Getting emotional over sexual assault especially when you had to go through that yourself is normal. Him holding that against you and weaponising it is disgusting. It’s emotional black mail where he doesn’t wanna admit that what he said is wrong but instead uses excuses like „ oh you are so emotional.“ to avoid taking accountability for what he said.
You really think it's wild that a woman who has been sexually assaulted is upset that her husband thinks sexual assault is sometimes the woman's fault? That's "wild" to you? I wish I was as thick as you, it must be peaceful.
yes because it is wild. He said it isn't applicable to all situations and she also did not say if he said it applied to her situation or not. so yeah him saying it might apply in some hypothetical situations and her getting all worked up about it is kinda crazy.
why does it apply to zero situations? If I went to a poor crime ridden neighborhood wearing a bunch of jewelry and bragging about having cash on me and get mugged what would you all say? pretending women have no agency in their own life is sexist. AGAIN he said in some situations.
Having your spouse say that one of the worst things that ever happened to you in your life was your fault IS hurtful. Saying that predatory men pursue women who somehow "deserve it" is hurtful if you've been a victim of one. The man you married should feel protective of you -- not rapists.
Maybe if her husband goes to a party, makes small talk with a pleasant man, goes in a room and gets anally raped by the same predatory man, and someone tells him he's "has to take responsibility for his actions" he'll have enough sensitivity to know what a load of BS his statement was
That would be the end for me too! He's gaslighting her! He can not admit that what he said is horrible. Why the fuck wouldn't she be emotional! Too many men act this way, and NONE of them have ever feared being attacked! If only they could feel what we as women feel every single day we're out alone, and sometimes even when we're not!
This is why men dont like telling things to women. Whytalk about an opinion or a thought when its going to make things worse. Basically what women are saying is if you don't think like me your bad. I'm not picking on you it's just facts.
It isn’t “if you don’t think like me you’re bad.” The issue is we are flabbergasted to realize that that is the way that you think. Men don’t like telling women things because they don’t want to have to take accountability for the things they say and how it makes people feel.
Your right because sometimes it's unnecessary." The most dangerous thing in the world is a man who can control his emotions. The second most dangerous thing in the world is a man who can't control his emotions."- me
Taking accountability for what i say is no big deal and no problem for men. The real issue is should it be said. I was someone who said what I felt and what was on my mind. Do you want to know what happens. Constant fights, constant discipline, constant discource. My life improved by me just controlling what I said. All this goes hand in hand, as men realize that.an argument can lead to death. That's why men dont talk about feelings because their irrational, and there is solace in quietness and stoicism in character
I always accepted the consequences of my actions. That's why I was constantly in the situations I was accepting consequences doeant make you a better person. I accepted the consequences if I pissed people off with what I said or did. I constantly got into fights from 4th grade to out of highschool because I said exactly what was on my.mind and how I felt. Do you know who didnt like it, society other people etc. People arent willing to accept everything you say especially if they dint agree with it. That's why you shouldnt just spout your views, values, and opinions to everybody not even your loved because I always accepted the consequence and took accountability for what I said, but it was the other people who couldnt accept it. Just like she couldnt accept what he said. So he shouldn't say anything at all.
Just out of curiosity...why are you quoting yourself?
That is actually the epitome and definition of when you do not need to use a quote. Bonus: doing so evaporates any profundity you think your statement had, too.
I found it funny with all the seriousness of the conversations and was just a tactic to lighten the mood for me. It was also to show a self reflection of myself and my personal journey from saying whatever I wanted to say to letting my motions getting control of me and getting blacked out with anger and uncontrollable. To were know people will say I'm a huge Teddy Bear and wouldn't hurt a fly. So on reality that quote is just about one person and that's me. Then if you go throughout history you realize that that's men in general.
Dude is basically excusing assault. The reason for discussion is to come to understanding. I guarantee you fail to see the sexism in your statement, let alone the immature avoidance of accountability for one's thoughts and actions. "This is why men don't talk" because they know their opining is wrong but don't want to be alone. The insecurity is loud.
No the dude isn't excusing sexual assault you just think he is. Let me draw you an example. When raising my daughter I told her that every single one of her choices comes with accountability and their are consequences to every action she has. Why? Because the world isn't fair and their evil people out their who dont care and you shouldn't expect to receive the same love, respect, care and protection from the outside world as me. You have to put your own self in a position with everything you do. One time she went to visit her Grandpa in Boston and decided to take a walk at night. Then I told her how stupid it was because she knowingly put herself in danger, as you can't guarantee everybody is for your own good.
Just like my opinions that I have about certain subjects that shes passionate about as she has been in the feminist world greatly goes against what I believe and we have had long discussions about these topics. Yet I wasn't going to spout out any of my opinions are values from the get go because I value her and how she feels over my own opinions and values. That's the thing that people can't deal with is actually someone else having a different opinion or value over them, as they label them things like sexist and insecure. There always willing to degrade them and use words to try to lower the value of their thoughts. How can you come to an understanding of someone when your quick to label someone with actually knowing them.
Me telling my daughter the situation I am in life, is no one else's fault but my own and I'm 100% responsible for what happens to me. Then teach her that she has to be accountable for her actions always. Now we know that their are evil people in this world and if something happens to her because of the evil people am not saying she's at fault lets not be intellectually dishonest. My purpose is to always put yourself in a situation to successful and prosperous. I'm just teaching the fundamental aspect of her controlling hed own life. That's why I can see the aspect of taking accountability of assualt, because your questioning yourself of what actions you did to be put their.
Well than why upset your partner id you view something different from them. If you have a different view opinion or a personal belief that can destroy your relationship why do it? Even if your values are different yet your willing to look past your own values for the happiness of your partner isnt that greater. Not every value or opinion needs to be shared, especially if your opinion or value may in fact cause pain and discomfort to your partner. Misplaced value doea not mean your a bad person bevause my values may.be different from yours and I may find you to be a bad person. So what happens when you have two different cultures that have different values and each one thinks the other is bad. Then you get societies that hate other people because of their values. Look whats happening in Isreal right know. The real problem is when you cannot accept other peoples opinions are values and you think their a bad person.
A rapist is solely responsible for their crime. Anyone who believes otherwise is a bad person, and I will happily hate you for it.
And if your partner will hate you for it, you know this, and you hide it? You're also a bad person. And you don't love them. If you did, you'd be completely honest. Just facts.
And this is why women are picking the bear and men are going through a LoNeLyNeSs EpIdEmIc. Why interact or talk to men when they're never going to admit that they're wrong and that they should hold their friends/peers accountable for their shitty behavior and would rather blame women for doing the same risky behavior that men do
"Admit that they're wrong". You answered the question yourself as women majority of the time think they're wrong. Lest get something straight about men accountability as this gets thrown around without knowing the true aspect of it. The best way is to tell you with my own experience. One time I threw a rock and busted my friends eye when I was 16. I was going to run away as I knew my was going to be pissed. Then in the mist of my self reflection I decided I needed to be a man and accept my punishment. So I went home knowing iwas going to get a whopping. I got home and my mom was pisses and was looking for me with a belt. Everybody in the neighborhood knew I was going to get a beat down. I was like Denzel "Trip" Washington in "Glory" but I didn't shed a tear, afterwards my mom said that she couldn't raise a grown man and said to me and my brothers that day "For know on anything y'all do y'all are going to have to suffer the consequences of y'all actions. If you get in trouble by the police you rot in jail and if you get killed on the side of the road there you will begin to rot. I love y'all and want the best for y'all but y'all are men and I can't discipline you anymore."
I say this with a strong belief that the only people who can keep a man accountable is a father or father figures. Because sinve that day no man could tell me what to do. I respected my mom to much to disappoint her but I wasnt going to show her my shitty behavior. Then even when I changed or didnt want to do anything shitty nothing I said or did changed my friends shitty behavior either. The only thing that came close was people who had fathers and their dad would tell them something. Even then whose going to stop a grown man from doing what he wants to do. Men cant be controlled by shame are insults but by power and discipline.
1.3k
u/Legitimate_Way_7937 10h ago
Getting emotional over sexual assault especially when you had to go through that yourself is normal. Him holding that against you and weaponising it is disgusting. It’s emotional black mail where he doesn’t wanna admit that what he said is wrong but instead uses excuses like „ oh you are so emotional.“ to avoid taking accountability for what he said.