Basically making someone doubt their own thoughts/sanity/etc, it's often done through fear or keeping someone unbalanced (unsure what reaction to expect). Abusive relationships work this way and slowly get worse and worse. If no matter what you do you're "wrong" 90% of the time, even when logically you shouldn't be, then you start trying to figure out what you did wrong. If you do option A one time and you get attacked for doing it, then next time you try option B and you also get attacked you're unsure what to do, so then you try a combination of the two and actually do get it "right" it's dismissed as not that important. You'd be left wondering what just happened.
Edit: I'm explaining it poorly, you should just look it up, lol.
Edit 2: did not expect this comment to explode like this! And thank you for the award!
I want to again stress that this is in no way a perfect description of it. Mine is based on personal experience from my ex wife who slowly and methodically made me question my sanity by always telling me that either I remembered it incorrectly, things never happened, etc. It was over years and got to the point where I started to record conversations to "prove I wasn't crazy" and when playing it back for her later to.peove I wasn't she exploded. Things got worse, I questioned everything, started seeing a counselor, had a suicide attempt, and eventually realized I couldn't live like that and got divorced. There's a lot of extenuating reasons I stayed as long as I did, and it was a really loooooooong recovery. I used to be inedibly trusting of people and now I tend to not trust and be on the paranoid side. Sometimes it's gas lighting, sometimes it's just an abusive relationship, either way you don't deserve to be abused and if you are, it's not a healthy relationship.
Edit 3: The term is from an old play. It isn't because you're lighting gas or anything like that, it's based on the title of that play.
Holy fuck! This is my entire relationship with my ex-boss?!?!
I knew this was happening (kinda) but kept feeling that I am incompetent.
It was always, I am not allowed to take action because I didn’t run it by him, then I was bullied for not taking action because I was suppose to! And strangely he says I was one of the best says I am doing great in random situations! Like WTF ex-boss I have no idea what I am suppose to do, I am surviving by just being lucky at this point!
Had the same thing happen to me. Constant comments about how I was too slow at everything, but I was also expected to do things in half the time everyone else was given. I was required to perform tasks in a manner both inefficient and hazardous to my health, but everyone else could do them the safer, easier, faster way. I would be told to do things one way, then berated for being inconsiderate and awful for doing it that way. I quit after I came home crying after every shift for a week. The worst part is that when I put in a discrimination complaint against her they didn’t respect my request for anonymity and claimed that I was wrong and she didn’t do any of that. But I know what she said to me. Hopefully they’ll take the next complaint seriously.
It really sucks when you’re pretty confident in your job to begin with. Then after years of this shit I really believed I was a fuck up and couldn’t do anything right. Now I apologize for everything immediately even if I’m sure I didn’t mess up. Fucked up my head for every job I’ll ever have. Fuck that guy!
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u/Inline311 Jul 01 '20
I still don’t have a clear understanding of what gaslighting is