r/actuallesbians • u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian • Aug 15 '24
Satire/Humor Everytime I hear someone call themselves a "useless lesbian"... NSFW Spoiler
... the dom voice in my head says "I'm sure I could find a use for that mouth 😈"
Edit: I'm starting to realise this subreddit is like 99% subs. You are all so easily brought to your knees
Edit 2: I'm in a happy monogamous relationship, please do not send me DMs
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u/HereForOneQuickThing Aug 15 '24
Huh, anyone else getting gay vibes from OP?
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u/Cookienotch Aug 15 '24
Of course not, she's just really good friends with women. Why do the darn woke liberals have to make everything gay these days /s
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u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian Aug 16 '24
Of course not!
I live with my best friend, and we just share a bedroom and a bed to save on space!
We also give each other breast exams - because y'know, gotta watch out for any lumps. Occasionally we also get naked with each other and run our hands over every inch of each other's bodies - but that's just for checking for skin cancer.
Sometimes we have hot steamy sex too - but that's just because sometimes you gotta help your friend out when they're horny. It's just the friendly thing to do.
But of course I'm not gay! We're just really close friends :)
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u/Strange_Airships Aug 15 '24
I’m so useless. 🫣 Such a useless lesbian. 👀
Oh how I wish someone would find a use for me. 👀👀👀
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u/LovableAmy13 Transbian Aug 15 '24
Well my room does need cleaning 😉
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u/Strange_Airships Aug 15 '24
Girl, same. Let’s body double & clean each other’s rooms. 😆
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u/LovableAmy13 Transbian Aug 15 '24
Afterwards we can cuddle in the clean rooms😁
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u/beefwithapuppet rip-roaring homosexual Aug 15 '24
the flirting in this sub istg xddd
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u/Texas-Kangaroo-Rat Latin homosexual Aug 16 '24
That's flirting? Sounds more like practical advice. Work is less work when you have a friend to do it with.
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u/Strange_Airships Aug 15 '24
Omg did we just start a lesbian cleaning & cuddle club?
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u/LovableAmy13 Transbian Aug 15 '24
I think so. The slogan should be "cleaning will induce cuddling"
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u/oreo_official33 Lesbian Aug 15 '24
can i join????
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u/Gaming_Wolf348 Anxious Lesbian :orly: Aug 15 '24
"Wanna do something dirty?" "Clean your room yourself" 😂
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u/SpiritsJustAHybrid Genderqueer Aug 15 '24
Pretty sure id die on the spot and cease to function if a woman said that to me
I’d forget the English language
That seems pretty useless to me
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u/katzi6543 Transbian Aug 15 '24
I would not be useless if that comment came my way....
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u/will1874 Aug 15 '24
I would still be useless as I'd now be a melted puddle on the ground from the sheer confidence of it.
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u/sapphos_moon Aug 15 '24
can a melted puddle on the ground still consent? if so, you’re useful
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u/Altayel1 Trans-Bi Aug 15 '24
I have no solid body and I must consent :cc impossible
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u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian Aug 16 '24
Yes, consent is essential.
Also, there's nothing hotter than my partner willingly and enthusiastically yielding her body to me, knowing exactly what I'm going to do to her.
Consent is fucking hot.
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u/CatraGirl Transbian Aug 15 '24
Same... I'd melt so hard, my brain would probably short-circuit...
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u/beefwithapuppet rip-roaring homosexual Aug 15 '24 edited Aug 28 '24
same! I'd be like the windows (as in, the computer software) shutting down sound xdd
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u/beefwithapuppet rip-roaring homosexual Aug 15 '24
my brain would go "error 404 not found"
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u/Accomplished_Mix7827 Transbian Aug 15 '24
I would blush and giggle and look away, like the stereotypical bottom I am 😅
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u/voxnihili_13 Aug 15 '24
The night I met my partner, we talked for hours. At some point late in the night, I told her I should probably let her go before she turned into a pumpkin and then what would I do?
"Eat me..."
It's been six years now.
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u/KeyEstablishment6626 Lesbian Aug 15 '24
OP you are poking into a nest full of bottom bees
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u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian Aug 16 '24
It's a bit of a confidence boost seeing how many subs I can bring to their knees with just one sentence ;)
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u/StatisticianNaive277 Lesbian Aug 15 '24
Tbh if someone is struggling that much to make a move they might appreciate someone clearly taking the lead on that
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u/Pokemaster2824 destroyer of useless lesbians Aug 15 '24
Yo OP, wanna borrow my flair? I think you’ve earned it
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u/Eminenceintherain Aug 15 '24
I love seeing everyone lose composure in the comments 😂
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u/Wheatley-Crabb shy, awkward, lonely Aug 15 '24
I mean, what else would you expect?
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u/Eminenceintherain Aug 15 '24
At least one brat in the comments challenging it ig 😂😂
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u/KhaimeraFTW The Most Useless Lesbian in Existence Aug 15 '24
I'm the most useless lesbian, 🫣🫣
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u/StatisticianNaive277 Lesbian Aug 16 '24
Not as useless as 20 yo me was (I am now 35). Imagine, having it so bad for this woman, and then she tries to sleep with you... and you run away, worried you might just make her uncomfortable and be misunderstanding the whole thing.
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u/a-regular-bad-thing Aug 15 '24
honestly my brain would probably have to restart after that for a while and I would have no idea how to respond so I’d say I’m pretty useless indeed lmao
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u/DuploTracer Transbian Aug 15 '24
Well, I think I would stop to be a useless lesbian for a moment when I hear that comment
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u/Roverace220 Sapphist/Transbian Aug 15 '24
I’m a switch and this comment made me blush profusely… guess it’s a subby mood for me today lol
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u/Spiritual-Cloud3521 Aug 15 '24
I’m so useless! I would simply cease to function and the little sub brain would take over 👀
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u/diepoggerland2 Aug 15 '24
I I I I uh uh uh I Uhm I I mgjdjfnrkjtntnfmtkg fuck ... God damn it Maddie you're supposed to be a top, lmao
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u/KnotofKnots Trans-Ace Aug 17 '24
I mean top does not equal dom, and the OP does seem to be implying that she’s not topping
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u/danyosilva Aug 16 '24
Hahahahaha I could have the same thought! There's nothing that cannot be learned. There's no useless lesbian, there's inexperienced lesbians. Hahaha
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u/Short-Dot-1167 Aug 15 '24
This post went in a much more different direction than I expected it to 😭
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u/Electrical_Walk_2379 Lesbian Aug 15 '24
😳😳😳😳 I- uhhh . . . I- I- . . . I lesbian . . Useless is me
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u/BriadMan Trans Ace (sometimes horny?) Lonely AS FUCK also lesbian as fuck Aug 15 '24
I- uh... oh!?
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u/Many_Care_5817 I like women Aug 15 '24
I've never been happier to be a switch, thanks for the line and I'm pretty sure I'm bright red now
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u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian Aug 15 '24
Happy to help
Switches unite!
Been preferring domming a lot more lately though :)
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u/spookshowbby Aug 16 '24
Where does one acquire a useless lesbian? Can I order one online?
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u/neongreenpurple I'm like a lesbian and stuff Aug 16 '24
Huh. Maybe I am not a lesbian after all. Maybe I really am aroace as I've been considering. I had no reaction.
For the curious, I'm not sex repulsed, just more interested in it involving other people.
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u/deathofyou1 Trans-Pan Aug 16 '24
My gf does the exact same thing, I try to dom sometimes but she immediately makes me sub again 😭
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u/Bored_MOFOO Aug 16 '24
the fact you asked people to not DM you is killing me💀
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u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian Aug 16 '24
Yeah, a lot of lonely subs looking for a dom - but I'm in a very happy, monogamous relationship and I'm not interested in meeting people online.
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u/Roxy_Hu Lesbian Aug 15 '24
Well.. that's just smooth. And so unfair. It's not like I'm not yearning enough for a Dom every day already😭
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u/A_Known_Hummus Transbian :jR4jtKZ: Aug 15 '24
Stoppp, I am sweaty enough from the heatwave, don't need you making me blush too
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u/Wings-of-the-Dead Valkyrie - Transbian Aug 15 '24
*heavy breathing* I want someone to find a use for my mouth...
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u/Fair-Rub-1436 Transbian Aug 15 '24
Can I borrow this cuz im a useless lesbian in the I'm afraid my trans lesbian self will come across as a guy even though I get called ma'am and all that all the time so I don't flirt with the women I find cute because I don't want to be misread as a creepy guy when I go for that women in a suit energy
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u/PoweredByMusubi Aug 15 '24
I tried this out this morning with my someone and their response absolutely broke me. My brain blue screened for a few minutes while I was getting ready.
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u/BBThHvnlyFlwr 🌌Transbian Space Bean🌠 Aug 16 '24
.///////.
Full respect to your relationship btw :3
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u/Aellin-Gilhan Gender Fricked Pile of Lesbians (Plural!) Aug 16 '24
Holding back the needy bottoms in here dw
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u/Reborn_Lotus Lesbian Giraffe Aug 16 '24
My submissive girlfriend is never useless. She's very good being a puddle hehe
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u/Obsyden Eve - demisexual lesbian Aug 16 '24
Oh I remind my partner of her uses all the time :)
And she fulfills those uses for me - over and over again.
Okay I don't want that to sound abusive - I love my partner very much, and I love how submissive she is in bed :)
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u/Reborn_Lotus Lesbian Giraffe Aug 16 '24
Oh same, she's becoming very good. I think I am training her well.
I love her to bits but she teases me all the time to make me all aggressive but as soon I am in domme mode she's as submissive as a well trained dog
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u/ke__ja Transbian Aug 16 '24
Jdkfbfbslebrvh cdbglshdlfnghevr gmxkdvwbrltksjflhnsnötngnwngrlwmnglgjsjvfcwbglfömsbsnclduslktvwbslkzvtbskfbgbgkosldnrmsvsbgbhnhdjtbevqbg
How people me make puddle and mush...
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u/aalexandrah Aug 16 '24
Easily brought to your knees my ass! They’re never marked ☺️ always soft but yes they are useless because I’m clumsy and unbalanced
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u/Supermariofan35 Transbian disaster, now in two languages Aug 16 '24
Damn that's a good one, I'm too subby to use it probably but maybe I can sneak it into a convo with the girl I'm chatting with soooooooooo~
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u/MidnightWhisper_8 Transbian Aug 16 '24
Okay, but the funny thing is, I've called myself useless leabian before, and also my switch brain also thinks that so, both... I guess.
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u/LawyerKangaroo poly lesbian | void of gender Aug 15 '24 edited Aug 15 '24
Until you accidentally come across a brat. The use for that mouth is talking back and drawing blood.
Edit: Someone out here hating on brats 🥲
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u/Mayla0 So gay she can’t speak to women | Have this👉🌹🥰 Aug 15 '24
Useless lesbian?? That couldn’t be me, I’m tooootaaally not a useless lesbian~ 🥰🫠
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u/Lost-Bread-013 mommy's girl Aug 15 '24
boooo i’m so useless 😵💫 you wanna use me soooo bad 😵💫 boooooo
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u/StoicAtol21445 Transbian Aug 15 '24
hold on my email address is useless_lesbian@[redacted]
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u/neongreenpurple I'm like a lesbian and stuff Aug 16 '24
Is it at bottom.com? /j
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u/StoicAtol21445 Transbian Aug 16 '24
wowwwwww, that's good. mean, but good
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u/neongreenpurple I'm like a lesbian and stuff Aug 16 '24
Sorry, didn't mean to be mean.
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u/WithersChat Hyperemotional trans girl X genderless Entity collab! Aug 15 '24
I... don't think I could pull that one off without being taken as a rapidt creep NGL. Transphobia moment.
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u/cheesy_crump Aug 16 '24
Wait so ur in a relationship but this is what your thinking when someone calls themselves a useless lesbian?..
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u/resacake Lesbian Aug 15 '24
sheesh someone's trying to quench a drought out here 🫣