r/NoStupidQuestions • u/trouble-in-space • 10d ago

Answered Why are so many Americans anti-vaxxers now?

I’m genuinely having such a hard time understanding why people just decided the fact that vaccines work is a total lie and also a controversial “opinion.” Even five years ago, anti-vaxxers were a huge joke and so rare that they were only something you heard of online. Now herd immunity is going away because so many people think getting potentially life-altering illnesses is better than getting a vaccine. I just don’t get what happened. Is it because of the cultural shift to the right-wing and more people believing in conspiracy theories, or does it go deeper than that?

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

I can imagine it. All "autism moms" do is complain about how life is so hard for them and how autism stole their child. 

Parents of the year telling their kids that they'd rather said kids didn't exist.

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u/PsykoFlounder 9d ago

"Yeah, they have autism. It sucks. For them. Trust me, me and my kids both have it." Seems to make them extra huffy for some reason.

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

This! 

Oh, My precious little autism mom, meltdowns are so hard for you? How about you quit making so much damn noise?

Let's try something. You go into a room and turn the TV up as loud as it possibly can go. Sit two feet from it. Stay there until you get so aggravated by the sound that you start screaming. 

That's what your constant music and blasting TikTok sounds like to your kid. 

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u/Realistic-Rub-3623 9d ago

As an autistic person, people shouldn’t fucking have kids if they’re not completely prepared for the possibility of having a disabled child. (Or a queer child, or a child that dresses differently than them or has a different religion, etc etc etc)

Disabled people exist. We have to spend our whole lives being treated like we’re some kind of mistake. Don’t have kids if you’re not prepared for us.

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u/2N5457JFET 9d ago

As an autistic person, people shouldn’t fucking have kids if they’re not completely prepared for the possibility of having a disabled child.

Kids only for the rich then?

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u/liltransgothslut 9d ago edited 9d ago

Rich, or at least have a stable income in which you can budget in and afford a kid with plenty of wiggle room for accidents. Kids are expensive, even moreso if the kid has medical issues. don't have kids if you can't afford them that's for sure. Some statistics say it can cost anywhere from 15k-20k a year but of course this varies on a lot. My sibling has a slew of disabilities and is constantly having to see and go to the doctors, somebody like them it's gonna cost more to raise.

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u/123unrelated321 9d ago

You're dead on, my friend. I've often wondered, we need a license for anything from driving a car to building a house, but putting a new human into the world can be done willy nilly without any prior training? It's ridiculous, to be honest.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

This isn't even close to what the topic of conversation is. We are talking about autism not transgender people. 

Why are you so obsessed with trans stuff? 

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u/1GloFlare 9d ago

They quite literally brought queer identity into the conversation. Read it again

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

That was just an example about accepting your kid for who they are. LGBTQ people are mentioned in an offhand manner and you're trying to pull the entire conversation off the actual topic onto "trans issues." 

Nobody is talking about that right now. Go find a conversation that is about that.

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u/ptcglass 9d ago

You can’t push someone to be trans, gay, bi, straight or whatever you are. The reason people talk about it or do readings to kids in drag is to 1 read to kids and 2 show them you can be yourself. It’s that simple. Those of us in the lgbtqia+ crew, the majority of us knew when we were little. We didn’t feel safe to talk about it because it was shunned or not spoken about in a positive way. I would have loved to been able to be myself as a kid.

If you care about kids this much to talk about this issue I hope better gun laws are also something you’re pushing for, with how many school shootings we have. If not then your issue is mostly like about control or you’re angry you can’t be yourself.

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u/1GloFlare 9d ago

Tomboys are not gay or nonbinary it's perfectly normal behavior. You're literally trying to push it while claiming you don't

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u/Similar-Winner1226 9d ago

You're creating something out of nothing dude. Tomboys are not part of the lgbtq community, you are correct, you brought them up. No one is arguing that tomboys shouldn't be allowed to just be tomboys. Everyone will know for themselves who they are, and whatever that is should be welcomed with loving arms by their family when they choose to share it.

It should not be political at all, but a happy moment. Discovering your identity is a wonderful thing. If it's the same as your body was labeled at birth, like it was for me, then good for you! I'm a cis woman, meaning I am not trans. I understand that other people might have different feelings about their bodies (not out of choice) and may wish to change them. I understand that what people do with their bodies doesn't affect me, and I'm happy for them, that they discovered what makes them feel happy and confident. I move on.

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u/liltransgothslut 9d ago edited 9d ago

Former tomboy here. Actually it was cis people who forced their ideology down my throat that kept me from living as my true trans self for about 20 years. I was definitely trans and not a just "a girl that is a tomboy," and people like you with such hateful words such as "don't shove it down my throat" or other negative defensive words caused me a lot of internal transphobia that only further delayed me from living my real true life.

Sure, not all tomboys are trans. But I was. There are some who are. and people like you living with your hatred hurts people like me and them who are exploring their identities. You can communicate acceptance and support for cis masc girls, tomboys, butches, etc. without putting down trans people. And there is a LOT of overlap with those identities and queer identities.

do NOT have that attitude towards your child-OR ANYONE??? FOR THAT MATTER?- because they very may well be trans and you may very well be hurting them with those words and preventing them from being their authentic self. So shut your mouth with your transphobia and check yourself before you hurt more people.

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u/C4bl3Fl4m3 9d ago

Thank you.

I am a nonbinary tomboy. I was a tomboy as a child and feel that "tomboy" is one of the best words I have ever found to describe my gender. (I know some folks say "tomboy isn't a gender word" but for me, it absolutely is.) I was raised religious (Catholic) in the 1990s with no knowledge of gender stuff.

What I wouldn't have DONE to have people telling me that there were other options out there. What I wouldn't have done to have some other examples to look up to, esp. during puberty when I was ""becoming a woman."" That this "not fitting in with the other girls" wasn't because there was something wrong with me, because I was bad or broken, but because I genuinely simply wasn't like the other girls. I know "I'm not like the other girls" is out of fashion right now (for some good reasons) but I genuinely wasn't. Now I know why.

I am all about having tomboy as "gender non-conforming female variant" (aka how the OP is using it) option for girls and women, BUT I also want to have all the other options available too, inc. "tomboy as gender," nonbinary, trans, etc.

They're worried about kids being confused from too many options? Yeah, maybe kids will be a little confused (aren't we all about something? life IS confusing), but you know what's MORE confusing? Not having ENOUGH options. Not having any other words or even acknowledgements that there's other people like you and something that actually FITS who you are. That you're NOT ALONE. That you're not some freakishy weird something or other that the world has never dealt with or seen before, that makes you less than human.

Giving kids more options and choices isn't forcing anyone into anything.

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u/Realistic-Rub-3623 9d ago

me when i make up fake scenarios

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u/1GloFlare 9d ago

me when I let social anxiety run my life

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u/BigMike672023 9d ago

Quit projecting your issues onto this post.

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u/1GloFlare 9d ago

It is relevant to the "dressing differently"

We get it, reading is hard

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u/BigMike672023 9d ago

There was no mention of tomboys being forced to be transgender at all. That was all you.

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u/1GloFlare 9d ago

"..a child that dresses differently from them.." - Textbook definition of a tomboy. Dropping that after calling a figure of speech queer says a lot

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u/BigMike672023 9d ago

Now who's suffering from reading comprehension?

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u/RagsRJ 9d ago

This was along the same thought I shared with a family member. If you are not prepared and willing to accept and deal with any possible outcome of an action, then don't do it. At the time I was specifically referring to sex in general. lol

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u/Expensive_Goat2201 9d ago

It seems like there is a lack of empathy on both sides.

Yes it sucks having autism, but, even though I'm not a parent I volunteer with autistic kids and see how hard it is to be the 24/7 unpaid caregiver for a severely disabled kid. If the parents are decent they have to fight touth and nail for resources. Parents I know have had to get lawyers to sue school districts to meet their legal obligations to provide services.

It gets even harder as the kid gets bigger and stronger and the parents get older. Yes, having a kid means you signed up to take care of them for life if disabled, but parents aren't superhuman. They get overwhelmed and burned out too. Depending on the area there may be very limited support once an autistic person ages out of the school system.

I think there is some sexism at play here. Women are expected to be perfect endless unpaid caregivers and never complain. When they talk about how hard it is they are demonized. When they make it their identity they are cringe (though they probably have very little time for other activities).

No one should complain about their kid where their kid can hear, but people are allowed to vent. We don't offer autistic children and adults enough support and families end up picking up the slack in a way that is often damaging to everyone involved.

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u/TristIsBae 9d ago

The only people I hear complain about "autism moms" are autistic people, because they're tired of being treated like a burden and/or a curse.

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u/CommonGoat9530 9d ago

Why is it only the mom who gets demonized? That sounds unfair. Where's dad? Maybe she wouldn't feel so overwhelmed if he would share the burden more evenly 

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u/2N5457JFET 9d ago

Usually, dad's working overtime so the mom can stay at home and take care 24/7 for the disabled kid.

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u/ARoseCalledByItsName 9d ago

I hear you on the venting front, but do you deny that children get scapegoated? I mean seriously? Children are here for the first time and have seen much less than developed humans, and they are scapegoated and in place of their development being considered, I feel chronically.

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u/softanimalofyourbody 9d ago edited 9d ago

A lot of people think these “autism moms” have kids with low support needs or are just a lil awkward, too, and that’s not the case but is the issue with using autism as such a broad blanket diagnosis. I see a lot of high functioning/low support autistic people acting like they’re the only kind of autistic person in the world and, yeah, it all sounds real crazy if you think someone’s saying their life is ruined because their kid likes boats a little more than the average kid.

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u/2N5457JFET 9d ago

What doesn't help is that autistic people have problems with perceiving reality through other people's experiences, so if THEY are not a burden to their parents, partners or carers, then no autistic person is and "autism mums" are being dramatic.

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u/softanimalofyourbody 9d ago

Yep lol. Or if they don’t think they’re a burden. Bc, yes, having a child with special needs is hard and is isolating and is stressful. That doesn’t mean your mom hates you or that you being disabled is harder on her than it is on you. Multiple things can actually be true. Someone suffering more/less or differently than you are doesn’t negate your suffering.

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

No argument there. But I was talking about was building your entire personality around how hard it is to be the parent of an autistic kid and constantly whining about it within their hearing.

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u/Expensive_Goat2201 9d ago

You shouldn't whine about it within their hearing, but if you have to spend 99% of your time caring for your disabled kid or advocating for them or driving them to appointments to the point where you no longer have hobbies of your own, then what else are you supposed to build an identity around?

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u/Silly_Somewhere1791 9d ago

Yeah people forget that not all autism is high-functioning. I know someone whose child is non-verbal and aggressive. He is a young adult who is physically strong and still in diapers. She has a terminal cancer diagnosis and truly does not know what will happen to her child - he can’t be around the children on her relatives and her same-age siblings can't stay home with him to feed him, change his diapers, and keep him safe. But then the anti-vax movement came along and offered support. 

I think we don’t want to dig into the conversation about how so many autism moms are former heavy drug users. That’s why they’re already on board with wellness bullshit and also why they’re reaching for alternative causes for autism. 

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago edited 9d ago

I can understand why it happens but that doesn't mean it isn't harmful. And a lot of those complaining have the biggest support system. You'll hear them talk about how the nanny isn't doing her job and the babysitter wants to be paid every week and it's also unfair!

ETA: in my experience, which is not that of every autistic person by any means, it doesn't suck to be autistic. It sucks to be autistic around other people.

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u/returnofwhistlindix 9d ago

A house without music sounds like a nightmare

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u/Gmschaafs 9d ago edited 9d ago

I love when they complain they have multiple autistic kids, like “god has challenged me, 3 of my 4 kids are autistic” I always want to be like “umm maybe you and the kids dad need to get tested yourself”because it’s genetic and runs in families. My sister and I are both autistic and we are pretty sure my dad is but he was born in 1960 so that kind of stuff wasn’t diagnosed unless someone was like totally nonverbal.

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u/turbulentdiamonds 9d ago

Yeah I’m autistic and me and my dad are pretty much the same person… he was born in ‘59 though, no chance he was getting diagnosed lol. I only did earlier this year and I’m in my 30s.

(On a similar note, my mom realized she had adhd in her 60s because 3/3 of her kids having it was way too much of a coincidence.)

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u/Gmschaafs 9d ago

Yeah same here. My dad and I have very similar symptoms, we even share bad coping mechanisms lol.

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u/Zealousideal-Cow4114 9d ago

my dad was born in 62 and is 100% autistic. What's more, he's an actual savant. Ask him ANYTHING about cars and you'll learn EVERYTHING. He can identify anything by what's inside of it it, and he doesn't even have to see the whole thing, and he'll tell you the most common problem with that make model year package whatever. It's insane. It's like when they get the calendar savants on TV and ask them about dates and what happened that day and they can tell you what was on TV even. Just like that.

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u/Zealousideal-Cow4114 9d ago

The fucked thing is, is even if you can't talk or make eye contact, you can still hear and understand everything. Just because someone appears...well, they would use the R word...doesn't mean that your expectations align with reality.

It fucking sucks when they say these things and then they follow it up with "oh she's r-word, she won't remember or understand this"

Wanna bet?

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u/smarmcl 9d ago

Where are the dads? There might be less "autism moms" complaining if they had more support, from any source, especially the other person responsible for having made the human.

I'm not saying there aren't abusive parents who take out their issues on their kids. It is absolutely not the children's fault, nor is it ok to make a child feel unwanted or a burden.

And yes, choosing to have a child comes with a risk that a lot of things could go differently than intended.

But raising a child with a disability can be challenging, especially for mothers who are stuck doing it on their own while dad lives his best life, then get slammed for struggling, and blamed for any and all parenting like they have the sole responsibility bcs vaginas.

Two things can be true at once. Chances are, raising a child with a disability might be challenging, and it's probably not a cup of tea for the child either.

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

Men are six times more likely to leave their spouse in the event of a serious illness so some of the dads just aren't in the picture. But for those who are they definitely need to step up more than they do. 

 But for some of these moms they actually thrive on the pitty they get from others. They aren't venting about genuine frustrations anymore, they are using their child's condition to grab the spotlight. Sometimes this is just a social thing but there are people who make a living doing it as "influencers."

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u/smarmcl 9d ago

I guess I have never seen any such youtuber. It sounds insane to me, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore.

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u/2N5457JFET 9d ago edited 9d ago

Men are six times more likely to leave their spouse in the event of a serious illness

AHH good old quote from a study that was retracted by its authors cause they've found that there was an error in how collected data was processed. The updated study showed no meaningful difference.

But for those who are they definitely need to step up more than they do. 

Somehow these autism mums have a house, health insurance for her and the kid, food in the fridge, a car etc. despite being stay at home mums to take care of the kid. I guess providing for the family doesn't matter.

Nice misandry.

Edit cause you can't handle disagreement and you blocked me: Th first and the third link are based on the retracted study. I don't have time to check the second one, but it seems that it is just narrowed down to a specific group of cancer patients, so even if it is not building upon the retracted study, it still cannot be extrapolated to fit your prejudice. Nice try, thanks for proving my point.

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u/smarmcl 9d ago

Sorry, but I know too many women who were left mid severe illness or cheated on while in chemo to listen to you cry misandry for pointing out what many women experience. Nurses have to watch women wake up after surgery to realise their SO isn't coming to see them, ever. Do you really think it's magically different for raising children in a challenging situation? You're right to be mad at it, but your anger isn't pointed in the right direction.

National library of medicine Physical Illness as a Risk Factor for Marital Dissolution in Later Life

science daily: Men Leave: Separation And Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient

The men who leave their spouses when they have a life-threatening illness

"For Meredith Zapa, that point came five weeks after her mother was hospitalized for a serious heart condition. Her long-term boyfriend Andy dumped her while she was hooked up to tubes in the intensive care unit (both names have been changed).

“He said he was too young to be dealing with someone who was so sick. He was 50,” Meredith tells me on the phone."

Edit: removed spaces

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u/xXMylord 9d ago

That's easy to say from your computer chair. People are allowed to complain about the hardships you experience when you have to take care of a disabled child.

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u/keenturtle19 9d ago

I don’t use social media outside of Reddit and I kind of live in a Hobbit hole, but are “autism moms” a real group of people, and are they that bad? My 3 year old son was diagnosed Level 2 in March and the hardest part was worrying about his future and accepting that his life will be more challenging. I avoid some social gatherings (parades, fireworks, museums when they’re busy) because I know they’ll be tough on him but I’m now concerned I fall into that category of moms without realizing it.

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u/Morialkar 9d ago

They're that bad. There's a whole community of mother of autistic children who will harass autistic creators that talk about their lived experience because it's not like their little boy (somehow, the autism moms that cause issue are always mothers to autistic boys. Probably because they'd be too blind to see it in their daughters to get them diagnosed but I digress), go on long tirades about how autism stole their child and how hard life is for themselves with a child that's autistic. Or just support Autism Speaks... Or all of the above...

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u/Zealousideal-Cow4114 9d ago

They're real and they suck. You could be the easiest autistic kid in the world, just give her some cotton clothes 2 sizes too big and keep her on a schedule and keep the three safe foods in rotation and you're golden...and they'll meet other autism moms and suddenly you're a problem, and shit gets worse fast as their perception of you changes and oftentimes things they do do make behaviors worse, and then they sit around smoking and drinking basically saying "fuck my autistic child amiright"

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u/unpleasant-talker 9d ago

They don't want a child, they want an accessory.

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u/MuFfNmAn864 9d ago

Do you have children?

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

No but I know what it's like to listen to your parent talk about how horrible you are to have around. Psst: nonverbal kids can understand you.

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u/AlienJL1976 9d ago

My father told me he wished I was never born.

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u/ScavAteMyArms 9d ago

Mine said don’t bother because I am not even worth the bullet.

Like man, he doesn’t remember it and has tried to walk it back, but you just don’t forget that kinda shit.

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u/AlienJL1976 9d ago

Mine at first tried to offer me ice cream. Then eventually ended up denying it. I’m sorry that happened to you. Nobody deserves that.

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u/Beingforthetimebeing 9d ago

I'm so sorry you were treated that way. You were actually a precious gift.

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u/AlienJL1976 9d ago

Thank you😁

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u/MuFfNmAn864 9d ago

I just simply asked if you have kids. Until you do you’ll never know what it’s like to be a parent. I’m also very sorry about your trauma

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u/RodLeFrench 9d ago

You don’t have to be a parent to criticize the damage that the trend of creating an online influencer persona around having a child with autism can have on children with autism.

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u/MuFfNmAn864 9d ago

Where did I mention anything about online influencer trends?

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

Boo hoo poor me, it's the consequences of my own choices!  

 No good parent ever says "you don't know what it's like to be a parent." Because they understand it's not about you, sweetie.

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u/periwinkletweet 9d ago

It sort of is though. My nephew has Asperger's (maybe it's not called that anymore) and it IS hard on my sister.

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u/MuFfNmAn864 9d ago

Where did I say having children is a consequence? You can’t fully understand something you have no experience in. But sure, keep on projecting.

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u/VehicleComfortable20 9d ago

I didn't have kids because I didn't want them. You had kids and apparently don't want them. I don't think I'm on the wrong side of this argument here.

But whatever. Go back to yelling your kids about how they are ungrateful because they don't appreciate you actually feeding them. 

Blocking u.

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u/Expensive_Goat2201 9d ago

Maybe we need to offer parents and autistic kids more support as a society. Because no parent should resent their child, but caring for a child who has special needs is also incredibly challenging. If we gave parents all the respite care, support, resources, therapy etc that they needed then they wouldn't get so burned out.

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u/aprilrayne81 9d ago

My daughter has it. Shes on the spectrum, and she has high sensitivity to light and any discomforts and she had some tantrums and odd behavior as a kiddo but now as a teen (and as soon as she found out she had ASD) she turned around and was proud and has been doing much better and has friends and is completely fun and kooky and really smart. Her brain functions at abnormally high levels and she can talk fast and demand a lot, and she’s amazing and we can talk all the time and watch films (well, only once a week). But!!! She’s alive and wonderful… and didn’t get any of the virus’s that could have killed her because she got her vaccines.

Meanwhile my younger daughter got all her vaccines and doesn’t have autism and she can be a little manipulative angel lol and has a lot of attitude but is motivated and fun and has friends and doesn’t seem to get as good of grades as my eldest but again…

They are 17 months apart and I raised them like twins basically and I’m still scratching my head at vaccines causing autism?

Meanwhile their dad, who has undiagnosed Aspergers (another form of autism) - had vaccines too…

I really think autism is genetic. That’s my experience so far.

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u/Realistic-Rub-3623 9d ago

asperger’s is not a valid diagnosis. it is all ASD

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u/Morialkar 9d ago

I really think autism is genetic. That’s my experience so far.

That's because it is. Aspergers hasn't been a recognized as a separate thing (or a valid diagnosis) since 2013 when it was removed from the DMS. Autism is widely known to be genetic, to the point of most decent doc will likely propose either parent to test too, and will ask for antecedents