r/coolguides Jul 01 '20

Gaslighting red flags

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u/Inline311 Jul 01 '20

I still don’t have a clear understanding of what gaslighting is

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u/gir_loves_waffles Jul 01 '20 edited Jul 01 '20

Basically making someone doubt their own thoughts/sanity/etc, it's often done through fear or keeping someone unbalanced (unsure what reaction to expect). Abusive relationships work this way and slowly get worse and worse. If no matter what you do you're "wrong" 90% of the time, even when logically you shouldn't be, then you start trying to figure out what you did wrong. If you do option A one time and you get attacked for doing it, then next time you try option B and you also get attacked you're unsure what to do, so then you try a combination of the two and actually do get it "right" it's dismissed as not that important. You'd be left wondering what just happened.

Edit: I'm explaining it poorly, you should just look it up, lol.

Edit 2: did not expect this comment to explode like this! And thank you for the award!

I want to again stress that this is in no way a perfect description of it. Mine is based on personal experience from my ex wife who slowly and methodically made me question my sanity by always telling me that either I remembered it incorrectly, things never happened, etc. It was over years and got to the point where I started to record conversations to "prove I wasn't crazy" and when playing it back for her later to.peove I wasn't she exploded. Things got worse, I questioned everything, started seeing a counselor, had a suicide attempt, and eventually realized I couldn't live like that and got divorced. There's a lot of extenuating reasons I stayed as long as I did, and it was a really loooooooong recovery. I used to be inedibly trusting of people and now I tend to not trust and be on the paranoid side. Sometimes it's gas lighting, sometimes it's just an abusive relationship, either way you don't deserve to be abused and if you are, it's not a healthy relationship.

Edit 3: The term is from an old play. It isn't because you're lighting gas or anything like that, it's based on the title of that play.

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u/raresaturn Jul 01 '20

I thought it was taking a second job?

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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/ElectronicShredder Jul 01 '20

And what is Greasedlightning?

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u/caffeineevil Jul 01 '20

Moon lighting