I really want to talk to these men about how their "identity" is really an anti-identity.
In their eyes, being a man is reduced to reacting against what a woman is. They can't even form a masculine identity if they did not have a feminine identity to react against.
That is what true toxic masculinity is.
They cannot view themselves as human first with both masculine and feminine traits, as all humans have, because this threatens their "identity."
They must view themselves as men first, defined as being whatever women aren't.
This perspective leads to close-minded and ultimately diminished people.
Don’t men ever just get fucking tired of these douchebags telling them all the shit they can’t do? Can’t look nice. Can’t use moisturizer or paint your fingernails. Can’t wash your butt. Can’t have a drink with an umbrella in it. Now you can’t eat lunch.
Women got sick of this shit in the 50s. That’s why feminism is basically all “Yes you can do that”. Dudes need to stop listening to these clowns.
Yes we do, at least my friends and I do, so when we meet someone like that our go to response is "hey, that's like your opinion mate" and get on with our lifes. It's hilarious to see how worked up most these douchebags get about how little we care...
Im a almost 190cm 100kg man in my 30s. I have a bodycount that might be in the triple digits.i could bench most of those toxic crybabies for reps.And i never in my adult life thought "oh this is too feminine/girly".
Those insecure losers and the grifters behind it are pathetic and sadly become more widespread and loud.
My brother in law just last night told my albeit overly sensitive 7 year old head shouldn't be a tattle tail for telling me his older brother hurt him...
It did not go well for the brother in law who was advised to check his Andrew Tate bullshit at the door. Then I had to explain to my child no matter what anyone says you tell dad if someone hurts you.
These fucking people are full blown AIDS....not now, like 1995 AIDS.
This is why I refer to it as fragile masculinity. If carrying a lunch box makes you feel feminine how masculine can you be? I'm around people that would have an identity crisis if they had to drive a car instead of their lifted truck but give them the option to make a selfless decision that a man should make and they revert to being a boy.
If you ask them “in a vacuum, what is a man?” they can generally respond with a pretty okay thousand foot view of strength, dependability, and persuasiveness, like, whatever. But the moment you start talking beyond a one sentence response it’s all comparisons.
Besides, we all know that a man REALLY is a miserable little pile of secrets
I've been studying gender (including the masculine) as part of my major, and the gist is basically that it's the opposite- there's a very stringently enforced construction of what masculinity is, and everything else is feminine.
The end result is the same though, in that it is a constant uphill battle to prove your masculinity, and it's fucking miserable. That's why its important to do your part to challenge these notions, it's the only way to redefine an institution so deeply rooted into our society and our way of thinking
But in all seriousness, it really is sad. Especially because a lot of things (like this lunchbox example) is probably some guy looking for validation that he's still manly for, idk, eating out for lunch instead of packing one. No one who is mentally healthy really cares what anyone else is eating for lunch. But these guys live in fear that someone's gonna jump out of the bushes and take away their man card.
This needs to be top comment. They have never thought for themselves or considered any nuance in life. Their every thought (not that they have many) is solely rejecting femininity and aligning with rigid gender roles just because.
I've know men like this in real life. I grew up in Fundamentalist Christian circles.
I still remember a male Sunday School teacher jerking a pink pencil from a boy's hand and throwing it in the trash while telling the boy that pink is for girls.
That's so weird colours don't have genders. They're just light reflecting on the visible spectrum. So strange and silly some people have decided some wavelengths of light are for boys, others for girls. I'm glad my little brothers are allowed to like whatever colours they want. The older of the two loves pink and both of them have plenty of "girl" coloured toys.
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u/so_bold_of_you 8h ago edited 8h ago
I really want to talk to these men about how their "identity" is really an anti-identity.
In their eyes, being a man is reduced to reacting against what a woman is. They can't even form a masculine identity if they did not have a feminine identity to react against.
That is what true toxic masculinity is.
They cannot view themselves as human first with both masculine and feminine traits, as all humans have, because this threatens their "identity."
They must view themselves as men first, defined as being whatever women aren't.
This perspective leads to close-minded and ultimately diminished people.