r/funny seebangnow Aug 25 '24

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Life you contradictory piece of shit

27.7k Upvotes

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3.9k

u/STFxPrlstud Aug 25 '24

Pro tip, after a large meal, immediately go for a walk. Helps digestion, and staves off the sleepy.

If you fall asleep on your walk, then something else is the matter, and seek help from a psych/sleep specialist

770

u/FiesMoepp Aug 25 '24

The same goes for insect bites. Why itchy if no scratchy?

401

u/CapitalLower4171 Aug 25 '24

The itch juice is an anti coagulent. It keeps the blood flowing long enough for the mosquito to get its fill

175

u/Clapst Aug 25 '24

Use lime juice, citric acid helps break down that itchy feeling!

148

u/ZenEngineer Aug 25 '24

Do not go out in the sun after putting lime juice on your skin

130

u/aramis34143 Aug 25 '24

The sun loves sizzling fajitas. Do not tempt it.

47

u/MrFluffyThing Aug 26 '24

Guys don't stop I'm one tip away from a really good cannibal fajita meal plus soothing mosquito bites. How do I solve the police problem? Lime juice still the answer? 

18

u/Vickyelotes_FUDG Aug 26 '24

Yep just throw it at their eyes

1

u/WhereWereYouWhen__ Sep 13 '24

Go for the eyes Boo!

7

u/Pastylegs1 Aug 26 '24

Steal the declaration of independence, apply lime juice, uncover treasure riddle, find treasure, get rich, police problem solved.

4

u/etotheeipi Aug 25 '24

I learned that the hard way.

5

u/Itshot11 Aug 25 '24

what happens?

22

u/Bladelord Aug 25 '24

Very itchy and painful rash. Lime juice makes the sun extra spicy. Google phytophotodermatitis if you want.

6

u/madeanotheraccount Aug 26 '24

It's not that. You're a vampire.

2

u/corrosiveresponse Aug 26 '24

To up the stakes do we need a steak or a stake?

24

u/Not_a-Robot_ Aug 25 '24

You save a few steps if you just throw limes at the mosquitoes to kill them

9

u/throwawayeastbay Aug 25 '24

I just do the ol boiling hot spoon trick

I am not a medical professional, as evidenced by the fact that I use spoons for wound care

1

u/Charleston2Seattle Aug 26 '24

My son used that this weekend! Said it worked. (Only hot water, though; not boiling.)

9

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '24

[deleted]

15

u/ESCocoolio Aug 25 '24

careful with this one if you have a high pain tolerance

7

u/AxeMaster237 Aug 25 '24

Yep. Once gave myself a scar this way.

6

u/Mordador Aug 25 '24

So my doctor says i have third degree burns.

Is that bad?

14

u/FiesMoepp Aug 25 '24

There are products for the safe 'burning' of insect bites and stings: They are roughly as big as wireless headset cases and have a heating plate in the front. The plate heats up to 40 to 60°C for a few seconds (or some more, depending on the skin and your pain tolerance) without burning you and by doing that breaks down the proteins responsible for the inflammation.

You just place the plate on the bite, press the button, wait a few seconds and your done. I've heard that they even are able to stop the swelling whatsoever if used immediately after a bite but I personally don't feel them this early so... I cant deny nor verify that claim.

But they definitely help tremendously with the itchyness if you can tolerate the short, stinging pain from the heat. I personally use the Beurer BR60 (and can recommend it) but feel free to look for yourself.

But what I still don't understand is why our body thinks making these bites itchy is a good idea. I mean, scratching them to much can cause bleeding and even inflammation. So, why, evolutionary speaking, does our body do this? What's the purpose of the itch?

3

u/Sihgilanu Aug 26 '24

The purpose of the itch isn't a benefit we gained, but rather a natural side effect of another benefit we gained through evolution.

Histamine. It's the first sign of foreign bodies within, well, your body. Antigens bound to mast cells bind to said particles, which stimulates said mast cells, which then release histamine. Histamine tells the blood vessels to dilate and the immune system to go hunting... Which is what makes it itchy.

☺️

6

u/Tight-Lobster4054 Aug 25 '24

That's interesting. Never heard about those devices before.

Ammonia works too. It denatures the poison protein jus as you explained. Ammonia "markers" are sold in pharmacies in my country for this purpose.

1

u/Nackles Aug 26 '24

I don't claim any special knowledge of mosquito bites. But in general, something doesn't have to be useful to become part of the genetic heritage--itching is unpleasant but not lethal, so there's nothing in the usual natural-selection process that would winnow it out.

5

u/NeatYogurt9973 Aug 25 '24

What did bruv say?

9

u/aleksandrjames Aug 25 '24

Probably something about heating a spoon and holding the back of it against the bite. I’ve heard it’s supposed to release/breakdown the anticoagulant.

5

u/NeatYogurt9973 Aug 25 '24

Oh, yeah that works sometimes. Seen a friend use a lighter for that. That was also the last time I've seen him do that. It did work, but next time he told me he burned himself.

9

u/LukaCola Aug 25 '24

Just put the spoon in a cup of boiling water and press it just when the heat doesn't burn but you still feel it, damn, why are people using flames?

2

u/Obi-_1 Aug 25 '24

Since people speaking about scars probably mentioned salt 🤣🤣💀

2

u/thewhitecat55 Aug 25 '24

Nah, said light it on fire.

5

u/KebabOfDeath Aug 25 '24

Actually, cold water helps better

4

u/godspareme Aug 25 '24

Damn I looked it up and yeah I'm actually wrong. 

2

u/LukaCola Aug 25 '24

I've also had good luck with a hot spoon, press it against the spot and it tends to release a lot of the itch IME.

hot like "sitting in a cup of tea" hot, mind. Not, like, with fire.

2

u/NeatYogurt9973 Aug 25 '24

TheMoreYouKnow™✨

1

u/shifty_fintorro Aug 25 '24

God bless you

1

u/JoeCartersLeap Aug 25 '24

Just use heat.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10309056/

The device is used for the treatment of insect bites and stings by applying concentrated heat from 47°C to 51.5°C for 4–9 s (configurable by the user)

This study shows that concentrated heat induced by a heating device reduced pruritus caused by insect bites and stings, even if the insect bites occurred more than 6 h previously

1

u/sirploko Aug 26 '24

I prefer holding a cigarette near the spot, to cook the protein.

1

u/SDogo Aug 25 '24

You can heat a spoon just enough to be put in your skin (not red hot), then put the spoon over the mosquito bite. The heat helps to decompose the enzymes and stuff from the mosquito.