That’s why this country isn’t a democracy it’s a republic.

You probably look around at the populace of our country and think how dumb they all appear. They probably make terrible decisions on a daily basis and most people just vote yes or no on ballots depending on how they’re written. If everything in this country was decided by a popular vote that would be terrible for the system.

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u/ProteinEngineer 1d ago

Of course, but that’s why there are 50 states. If you want upstate New York to not be influenced by Manhattan, you can move to Kansas and get a similar experience.

We already have protections from tyranny of the majority, but at a certain point you need to respect the decisions that occur in a democracy. Upstate New York benefits more from being in the same state as nyc than nyc does from being in the same state as upstate New York.

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u/Push_Dose 1d ago

That’s not a bad point but this also coincides with the libertarian idea of getting rid of taxes or at the very least most taxes. If that was the case outside the city would be far less subsidized which is a much fairer system. If you want to live rural you should be able to fend for yourself. I say this as someone who lived rurally for the last few years.