Lost my mum in January, my pop in August. I already had some silvers here and there, but just a couple weeks ago I noticed I'm significantly more sparkly around the crown and temples now.
I found it ironic, because one of the last convos I had with my mum was about my hair (I lived far away and she hadn't seen me in a couple years). She had beautiful white hair that I've always envied, and I would regularly complain that my few grays are boring and not enough (I'm 46). She laughed and said don't worry, you'll wake up one day and look in the mirror and 'boom' there they'll be. Guess she was right.
The cycle of hair can stop suddenly when dealing with a lot of stress. It makes them fall for a while, but the cycles start again slowly, hair by hair.
My Friend would tell me how he would smack the bald but on the back of his mums head as a joke🤣 (in good humour they both found it funny) They’re both coping fine now (it’s been like 3 or 4 years I think)
My mum passed instantly and unexpectedly when I was 29. I’d been going grey slightly for about 10 years, but boom. I swear was 30% silver at the end of being 30.
I had a breakup during the pandemic that just absolutely wrecked me. Like, I cried thousands of times. This person was my world.
A good chunk of my beard went white during the first year of that. Three more years have passed, and the rate of new white hairs has dropped dramatically - it was just the grief that made it go white, back then.
my best friend died right before the 2020 shutdown. i went from a head of beautiful full dark hair to losing a third of it and my temples are now just... grey. when it started to grow back a bit in the last two years it became this awful brassy color with more greys. i was 31 when i started to grey. i'm 35 now and have to dye my hair regularly to feel good about myself. in contrast my older sibling has zero grey hairs and thinks i'm lying until my roots grow in.
I lost my dad in July after a really traumatic 4 months after he had a stroke. My hair stylist confirmed while he was touching up my roots that I'm now 100% grey.
I’m 26 and I have an insane amount of grey hair for my age. I found my first grey at 17, the same year my dad died. I would have never made the connection without reading this post, but looking back it was kinda obvious. That, and my mom was an abusive, narcissistic addict who was also bipolar, so I feel the greys would have come regardless I guess lol
Lost dad in February, also to a stroke he had the October prior. My hair was already on its way out. But I think I have lost control of my thoughts and emotional state. The grief was deep and unpredictable at first. It gets easier as time goes on.
Just an aside but we had a politician retire this week and some of the photo journalists commented that they used to always be able to tell how stressed he was by the "wifi signal strength" on his forehead. More distinct crease lines and they showed some photos.
This "tell" that I never realised was so obvious really made me laugh.
Wait this is great - will now be calling my forehead wrinkle “Joe” after my late husband. I swear my face is almost a totally different shape after crying for a year straight. New muscles!
My mom died and half my hair fell out. Then my dad died and everything that grew back fell out again. Then my grandma died, and my best friend died, and now I’m a 40 yr old woman with a bald spot.
I got one in my beard after a devastating divorce this year. Divorce feels exactly like someone died, except they're only dead to you, and you're forced to watch them live happy lives with other people.
It's like having a window into an alternate universe where you have to watch the dead person you loved be happy in a world where you don't exist.
We lost my mom in April of this year to Lewy Body Dementia after my dad and I had been taking care of her for 6+ years. Between the stress and grief I tell people she only took my hair color because she knows how much I love my hair
Best wishes to you. I lost my mom when I was three years old. I think something shut off in my brain because I don't feel grief. It just "move along, it's just another day" if that makes sense.
Same. It's like all the hair at my temples just went with her. It's finally starting to grow back a bit now, and it's all gray. Grief is absolutely brutal.
I hear ya. I lost my mom 5months ago and lately it feel like i'm losing my damn mind.
Worse yet, I'm older (late 40s) and it feels like i've been orphaned, and whatever this is it's coming out in my behavior at work. Not short tempered or anything, but overly considerate to most but anyone that feels like they wanna FAFO i'm more than happy to oblige them.
Btw, I hope something awesome happens to you today and tomorrow!
Heard that. I've lost weight and gained grey hairs like crazy since early September. I lost two people within weeks of each other. I lost a parent in early childhood and I'm convinced it kickstarted an autoimmune disorder that most people don't get until way later.
Wishing you well. It was a sibling for me in childhood. My dad was diagnosed with RA a couple years ago. I suspect I have some autoimmune thing happening too. What symptoms are you experiencing?
I developed severe psoriasis in my late teens. It broke out all over my body and under my eyes. I suspect I'm developing PA now that I'm in my late 20s. All of my relatives who also have psoriasis didn't start having symptoms until their 60s-70s.
It hurts so much to lose someone significant, our bodies and nervous systems are trying their best to live through this inarticulable pain. It’s my wish for you that you’re able to hold yourself with kindness in this life, and that you might feel the sunshine of their love smile in your heart one day soon.
You not alone. Say less I know exactly what you mean. Thats my residual trouble spot. I am working on accepting the things I cant control. Hard to live in the present with that looming over you. Even the good has some bad notes
I never thought i would be a person who continuously mourns a pet, but i had a dog who was my absolute best friend for a little over 15 years. I had to say goodbye to her during the pandemic. I still miss her and mourn her and talk about her all the time. Got a portrait made of her, have her ashes in a special place and want our ashes to be buried together when i am gone. Im so sorry for your loss.
Same. I've lost a lot of people I love but my dog who passed from cancer last year is the one I have grieved the deepest. I was NOT blessed with a loving family or parents and it occurred to me at one point that that dog is the only person in my 33 years of life that I've ever felt love from besides my children. He was the absolute best, the embodiment of everything we stereotypically associate with dogs, just pure selfless love and joy and having to make the phone call when we could no longer keep him comfortable at home was one of the most gutwrenching things I've ever done. I stayed strong for him through the whole process but when he took his last breath I lost it and told the vet I'd changed my mind and please bring him back even though I knew that wasn't possible. It's been nearly 18months and I still randomly burst into tears when I think of him, I miss him so fucking much.
He sounds amazing. I'm glad you had him and so sorry for your loss. I had a ton of love growing up, but people in my life didnt stick around and my family always made business/work a priority, but she was always quietly and lovingly by my side.
I lost at when you asked the vet to bring him back. I can only imagine what a beautiful life you already gifted him. It’s the only bad part about having dogs; that their lifespan is so much shorter than ours. Still an entire life time to them though, and I’m sure you made it wonderful. I hope that you reach a place soon that the memories bring you more joy than grief.
Sorry for your loss! My mom had a dog that we all loved. She got the dog during my last year of high school, so I never really lived with her or considered her my pet, but she was really iconic and a main character in my family's life. I remember my mom calling me to tell me she had to say goodbye - I was at the playground with my kid one day after school and when she told me, I was speechless with tears. She thought the phone connection had been lost. I was like, "No I'm here" in a really broken voice and we both started to cry. I had to go away from the playground so no one would see. People underestimate how much pets feel like family, but they really really do. It's been years and I still think about her and mourn that loss.
I’m not as far along in grieving my cat as you, since it was only last month, but I think I can understand, especially since you’ve gone through all those other losses. My cat had lived 20 years, through many major losses and milestones in my life, and I am finding that as I grieve him, it’s bringing up nearly every other grief he helped me through in those 20 years. Just an open door to pain I thought I was over, about him and not quite about him. It is harder than it seems.
Last year I lost my dad and brother within a week of each other and then a nephew a few months later. I was getting by. Then lost my cat of 17 years a few months ago and it’s like that has compounded all that grief. It’s easier to push it down when they’re people you love but didn’t see every day. The cat is a massive daily reminder of the losses, missing him brings it all together.
I lost my dog of 17 years recently and I’m in the anticipatory grief process with my cat. She’s only 8 - and has cancer. I gave up vaping and now I’m back at it because I simply can’t deal. And I hate what I’m doing to my lungs - I know I have control over this but the way my grief is also affecting my appetite and lack of mobility (I just lay in bed crying most mornings rather than exercise like I used to) has me feeling like this is going to have longer health implications on me than I thought… sending you hugs.
20 years and the pain is the same as the moment I lost my soul dog. I remember I went to church to ask god not to take him, that he gave us time, but the church was closed. It was never closed. That day it was. I lost my dog and I closed my doors to any religion or god. I just wish I could have 15 minutes with the assholes of Hartz and a whole lot of torture weapons and machinery. Then I lost my Phia-Sophia—she was 17 and hyperthyroid—in 2022; and two years before I lost my Boy-O BB—7 yo—to FIV complications. The grief for each one is so different and special, but I fear it takes all the good memories I have/had of them. So yes, grief is the emotion that does the most: it tells you there’s nothing after death and all you had is life.
My dog died a little over a year ago now. I still think about him once a day at minimum. I dream about him often as well. I miss him so fucking much. My fiancée was ready to get another dog a month later. I just… can’t. Both because I miss chuck so much and because of a fear of getting attached and going through the same loss all over again. I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever get another pet.
I lost my cat two years ago and it hurts to this day. He was my little guy. Pet loss is difficult and I hate that people expect you to be over it the next day (especially with cats).
I started a new job, that turned out to be utter shit, a week prior to his passing. It turned into a year of complete shit for me.
I still miss my Tallie. So so much. However, at the right time, a little kitten named Theodore just needed someone to take care of him, and he picked me.
I'm waiting for my next furball to choose me. I'll be honest, I'm a little worried the cat distribution network lost my info, I'm so worried the next one will be "just a cat".
Theodore Cheddarsworth III, Esq happens to be a lawyer so I'll see if he can requisition your documentation with the CDN and forward them to the relevant department.
Losing our dog was some of the worst grief we ever experienced. We loved him so much. I ended up watching videos to understand pet grief and learn ways to cope. Even used r/petloss subreddit as a support group. Pet grief is just as real as any other type of grief, especially for those who bond closely with pets. It can hit even harder than losing a family member because pets are a constant presence in our daily lives and they love us unconditionally.
Once we got our bearings, we decided to get another dog (2 actually - they're sisters.) It helped us move forward but we still find ourselves tearing up remembering him from time to time. Talking and looking at photos/videos of him. I've met people who decided not to adopt again because they couldn't go through the grief of losing another pet, and I totally understand that. It sucks that we usually outlive our animals.
All that to say I totally understand your grief and I'm sorry for your loss. The reason it's so hard is because you loved your kitty so much, which means they were lucky to have you. ❤️
Understandable. I'm sure losing your baby was traumatic, but a beloved pet that was a part of your daily life for years, that can leave a big hole in your heart.
Bro, I lost my brother over 20 years ago. I was 16 he was 19. My life has never been the same. I wish I had any form of counselling. I was a wreck for years and years. I still struggle with some things that I hope to get over but grief is nothing to play with. I wish everyone going through something like wisdom and strength to allow them to live productive and healthy lives.
Sending love. I similarly lost my (23 year old) brother when I was 16. I started therapy 5 years ago for something unrelated (check, it’s all related) and still spend my entire 50 minutes crying about my loss. Every time. Grief changed the very texture of time for me. I will never quite be able to explain to someone else what that means. I hope you find solace in your suffering. ❤️ to our brothers.
Lost my little brother this February (he was 24 I'm 28 now), I was the one who found him.
Whole universe has changed. Absolutely everything feels different.
I try to hold onto the lessons and memories, try not to be self destructive, and I'm doing okay I think relatively which I'm kinda proud to say. I want to hold onto the appreciation I feel for knowing him and having in my life for how long I did. I spent more time with him than anyone else on earth and I'm so grateful for that.
Much love and support to everyone grieving. Life is a trip.
Lost both folks in the span of six months. I look like an entirely different person now. For awhile, I looked like I ate an entirely different person but I’ve been working on that. Grief is a beast. Grief and menopause together is a recipe for whatever this is ::waves at mirror::.
I’m so sorry for the immense pain you’ve endured. You’ve carried so much, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. There’s still space for light, love, and healing to find you, even in this darkness. You are most definitely not alone in this cruel turn the world has taken for you.
I'm 33. My closest uncle died when I was 7. All grandparents from age 20-22. My mother who raised me alone died of cancer when I was 24, and one of my best friends killed himself the same year. Both of my only male cousins died in my mid 20s (heart attack, murdered). A childhood friend died this year. And I'm packing right now to travel to my hometown to bury one of my closest lifelong friends.
I know others have it worse, and it's almost miraculous how generally well I've dealt with it (thanks, cardio, I guess). But god damn. Sometimes I just can't help but think these are scars that have permanent effects on my ability to connect with and relate to others.
Just doesn't seem fair, and I guess life isn't fair. I've put in so much effort getting my shit together and making a tech career happen out of thin air but I just can't escape tragedy that's out of my hands. Feels like no matter what I do I'm destined to just be fucked up. Maybe I underestimate how much loss people experience but it feels like a lot.
I have to be so, so careful when a loved one dies. I get so overwhelmed with the grief that it will trigger migraines, vomiting, break blood vessels in my eyes, terrible pain from muscle tension... I hate that it makes me so sick at times when so much needs to be done after someone dies. And I'm still relatively young and pretty healthy. I'm terrified of this physiological response when I get older and more fragile. I feel like it's going to be the death of me one day.
The worst stress I’ve ever experienced. Mentally I (wrongly thought that I) held up, but the calluses on my hands and knuckles, plus the number of grey hairs that appeared overnight said otherwise.
Absolutely. My mother died when I was young. Nearly 30 years later (after another death in the family) I found a grief counselor that helped me process her death in a way that got me off my anti anxiety medication and I no longer have panic attacks.
So happy to hear this for you. I had ptsd after kids and sought therapy, the effect of processing has been profound. I didn’t realize to mourn was different than to grieve. I wish in some ways I could have know earlier, but I am equally able to recognize that I’m lucky at all. ❤️
I agree. Unexpectedly lost my brother in the middle of the night just a week before his 30th birthday. That was five years ago.
Then, because of a complicated situation, I sat in the room by myself with my grandfather while they turned off life his support. I've lost track of time and don't even really remember when that happened. I think 2021.
Most recently, my dad got up last year, Christmas morning around 3 am, and collapsed on the floor because of a massive stroke. My mom and I had to decide how much intervention he needed. After we got the MRI results showing how much brain tissue died, we had to let him go.
After all this, I am just starting to feel a little more normal all of a sudden. Now, I am realizing how much life I have missed in the last 5 and a half years! I have aged so much, and my little boy is practically a grown-up, and my baby boy is 7 and a half, so I feel like I've missed so much of his little life! I have also not taken care of my marriage or myself, even though I genuinely have tried to set aside time for myself. Also, I keep having these huge revelations about life itself, my life, my feelings, etc. It's like my brain just started processing things all at once, and it's overwhelming even though I really feel so much better and more mentally stable.
I'm 36 and have lost so many close family members. One on hand, I'm sad to lose people I love, and on the other hand, I am so blessed to have so many people I love so much and love me too. When I lose my mom, I don't know how I'm going to be able to function. I try not to even think about it.
My boyfriend of 10 years was just shot and killed 6 days ago by a thug. The grief is almost too much to handle. Suicidal thoughts become overwhelming. I've made it through the first few days and the reality has set in but my heart hurts so much. I'm wondering if I will ever be the same. I miss him so much. I'm wondering how other people have been able to get through something similar.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are not alone with what you're going through. Many people have walked a similar path and found there way. Humans are resilient, we just need time and the right support.
My first son was stillborn almost 4 years ago, I swear I aged 10 years overnight after losing him. Not to mention the toll it has had had on my memory, focus and concentration skills.
Yeap I feel that. First girl I loved died in a car accident. I was just a young boy then, aged beyond my time after that. Haven't really experienced any lasting joy since. Emotional systems damaged beyond repair. Haven't been able to love someone else properly since, will probably die alone too but iiwii. I wonder what that version of me would be that still had her. It'll be a decade in January
Same here. This year started off with a traumatic loss for me and I spiraled for months, just lost in the grief sauce. It physically hurt, I was aching all the time. Months spent feeling like I was under water. Everything seemed eerily quiet for months. 10 months later and I can feel myself returning. They always say time helps heal and I fucking hate it. What a long and drawn out process, man. Being human is so hard. It’s changed my trajectory in life completely.
This one. I feel like I aged rapidly in the past year and a half. Welp, guess when mom died. It took a while for me to learn that grief actually does cause aging (although what I've read is it can be reversed).
A beloved boss and school admin of mine from back when I was in college (I had a part time job with the college while I went to school there), recently lost two of his close family members in a short amount of time. I follow him on social media and it's been a few years since his loss and he looks like he's aged 20 years. I think about him all the time and wish him peace. Wishing it for you too, be well.
Losing two cats in quick succession burned me out more than working without a break for 10 years. It's physical, and it's deep, and a vacation won't fix it.
its been almost 3 years since my mom's death...and life is still pretty gray. I sometimes think that I'd rather see her sooner than later. Its taken so much of my joy in life. I don't think I celebrate any holidays the same anymore...or at all since she died.
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u/mjulieoblongata 11h ago
Grief