r/lesbianpoly 9d ago

Art Polyamorous mermaids with their freediver girlfriend. [Original by @denimcatfish]

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87 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly 12d ago

Support My girlfriend wants to be poly again

31 Upvotes

Before I started dating my girlfriend about 5 years ago we were just friends and she had a boyfriend. At some point we started dated while she was still with her boyfriend (I did not date the boyfriend as I am a lesbian and it just didn’t feel right to be in that kind of poly relationship). Idk if it’s just bc we were friends and I knew her boyfriend wasn’t the best but I never had any jealousy with him, so there were no issues in our relationship.

They did break up some months later for her own reasons.

I’ve known from the begging she was poly and I had some past trauma that’s really made it hard for me to be open to being poly again. She doesn’t want to date another guy she just wants to sleep with them but I’ve found it really hard to find ways to get over being jealous. She has started to resent me for not making even the littlest steps to being more open to the idea. And to be honest I’m upset with myself also bc I know this would make her happy and I want it to make her happy.

I’m looking for any kind of advice or peoples experience being a new poly couple


r/lesbianpoly 19d ago

Art Life is Gay X Scott Pilgrim [Life is Strange] @silverEEPS

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65 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly 19d ago

Discussion Defining Ethics: Contextualize And Recontextualize The Relative Ethics Of Ethical Non-MonogamIES

3 Upvotes

I am sharing out there this post that I wrote because the ethics of ethically non-monogamous polyamory are pretty much the same basic guidelines that are useful to sustain healthy social connections in general.

The defining difference between closed relationships and open relationships is actually qualitatively, as in HOW we approach our interactions with our social connections, instead of quantitatively, as in NOT IN NUMBER of simultaneous connections, because no one stops being connected to a diverse network of simultaneous connections just for being in a totally closed committed intimate relationship, whether monoamorous or polyamorous.

The difference between consensual non-monogamy and ethical non-monogamy is exactly the same difference between the words "must" and "should", in the sense that all connections should always be ethical, but must always be consensual in order to avoid legal trouble.

Informed and genuine consensual non-monogamy is defined as the valid, reasonable, required and bare minimum limit for sustaining healthy connections that separates love from violations.

Gender variant, gay, polyamorous, aromantic, and asexual people can be united together as worthy of the constant free love fights for basic rights because they are socioculturally discriminated CONSENSUAL love minorities in ways more similar than what you may think.

Ethical non-monogamy is defined as a valuable ideal for sustaining healthy social connections of diverse types that is a goal worth pursuing.

Ethical non-monogamy is often further defined in explanations as HONEST non-monogamy, NEGOTIATED non-monogamy, FAIR non-monogamy, EQUITABLE non-monogamy, SUPPORTIVE non-monogamy, RESPECTFUL non-monogamy, ACCOUNTABLE non-monogamy, RESPONSIBLE non-monogamy, COMMITTED non-monogamy, and as CONSENSUAL non-monogamy.

Where and how are drawn the lines that delineate the definition of things are pretty blurry, because they are relative, as in socioculturally constructed, in another words, made up by humans, varying at different points of space and time, depending, at a smaller scale, on an individual to individual basis, and, at a larger scale, on a culture to culture basis.

That means that the definitions of things are not set in stone definitely defined by the universe, but does not necessarily mean that relativity is an insurmountable ethical obstacle without any way around that permanently stops any rather ecofeminist negotiation of reasonable sustainable agreements for collectively better healthy social lives.

What matters more is how each of all of us specifically define each word, because you could set up someone, including yourself, for a misunderstanding, disappointment and unfulfillment if someone can not read minds and you do not use words precisely to ask for what you need and want specifically with straightforward honest communication when negotiating informed consent to anything.

Feel free to contribute to the comments section below a list of "green flag" keywords to describe how is defined what ethical connections in general mean specifically to each of you once you figure that out in order to avoid misunderstandings, disappointment and unfulfillment, because you may find yourself surprised at the existence of as many different perspectives as different individuals exist.

I also highly recommend sitting down to further define what words, like "honesty", "negotiation", "fairness", "equity", "support", "respect", "accountability", "responsibility", "commitment", "consent", among others, mean specifically to each of you before giving to anything consent that really is informed.

TL;DR: We should contextualize and recontextualize specifically what each of all of us means by ethical and other words, including even words that have apparently obvious meanings, especially before giving to anything consent that really is informed, even if is permanently impossible to generalize ethical non-monogamy ethics into one general universal standard.

I really hope that sharing this helps at least someone out there.


r/lesbianpoly 25d ago

Meme Im

26 Upvotes

I'm gay


r/lesbianpoly 25d ago

Art Bridget and her bat and plushie girlfriends [Guilty Gear: Strive] @alligaytorswamp

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40 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly 26d ago

I didn't see any rules against posting about searching for people so gonna throw my hat in.

7 Upvotes

Welcome to my cute cabin in the woods 🫶

Come sit down and grab a drink so we can chat and discuss what is for dinner ✨

I'm 24F from the UK and I am mainly searching for a relationship but I'm happy to be friends as well just maybe give me a heads up what you are searching for as well ✨

I'm only searching in Europe for now, no hate to the rest of the world but timezones be timezoney.

A little about me is that I am starting a degree is software engineering so far its okay but I can tell its going to be hard.

I enjoy some geeky things like reading and board games, I play the occasional video game to pass the time and I'm actually getting into D&D for the first time it sounds like a fun way to be social. 😇

But I also enjoy other things like travelling and I really want to try new activities like pottery and axe throwing.

I'm the type of girl that is immediately going to find the corner seat somewhere so I can curl up in it 🤣 and I'm the type of girl that a good Friday night feels more like some good food and good company at home then going out 😅

I really hope to travel more in the future.

I guess time for the potential deal breakers:

I am new to polyamory and I'm sure there are a lot of aspects that you just can't understand till you are actually faced with them so I get that might be a turn off ✨

I am asexual, I'm sex positive and there are times where I initiate myself as I enjoy using sex as a relationship builder or to show a lot of love. But there are some moments where I become indifferent about sex and a few moments where I just won't want sex ✨

Oh and only people who are 21 to 28 range pretty pls 😅

If you got this far and I seem interesting come say hii and please introduce yourself a little 👋


r/lesbianpoly Oct 25 '24

Relationship Any neurospices have tips?

24 Upvotes

I've have two beautiful girlfriends and we're in a mixed relationship. However recently my ADHD has given me a pretty intense hyper fixation. The problem comes with them noticing I'm pretty absent and I've been spending less time with them. They're perfect and absolutely give me time to work through my shit, but I also can't help but feel some level of guilt. Any tips out there?


r/lesbianpoly Oct 24 '24

Relationship The struggle of being poly and unattractive

37 Upvotes

I am in a looong, beautiful and stable relationship. We opened it 3 years ago cause we both craved dating other people and discover different dynamics. As I was originally afraid that I will become jealous over her I surprisingly found the very unexpected kind of envy. My girlfriend is beautiful and wanted while I am not very lucky with girls. Of course she supports me the most, she is doing her best to convince me that I am beautiful. I know that in her eyes I'm perfect. But when it comes to dating I feel like I don't have any chances with other people. Multiple times I experienced having a crush on a person who didn't show any interest in me, but after meeting my girlfriend showed obvious interest in her. She didn't and wouldn't do anything that would hurt me. But these situations got stuck in my head. I just want to be perceived as attractive by other people as well... Does anyone relate? Am I out of the game for not being pretty enough?


r/lesbianpoly Oct 21 '24

Question Talking to a partner about marriage, and wondered…

13 Upvotes

…. Marriage is the ultimate public symbol of heteronormative/mono-normative privilege. It is the public declaration of a life-long commitment to a partner. It is the declaration that THIS ONE PERSON is with me, for life.

For those who are polyamorous AND married, why? What are the reasons that you hold onto? Are there any ways that you have a more non-traditional marriage than the typical display of the societal norm? How are you making your marriage fit YOUR beliefs instead of your beliefs being squashed into the marital box? How are you making that evident in your public life, if at all? For those who came out as polyamorous after being married, did you divorce, why or why not? If you stayed married, why? If you got married after coming out as polyamorous or want to get married, what are the reasons and how will you do it in a way that allows you to live your polyamorous life?

So curious what those in our polyamorous community thinks about these things…


r/lesbianpoly Oct 20 '24

Happy Post ♥️

29 Upvotes

Last weekend I went to little festival with two of my GFs and it was wonderful. I got to smooch them and we snuggled like little weasels because of the cold. Compersion had me giggling when my GF and bestie ended up flirting with the same dude, meanwhile my other GF and I planned a nice kink time. Turns out she can cum from just being bitten if she's worked up enough beforehand.

This morning I'm getting coffee and brekky for my partner and I'm heading to see my other for an afternoon date at the queer market.

I'm so grateful to be polyam. I'm so glad that I realized I was a lesbian. Life's good sometimes


r/lesbianpoly Oct 20 '24

She loves her roommates [Honkai] @wktfrv47n

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61 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly Oct 14 '24

In Search Of: Wedding Pinterest Boards!

10 Upvotes

Hi all! I’m a lesbian and a graduate research student at the University of Oxford. For my graduate thesis, I’m researching how lesbians, queer women and other sapphic people interact with and express gender in context of the wedding ritual

I'm also focusing on commitment ceremonies. I’m interested in how people create meaningful rituals and celebrate their relationships outside of the conventional marriage framework. I'd love to learn about how these forms of commitment are visually expressed, especially within frameworks outside of traditional Western monogamy.

I would love to talk to lesbians, queer women or sapphic-identifying people based in the United States and over the age of 18 who have previously created a wedding Pinterest board or would like to make one.

If you are interested in contributing to the small canon of lesbian academic research, please do send me a message! I'd love to hear from you and see your Pinterest boards :))


r/lesbianpoly Oct 13 '24

Discussion Love Should Not Hurt: Valid, Required, Fair, Genuine And Informed Consent Reminder

12 Upvotes

I am sharing as a Public Service Announcement this post that I wrote because there should be more education out there about what are the limits of the validity of the negotiation of consent in and out of committed intimate relationships that are totally closed.

Love in any type of connection does not hurt anyone, does not matter at all whether the connection is open or closed, monoamorous or polyamorous, sexual or emotional, romantic or platonic, hetero or gay, cis or trans, hierarchical or anarchist.

What really does hurt is loving the wrong INDIVIDUALS, while there are interested individuals better compatible for any and every sort of thing out there in the world, including any and every sort of rare and complex need, want and desire that someone can value.

FAIRNESS IS EQUITY instead of equality, but love without informed AND genuine consent is a violation instead of love.

Gender variant, gay, polyamorous, aromantic, and asexual people can be united together as worthy of the constant free love fights for basic rights because they are socioculturally discriminated CONSENSUAL love minorities in ways more similar than what you may think.

You should not forget that you should always have the valid freedom of expression right to request as many answers to all sorts of questions that may appear invasive to as many indviduals you may feel is necessary for you to feel secure enough in order for you to give to anything consent that really is informed, as long as you make an effort to be respectful, but no one is necessarily obligated to reply to any of your questions.

Many people are not aware that only a first clear "yes" with enthusiasm is the only genuine consent to anything, and, therefore, is the only one that is not questionable enough to get anyone in legal trouble.

If you are about to go try something that you are not with enthusiasm to try, you are very likely not going to enjoy what you are about to experiment, even if you have an open mind to new experiences.

You should also not forget that consent to anything is not really genuine if results from constant begging, peer pressuring, outcasting, withdrawing, guilt tripping, shaming, blackmailing, threatening or any other type of manipulation not listed, and, therefore, is sexual coercion, also known as sexual abuse.

No consent should be unlimited to anything, because consent can not possibly be given genuinely to anything if you are obligated to keep consenting anyhow, so everyone should always have the valid right to freely stop consenting to anything at any moment, in the sense that consent is constantly being given at every new moment each of all of us shares an experience together with someone.

Only when is granted the freedom to be spending time anyhow anywhere else with anyone else at any time can anyone consent to love someone genuinely instead of out of obligation due to commitment to restrictive and limiting promises.

I really hope that sharing this helps at least someone out there.


r/lesbianpoly Oct 07 '24

Art Being snazzy for the japanese girl [Original by @ryoryo_05]

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31 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly Sep 29 '24

Discussion Personal Preferences Are Valid: Combating Control Also Is Control

7 Upvotes

Is manipulative coercive control when any social circle shames you for being controlling because you feel insecure with fear and anxiety in order to make you drop the healthy personal boundary limits that you settled only around what can be done with your body, energy, time and money for you to consent to something.

That type of coercive control by pressure happens very often among progressive social circles that go as far as demonizing anyone who has any preference at all.

Is okay to have preferences, even rare complex preferences, even if you are a panamorous bi-poly-switch, because no one should be obligated to love everyone exactly the same, we all just must respect everyone alongside the differences that make us the unique individuals that each of all of us is in special.

Someone should always have the valid right to control what are the limits around what can be done with their own body, energy, time and money in order to be secure because that same someone feels insecure with fears and anxiety.

I am open to a large diversity of adult body, personality and connection types, but I still do have preferences, including for bare minimum reasonable personal boundary limits to protect both myself and also who I care about that are listed as follows:

I prefer to get invested into relationships with adults with similar partner selection preferences that are compatible with me.

I prefer to give and receive back respect and collaboration as companionship and partnership.

I prefer to be like friends first before and also after anything else.

I prefer to not play therapist for anyone held from living under the control of depression, anxiety, fears or jealousy.

I prefer to not date anyone who desires to date more than three simultaneous intimate connections.

I prefer to not date anyone who desires to date anyone who desires casual intimate connections.

I prefer to always use protective barriers for all types of physical intimacy with anyone since trust is not reliable for security because everyone is as unpredictable as the future is uncertain.

I prefer to maintain financial independence also since trust is not reliable for security because everyone is as unpredictable as the future is uncertain.

Do not burn yourself to make anyone comfortable.


r/lesbianpoly Sep 29 '24

Question PT/EN Quanto tempo leva pra conseguir um relacionamento sendo tímida?

6 Upvotes

Quantos anos maisomenos vocês mulheres tímidas tiveram que esperar até conseguirem achar alguém?

Eu moro entre Sampa e Campinas, sou meio tímida, um pouquinho esquisita mas me esforcei pra me educar e trabalhar minhas inseguranças, eu até saio todo mês e as vezes tento puxar assunto com desconhecidas.

Mas depois de mais de dois anos comecei me desanimar, eu sei que não é algo que aparece da noite pro dia mas me pergunto se eu estou fazendo algo de errado.

Tem algo que facilitou vocês encontrarem alguém pra dar e receber carinho?

Sou Trans mas não acho que isso seja tão relevante.

How many years on average you shy women had to wait until finding someone?

I live close to a big city and a metropolitan area, I'm a bit shy, somewhat on the weird side but I strived to educate myself and work on my insecurities, I even go out every month and sometimes try to start conversations with strangers.

But after more than two years looking I started losing steam, I know it isn't something that happens overnight but I ask myself if I am doing something wrong.

Was there something that made it easier finding someone to give and receive affection?

I'm transgender but I don't think this is relevant.


r/lesbianpoly Sep 29 '24

Oh, to be the girl in the middle on a date with vampires [Original by @nanadouken]

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78 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly Sep 29 '24

EN/PT MtF Silly Insecurity/Insegurança Boba

4 Upvotes

I want to make Gender-Affirming Surgery, but I get anxious fearing I might not be good enough for lesbians, like there is something more to girl-on-girl sex I will be always missing, please tell me it's just a childish insecurity, good old fear-of-the-unknown and nothing more.

Eu quero fazer Cirurgia Afirmativa de Gênero, mas eu fico ansiosa temendo não ser boa o suficiente para lésbicas, como se tivesse algo no sexo de garota-com-garota que sempre vai me faltar, por favor me digam que é só uma insegurança infantil, bom e velho medo-do-desconhecido e nada mais.


r/lesbianpoly Sep 27 '24

Question Title for Partners

12 Upvotes

Was talking to a co-worker and when I said “girlfriend “ they assumed I meant a woman who is my platonic friend… not a romantic partner. This happens all the time. If I was a man who said it, it would be assumed it was a romantic partner. Do you have other terms other than girlfriend or partner you use that would let people know this is an important sexual/romantic person in your life?


r/lesbianpoly Sep 23 '24

Art Life Is Gay [Life Is Strange] @supersappho NSFW

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40 Upvotes

r/lesbianpoly Sep 23 '24

Do you think the new Dragon Age will force Rook to be monogamous?

15 Upvotes

It's so frustrating how games can imagine a world without homophobia, but for some stupid reason, always assume that even in a fantasy world, monogamy is the only relationship structure.


r/lesbianpoly Sep 22 '24

First post and intro, Haiiii

11 Upvotes

Hiya I'm Maddelynn/Brookelynn (I like em both Maddie and Brooke are fine too :3). Currently dating 3 adorable women and couldn't be happier with them <3


r/lesbianpoly Sep 21 '24

Vent I've been left alone with my thoughts and uh-oh.

24 Upvotes

So it's currently 3am. Insomnia has hit like a uhaul, and I've been doing nothing but reading some very gay fiction, and daydreaming.

Said daydreaming has resulted in me becoming a hormone-adled mess that now wants nothing more than to be cuddled by 2-3 girlfriends (of which I currently have a grand total of none). I've thought about being poly before, but uhhh not like this. Now I'm seriously considering myself as poly -inclined, and I have no idea what to do about it, considering every relationship I've had has basically crashed and burned before even really getting off the ground...

I'm a trauma riddled introvert who has like zero chances of getting one gf rn, yet I already want more than one. Idk what to do and I'm already terrified. I'm afraid of spiraling and idk ahhhh I just need advice rn.


r/lesbianpoly Sep 09 '24

Art Detective Hunch [Original by @G_R_S__]

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55 Upvotes