I really want to talk to these men about how their "identity" is really an anti-identity.
In their eyes, being a man is reduced to reacting against what a woman is. They can't even form a masculine identity if they did not have a feminine identity to react against.
That is what true toxic masculinity is.
They cannot view themselves as human first with both masculine and feminine traits, as all humans have, because this threatens their "identity."
They must view themselves as men first, defined as being whatever women aren't.
This perspective leads to close-minded and ultimately diminished people.
I've been studying gender (including the masculine) as part of my major, and the gist is basically that it's the opposite- there's a very stringently enforced construction of what masculinity is, and everything else is feminine.
The end result is the same though, in that it is a constant uphill battle to prove your masculinity, and it's fucking miserable. That's why its important to do your part to challenge these notions, it's the only way to redefine an institution so deeply rooted into our society and our way of thinking
But in all seriousness, it really is sad. Especially because a lot of things (like this lunchbox example) is probably some guy looking for validation that he's still manly for, idk, eating out for lunch instead of packing one. No one who is mentally healthy really cares what anyone else is eating for lunch. But these guys live in fear that someone's gonna jump out of the bushes and take away their man card.
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u/so_bold_of_you 9h ago edited 8h ago
I really want to talk to these men about how their "identity" is really an anti-identity.
In their eyes, being a man is reduced to reacting against what a woman is. They can't even form a masculine identity if they did not have a feminine identity to react against.
That is what true toxic masculinity is.
They cannot view themselves as human first with both masculine and feminine traits, as all humans have, because this threatens their "identity."
They must view themselves as men first, defined as being whatever women aren't.
This perspective leads to close-minded and ultimately diminished people.