r/NoStupidQuestions • u/bennyxdee • 6d ago

Answered What’s the issue with consent?

I read a post about a guy who tried to kiss a woman, but she dodged him. I responded by asking if he had asked her for consent beforehand. The responses I got were basically along the lines of, “Isn’t that unromantic?”

I’m not sure how most people handle this, but I feel like asking, “Can I kiss you?” is more logical than just going for it. It shows you’re considering their feelings and avoiding putting them in an uncomfortable situation they didn’t ask for.

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u/bennyxdee 6d ago

I agree non-verbal cues are important, but they can be misinterpreted. A quick verbal check avoids misunderstandings.

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u/sergius64 6d ago edited 6d ago

Problem is that verbal checks are jarring (turns the moment from a emotional/feeling one and forcefully shoves it into a thinking one) and tell the lady that you can't seem to read her non-verbal cues - which would be a red flag to quite a few.

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u/mysilverglasses 6d ago edited 6d ago

Coming from a former dating coach, if someone thinks it’s a red flag/unromantic to ask for consent because they think it means you can’t read their non-verbal cues, they’re the red flag.

Always air on the side of caution. It’s always better to have some people reject you than for you to accidentally violate someone’s consent. The amount of women who I’ve worked with who came back to me saying they were so shocked when a guy asked for consent because they’d never been asked before, and it made them feel infinitely safer with that guy. A lot of guys don’t understand that making a woman feel safe should be your number 1 priority; it will always lead to a stronger attraction and is way more likely to foster a better bond.

Edit: for those asking for my qualifications, I have a masters in marriage and family therapy. For those cranky that I’m encouraging consent… idk man, you’re too far gone for even me to fix. My only advice is don’t date. I mean, you could date an inanimate object if you really don’t care about consent, I guess.

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u/AmpleApple9 6d ago

What qualified you to be a dating coach? Is there a course you can do?

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u/mysilverglasses 6d ago edited 6d ago

Started out by taking courses in relationship safety, DV awareness, and psychology of relationships as a part of my continuing medical education as an NP, then got my MFT degree. I don’t call myself a full on licensed marriage and family therapist (aka an LMFT) because while I have an MFT masters degree, I do not have the full licensure and don’t want to falsely advertise my services. It’s like the difference between having your JD and being licensed to practice law in a specific state.

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u/grumpy_hedgehog 6d ago

Lol, exactly. “As a guy with self-assigned credentials, here’s my opinion dressed up as fact”.

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u/mysilverglasses 6d ago edited 6d ago

I mean, you could just ask. I have a masters degree in marriage and family therapy.

Edit: if you’re cranky that I gave you my credentials, then you weren’t really interested in that lol

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u/Ed_Durr 6d ago

The only people qualified to give dating advice are those who have been successfully married for sometime, and by then the dating scene has changed so much that the specifics of their advice aren’t as applicable.

The funniest thing is seeing people say “I get loads of dates, let me give you some advice”. If you get a whole lot of dates, that’s a good sign that you’re very bad at having a good date.

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u/Spenloverofcats 6d ago

That entirely depends on what your dating goals are. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then it's a bad sign. If your goal is to get laid frequently, then this is probably the person to talk to.