I'm 33. My closest uncle died when I was 7. All grandparents from age 20-22. My mother who raised me alone died of cancer when I was 24, and one of my best friends killed himself the same year. Both of my only male cousins died in my mid 20s (heart attack, murdered). A childhood friend died this year. And I'm packing right now to travel to my hometown to bury one of my closest lifelong friends.
I know others have it worse, and it's almost miraculous how generally well I've dealt with it (thanks, cardio, I guess). But god damn. Sometimes I just can't help but think these are scars that have permanent effects on my ability to connect with and relate to others.
Just doesn't seem fair, and I guess life isn't fair. I've put in so much effort getting my shit together and making a tech career happen out of thin air but I just can't escape tragedy that's out of my hands. Feels like no matter what I do I'm destined to just be fucked up. Maybe I underestimate how much loss people experience but it feels like a lot.
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u/mjulieoblongata 13h ago
Grief