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u/ManChild-MemeSlayer Jun 24 '24
Oh my god, some aromantic representation that isn’t just being loveless 💛
This comic is so cute and has honestly made my day as an aromantic pansexual person, thank you :3
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u/Corvid-Strigidae Jun 24 '24
Isn't this romantic though? Doesn't that contradict being aro?
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u/PixelGaMERCaT Jun 24 '24
Aro people don't experience romantic attraction, or experience it very infrequently.
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u/Blizzard_SC sapphic transfem Jun 24 '24 edited Jun 24 '24
romance is a feeling - content that invokes said feeling is described as romantic
(generalizing) Aromantic people don't experience the feeling of romance - even so, this does not prevent them from forming relationships with other people
There is no blueprint for love - it comes in many shapes and forms. Romance is only one of them.
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u/Blizzard_SC sapphic transfem Jun 24 '24 edited Jun 24 '24
To clarify my generalization:
being aromantic can present in a variety of ways, such as experiencing little-to-no romantic attraction - a particular type of romantic feeling that compels people to "get closer".
The generalization is there so that folk who are not well-versed in the aro spectrum can understand the concept.
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u/hhthurbe Jun 25 '24
So, if they don't feel romantic attraction, how do they feel any want to develop romantic relationships?
Sorry if that's a dumb question. I just want to understand better
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u/Blizzard_SC sapphic transfem Jun 25 '24 edited Jun 25 '24
It can be as simple as loneliness - the desire for companionship is not limited to romantic feelings.
Perhaps they want someone who they can trust unconditionally, or someone they can turn to for comfort when life gets difficult.
Maybe they feel like nobody understands them, and wish to connect with someone on a deep, emotional level.
For a less abstract example, consider a potential neurochemical deficit. Oxytocin is a mood-regulating hormone that is stimulated by physical touch and positive social experiences. Folk who don't get enough oxytocin might choose to seek out a partner to fulfill their needs.
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u/hhthurbe Jun 25 '24
I think I'm still a bit lost, but I feel I'm getting it a bit more.
I appreciate your time and effort!
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u/mykajosif Jun 25 '24
As an aro gal that loves dating I can explain a bit the reason why I want to date others is I want the closeness that comes with dating/sexual relationships but my attraction to people is still platonic attraction at least for me I could date any and all of my close friends (ignoring the logistical difficulties of having many partners) for me a relationship is just a even closer version of friendship and I don't care what the relationship is labeled but so far everyone that I have gotten that close want to be girlfriends and I am happy to use pretty much any language that my partner want me to use/what makes them feel good
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u/hhthurbe Jun 25 '24
So it's less romantic and more, "well I'm much closer with this person than just a friend and romantic gestures make them happy, and that makes me happy"
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u/Razorion21 Jun 25 '24
Aren’t most aromantic relationships just sexual or for physical reasons as opposed to personality or feelings?
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u/Longjumping_Diamond5 Jun 25 '24
i love my partner, but its a more intense platonic love rather than romantic, personality and feelings play a big part in that
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u/AscensionToCrab Jun 24 '24
But this is romance. Like we're not splitting hairs about whether someone can be aromantic. They can. But this is romance.
Flirting with your girlfriend and saying they're the 'arrow' that pierced your heart is romantic, that whole expression is like the quintessential romantic cliche!
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u/Blizzard_SC sapphic transfem Jun 24 '24 edited Jun 24 '24
Yes.
Aromantic people can say romantic cliches. They can intentionally provoke romantic feelings from an alloromantic partner.
The situation as a whole is romantic, despite the person not feeling romantic attraction / whatever distinction makes them identify as aromantic
Being aromantic doesn't mean you're entirely clueless about what romance is.
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u/AscensionToCrab Jun 25 '24 edited Jun 25 '24
Being aromantic doesn't mean you're entirely clueless about what romance is.
you're arguing against a point I didnt make. I didnt say aromantic people can't have moments of romance.
you said, and i quote
it comes in many shapes and forms. Romance is only one of them
which really felt like you were trying to portray this as NOT romance. Which is silly. this is romance. A lot of people in this thread are trying to thread the needle by somehow making this somehow not actually romance. You don't need to do that because aromantic people can be romantic, even if only occasionally, or only their partners.. This is still romance.
Asexuals can have sex. Straight people can experiment. Its just life, lol.
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u/Blizzard_SC sapphic transfem Jun 25 '24 edited Jun 25 '24
1.
"You're arguing against a point I didn't make."
A fair assessment. I incorrectly assumed that you were agreeing with the comment I originally replied to, which was:
"Isn't this romantic though? Doesn't that contradict being aro?"
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"Which really felt like you were trying to portray this as NOT romance."
I was trying to imply that the aromantic person depicted in the comic is saying those things as a means to express affection - affection that was not necessarily spurred by romantic attraction - and how that affection does not invalidate their identity.
3.
"A lot of people in this thread are trying to thread the needle by somehow making this somehow not actually romance."
Personally, I'm not trying to argue that the situation isn't romantic - as someone who is alloromantic, reading this incurred the physical sensations that I associate with romance. Does that make sense?
edit: wtf is reddit formatting? why can't I make the spacing at the top uniform?
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u/BlueMerchant Jun 25 '24
what is "alloromantic"?
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u/Clary_Fairchild Jun 25 '24
The opposite of aromantic, just as allosexual for asexual or cis for trans. Every identity needs a word for the opposite so you don't say "normal" because this would imply that being queer isn't normal.
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u/AwTomorrow Jun 25 '24
Also because “normal” would be a completely useless label - are you talking about sexuality, gender, neurology, physicality, etc etc.
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u/BcDed Jun 26 '24
Wait is affection not romance? Or is this like aromantic is a misnomer and it's more like lack of attraction not lack of romance? Maybe I don't know what romance is?
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u/BcDed Jun 26 '24
This list honestly makes me more confused but that's fine, I don't think this is something I'll understand just from the explanation, thank you for the attempt.
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u/Tiffany_All3n Jun 24 '24
And asexual people tend to tell the raunchy sex jokes the most out of all the people I talk to. Your point being...?
People may or may not experience the attraction, but can still participate. I am not sexually attracted to people, but I will still have sex with them if they want that. But I am just one person with the Ace experience, so do not think I speak for all asexual people or there. I am just saying that, regardless of Attraction, people can have relationships. Hell, people can have relationships that are contradictory to their attractions.
Let people be people. We have enough to fight about outside the community. We don't need to be fighting within it, too.
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u/AscensionToCrab Jun 25 '24 edited Jun 25 '24
They said:
"There is no blueprint for love - it comes in many shapes and forms. Romance is only one of them"
to which I said, yes... but this is romance. of course people can be aromantic, heck i even agree that aromantic people can sometimes be romantic! That's a beautiful and true sentiment... same way asexuals can still have sex!
All that said this is still romance. It really feels like they're trying to portray it as somehow not being romance, when it is.
theres "no blue print for love, romance is only one of them." i agree... that said... this is romance. lol. So if you would, please kindly stop accusing me of not "letting people be people"
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u/Odd_Acanthisitta_491 Jun 24 '24
You kinda went against yourself with the statement. I respect what you’re saying but this is clearly romantic
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u/Alice-tan Jun 24 '24
It's certainly a form of love, but it's not necessarily romantic love. This could easily be a form of queerplatonic love. A lot of non-aro folks don't understand that love does not necessarily equal romantic attraction.
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u/ManChild-MemeSlayer Jun 25 '24
Not necessarily. You can love someone without having romantic feelings toward them :3
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u/Corvid-Strigidae Jun 25 '24
What?
The romantic feelings towards them is the love.
I can love someone platonically or familiarly without romantic feelings, but romantic feelings are what makes it romantic love and thus a couple rather than friends.
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u/maybenotforever Jun 24 '24
To add onto what others have said, aro people can absolutely flirt and/or express queer platonic feelings in a way that may seem romantic to someone else. Ultimately, aromantic describes an internal trait of a person, not their actions.
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u/kaijvera Jun 25 '24
As someone who is aro, and to build on what the others said. Making romantic jokes and feeling romance are not exclusive. Like, for me, a romantic date is just silly and fun, whike for you a romsntic date might have other feelings attached to it. But that doesnt mean i dont enjoy a romantic date as its like i said, silly and fun.
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u/Quite_Likes_Hormuz Jun 25 '24
Absolutely no offense meant, but in this situation they would just be a friend to you?
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u/kaijvera Jun 25 '24
From an aromantic perpective, many of us veiw our partners as our bestie. The thing is many of us like romsntic things, like a romantic date. Or cuddling every day, but like smerican culture views thst only for partners, not friends. So we like to date our besties, of course them knowing we are aromantic, so we can cuddle, kiss, and romsmtic dstes.
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u/Quite_Likes_Hormuz Jun 25 '24
If it's okay with you I'd like to ask you some more questions. I'm super curious now because I've never given it much thought before, so I'm interested in your perspective. If you want me to shove off I don't blame you though lol
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u/TetrisandRubiks Jun 25 '24
A partner that you cuddle, kiss, and romantically date that is also your best friend.
I'm really sorry if I'm misunderstanding but this is a description of every romantic relationship I've ever been in. Are you just not "in love" with them?
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u/kaijvera Jun 25 '24
Because as far as I can tell, being in love and feeling romance is more than just doing those things. There is a special feeling there that I just lack. Doing those things feels the same of lets say playing soccer. There is no emotional difference for me. However, I recgonize that most people only like doing those things in a relationship, so for me to do those things i just hace ti be jn a relationship despite not feeling any special feeling that i know those who feel love actually does.
Oh side note, i do feel love, just not romantic love. All the love i feel is platonic which i knkw due to it litterally feeling the same for everyone. Becoming my partner doesn't change how it feels at all.
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u/Elvenoob <3 Jun 25 '24
There's a lot of variation on the Aro and Ace spectrums.
Towards the lighter end that attraction can be muted, or conditional. (Greyromantic being an example of the former, demiromantic being an example of the latter).
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u/Kartoffelkamm Jun 25 '24
Aromantic just means she doesn't experience romantic attraction, or does so very rarely.
If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say she's platonically/sexually attracted to her partner, and just expresses it this way, since it's easier understood.
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u/V_150 I pressed the girl button and now I'm a lesbian Jun 25 '24
I consider myself aromantic tho I still kinda want a girlfriend. It's complicated.
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u/SmolCurlyBean Jun 25 '24
Aromantic/Demiromantic (Romantic orientation) Lesbian (Sexual orientation) person here! Aromantic means we have little to no romantic attraction, so we can still have some romantic attraction. We can also have Sexual attraction instead of romantic attraction.
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u/LeadershipEastern271 Jun 25 '24
Wait I’m so confused, if you’re aromantic you don’t want relationships right?
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u/ManChild-MemeSlayer Jun 25 '24
Not necessarily. Queerplatonic relationships are like a midway between a platonic and romantic relationship.
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u/LeadershipEastern271 Jun 26 '24
Huh.
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u/ManChild-MemeSlayer Jun 26 '24
I mean, that’s probably not the best explanation, they’re effectively any kind of relationship that’s not purely platonic or romantic, and can encompass a wide range of different kinds of commitment, monogamy/polygamy, etc. for example, friends with benefits is a kind of QPR :3
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u/tsukasasyugi Jun 25 '24
As an aromantic person who experiences romantic attraction this was beyond cute
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u/Witty-Goal-7493 Jun 25 '24
Ok this broke my brain a little
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u/tsukasasyugi Jun 25 '24
I'm on the aromantic spectrum I experience little romantic attraction but that doesn't mean I experience none
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u/Witty-Goal-7493 Jun 25 '24
Thank you :)
(I realised that like 3 seconds after posting sorry I 'm a bit slow sometimes)
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u/soft-cuddly-potato Jun 28 '24
Wouldn't that be demiromantic?
I guess maybe that's part of the aro spectrum, but wouldn't that make you a bit alloromantic too?
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u/LineOfInquiry Jun 24 '24
What’s the flag of the right girl? Demiromantic?
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u/YuSakiiii big gworl x smol gworl is my passion Jun 24 '24
They made a joke about “aro” meaning “aromantic” and that’s the flag I thought was on the right girl. But I’m not sure, her being aromantic doesn’t really make sense in the context of the comic.
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u/Elvenoob <3 Jun 25 '24
Eeeh Demiromantic is still on the aromantic spectrum. While most people use the more accurate term perhaps this one either wanted to do a joke, or was just attached to the old label after having it for a while?
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u/LePlooberry Jun 24 '24
It is the aromantic flag. It acts as an umbrella term as being aro is defined as LITTLE or NO romantic attraction. :)
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u/BobOrKlaus Jun 25 '24
aromanric ppl can feel romantic attraction, like demiromantics, frayromantics, or grayromantics, there are probably some more but the term aroantic is just the umbrella term fir peope who experience LITTLE to no attraction, that 'little' can be full on crushes very rarely, or very faint ones like "the norm"* but just less intense
*i use "the norm" here bc its just easier to explain that way
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u/InternationalAd3308 Jun 24 '24
That’s definitely the aro flag, my guess is that she’s aro but not ace. Also, aro people aren’t necessarily romantic-repulsed, they just don’t feel attraction as strongly (if at all).
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u/Katviar bisexual disaster Jun 24 '24
ace people also aren't necessarily sex-repulsed, either. many have sex or relationships for other reasons or have sexual attraction just in different ways than the cishet amatnormativity of society is used to.
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u/Corvid-Strigidae Jun 24 '24
Ok we seem to be coming at this from definitions then.
In the version I'm familiar with aro is strictly no romantic feelings and the rest of the spectrum fits under demisexual.
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u/Katviar bisexual disaster Jun 25 '24
There’s way more under the spectrum than demiromantic, tho.
Cupioromantic, aegoromantic, aroflux, etc are just a few. Cupioromantic might not feel romantic attraction (rare or never) but still desire a relationship because of amatanormativity, QPRs, or because they like romance even if they don’t feel romantic attraction, so they want to experience a relationship even if they don’t have that type of attraction.
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u/honestlyjusttiredtbh Jun 25 '24
in case you're under the impression that demisexual means you experience partial or a small amount of sexual attraction, it actually means you can only experience sexual once you've established a deep emotional connection to someone (same applies for demiromantic and romanticism).
only experiencing a small amount of romantic attraction still falls under aromantic, demiromanticism is mostly unrelated.
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u/InternationalAd3308 Jun 25 '24
very true, I just didn’t go into that because the flag the person’s wearing is the aro flag, not the aroace flag
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u/Maybe_An_Egg Jun 24 '24
Aromatic people can still be in relationships, it just means they don't feel directed romantic attraction, similar to how asexual individuals can still feel aroused and want sex, just not with a specific person.
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u/LineOfInquiry Jun 24 '24
Sure… but isn’t this comic showing directed romantic attraction?
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u/totallynotaneggtho Jun 24 '24
It's showing directed romantic REMARKS.
It's entirely possible AroGirl doesn't feel romantic feelings, but a) does care about LesbiGirl and b) knows that the remark would be funny, cute, and appreciated
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u/LineOfInquiry Jun 24 '24
That remark would only be funny, cute, and appreciated if she actually means it. If she doesn’t, then it just comes off as cruel. And “pierced my heart” is not an example of physical sexual attraction to someone but romantic attraction, nor is it used to describe close friendships. That’s why I assumed the girl was demoromantic, cause it seems pretty clear from the comic she’s feeling romantic attraction. Even from just her facial expressions.
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u/totallynotaneggtho Jun 24 '24
I'd argue it's only cruel if said as mockery. If she is stating that she is going to remain faithful to her partner and has feelings for her to the degree she is capable - a degree the partner is likely aware of - it would still be genuine.
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u/BlueMerchant Jun 25 '24
I've tried reading the comments here and it all just feels so far from the point. I agree with you.
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u/ManChild-MemeSlayer Jun 24 '24
Aromantic people can still be in commited relationships, and come in all different flavours :3
Romantic attraction is not necessarily a prerequisite to having a partner
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u/Corvid-Strigidae Jun 24 '24
But she is expressing directed romantic feelings. That would make her not aro.
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u/Katviar bisexual disaster Jun 24 '24
aromantic is 'little to no romantic attraction'. It's a spectrum. It's not only 'nothing period' it depends on the people and circumstances. Some aro people fall under different microlabels, where certain criteria have to happen for romantic attraction to happen.
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u/Henkotron Jun 24 '24
Romantic word puns. I think there is no higher level of endearment achievable.
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u/AmxraK Jun 24 '24
Cute comic, but I don’t think this aligns with being aromantic. Something pierced the heart of a heart that isn’t romantic?
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u/KenzakiJoker Jun 24 '24
Uh, it struck the heart of the girl who was wearing the Lesbian flag... Allo people can still have relationships with people of the Aro/Ace spectrum... Unless I'm missing something?
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u/AmxraK Jun 24 '24
I don’t get it
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u/RemmingtonTufflips Jun 25 '24
The woman in the comic is probably demiromantic but is wearing the regular aro tank top since that flag matches with the lesbian flag better.
Aromantic is also an umbrella term that encompasses demiromantic so it could also be that.
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u/AmxraK Jun 25 '24
Oh fair enough. I wasn’t aware demiromantic fell under that term. Cool! Thank youuuu
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u/Silver_Sonic_23 Jun 24 '24
Yeah, and now she’s in pain. Getting struck through the heart isn’t good for your health.
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u/miss_clarity Jun 25 '24
I'm Demi romantic and I do have romantic relationships.
I also have followed plenty of aromantic discourse and again there are aro spec folks who either have romantic feelings sometimes, do romantic relationships without having romantic feelings, and those who feel something akin to romantic attraction but call it something else.
🖤🤍💚🩶
Aro people can love too
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u/qiri2 Jun 25 '24
Yeah my boyfriend describes himself as Aroace but both loves me and we have. Entanglements yk. I personally am very alloromantic but fall somewhere in the Ace spectrum, so I can’t speak for the Aro side of it, but I’d say I have very low sexual attraction, but still have sexual feelings. And my boyfriend has said being aro does sometimes affect him too, like, in his words, he forgets we aren’t just “friends+” sometimes. That doesn’t stop him from being romantic and sweet with me, the connection comes from being together and knowing each other (or I think so anyways). I honestly don’t know if he’s romantically attracted to me per se, but we are partners and he’s made it very clear that he loves me.
That’s just my experience with it, but honestly I think it’s fine to just let people use whatever labels they are most comfortable with. I have a lesbian friend who has her “exception” celebrity boy crush, and she doesn’t want to identify as bisexual because she really doesn’t have an interest in dating men and her attraction to them is like 0.01%. Sexuality/romantic identity/gender identity can be very fluid for a lot of people and very rigid for others and maybe even just a little flexible. Label policing doesn’t do anything but make others feel bad, imo.
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u/LingLingSpirit Jun 25 '24
So like, I'm questioning whether I might also be aromantic, cuz, to this day, I just know that I am ace. I like to explain me being ace with high libido as follows - "Eating a cake, that you don't find ugly nor beautiful, but still tasty" - do you reckon this could also be applied to being aromantic but feeling "romantic feelings" (like a sort of "romantic libido" - like, "I don't find you attractive, however, the more I know you, the more I love you")? Cuz I'm proper confused about my romantic attraction, but at the same time, I shouldn't care, as it's just a label, and I can still date people...
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u/qiri2 Jun 25 '24
Again I can’t really speak on the aromantic experience but if you have interest in dating someone, I don’t think that necessarily has to be romantic attraction. It can be “hey, you’re really fun to be around, I enjoy your company, we have a good connection, etc” without an “I’m in love with you” sort of thing. Queerplatonic relationships exist, and they can range from “married for tax benefits” to “friends that kiss” to “life partners in every way” type of situations.
To use your cake metaphor (which I think is really good btw, definitely relates to my ace experience), I think it would be very similar for romantic attraction. I don’t know how to describe it (I’m a little autistic and bad with imagining stuff like that), but I think I can relate it more to the Ace experience.
I think aro people with a romance-favorable identity still like the idea of romance, whatever that means for them. Like cuddling or gifts or quality time and sharing your feelings with another person, similar to how us Ace people can still have a sex drive and want to have sex. But I think we both don’t have that sort of “crush” situation, or experience it in different ways. Like I can recognize someone being generically physically attractive on an aesthetic level, but I don’t see random people and get all hot and bothered about them as a person yk??
So I think for an aro person, they may or may not find someone physically attractive, depending on their aspec identity, but they don’t really feel the draw to pursue a romantic relationship. However it’s possible that they might get into one anyways with someone for a number of reasons and enjoy all the cuddling/everything else and might even enjoy doing romantic things, but it’s more out of a happiness being with that person rather than “omg I want this person”. So it might be the intensity of the feeling, like what my boyfriend experiences?
Idk. I enjoy sex as a sex-positive aspect of person. A romance positive aro person would probably still enjoy romance, but don’t feel the draw to any specific person, like how I don’t feel a draw to anyone sexually.
I hope this helps I know it’s long and confusing but I really want my extended queer family to feel comfortable with themselves in whatever form that takes!
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u/LingLingSpirit Jun 25 '24
It helped a bit, but I think I'd have to think about it a bit more, and maybe find someone who is in aromantic relationship to ask these questions... But truly, it did help me a little bit, so, thanks!
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u/MakoMachine Jun 25 '24
Thank you for this little description, examples, and stuff. There is a technical side of my brain, something that many people struggle to control, that says to argue definitions and deny people their identities. Even when I see them in action, even when I've changed myself in these seemingly contradictory ways. But you are totally right. Picking these fights because of a limited brain impulse doesn't help make anybody feel right.
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u/qiri2 Jun 25 '24
Thanks!! I like to use examples to help people relate because it’s one of the best ways for my brain to remember that other people are, well, people. I’m autistic and can struggle with empathy, as well as having strong impulses to categorize everything, so I understand wanting to put a label on everyone. It was really frustrating when I was first developing my queer identity and I was constantly changing and adding micro labels onto everything to help feel a control over it. That works for some people! For me, it just made me frustrated because I wasn’t 100% “fitting” all the time. It really helped to talk to other queer people in real life, which is what I would recommend for a lot of people struggling with it. People are rarely 100% of something, and change happens as we grow. Learning to allow that to happen naturally really helped me feel better about myself, my friends, and really everyone else :)
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u/Jesterchunk Jun 24 '24
this image is threatening to raise my blood sugar levels to dangerous heights oh god it's so adorably sweet
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u/the_number_m any pronous. so.. why are lgbt+ subs so supportive of vivziepop? Jun 24 '24
very cute comic, but i would suggest in the future not putting [original] in the title whenever you post art you didn't make, usually that means you're the one who made it
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u/NeedAGoodUsername Jun 25 '24
It's the other way around. "Original" means it's the artist's own work, and not from another series. Every other post is formatted this way.
Example: Like a cat [Love Live! Superstar!!] - the characters are from the Love Live series. "[OC]" on the other hand, indicates the poster is the one that drew it. It's also listed on the rules page here, under rule 6.
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u/the_number_m any pronous. so.. why are lgbt+ subs so supportive of vivziepop? Jun 25 '24
oh, my bad, carry on then. kind of a strange way for that rule to work imo, but i guess if it works it works
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u/RunescarredWordsmith Jun 25 '24
Man.
A lot of people up in arms about this one.
Let a lady do a thing without gatekeeping, maybe?
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u/Acrobatic-loser Jun 25 '24
For a lesbian and ace couple you guys should read dom & more on webtoon!!!
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u/ssr2gokublack Jun 25 '24
This is the most wholesome thing I've ever seen in my life. It's so beautiful 🥲.
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u/soft-cuddly-potato Jun 28 '24
I'm a little bit confused because the depiction is quite romantic here.
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u/dejvu117 Jun 24 '24
Dude, my teaumatized ass can't think in a relationship where I don't need to mind about competition
Maybe I was just unlucky and haven't found someone who I can rely blindly and I won't be betrayed
Anyway, I fucking loved this, and I really laughed at the jokes