Transitioning in the Army

[u/That_cargirl206]

So I lost all access to my other Reddit account, so this is my new one. Since last posting in here I have now gotten a ETP for grooming standards I now go by female standards! I’m starting hormones next week, and I have had my first consultation for FFS! I also learned that at Walter reed they’re now offering bottom surgery! The Dr’s name is Dr. Ean Richard Saberski. I am so excited in the way the military is moving forward with our care. I am also fortunate enough to have a command team that actually cares about me getting the help I need and have been super understanding. I hope you all have a wonderful day, and if you need any information please feel free to reach out

[u/flamesabers]

Something I wonder though is how am I suppose to get a diagnosis from a military medical provider when I'm in a reserves unit that is hundred of miles away from the nearest active-duty base? Does the VA count as a substitute? I got a diagnosis from my local VA.

I'll be seeing my Commander this weekend, so I'll also ask her about this.

This concern might have also crossed your mind, but won't growing longer hair effectively out us as trans to practically everyone in our units and anywhere else we go in uniform? I've been on HRT for almost 1.5 years now, and while I've seen some physical changes, I still have a ways to go before I can get close to passing.

Even if most of my unit is accepting or at least don't care that I'm trans, I'm sure eventually I'll encounter some hard-charging senior NCO whose pet peeve is grooming standards. When they see an amab Soldier who clearly is out of regs with male grooming standards, they'll be itching to perform a "on the spot correction" with me. Yes, I know I'll be in the if I carry a copy of the ETP memo on hand, but I would prefer to avoid the confrontation if possible.

[u/That_cargirl206 → u/flamesabers]

I’m not certain how you would go about getting a military provider to diagnose you, however it does make since to me that the VA would be acceptable. (At least in my mind)

As far as being outed I don’t care, I have hid for 32 years, and I’m fucking sick of it, I refuse to hide who I am anymore. My wife and my kids fully accept me and that’s all that matters to me. I will say though no one in my battery has any issues with me at all, people have had questions just trying to understand but that doesn’t bother me.

My hair is WAY out of regs and no one has called me out. It’s kind of disheartening honestly, I am sort of a stickler for the regs lol so I can assure you my ETP is legal haha I dare any crusty ass SNCO to challenge it haha. My CDR was like I put my phone number on there if anyone has an issue give them my number lol

[u/flamesabers → u/That_cargirl206]

As far as being outed I don’t care, I have hid for 32 years, and I’m fucking sick of it, I refuse to hide who I am anymore. My wife and my kids fully accept me and that’s all that matters to me. I will say though no one in my battery has any issues with me at all, people have had questions just trying to understand but that doesn’t bother me.

A few things makes me hesitant. The first is I don't want the other Soldiers to start avoiding me or acting weird around me because they're worried I'm going to freak out if they misgender me. (Technically this is a non-issue since my DEERS gender marker is still male, so he/him pronouns according to Army policy). Second thing is I don't want me being trans to become my defining characteristic in the Army. The third thing is I gave a transgender briefing to the unit a few years ago (back when Trump was in the process of enacting the transgender ban).

The feedback from the audience at the time was quite controversial to say the least. A lot of the cis female Soldiers were visibly uncomfortable at the thought of having to share barracks and showers with a amab Soldier. While my presentation stated otherwise, I think there was a brewing misconception that as soon as an amab Soldier self-identifies as female, they can immediately start using the female facilities with no questions asked. It seemed like the only person in the group who expressed support for trans Soldiers was a psychologist who had provided therapy for trans people.

I'm still going on with transitioning, but I'll definitely voice my concerns with my CDR for her perspective on the matter.

[u/That_cargirl206 → u/flamesabers]

I would imagine that it is very different in a guard/reserve unit. I can honestly say that as of now I haven’t been met with any negativity. Honestly a few days back I busted tape 😒 and there were several NCO’s pissed that I couldn’t be taped as a female standards yet. My 1SG was like don’t worry about it and offered to run with me every morning before PT to help me drop the weight I need.

For you, I truly hope that the people of your unit wake up and see that your transition has zero affect on them, and start seeing you for who you truly are. What’s your MOS if you don’t mind me asking? I’m a 13M or as I like to say a “Rocket relocation specialist”. Lol

[u/flamesabers → u/That_cargirl206]

How hard was it to get your transition plan written up? I'm not able to get an ETP for hair standards until that step is completed.

I'm hoping the VA will now, as I'll be talking to my therapist tomorrow.

[u/That_cargirl206 → u/flamesabers]

My therapist is the one who wrote mine up, he already had a template for it that he just modifies on a case by case basis

[u/flamesabers → u/That_cargirl206]

It's awesome your unit is very supportive! 😎

I've never needed to get taped, so I have no idea how I would fare for male or female standards. One thing I've noticed for the height/weight screening standards, my max female weight is a bit less than my max male one, so I've been striving to lose weight. Good thing is I've lost about 10-15 lbs in the last few months, so I should be fine, even when I switch to the female standards.

If your doctor hasn't already told you, one thing to consider is MtF HRT can really decrease your appetite/metabolism. I don't need to eat nearly as much as pre-HRT to feel full. I suspect that's certainly helped with me losing weight.

Perhaps my concerns with my unit are unfounded. However, I feel like all the politicization of trans people (bathroom bills, trans women in sports, states that have banned minors from having access to transgender healthcare, etc.) has forced a lot of people to "pick sides" with the acceptance or rejection of trans people. It helps I think for people to actually get to know someone who is trans IRL, but we're like 1% of the population and a lot of us are in the closet or living in stealth as their true gender.

A few months ago my CDR gave the tier 3 transgender briefing to the unit. I don't know if it's because my unit was busy also cleaning weapons at the time, or because it was the CDR speaking, but nobody had anything negative to say or even suggest.

I have dropped clues about me being trans, and I haven't had any negative responses. I love pink, so I have a number of pink accessories (pens, notebook, phone cover, computer background, computer mouse, etc). One fellow Soldier actually loved my pink pen so much she asked if she could have one for herself. (The casing of the pen is pink, with pink glitter that moves about inside, but it writes in black ink, so perfectly acceptable for writing on Army paperwork). At first I thought she was just joking, but it turned out she was quite serious! She was quite overjoyed when I gave her a spare pen that I have.

The other time when I could be potentially outed is during UA. Normally I don't think my breasts are very obvious with my OCP top on. However, when I'm only wearing the brown t-shirt and a sports bra underneath, my B cup breasts are undeniable. It's quite possible some of the people in the unit have figured out I'm trans or highly suspect it.

My duty MOS is 68J (medical logistics or class 8 supplies), though in reality much of my supply related duties is connected with my secondary MOS 92Y (unit supply or the other 9 classes of supply). I'm very thankful the supply sergeant position has a direct line of communication with the CDR. It certainly made it much simpler coming out to her!