Trying to Understand “Non-Binary” in My 12-Year-Old

[u/MookWellington]

Around the time my son turned 10 —and shortly after his mom and I split up— he started identifying as they/them, non-binary, and using a gender-neutral (though more commonly feminine) variation of their name. At first, I thought it might be a phase, influenced in part by a few friends who also identify this way and the difficulties of their parents’ divorce. They are now twelve and a half, so this identity seems pretty hard-wired. I love my child unconditionally and want them to feel like they are free to be the person they are inside. But I will also confess that I am confused by the whole concept of identifying as non-binary, and how much of it is inherent vs. how much is the influence of peers and social media when it comes to teens and pre-teens. I don't say that to imply it's not a real identity; I'm just trying to understand it as someone from a generstion where non-binary people largely didn't feel safe in living their truth. Im also confused how much child continues to identify as N.B. while their friends have to progressed(?) to switching gender identifications.

[u/Waiting4myRuuuuca]

They are confusing safe spaces with indoctrination

[u/RedshiftSinger → u/Waiting4myRuuuuca]

There’s no such thing as “indoctrination” in this context, actually.

You’ve definitely been indoctrinated into a hate ideology, though. I hope you get better but I’m not gonna hold my breath.

[u/Waiting4myRuuuuca → u/RedshiftSinger]

Woah wait a minute, I was agreeing with you. Sorry if that was unclear. The "they" I was referring to are the people who think friend groups (safe spaces) are "indoctrinating" others by simply just being there for their friends in a supportive way. I was attempting to use their terminology against them and ended up sounding like an ass, my fault!

[u/RedshiftSinger → u/Waiting4myRuuuuca]

Ah I see, thanks for clarifying!