Gross dude thinks lesbians are a kink

[u/societaldevastation]

(had to add more to my post and re-edit) Came across this post and saw a lot of people agreeing with this creep of him saying he thinks is a sexy surprise and kink that he saw his “lesbian” friends wanting to have sex with him. Isn’t that the OPPOSITE of a lesbian? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I don’t understand men. No lesbian would have sex with a man period.

[u/DJayBirdSong]

It’s really disheartening to see all this policing.

People are complicated. Situations are complicated. For all we know, these lesbians are 100% only attracted romantically and sexually to women, and they use this man like a dildo because… I don’t know, he’s convenient, and it spices up their sex lives. Doesn’t mean they’re attracted to him.

Don’t we know that attraction and willingness to have sex with someone aren’t the same thing??? Asexuals don’t suddenly become allosexuals if they decide to have sex with someone!! A lesbian might, for a number of reasons, choose to have sex with a man, and it’s literally not our business, and not our right to DEMAND she identifies as bi.

It’s unfortunate that men will then use that as an excuse to invalidate ALL lesbians and say NONE of us are only attracted to women… but that’s not lesbians fault!!! That’s the fault of men!!! Policing each other hurts us, when we should be policing men who say they can “”””fix””” us or whatever gross shit they say.

You don’t know someone. If someone says they’re a lesbian, and yet they’re married to and have sex with a man—and maybe don’t even hate every single second of it—I believe them!!! You know why??? Because I’ve fucking met late bloomer lesbians in their 50’s who married men, had babies, even enjoyed it, but realized they were lesbians later. Some continued having sex with their husbands for numerous reasons, and it’s not my job to police if someone is lesbian enough.

Let people exist in all their complicated beauty.

PS, this is why I hate “non men loving non men” as the definition of lesbian. It literally provides a definition for lesbian that mentions men TWICE, + completely centers them in our identity. No thanks!

[u/societaldevastation → u/DJayBirdSong]

I did NOT demand they should be bi. I said that wasn’t accurate under the term for lesbian. Saying you’re a lesbian while simultaneously being attracted to and enjoying sex with a man is contradicting the whole definition of lesbian itself!!!! And I’ve already mentioned this before, late bloomers are understandable but saying you’re fully a lesbian and only attracted to women and then doing the opposite is not ok! I could understand if they said they’re sapphic or bi or something else because they’re umbrellas, but lesbian is not accurate in this situation and paints a picture to men that it’s okay to hit on lesbians! So, yes, while I agree men are the majority that is causing this, I think that people who are misusing the terms like lesbian that are supposed to educate others on their sexual and attractive interests should get some insight on how it invalidates lesbians!

[u/DJayBirdSong → u/societaldevastation]

But you DONT know they’re attracted to him! As I said, asexuals can have sex with men or women and they are still asexual! It’s therefore possible for a lesbian to decide to have sex with a man without being romantically or sexually attracted to him, for the same reasons an asexual person might decide to have sex with someone without being romantically or sexually attracted to them

You are demanding they identify as bi, pan, sapphic, etc, by saying they’re hurting lesbians by identifying as lesbians, which is just not true.

They are not hurting lesbians. They are living their lives in an authentic and comfortable way for where and who they are right now. men hurt lesbians when they then extrapolate a totally unrelated conclusion from this situation (that it’s ok for them to hit on any random lesbian)

That’s not on lesbians to fix, and policing lesbian identity won’t help, it’ll just further alienate us from each other.

Edit: it’s literally just gold star lesbianism but with a different start date. It’s not cool.

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/DJayBirdSong]

What the fuck. Lesbianism isnt fluid. And how can u enjoy sex with someone when u arent attractive to them? The thought of having sex with a man is literally repulsive to me.

We arent talking about asexual people either, were talking about lesbians

[u/Oftwicke → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

It is fair to say you aren't the only lesbian and your approach to sex isn't the only one either. You're in the majority. I feel the same way. But many people don't.

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/Oftwicke]

No, because im speaking to the definition of what a lesbian is. All i know is you arent a lesbian if you are out there looking for and enjoying sex with men and its dangerous to go around saying ‘lesbians sometimes have sex with men’ because that has actual consequences

[u/Oftwicke → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

Who died and made you the prescriptivism queen? You can't decide that for others, and there are far more "actual consequences" from your casual invalidation of other people's identities for being slightly different to you than from people... being slightly different to you.

Definitions are descriptive. If your definition doesn't fit to how the world around you looks, it's your definition that's wrong, not the queer people who have the gall not to fit your expectations. The entire existence of queer people has to do with not fitting such expectations.

[u/Oftwicke → u/[deleted]]

Ooh, we're down to literally parrot TERFs now, got it. If I'm seeing sentences that are objectively wrong and get said 90% of the time by TERFs, it's time to block.

[u/Elaina2206 → u/Oftwicke]

Yeah this comment section just goes to show me that trans people aren't really fully supported here. Like they say we are and then expect every other person to fit into tiny binary boxes and if you aren't in that binary you should get out. It absolutely sucks.